Before You

by Marni Mann

  As she stared at the doctor, she just wanted him to give her something that would settle her, enough that she would consider going out with him. Because, right now, she wasn’t convinced he was over his ex-wife.

  “Why are you wearing the ring tonight, Andrew?”

  He took a step closer, tugging the ring off his finger, and when he reached her, he placed it on her palm. “Read the engraving on the inside.”

  Honey held it up in the air and looked at the ornate script that had been etched into the gold metal.

  Esther & Irving

  March 23, 1946

  After reading it several times, she glanced at Andrew. “I don’t understand.”

  “This is my father’s wedding band. I’ve been wearing it on my right hand since he died six years ago. When I moved out of my house, I tossed my ring, and I put this one on my left hand.”

  “I’m so sorry.”

  And she was—for assuming, for automatically doubting him, for reacting instead of asking him the question.

  She turned her focus back to the ring, studying the unique pattern. It looked like a French braid had been weaved across the front while it was solid in the back. In the bends of the metal were darker patches that showed the age of the band.

  “It’s beautiful,” she said, returning it to him.

  He secured it back on his finger and looked at her with the most honest eyes. “It’s been a year since we separated. She’s engaged to another man. I will always care about her, but I don’t love her anymore.”

  Honey didn’t know how to respond. She didn’t know what the appropriate thing was to say. So, she did the only thing that felt right. She closed the small distance between them, and she hugged him.

  “You look like you want to marry the man.”

  Honey remembered Valentine saying that when she’d gotten off the phone with Andrew.

  It had been true then.

  And she suspected it was true again now.

  Seventeen

  Billie

  “Oh my God,” I gasped as the plane dipped for what felt like the millionth time. My stomach continued to drop, not getting used to the feeling even though it was happening every few seconds. “Why?” I said to Jared. “Why, why, why?”

  I’d been saying that word over and over in my head.

  It was time to say it to him, hoping he had an answer.

  So far, not a single person on this plane knew anything. Not any of the other passengers or the one flight attendant who had passed down the aisle, holding a blood-soaked towel against a passenger’s head. When Jared had asked her what was happening, she’d told him she didn’t know.

  But there were changes every few seconds. New sounds. New sensations. At times, it felt like we had flown into a box, and our wings kept hitting the sides. We could feel the energy the plane was using. We felt every inch of movement, so we knew we weren’t going down.

  But we didn’t know where we were going.

  I’d already looked at the passengers behind me. I saw no leader. No one had stood; no one was making demands from their seat. Jared hadn’t answered my last two questions, but that didn’t stop me from voicing another one.

  “This is an accident, right?”

  He had been looking to his right but instantly turned toward me. “If I thought otherwise, I wouldn’t be in this seat right now.”

  I believed him.

  The plane began to rattle, the metal sounding like change in someone’s pocket but amplified.

  “Then, why?”

  He shook his head. “I don’t know.” He tightened his grip on my back. “Come here.” He pulled me against the side of him, his chin resting on top of my head. He was facing our window now, and I would bet he was looking through it.

  “Will they tell us the truth?” I asked, referring to the pilot.

  “Yes.” And then a few seconds later, “Their version of it anyway.”

  I’d always been on the other side of anxiety, the calming one in a storm, the one who didn’t freak out during stressful situations. It had been that way my whole life.

  Now, even my skin wanted to crawl off of me.

  I couldn’t keep my breathing under control or my heart rate down. I couldn’t get my mind off of the unknown, off of crashing, off of …

  I clung to Jared even tighter before I completely lost it. But just as I had my hands around his bicep, I felt another dip. It was the biggest one so far.

  “Fuck,” I groaned, tucking my face behind his arm, feeling the coolness of the seat against my cheek. I closed my eyes, and I tried breathing in through my nose and out of my mouth.

  I wasn’t more than a few rounds in when a new sound hammered in my ears.

  Out of instinct, I ducked down as far as I could. What I hadn’t expected was Jared bending over me, his body covering most of my head and shoulders. With my arms tucked in there somewhere, my ears were uncovered. It was so loud, even louder than the first noise, that it didn’t matter.

  But unlike the first time, this sound only lasted a few seconds, and when it ended, the entire plane shook.

  “What was that?” I shouted from under Jared.

  Something fell on my lip. I wasn’t sure if it was a tear or sweat. And I wasn’t sure if it was his or mine. But I swallowed it, waiting, wondering if that was going to be another question he didn’t answer.

  And then out of nowhere, he twisted his body, opening the cave I had been in. As I straightened, my hands clung back around his arm, and I watched him look toward the rear of the plane.

  When his eyes locked with mine again, I saw something. It was brief but powerful enough to scare the shit out of me.

  And then it got worse because he opened his mouth and said, “That was the engine exploding.”

