Caleb’s Salvation

by Doyle, S

  Even when I’d been sick, I’d been aware of the comfort of his presence. Having never slept with another person besides Sammy, I didn’t know how satisfying it was. To have someone right there next to you in the night. Someone you could touch and feel at any time and know you were safe in their protection.

  But he’d said it himself last night. He couldn’t let any of the men at camp know what was happening between us because…

  Because eventually it would end. That must be what he was thinking. A finite window of fucking me out of his system. No doubt until he felt he was ready to resume his self-punishment.

  I tried to ignore the clenching in my stomach. I was a young, single woman who was having an affair with a hot, single man. People did this. People let themselves have these pleasures.

  Just because I knew it went deeper, Caleb didn’t have to know that. Because I was certain if he did, he would move to end us even sooner.

  Seven years without sex. That’s what he’d told me. I didn’t need to be super experienced in bed to know he was a powerful lover. A highly sexual man who’d held nothing back with me. For him to isolate himself like that for that long…

  There had to be walls around his feelings that might very well be insurmountable.

  But I’m a fighter.

  He stirred then and I waited for him to wake up and realize where he was. Who he was with. Had it been hard for him that first morning? To wake up with a woman after so long, knowing it wasn’t his wife.

  He turned toward me and dipped his head into the curve of my neck. Licking me there, biting me.

  “Morning,” I said, feeling myself get wet, feeling his dick poking between my thighs. I decided I wasn’t sore enough between my legs to stop him. After all, I didn’t even know if there would be another time.

  He nibbled on my ear then he bent down and took my nipple between his teeth. God, I loved that. The edge of his teeth biting just hard enough to make me feel it between my legs. When he was done with that breast, he made his way to the other then farther down until his face was between my legs again.

  I looked down at him then, his face planted between my thighs. I moved my leg this time putting it over his shoulder, giving him more space and room to ravish me.

  Was that a growl? I heard it before he was fucking me with this tongue. Then sucking on that button right at the top of my pussy until I was pushed over the edge into bliss.

  “Yes. So good. Caleb, I need you again. Inside me.”

  I was trying to tug on his shoulders, pulling him toward me. He crawled back up my body and kissed me, and I thought, that was me on his tongue. I was tasting me, and it was sexy and forbidden and I loved it.

  Only then he rolled off the bed, his holding his dick in his hand as if trying to gain control over it.

  “No more condoms, babe. This morning was for you.”

  I didn’t like that. I didn’t like seeing him standing there in pain when I felt so good.

  I got on my knees and I could see him squint to take in my body in the morning dark. Then the thought occurred to me that I wanted him to see me naked. It made me feel like a sex queen knowing a man like him desired me.

  “I can use my hand, make you feel good, too,” I said, reaching for him.

  “Nope. Because it won’t be as satisfying as fucking you and I’m taking that memory with me today.”

  He backed away and went looking for his clothes. A few seconds later he was dressed. His boots on. I hadn’t moved from where I was kneeling on the bed.

  Memory. Was that what I was now?

  “Shelby dropping the kid off?” he asked as he approached the bed.

  “Sam. His name’s Sam,” I insisted.

  He didn’t say anything, but he nodded.

  I sighed. Impenetrable walls. What was I even thinking when I decided I might try to climb them? “Eli is. On his way to camp.”

  Caleb nodded and ran a hand over his face. He looked grim. Like whatever he was going to tell me wasn’t something I wanted to hear.

  “You should get dressed.”

  I shrugged. “I was naked to you all night. You can say what you need to say to me like this.”

  “I don’t want to hurt you, Vivienne.”

  “Of course you don’t. Just say it, Caleb.”

  “I want you to understand what this is between us. I like you and I want to keep—”

  “Fucking me,” I said bluntly and watched him wince. “Don’t be shy. You taught me to say the word.”

  “I need you to know that it can’t be anything more than that. I think you understand why, but I need to be crystal clear. For my own conscience. You get me?”

  I nodded. Just a little bit of me. That’s what he wanted.

