Love in Many Languages

by Jamie Bennett

  I led them through the living room, past the couch and coffee table, over the rug, and through the dining room that still had my bed (but I had the new table and chairs all picked out). The kitchen had new dishes, pots and pans, silverware, and everything else I would need. Just as I remembered it. I smiled in satisfaction.

  Mette started measuring the window and I showed her the cloth I had ordered online. “I haven’t seen anything like this in ages,” she marveled. “Look at this pattern, Karis. You don’t see colors like this anymore. Red, gold, brown, and this beautiful shade of green.” She ran her hand appreciatively across the fabric. It had taken me hours and hours of searching to find this almost exact match to what had hung in the kitchen before.

  “Very retro,” Karis noted.

  “I have barkcloth for the living room,” I told Mette, and she said she would help me sew those, too. I hadn’t picked up anything more than the basics from my grandma but Mette was an incredible sewer. After getting measurements of the rest of my windows, she took the bolts of cloth and left me with Karis. I gave her a tour of the back yard, too, and her face turned red almost immediately with the heat and humidity. It was the hottest summer on record in Detroit and it showed in Karis’ cheeks.

  “The one change I’m happy to make is the air conditioning,” I said, as we went happily back inside.

  “I’m really impressed, Ione. You’ve done a lot.” Karis looked around again. “It doesn’t really—I’m not trying to criticize, but it doesn’t really look like your style.”

  “No, I love this,” I said. “It’s just like it should be. My next project is working on the sewing table.”

  “The one you used for dancing on?”

  I nodded as I eyed the scratches and gouges on its top. “I won’t be doing that anymore. I’m going to get a sewing machine and put it there, but I need to sand it and re-stain it first. I’ve been reading about how to do it and I think it will be a good workout for my muscles.” I opened and closed my fist and we both stared at my right arm, which had shrunk and looked very odd from the weeks of disuse. It was pretty fascinating, and I was absolutely out of my mind with happiness to have it back, even though the physical therapy session I’d had that morning was hard.

  “Don’t do too much,” Karis said, looking all worried again.

  “I’m fine.” I had said that so often, the word had started to sound funny. Meaningless.

  She walked into the dining room, my temporary bedroom. “What about the upstairs? Will you move this bed up there now that you’re good with the stairs?”

  “Soon.”

  Karis immediately looked up at me. “Have you been upstairs yet?”

  “Yes, but not in any of the rooms. Just the landing and hall.” I thought back to standing in front of my studio door. “But I’m going to, because I need to paint the green room back to pink, and the studio…” I stopped.

  “You can go back to painting as soon as your arm is ready for it. The studio is all cleaned up, Ione. I made sure of it. Do you want to go up and see?”

  “Sure,” I answered, but I didn’t move toward the stairs. “But I don’t want to right now, not yet. Let’s have dinner first.” So we went back into the kitchen and ate the pasta I had made, and talked about her wedding and her dad, and how her mom was doing with her dad’s increasing fragility. She talked about Reid, because she loved him so much it was just impossible to keep it in, even for Karis who was not much of a sharer.

  “This dinner was delicious,” she told me as we finished up. “I didn’t know you could cook like that.”

  “I didn’t have anything left in the kitchen to cook with. It had all been stolen, so I never made anything.” I looked around, because almost everything was back to how it should have been. “Now it feels like a home again, doesn’t it?”

  “I never knew it before it was blue outside and all the furniture was gone. I’m glad that you’re happy with the changes you’ve made.”

  “No, these aren’t changes,” I said quickly. “I’m putting it all back to how it was before. I don’t know what I was thinking, letting my house go like I did.”

  “You had a lot of fun,” Karis pointed out. “You really enjoyed having everyone over, and meeting new people.”

  I thought back. I had, for a while. “I guess. But look how it ended up!”

  “Are you talking about the house, or you?” she asked me.

  “Both,” I told her. “I have to fix all this.” The kitchen table was still bare. I wondered if I could find a tablecloth with scalloped edges, like we used to have.

