by Hannah West
“Yes. Nice to meet you,” Noelle said, smiling warmly and shaking Remy’s hand. She glanced at Sara, wondering what Remy knew. What it was okay for her to know. Would it always be like that, in public? Wondering what other people knew and if they were judging them for being different? She hoped not, but she wasn’t optimistic.
Not that people actually stared at everyone’s wrists. But it was assumed.
“Remy is my cousin,” Sara explained. “She grew up in France.” Remy nodded, as if to confirm Sara’s words.
“Your usual table?” Remy asked.
“If it’s open.” Sara smiled and then took Noelle’s hand, following Remy as she walked further into the restaurant.
Sara’s favorite spot seemed to be a tiny table near the dark glass. Remy placed their menus on the table with a smile. “If you need anything, just ask.” She turned and went back to her counter.
“We can see out, but outsiders can’t see in, not here.” Sara pointed to the glass.
“Smart.” Noelle glanced outside, taking a quick inventory of the street-lamp lit parking lot. There wasn’t anyone else in sight, and the restaurant was mostly empty. “Not a lot of business here?”
Sara glanced at the other tables. “Sometimes. It’ll be busy enough fairly soon.”
A couple came in through the door, receiving the same enthusiastic greeting Sara had gotten. Noelle watched them for a few moments, drawn back to Sara when the black-haired woman tapped on her menu. “Any idea what you want to eat?” Noelle asked, picking up the menu and pretending she had been paying attention.
Sara glanced down at the menu. “Croque monsieur. She makes the best sandwiches.”
Noelle skimmed the menu, noting the primarily French names. “Is there a plain grilled cheese on here?” She tried not to look chagrined at her lack of culinary knowledge. It wasn’t that she was not adventurous - there just wasn’t much of a point when one was cooking just for themselves.
Sara chuckled. “Don’t ask Remy that.” She considered the menu for a second. “I recommend the brie grilled cheese, with apples. It’s delicious.”
Noelle raised her eyebrows. Who put apples on a grilled cheese? Still, she sat down her menu. “I’ll take your word for it,” she said dryly. Maybe it would turn out well.
Sara sat down her menu, her glance straying outside. Noelle followed, watching a small group of people head towards the entrance. They were followed by another couple, then a group of three. “It fills up fast,” Sara said. “Don’t worry, Remy never puts anyone near us unless she has to.” She grinned.
Noelle glanced at Sara, distracted. Sara looked practically wicked like that, the grin turning her from a sharp-mouthed, stubborn doctor to a devil. For some reason it made Noelle want to kiss her even more. “Do - um. Does Remy know -” Noelle stumbled over the words.
“That we’re dating?” Sara asked, her voice low. Noelle nodded. “She probably guessed, but I won’t confirm it if you don’t want me to.”
Noelle cocked her head, inquisitive. Did Sara bring other partners there?
“I normally only come here by myself.” Sara fiddled with the fork on the napkin. “Anyone I bring here is a cut above the rest.”
Noelle let herself absorb this for a few moments. So she was special, then. That was good. Right? “We can’t ever tell anyone, can we?” She didn’t look at Sara.
Silenced reigned for a few moments, both women looking out at the dim parking lot. “Up to you,” Sara said. “My job -” She took a moment. “My job is flexible either way. They don’t have to know. It’d get us out of Loss Meetings.”
Noelle tapped her fingers on the table. Maybe the stigma wasn’t as bad as she thought it was. But all she could imagine was the looks, being treated as Different because she wasn’t like everyone else. She was jolted out of her thoughts by Remy.
“Can I take your orders?” she asked with a light French lilt to her words. She took both their dinner and drink orders - soda for both of them, no alcohol. Remy nodded to both of them and then turned and went to one of the other tables, which had slowly started filling up with patrons.
“There’s no one in my department that’s involved with someone outside of their soulmate,” Noelle said, glancing at Sara. There weren’t any guidelines for this, dating someone that you weren’t supposed to love. It was rare for soulmates to die so early, even rarer for people to get involved with others. She had heard of others - seen the aftermath of what happened to them. The majority of the non-soulmate relationships had not gone well.