  “Thank you for telling me,” I said. “I wish Dave had, too. Let me know up front what he wanted me for. Then I wouldn’t have spun my head around fantasies about getting married and leaving town.”

  Caleb’s face got really angry then. “Don’t you compare me to that asshole.”

  “Why not? He wanted me for sex, you want me for sex. He made me hide what we were doing, and you made me hide what we were doing. He didn’t acknowledge he had a child and you won’t acknowledge my son has a name. I don’t plan to get pregnant again, but other than that, I can’t see much difference. Of course the sex is better with you. Is that what you wanted to hear?”

  “Vivienne, do not fuck with me,” he growled at me.

  But I wasn’t afraid of his growls anymore. I couldn’t be. Not if I was going to go to war with him and win.

  “I’m having a hard time keeping this straight in my head,” I said with just a little bit of Texas sass. “Do you or do you not want me to keep fucking you?”

  He grabbed me around the waist and hauled me up against his chest. His face in mine, mine in his because I was not backing down.

  “I’m trying to do the right thing,” he snapped.

  “The right thing would be to call my son by his name.”

  “Fine,” he snapped. “Sam, but I’m not fucking calling him Sammy.”

  “You might be tempted to when he smiles. That’s when I always do.”

  He kissed me. A hard smack on my lips. Then he let me go.

  “I’m not sure I like the smart-ass version of Vivienne,” he grumbled as he made his way to the door.

  “Sorry,” I shrugged. “She comes with the territory. I told you I was a fighter. When am I going to see you again?”

  “When I’m ready!” he barked then slammed the door behind him. Which he was allowed to do this time because there was no sleeping Sam.

  “I’m not sure,” I said to the empty room. “But I think I just scored a point.”

  14

  Cal

  I shouldn’t have been in such a bad mood. I’d gotten laid for the first time in seven years. I should have been fucking skipping around camp. Except as I sat behind my office desk not concentrating on getting caught up after days of being gone, I couldn’t get over what’d she’d said to me that morning.

  She’d compared me to the kid’s…Sam’s…deadbeat biological father! A man who’d taken her virginity, had unprotected sex with her and had abandoned her when she found out she was pregnant.

  I was not someone who didn’t take responsibility for my actions. I always, always had the backs of the people in my life or on the job.

  Except for that one fucking time when I said the wrong thing to my wife, and it cost her and my daughter their lives.

  Or what if it hadn’t had anything to do with me? What if Sarah had planned to surprise me with a visit all along, regardless of what I’d said?

  “You have to forgive yourself, Caleb.”

  For seven years that hadn’t happened. I didn’t see how or why that would change now. Unless I wanted to change it.

  Which I didn’t. Not just because the self-imposed chains of guilt felt like a suitable punishment. It went beyond whatever I felt I did or did not deserve. I didn’t want to have responsi
bility for anyone ever again. Not for Vivienne. Not for the kid.

  The sex I would take, because I couldn’t resist it. But that was all. It had to be for my own sanity. Didn’t it?

  But Vivienne had been the one thing I hadn’t seen coming. The person I couldn’t have predicted, with a fucking kid in tow, no less. Help me, Caleb. Save me, Caleb. I need you, Caleb.

  She was everything I wanted to avoid and nothing I could because she needed so much damn help.

  I should end it now. I should call her up, tell her I was done and that she could move on. Date Ty, date whoever. It just couldn’t be me.

  Someone else would have to smack her ass.

  And of course, just the thought of someone else smacking her had me seeing red. That ass was mine!

  “Damnit!” I barked to an empty office.

  Only not so empty in that moment as there was a sharp knock on the door.

  “What?” I snapped. The door opened and Eli poked his head in.

  “Hey, just checking on how Vivienne was doing. Sammy seemed his normal self last night. Wanted to make sure she wasn’t rushing back to work.”

  “What the fuck do you care? Don’t you already have a woman to worry about?”

  I watched his head snap back and closed my eyes when I realized how close to the edge I was.