  Karis nodded. “I see.” She looked around. “It’s funny how quiet it is here, now. All I hear is the air conditioning and there always used to be voices, music, people.”

  That part was funny, funny-strange to me, also. I had come home from work that day before Mette and Karis came over and had been so jumpy that I had talked to myself a little, just to hear the noise. Tonight would be my first night alone since the phone call. I had spent Sunday night at Augusta’s house, and then both she and Cooper had convinced me that one more night there would be a good idea. And now, here was Karis to try to tempt me back to stay at the loft she shared with Reid because Cooper would be at the office late. It seemed like the three of them were working together to try to keep me from being at my house, which I appreciated because I knew they were acting out of love. But I needed to be here.

  We did the dishes, with Karis working on me the entire time to come back to her house, the huge loft that had only the one bedroom with walls—partitions, actually, that didn’t reach the ceiling. I didn’t mind the lack of privacy but I knew that she would, and I didn’t want to do that to her or Reid. We went into the living room and she hadn’t given up yet, telling me how much closer their house was to work. Fewer miles on my car.

  “Karis, no. I’m going to stay here, and it will be all right. I talked to the Hamtramck police and to my friend Ash today,” I told her as we sat on the nubby green couch. “There hasn’t been any sign of him. They’re doing patrols on this street. There are warrants out for his arrest. Eventually he’ll get pulled over, or do something else. They’ll find him.” I was reciting what Ash had said to me, and to Augusta, because she had insisted on questioning Ash herself.

  “That’s not enough!” Karis said, sitting up straight. “What if you’re asleep…” She trailed off. “I’m sorry. I’m sure you’ve thought about it, too.”

  I had, a lot. They had traced Corrie’s phone call back to someone’s stolen cell, so that was a dead end, and they had found the location she had placed the call, a really disgusting bar with topless waitresses and dancing on Saturday nights on a floor covered in urine and spew. But no one there remembered Corrie, or if they did, they weren’t admitting to letting in an underage girl. And we knew she was underage, because Ash had figured out who she was: a 17-year-old runaway from Melvindale who had taken off from a group home about two years before. So she had been on her own since she was 15. It made my heart ache, thinking about her and what she’d probably gone through.

  “Ok, well, if you’re not going to come with me, I’m just going to tell you.” She looked at me nervously. “Augusta hired private security guards. They’re going to be coming by here and keeping an eye out, too.”

  “Karis…”

  “You should tell your neighbors, so they aren’t freaked out by the same car passing by all the time. Ione, please don’t argue. You’re driving us all crazy with wanting to stay here, alone.”

  “I don’t know what else I’m supposed to do!” Anger burned up in me, way worse than the heat outside. “Am I supposed to stay away for my whole life, living with other people?”

  “No—”

  “I’m trying to fix this! I’m not going to be the same as I was!” I practically shouted at her. We looked at each other for a moment and I watched Karis’ eyes flood with tears. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” I swallowed but a sob came out anyway. “I know you all need me to be al
l better, and I’m trying. I’m trying to look better so you aren’t reminded of it.” I had made the appointment for the doctor to look at the scar on my cheek.

  “We don’t need that! We just want you to be safe.”

  “I can’t be, if I act like I did. I was so wrong about everyone. I thought that Fox was my best friend, and when I needed him, he was gone. I thought that the people who came here were open and loving, and they stole everything I owned, and almost killed me. I thought that Sania was a terrible witch and all she was doing was trying to have a good, safe home for her family. So I can’t be both, the old Ione, and the safe Ione. I can’t have it both ways and you can’t either, I’m sorry.”

  “Ione, we don’t have any expectations for you! I want you to feel better, and if that means staying here, then I’ll stop nagging you about leaving. You can fill your whole house with avocado-colored furniture if you want to. And maybe you were wrong about some people, like Fox, but you weren’t wrong about me. I’m your friend, always.”

  “I know,” I said, hugging her. When we had both stopped crying, mostly, I said again that I was sorry. “I didn’t mean to yell. I want to feel safe and happy in my house. I don’t, not yet. When you guys pressure me to leave, it makes it worse.” I looked down at my arm. “But really, the worst part for me is that I want to be able to paint again. I thought when my arm was finally freed up I would start, but I haven’t been able to go into my studio since it happened.”