“We have a nurse, in the Peds department.” Sara shrugged. “It’s a bit of a gossip topic, sometimes. But otherwise there doesn’t seem to be too many repercussions.”
Noelle hummed acknowledgement, fiddling with her silverware. She smiled gratefully when Remy arrived with their drinks. It gave her something to do with her hands. There was so much she didn’t know about relationships, about what her superiors would think if she became involved with someone else. Riley didn’t seem to care, nor did Loryn, but they were friendly and the more liberal part of the department.
“We don’t have to decide now,” Sara said. “It looks like you’re thinking about it a lot.”
Noelle rubbed her forehead. “Probably too hard,” she admitted.
“We can wait and see. I know your career’s important to you.” Sara smiled, picking up her drink and taking a sip.
“Thanks.” Noelle picked up her soda, sniffing it out of habit before taking a drink. When she looked up Sara had raised her eyebrows. Noelle blushed and looked away. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to.”
“It’s oddly cute,” Sara said, chuckling. She sniffed her drink and then took a sip. “Does smell weird. Almost fizzy, up your nose.”
Noelle grinned, her embarrassment fading. “It is fizzy.”
“I probably should not have baited Michaela,” Sara admitted after a few minutes had passed. They weren’t awkward silences, not in Noelle’s opinion. She was comfortable sitting with Sara. “She’ll get suspicious at some point. Especially since - well, my attendance at meetings was never quite as regular until you started coming.”
“Plus you don’t talk.” Noelle didn’t want to pry why - it wasn’t her place. The past was the past, after all.
“I don’t see the point.” Sara shrugged. “It was years and years ago. Not everyone losing a soulmate goes through the same traumatic experience.” She met Noelle’s eyes. “For example, my loss was very different than your loss. And both were very different from the others.”
Noelle conceded the point with a nod. “Does your job really mandate that you go every two weeks for the rest of your life?” It seemed ridiculous.
Sara tilted her hand so-so. “Another couple years I think. I’ll graduate to once a month, then once every six months, then once a year. I think. Hopefully soon.” She wrinkled her nose. “It’s the downside of going to different places for residency and fellowships. They restarted the clock when I got my full-time job.”
“That sounds ridiculous.” Noelle frowned. Would they do the same thing to her?
“For people who lost their soulmates after twenty years, I’ve heard the meetings are helpful.” Sara was staring at the table in front of her. She seemed to shake herself, turning back to Noelle. “Let’s talk about something less depressing,” Sara said, placing her drink down as Remy sat the food down in front of them.
The conversation wandered after that, everything from recent politics (at least they agreed) to books they had read to Noelle’s speculation as to what would happen after dinner. Sara refused to say anything, instead just smiling and looking secretive. It both delighted Noelle and drove her up a wall. She didn’t really like not knowing.
“Ready to go?” Sara asked, standing up. Noelle followed, pushing back the empty plate. The food had been delicious.
“Are we going back to your place?” Noelle tilted her head.
“Not yet.” Sara grinned wickedly. “One more stop.”
Noelle ra
ised her eyebrows. “Do I get to know where?”
“No you don’t.” Sara smiled. She led the way to the register, digging in her purse for her wallet.
“On the house, on the house.” Remy shooed her. “Come back any time. Both of you.” Remy nudged Sara, grinning the same wicked grin. “Sara needs more company in her life.”
“Oi!” Sara shot Remy the scowl that Noelle had seen in many an elder sibling.
“Thanks.” Noelle smiled at Remy. “I’ll keep her out of trouble.” She winked.
Sara eyed her and then shook her head. “Both of you, ganging up on me.”
“Tragedy.” Remy shook her head with a grin. “Off you go. Have a good night.” She smiled and then turned to talk to another customer.
Sara rolled her eyes, then led the way out of the tiny restaurant and back to the car. “Good dinner?” she asked.
“Delicious,” Noelle confirmed.
“We’ll go there again.” Sara smiled. “Regular date night, maybe?”
Noelle made a face. “Don’t know if my schedule will let us have a regular night.”