  Eighteen

  Honey

  Summer 1984

  Honey believed Andrew had learned so much from the destruction of his marriage that, when it came to her, he knew how to do everything right. He never made plans he was unable to keep. He gave himself a thirty-minute window and was never late. He warned her ahead of time if he was on-call, so there were never any hurt feelings if he was paged and had to leave.

  Honey didn’t believe in competing with his job and accepted that, many times, it would have to come first. Besides, she had plenty of girlfriends to keep her occupied on the nights Andrew couldn’t. Honey had already had a busy social calendar long before she met him. He didn’t make her life; instead, he learned how to fit into it.

  And as the weeks passed, he seemed to be fitting into it more and more, and she was staying at his apartment almost every night. Andrew was renting a one-bedroom place. With his lease expiring, he’d been talking about buying a condo near the hospital. Honey’s lease was ending around the same time, and Andrew suggested they move in together. His divorce was already finalized, he was beyond his trial period at the hospital, and he was an attending physician now. So, when he looked at her for an answer, she weighed it all in her head. Their relationship was progressing fast. Still, she saw no reason to delay it, and she smiled at him and nodded her head.

  To celebrate, a few days later, Andrew told her to get dressed up and pack an overnight bag. Once she got home from work that evening, she put on the nicest black dress she owned, stuffed some things into a backpack, and waited for Andrew to pick her up.

  She didn’t know how long the drive would be and was surprised when it was under an hour, the car slowing when they reached the crunchy gravel, eventually pulling up in front of the White Barn Inn.

  “Andrew …” Honey whispered after reading the sign. She turned toward him, unable to believe they were there. “This is too much.”

  “No, baby. This is just the beginning.”

  He got out of the car and went around to the passenger side, helping her out. As they walked toward the door, he handed someone his keys and escorted her into the restaurant. Although Honey had been to Kennebunk many times, she had never visited the famous inn or its resta
urant.

  Both were far out of her price range.

  But she had heard stories from friends who had gone and recalled the experiences they had shared of eating somewhere that magical. The men being required to wear jackets to enter the dining room. Having waiters deliver everyone’s food at the same time. To have drinks with tiny, shaved ice chips floating on top with herbs frozen inside them.

  They were seated along the side of the main room. Honey had the most incredible haddock she’d ever tasted while Andrew dined on duck, and the two of them sampled from each other’s plates.

  At the end of dinner, right before dessert, Andrew reached into his pocket and took out a small velvet box, placing it in front of Honey.

  As she stared at it, her pulse raced. Her legs began to feel extra warm in her nylons.

  The box was too big to be a ring, but that didn’t matter. He had gotten her jewelry, and no man had ever done that for her before.

  “Open it,” he said.

  With trembling hands, Honey slowly lifted the lid off the box and gasped when her eyes landed on what was inside. Lying on the velvet holder was a diamond solitaire hanging from a silver chain necklace that was braided, similar to his father’s wedding band.

  It was simple. Elegant. And the most beautiful diamond she had ever seen.

  “It’s also way too much,” she said, adding to what she’d said earlier when they drove up to the inn.

  Andrew reached around the candle that was in the middle of the table and put his hand on top of Honey’s. “Wear it for me.”

  She continued staring at him, saying nothing.

  “I want to spoil you. Please don’t try and stop me.” The devilish grin returned. It was so infectious that Honey found her lips matching his. “You’ll win plenty of fights, baby, but you’re not going to win this one.”

  “I don’t need things, Andrew. I just need you.”

  “You have me.”

  His thumb caressed hers, and she glanced down at the ring on his left hand. Every time she saw it, she loved it even more.

  “Let me help you put it on,” he said, getting up from his chair and coming around to her side of the table.

  When Honey handed him the necklace, he set the stone on her chest and clasped it in the back.

  “How does it look?” she asked as he returned to his seat.

  “Like it was made for you.”

  She lifted the diamond off her skin, trying to get used to the feel of it. The weight. The way the metal initially felt cold against her flesh.

  “I don’t know how to thank you,” she said.

  “You do that every day by being with me.”

  As a warmth spread through Honey’s body, she wondered if things between her and Andrew would always feel this good or if there would eventually be a moment when things weren’t so perfect.

  She could handle both as long as she was with him.

  Nineteen

  Jared

  “Attention, passengers,” the captain said as he came over the speaker, “as most of you are probably aware, we just lost one of our engines. Under normal circumstances, this wouldn’t be a problem, but when our engine became damaged, it also punctured the wing, and we’re having a hard time stabilizing. Air traffic control has determined we can’t continue flying in this condition, and we need to make an emergency landing. I need all of you to make sure your seat belts are securely fastened, tray tables are locked, and personal belongings are stored as tightly as you can make them without getting up from your seats. We’re going to start our descent very soon. Please cover your heads, stay in a low position, and … brace your bodies for impact.”

  The announcement ended, and there was silence in the plane.

  An eerie stillness I hadn’t heard since the engine was hit.