  Karis took both my hands. “I’ll go with you. We can do it together.” I closed my eyes briefly and took a breath, then nodded. We walked up the stairs, and she waited for me to open the door.

  It was so hot, everything was baking like an oven in the room. I went immediately to open a window and without thinking, looked down into Sania’s pool, where her little girls were swimming. Then it hit me, a wave of memories, and I held on to the wall.

  “Ione?”

  “I was so scared,” I managed to say. “I was terrified. I thought I was going to die and it hurt so much.”

  “I think we shouldn’t have come up here.” Karis started pulling my hands. “Let’s go.”

  “No.” I tugged away and looked around. Everything was impeccably neat and clean. “I thought I had lost this color,” I said, picking up a tube of cerulean blue paint. “Oh.” My datebook was lying on the couch. “Look, Karis. I’ve been wanting this a lot.” I opened it, flipping back through the pages, at my notes and drawings. “Here’s where I wrote down Cooper’s phone number.” I looked around the room again. “When my grandpa was alive, I wasn’t allowed in here. But this is the room where I took care of my grandma. It always made me think of her when I painted in here. I hope I can think of her again, some day, instead of what happened.”

  “You will.” Karis was crying again but mopping it away with the giant shirt she was wearing. “If you want me to sit here while you paint, I can, to keep you company.”

  “You’re a good friend to me, Karis,” and I started crying again, too.

  Knocking on the front door below us scared us both out of our wits. I went to look, with Karis hovering behind me, and I opened the door to Cooper. He was smiling but his face changed immediately when he saw my face. “What happened?” he demanded, before I had a chance to say hello. “Are you all right? God damn it, I knew you shouldn’t have come back here alone!”

  “No, I’m fine,” I said, using that dumb word again, as Cooper picked me up out of the doorway and carried me inside. “I’m fine,” I repeated, and put my hands on his cheeks. He bent to look at me closely.

  “Why are you crying, then, Io? What’s wrong? Does your arm hurt? Headache?”

  “Cooper! Stop. Karis and I went upstairs to my studio and I got overwhelmed, because I felt everything again, like how afraid I was and alone—” I didn’t get any further because he pulled me to him, holding me closely to his chest.

  “I think it’s better not to remember,” he said.

  Karis cleared her throat from the vicinity of the front door. “I’m going to leave now,” she said. “Reid’s expecting me at home. Ione, I’m not pressuring you, but I just want to ask one more time if you’d like to come.”

  I pulled my head away from Cooper, annoyed with him. “No, thank you,” I told her. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  I could tell that she wanted to say something more, by the way she kept opening and closing her mouth, but Karis just nodded, and left, locking the door behind herself.

  “Ione,” Cooper started to say, but I put my fingers to his lips.

  “No, listen. You can’t do that, Cooper. You can’t worry all the time about me, for one thing, because it isn’t good for you. And you can’t tell me that I shouldn’t remember, because I have to. Right? An open heart.”

  “I don’t want you to be sad,” he told me.

  “I can be sad. That’s ok, because I’ll be happy, too.” As I said the words, I realized that it was true. “I’m here and I’m alive, and Augusta is having a baby, and we’re going to be sleeping together very soon.” My eyes widened. “Oh, don’t mention to anyone else about the baby. I’m the only one who knows. I mean, she does, and I’m assuming her husband and also the baby, but that’s it.”

  “Can we go back to what you just said?”

  “The part where I said that we’re going to be having sex very shortly?”

  “Jesus, yes, I mean, no. Hang on, not that part. The part where you said that you were afraid and alone.”

  “I was. Not anymore.”

  “No, not anymore.” He rested his chin on my head. “I’m sleeping here tonight, if it’s ok with you. My mom and Tanner told me that I don’t need to be their damn keeper, as my mother put it, and said that I should be with you.”