“Semi-regular, then.” Sara turned the car on, adjusting the settings and putting music on in the background. “Pick the radio station if you want.”
Noelle nodded, glancing out the window and watching as Sara pulled out of the parking spot and got on the road. “Long drive?”
“Not really.” Sara wiggled the fingers of her hand that wasn’t on the steering wheel. “It’s a surprise.”
Noelle let out an exasperated huff. “Surprises. So many surprises.”
“Yup.” Sara patted her thigh, and then rested her hand there. Noelle stilled, glancing at Sara out of the side of her eyes. Sara didn’t move, just left her hand there, and after a few moments Noelle relaxed and glanced back out the window.
Sara’s hand slid up Noelle’s thigh, her thumb lightly making circles on the inside of her thigh and sending shivers down Noelle’s spine. Then Sara pulled her hand back, focusing on her driving and leaving Noelle feeling oddly cold.
“Almost there.”
“Already?” Noelle looked at Sara, surprised. They were at a small parking lot, near the - there was a lake, and a few trees. It wasn’t anywhere Noelle had been before.
“I know you miss the water, back home.” Sara put the car into park and opened the door, gesturing for Noelle to follow. She went to the truck, pulling out a large blanket. “So I thought we could spend some time down by the little water we have.”
Noelle stopped and stared at Sara. It was far better than she had expected. There wasn’t much water, few lakes - it was nothing like where she had grown up. Still, she had adjusted and grown to like where she lived now. It didn’t stop her from missing where she grew up. “It’s perfect.”
“Let’s go.” Sara took her hand, holding the blanket in her other hand, and together they walked down onto the rough sand on the edge of the beach. It was nothing like a proper beach, like the ones Noelle had grown up with, but it was close enough. It was dusk, now, and it was close enough if she closed her eyes.
Noelle helped Sara lay out the blanket, close enough to the water that Noelle could smell it but far enough away that they wouldn’t get wet. Sara laid down on her back, gesturing for Noelle to do the same. It was dark, but there were dim street lamps that lit the area without blocking the stars.
Once Noelle had settled down, Sara scooted closer, her hands behind her head. It was a posture that Noelle couldn’t mimic, not with her curly hair. Instead she put her hands on her middle. “That there is the Big Dipper,” Sara said, lifting a hand to point. Noelle inched closer, following her hand and finding the requisite constellation. “Do you know much about stars?”
“Not much,” Noelle admitted. “Bit in high school, but with working nights I don’t really pay attention.”
“That was ages and ages ago?” Sara asked with a twinkle in her eye. Noelle elbowed her.
“I’m not that old, thank you,” Noelle retorted.
Sara chuckled, turning onto her side so she could prop her head up with one hand and point with the other. “There’s Cassiopeia. And the Twins.” She traced the constellations out using her finger. Noelle had read the stories, years and years ago, but beyond a late-night astronomy class in high school, she had not studied the stars since. It was difficult back where she had grown up, when there were so many clouds. However, here, there weren’t.
“They’re gorgeous.” Noelle turned and smiled at Sara. “How did you learn so much about them?”
Sara was quiet for a few moments. “My – ex, he was interested in astronomy. He taught me how to love the stars.”
That was more of an awkward answer than Noelle had anticipated. “Oh.”
Sara shrugged, as best as one could laying down. “That was almost a decade ago.”
“Yes, but -” Noelle struggled with the words. “He was your soulmate.” The fact that it had been a man was nearly as confusing to Noelle as the fact Sara didn’t seem at all distraught by his death.
A few minutes passed, enough for Noelle to regret the response. She had thoroughly killed the mood. That was something she seemed especially good at. “Not everyone has a happy ending,” Sara said, her voice neutral. She wasn’t looking at Noelle. “Look, there’s Orion.” She pointed at another constellation.
Noelle took the hint and dropped the subject. Sara didn’t want to talk about it, and Noelle could respect that. “How do you remember all of these?”
“You track them from star to star.” The tension had seemingly drained from Sara’s body, for she curled closer to Noelle. “If you know where the constellations are in relation to each other, you can find them easier.”