  And it was broken when someone cried, “God help us all,” across the cabin, and every fucking hair on my body stood up straight.

  “Jared …” Billie’s voice was so soft that I almost didn’t hear her. Her lips were wet with tears. Her eyes so red, they looked raw. “Are we going to be all right?”

  I knew the statistics of landing with one engine and a wing that was only going to get more damaged the lower we got.

  What those numbers told me were things didn’t look good.

  “Listen to me,” I demanded as she clung to my arm. “I’m going to wrap my body over yours like I did a few minutes ago. I want your face tucked in close to your stomach, and I don’t want you to move until the plane has landed.” My hand was on her neck, and I started guiding her into position. “I don’t know what it’s going to look like when we’re on the ground. We might need to move fast. Things could be coming in through the windows, or our seats could become loose.”

  Her eyes widened, more terror building on her face.

  “Billie, don’t lose it on me now.” I emphasized my words. “I’m only telling you this, so you’re aware of the possibilities, and nothing takes you by surprise.”

  “This is really happening.”

  She was in shock.

  Everyone on this plane was.

  They didn’t deal with emergencies. They didn’t work in the security industry.

  They didn’t know terror like I did.

  I brought my face closer and moved my hand to the back of her head. “This is happening, and I need you to trust me and follow my instructions.”

  “Jared …”

  We didn’t have time to discuss this, and there was no negotiation. My way was the only way we were going to do it.

  But we were already dropping. I could feel it. And it wasn’t going to take us long to get to the ground.

  “Do it now, Billie.”

  Using my palm, I led her the rest of the way, tucking her into a ball before covering her with my body. The position allowed me to see if anything came in through the windows or over the seats in front of us.

  Someone had to keep watch and make sure she had the best chance of surviving this.

  That person was me.

  “Jared,” she said, and I squeezed her in response. “Will you talk to me? I don’t care what you say. I just need to hear your voice.”

  It was her last request, and there was no way I could deny her that.

  Twenty

  Billie

  Positioned underneath Jared’s broad frame and muscular torso, I wasn’t able to see what was happening. I had to rely on my senses, and they were on overdrive.

  There were so many things going on at once. The feeling of the plane moving, the cabin pressure changing as we descended at such a rapid pace. We were pushed forward in our seats and slammed back.

  Through it all, Jared held on to me.

  He never let go.

  And he never stopped talking.

  I didn’t know what he said. It was like the TV playing during the few minutes before I fell asleep at night; it was just noise, not words, not music. And I used those noises to disconnect my mind.

  Now was no different.

  As I took in Jared’s voice, I ignored everything else, like the bolts and nails that were screaming after every bounce. Like the other passengers praying to God to save them, shouting their last wishes, telling their family on the ground how much they loved them.

  And what came out of me was silence.

  I didn’t know how to say good-bye, how to wish for my life.

  How to process any of this.

  So, I didn’t.

  I didn’t think.

  I didn’t feel.

  I didn’t even hope.

  I just waited.

  “Billie …”

  I thought it was in my head. I thought the waiting had a voice, and this was it.

  “Billie …” Jared warned, and his urgency told me I hadn’t imagined it.

  “Yes?”

  His fingers turned firmer, and he tucked his face underneath my arm, so I could feel the air that came from his mouth. “Hold on tight.”

  Twenty-One

  H
oney

  Fall 1984

  “I love you,” Andrew said softly.

  Honey had heard him say that before. He just didn’t voice it constantly, so when he did, it meant that much more.

  With her hand clinging to his waist, she gazed up at him and replied, “Love you.”

  They were walking to his car, his arm draped across her back, resting on her other shoulder, both of their stomachs full after a late lunch at the Ogunquit Lobster Pound. Honey had taught Andrew how to properly break apart his lobster, a skill most New Englanders had been born with. They’d split the deep-dish blueberry pie with vanilla ice cream for dessert.

  When they were halfway across the grassy parking lot, Andrew slowed their pace, and when he stopped, he turned her body toward his. His hands went to her cheeks, and he tilted her face up. “I really do.”

  Honey pressed her fingers on top of his, her thumbs locking them in place. “I feel the same.”

  As she stared into her boyfriend’s eyes, she saw something she had seen only once before. It had happened after a twenty-four-hour shift at the hospital, and as soon as he returned home, he had grabbed her in his arms and wouldn’t let her go. It was that initial look in his eyes, that desperation in his grip that Honey would never forget.

  His grasp now didn’t have as much intensity, but his gaze did. And when her hands dropped to his chest, she could feel his heart beating as fast as hers.

  “Do you want to talk about it?”

  He had just come off a fifteen-hour shift, so Honey was surprised he had wanted to drive over forty-five minutes to get something to eat.

  Andrew slowly brought his lips down to Honey’s, and he gently kissed her. When he eventually pulled away, he continued to hold her, his gaze deepening.