  “I’m glad. I’m very glad because I’ve been thinking so much about getting in your pants,” I told him. I felt some movement down below, against my stomach. “Yes, exactly there.”

  Cooper laughed, the deep laugh that started low in his chest and rumbled up. It made thrills shoot through me. He took my cheeks between his hands now, and tilted up my face. “Are you sure you’re all right?”

  I stood on my tiptoes a little to kiss him. “I needed to go in there. I need to start painting again.”

  “Then I have something to help you.” He slid his hands down to remove mine from his ass and walked me outside to his car in the waning twilight. “It’s pretty heavy. Hang on.” He lifted something wrapped in a sheet out of the back seat, then leaned it against the car and removed the wrapping.

  I was stunned for a moment. The last time I had seen this, it was in pieces on the floor of my studio. “My easel? My easel is fixed?”

  He fiddled with the clamp that would hold the top of my canvases again. “It needed some work, and some new parts.”

  I ran my hands over the easel. It looked just like it did when it was new. “My grandpa made this for me. He was a pretty tough guy to know and love, and he didn’t talk a lot, but when he made this I knew that he was proud of my art. It means a lot. A lot,” I repeated as my voice broke.

  “Then I’m even more glad that I put it back together for you,” Cooper said, and now he reached for me.

  “You did this?

  He nodded. “I started working on it while you were in the hospital. I was so worried, but I didn’t want to intrude where I wasn’t wanted or needed. When I couldn’t sleep, I went out to the garage and worked on this. I finished the final—”

  My tongue was in his mouth before he finished the sentence. “You can build things?” I gasped when I pulled away. “No wonder you’re so good with your hands!” Mine were currently back at his belt buckle.

  “I’ll carry this, then I’m coming back for you,” Cooper told me, and lifted the heavy easel like it was made of toothpicks. I trailed along after him and after he sat down the easel in my living room and watched me lock the door, he swung me up into his arms. I laughed, because it really did feel like being in a movie, like Augusta had said. />
  He laid me down in the bed and (finally, finally!) I got to undo his pants and put my mouth where my mind had been. Cooper pulled off his shirt, and mine, and thank goodness this time I had forgotten my bra. I yanked down everything on him below, and watched his hard length stand up from his body. It was the most impressive sight, pretty much awe-inspiring, and no matter what I had said earlier about penises making you laugh, it did not strike me as funny at all. It made me feel kind of wild. “Wow,” I muttered, and then I took him in my mouth and his hips came off the bed as he groaned. I rubbed him with my hands, teased him with my fingers and tongue and his hips moved again, rhythmically.

  Cooper came in about a second. “Sorry,” he choked. “I’m sorry. I’ve had you on my mind—I’ve been thinking truly filthy things about you, Ione. I’ve been wanting you so much.” He pulled me up next to him and traced a finger down my breast. Already my nipples were hard and anxious. My whole body felt anxious. His breath was panting from his lungs, his heart pounding. “We’re going to try this again, a little more slowly,” he told me, and bent to kiss me. “When you’re ready, I’ll be ready again.” He kissed me again and stroked in my mouth with his tongue. At the same time, his fingers stroked my breasts, the tops and undersides, across my nipples, all of it making my body jerk and hum.

  “I want to lick, here,” he murmured, fingering my nipple. “I still haven’t learned that in Japanese.”

  I wasn’t thinking of Japanese at the moment, because Cooper did what he said he wanted, his mouth and his teasing tongue moving to my breast. I clasped his head to me, running my fingers through his short hair, holding him tightly around his strong shoulders as he used his teeth a little and my head thrashed on the pillow.

  “I want to lick, here.” His hand moved below to finger me and I shook in the bed. “I want to lick, everywhere.” His mouth moved down my body, tickling my ribs, nibbling my hip bones, breathing with warm puffs on my pussy as I opened my legs to him. His tongue tasted me, a little tantalizing flick, and my eyes closed and I said his name, and asked him for more. He said something, into me, onto my clitoris, and the vibration made me jump and widen my legs. His hands massaged my inner thighs and he caressed me with his tongue and lips.