Noelle smiled at Sara. It was obvious that she loved the stars, maybe as much as she loved medicine. “Do you know their origin stories?”
Sara nodded. She pointed to each constellation, giving Noelle a quick background of each group of stars. What they were named for, where they had come from - even who had named them. Noelle found it oddly sexy. Was that the right word? It felt awkward, even thinking that. It was never a word she had had a reason to apply to anyone else.
“Listening?” Sara asked, her eyebrows raised.
Noelle blushed. “Yeah, of course. Just.” She glanced at Sara. “You’re distracting.”
Sara waggled her eyebrows to demonstrate her appeal, then leaned in and kissed Noelle. “So are you.”
Noelle snorted, but Sara didn’t pull away. Her eyes were intense, warm, her body so close to Noelle’s. Noelle swallowed, her body sizzling with adrenaline. Would she? Wouldn’t she? Her head felt light, as if she was dizzy. Sara was too close but not close enough. “I’m not used to this,” Noelle admitted, her voice whisper-quiet.
Sara leaned forward, her lips pressing against Noelle’s, as light as a feather. “Me neither,” she murmured against Noelle’s lips. She kissed Noelle hungrily, again and again. Noelle inhaled sharply as Sara sucked on her bottom lip, then nibbled gently. It felt far better than she had anticipated. “Lay back.”
Obediently Noelle shifted, looking up at the sky for a second before Sara settled on top of her. Her body felt - nice. Noelle lifted her head, meeting Sara partway and kissing her with as much hunger as she could muster. She wanted this, she liked it. It made her toes curl and her stomach flutter pleasantly.
Sara shifted, sliding a leg between Noelle’s and applying light pressure. Noelle whimpered into Sara’s mouth, arching her back, her hips, pressing into the touch. She wanted more of that. “Hush,” Sara whispered, kissing the side of her lips, down to her neck, sucking on a patch of skin.
“Can’t,” Noelle breathed, arching her back. Her hands went to Sara’s hips, seeking more of the pressure that she wanted. Sara licked and sucked on her neck, teasing, not giving her what she wanted. She slid a hand up Noelle’s shirt, cupping her breast, pinching the nipple through the lace of her bra. Noelle’s eyes flew open, her breath catching in her throat. They were in public.
<
br /> “No one’s here but us,” Sara murmured, switching to the other side of Noelle’s neck. She worked on forming a second mark of equal size.
“We could,” Noelle panted, giving up and sliding a hand underneath Sara’s shirt. She wanted to touch bare skin, wanted to feel Sara against her. “Go back to your place. Or mine. Or. Somewhere that isn’t public.”
Sara pulled back, raising her eyebrows. “Eager, aren’t you?”
Noelle raised her eyebrows in response. “Hard not to be in this situation.”
“Let’s go.” Sara kissed her, and then scrambled to her feet.
Chapter Eight
Noelle opened her eyes, cringing at the light that infiltrated them. It was bright, too bright. She slept with her blinds completely shut - it was the only way to sleep after night shifts. Sara, apparently, did not. Noelle rolled over, away from the lights, and burrowed closer to Sara. Maybe just a few more minutes of sleep.
Last night had been nice, although not entirely what she had expected. Instead of anything more, Sara had just kissed her until she was so turned on she couldn’t see straight. Part of Noelle resented the fact they hadn’t gone further, but part of her was grateful, too. It was stupid, feeling insecure, but she wasn’t sure she was ready.
“G’morning,” Sara mumbled, propping herself up on her elbows and looking blearily at Noelle. Her black hair was mussed, the strands going every direction. Noelle didn’t even want to think about what her hair looked like. Her curly hair didn’t sleep very well. It was always frizzier in the morning.
Noelle turned to look at Sara, smiling at the sight of her. She was dressed only in panties, something that felt oddly natural after their night together. “Sleep well?” Noelle asked.
Sara scowled. “Coffee.”
Ah. So not a morning person, then.
Noelle grinned and leaned off the side of the bed, looking for Sara’s shirt. She tossed it to her. “There you go.”