  She thought I was like the scumbag who’d knocked her up because I didn’t want anyone seeing us leaving Bud’s together. I was only doing that for her protection. So when things ended, people wouldn’t have to realize she’d been dumped.

  And that was pretty fucking arrogant of me. Who was to say I would be the one to end it? Maybe she’d get tired of an old man with a fuck-ton of baggage and dump my ass to the curb sooner rather than later.

  “Shit,” I mumbled. “I’m sorry.”

  Eli shut the door behind him and leaned on it. “You want to tear a strip off me just for fun. I’m here,” he said, putting his arms out.

  “You and that damn contest!” I shouted at him, just because I could. I stood, agitated, and started pacing behind my desk. “Everything was fine up here. Quiet. Normal. Winter was winter and everyone knew what to expect. Now Bud is handing out fucking special-of-the-day menus. There are kids running around getting people sick. Now we have nannies and waitresses. Gert’s stocking fucking tampons and condoms. When the fuck did that happen?”

  “When we asked Gert to start stocking tampons and condoms,” Eli said casually. “Cal, have you ever thought—”

  “What?” I snapped. “Thought what?”

  “Have you ever thought about wanting to be happy again?”

  “I was fucking happy before the damn contest!” I railed.

  “No, you weren’t!” Eli shouted back. “You were fucking miserable every day and we all knew you liked it that way so we let it be. You don’t smile, you don’t laugh, you have no fucking joy! And I get that it was torn away from you and no, not for one second would I know how to move on if something happened to Shelby. I only know where you are now. The chance for happiness is staring you in the face. She’s serving your beers first and sitting next to you when you play cards. And the second she was in trouble, you dropped everything and ran to her. You want her. You think we’re all oblivious to that? The only thing more obvious is the fact that she wants you, too, you miserable sonofabitch. And why that is, none of us can figure out.”

  “Get out,” I snarled.

  “Sure thing, boss. But first I wanted to show you this.”

  He pulled a box out of his back pocket and set it on the desk. A jewelry box.

  “Took longer than I expected to find the one I wanted,” he said.

  Tentatively, I reached out to open it. A beautiful, round diamond in a white gold setting sat nestled in the silk interior.

  “You’re always fucking calling me son, so I thought…I thought I would show you. That’s what happiness looks like, Cal. It looks like a future with someone instead of a dismal existence of isolation and self-punishment.”

  I shut the box and handed it to him, my fury evaporated in the face of such optimism.

  “Congratulations.” I waited a beat. “Son.”

  Angel smirked, then took the box. “We’re going hiking tomorrow. I’m going to do it then. Hoping everyone can meet up at Bud’s to celebrate after.”

  I nodded. My personal shit aside, I wasn’t not going to be there to wish him and Shelby well. I knew what it was like to be that excited about the future and everything it entailed.

  “You deserve to be happy. So does Shelby.”

  He nodded. “You’re right. And you do, too.”

  With that, he left, and I sank into my office chair.

  He was wrong. I didn’t deserve it. But those hours last night fucking Vivienne, having her touch me, getting her to admit she wanted her ass smacked.

  I’d been more than sated. More than relieved to have finally gotten laid.

  I turned around and picked up our picture from the shelf. Me, Sarah and Emily all smiling.

  “I was happy, Sarah,” I confessed.

  * * *

  Bud’s

  The next night

  Vivienne

  I walked into the bar with Sam in his carrier on my back. I’d gotten the call from Shelby that Eli had popped the question and to come to Bud’s to celebrate. The place was crowded with what felt like everyone from both the town and camp. I almost considered leaving Sam in the carrier as it might be easier to maneuver around the bar with him.

  I’d had to do this a time or two for a few hours when Bud asked me to work a Saturday when Shelby couldn’t babysit. The guys thought it was hilarious watching me serve drinks with a half-asleep ten-month-old on my back.

  Or sometimes when Sammy was awake, he would make funny faces at the guys, thinking he was putting on a show.

  I glanced around, looking for the few women who signified my new female posse.

  I hadn’t told any of them about Caleb and wasn’t really sure that I should. Caleb’s privacy and all that. Because if Shelby and Kate knew what had happened, it was a good bet Eli and Jackson would, too.

  Making my way through the throng, I spotted Shelby’s blonde hair still tucked into a snow cap. I came up behind her as she was showing her left hand to Kate who was already squealing.

  I tapped her on the shoulder. “My turn!”

  She turned then started squealing as she stomped her feet and held out her hand.

  “He did it today,” she said with her Southern drawl, which was still a little husky from the flu we’d both battled. “Just got right down on his knee in the snow. And I was like, Eli what are you doing? You’re going to get your pants all wet…because you know he refuses to wear snow-pants when we go hiking, which is just plain dumb. But whatever, then he takes out this box and says Shelby, I love you. Marry me. And of course I started crying right then and there, and I couldn’t even get the words out. Meanwhile he’s still kneeling in the snow with his jeans getting wet until finally I was able to say yes.”

  She took a breath after that and I smiled. “I’m so happy for you!”

  “Thank you. Thank you so much. It means everything to have you and the little man here with us.”

  I pointed over my shoulder. “I wouldn’t miss it. He didn’t have much of a choice.”

  Then I searched for an open seat where I could get Sam off my back and out of his winter gear. In the crowded bar he had to be getting hot. I was struggling to get the backpack off while still supporting his weight when suddenly I felt him being lifted even as he was trying to hold onto my ponytail.

  I’d taken to wearing my hair that way lately as I still needed it up and out of my face, but it felt a little less restrictive than my normal braid.

  Caleb deftly maneuvered Sam until I was free then he was holding him with a grim expression on his face. “I’ll get him out of his gear. You need to find a place for that contraption.”

  Flustered, I watched as he competently removed the hat, gloves and o
ne-piece snowsuit. The boots he needed to leave on, which he did, then hitched Sam on his hip.

  Just that, Caleb holding Sam for me, watching out for him while I could see to all of our stuff, was enough for me to be grateful.

  And enough for me to see that for all his bluster, Caleb really didn’t mind being around Sam. And Sam, who’d basically been cared for by Caleb this past week, didn’t seem to mind him, either.

  The party progressed and mostly we all just watched Eli and Shelby be in love as people bought them drink after drink.

  Caleb had gone off to get me my own beer. I sat in the corner bouncing Sam on my lap happy to be among the living again. Then I spotted Ty in the crowd of folks at the same time he saw me.

  He made his way through the throng and as soon as he got to me, he lifted Sammy off my lap.

  “Hey, big guy! You’re looking better than the last time I saw you. You, too, Vivvy.”

  I tried not to wince at his nickname for me, which was easier now that we’d established we were just friends. I suppose that might have been my first clue regarding my feelings toward Ty. If I’d been interested in him, I probably would’ve had no problem with him calling my Vivvy. It would have felt like an endearment.

  Sort of like it felt when Caleb called me by my name.

  “I feel better,” I announced happily.

  “Man, I came to the cabin that day and saw the shape you were in, I totally freaked.”

  I smiled. He had freaked. Like Sam and I had the Bubonic plague or something instead of just the flu. He hadn’t been able to bring himself to come inside the cabin, and I totally didn’t blame him. There was no point in him getting sick, too, which is why I had shooed him away with the promise that I was fine.

  In hindsight, though, I really hadn’t been. If Caleb hadn’t come, I don’t know how I would have managed Sam as weak as I was.

  Which made me realize I had no idea how Caleb had known I was sick.

  “Hey, Ty,” I asked. “Did you tell Caleb Sam and I were sick?”

  He nodded, even as he made faces at Sam to make him giggle. “Hell, yeah. I left you and could see it was bad. I didn’t have a fucking clue…oh, sorry, Sam…what to do. I got to camp and figured Cal would know.” Ty shrugged then. “Cal knows how to handle any situation. That’s why he’s the boss.”