Cowboys Don't Come Out: A Coming Out, Must-love-kids, Two Step Dancing, Hawaii for the Holidays MM Romance

by Tara Lain

  The judge flipped the card, fell back in his chair, and shook his head. “Exactly how many pseudo-grandparents does this boy have?”

  Aliki grinned. “Hey, Mr. McIntyre.”

  Rand’s dad smiled and winked.

  But all Kai could do was stare at Rand. Here. He’s here. Unless boats move a lot faster than I think, he had to fly. He flew here.

  Mr. McIntyre pulled out a chair on Kai’s other side, leaving a space next to Kai. He smiled. “Kai, Aliki, and Lani have many friends. Maybe their only error has been in not recognizing that fact.”

  The judge looked half-disgusted and half-amused. “Perhaps you’d like to explain the relationship here.”

  Rand stood beside the empty seat, his big warmth soothing Kai from a foot away. “I need to speak with Mr. Kealoha alone.”

  “And you are—?” The judge waved his hand.

  “Rand McIntyre.”

  “Umm. Yes. Uncle Rand.”

  Rand frowned. “My father is representing Mr. Kealoha, but no one has had a chance to talk with him.”

  “So your father needs to talk to Kai?”

  “No. I do.”

  Rand’s dad nodded. “I assure you, it’s required.”

  “Oh dear God, very well. Talk fast.”

  Rand stepped back and opened the door. Kai stood and walked through it, knees watery.

  Outside, several people walked by and stared at the big haole cowboy. Rand motioned to the small bench Kai had warmed before he came in. They sat side by side.

  Rand took an audible breath but didn’t say anything.

  Oh hell. Kai glanced over. “Lani called you?”

  “Yep.”

  “You flew.”

  “What?”

  “You flew here.”

  “Yes.”

  “That must have been awful.”

  “Yep.”

  “She shouldn’t have done that.”

  “That’s what she said.”

  “Then why did you come?”

  “Why do you think?”

  “Because you’re one of the kindest, best men I ever met, and you’d never leave the kids without help.”

  “Is that what you think?”

  Kai glanced over. Did he? Did he believe Rand loved the kids—only?

  Rand sighed. “We better talk about solutions. My dad says you may be able to adopt the kids, but it will take time and a lot of money.”

  “Will they let them stay with me while I’m trying to get it?”

  “Probably. The courts are swayed by the children’s obvious preferences, but I’ll tell you honestly, it could be a hassle.”

  Kai frowned. “Nothing’s been easy.”

  “How important is it to you to stay in Hawaii?”

  “What do you mean?”

  Rand stared straight ahead like he was talking to the wall across the hall. “What if you moved—like, to California?”

  “Why would I do that?”

  “Because you could have a job, a place to live with the kids that’s not threatened, the kids could go to college and have a home of their own, and—”

  “Fuck!” A couple of heads came up and Kai lowered his voice. “What are you talking about? I’m not any more employable there than here. At least here I have a little mystique.”

  “You’d work for me.”

  Kai swallowed hard. “Rand, you’re great, but I don’t want your handouts.”

  “I could adopt the kids. I’m older, have my own property. I could—”

  Kai sprang to his feet. “Like hell. What are you thinking?”

  Rand stood and grabbed Kai’s arm—like a warm, sexy vise. “I’m thinking that I could start the paperwork to adopt the kids—right after you marry me.”

  “Wha—?” His eyes widened, and he fell back onto the bench.

  Rand sat. “I’m sorry this isn’t more romantic and shit, but the judge is waiting. We could run the ranch and raise the kids, and they’d have grandparents, and we could bring them back here and stay with Mrs. O. in the summer so they’d absorb more of their culture, and maybe they’ll go to college here.”

  “Just a fucking minute.” He snorted out a breath. “You expect me to marry you so the kids can have a life?”

  Rand’s deep blue eyes met Kai’s. “If that’s the only way I can get you to marry me, I’ll take it.”

  Kai collapsed back against the bench. “I feel like I’ve spent my whole life fighting to give those kids a little happiness.”

  “Quit fighting, Kai. I’ve got this.”

  Chapter Twenty-One

  The judge glanced around the room. “I’ll admit, this has been quite a day. I started out thinking that the Kahele kids might be neglected or threatened and ended the day knowing that they’re surrounded by people who love them and plan to care for them. That’s not my everyday scenario, so this is a happy event. It’s obvious the children are not threatened, Ms. Makeha, so removing them from their brother’s care is not required. As to long-term custody, it appears that Mr. McIntyre and Mr. Kealoha will be handling that as they create their family in California.” He looked at Rand. “I’d admonish you to marry soon if you plan to take those children out of this state.”

  Rand nodded. “Yes, sir. That’s our plan.” I hope. He glanced at Kai. Okay, he’d do anything for his brother and sister, but does that really include letting me railroad him into marriage?

  The judge raised an eyebrow. “I certainly hope your sister returns from her”—he made quotation marks in the air—“friend’s house soon.”

  Aliki snuggled into Rand’s shoulder. “Oh, she will. She loves weddings.”

  They all laughed. His dad said, “Let me know what we need to sign to keep the children with Kai while the adoption is going through.”

  “Don’t worry. We’ll swamp you with paperwork.” The judge stood and shook Mr. McIntyre’s hand. “You’ve got yourself a pretty special grandson there.”

  “Don’t I know it?”

  Rand shook the judge’s hand, but his whole brain focused on Kai.

  When all of them finally made it out the door into the afternoon sun, Rand hugged everyone—except Kai. He kissed Mrs. O.’s cheek. “Thank you for dropping everything for us.” He looked up at Julie. “And for tracking down Julie.”

  Julie grinned. “I think we successfully confused the judge long enough for you to get here.” She glanced at Kai, who held Aliki close to his side. “So when’s the wedding?”

  Rand caught Kai’s slight frown. “Uh, we haven’t discussed a day yet. This has all been kind of fast.”

  Julie laughed. “I’ll say. Who knew our cowboys were gay?”

  Kai’s frown deepened.

  Mrs. Orwell gave Rand a one-armed hug. “All you had to do was see them together.” She made a shooing motion. “You boys better go find Lani now.”

  Rand nodded. “Yes, ma’am.”

  His dad said, “I’ll be at Hana Maui. Your mom is trying to get a flight, but she thinks we need to get this marriage done and legal as soon as possible. I agree. Tomorrow or the next day would be good, even if she can’t get here by then. We have her permission.” He smiled. “You can get the license online and be married at the hotel. They have a list of officiates since so many people get married there.”

  Everyone looked at Rand expectantly—except Kai. “I’ll talk it over with Kai, and I’ll get back to everyone later.”

  His dad said, “But I think—”

  “Later, Dad. Thank you all so much for being here. We just need to settle down and talk. We also have to get Lani. I’ll call you all, okay?”

  Mrs. O. smiled. “Yes dear, go map out your futures.”

  Whew. He put a gentle hand on Aliki’s back, his fingers just touching Kai’s. Kai dropped his arm. Okay, well, not an auspicious beginning. Kai reached for his cell phone and dialed. He waited a second. “Hi, Lani. Yeah, things are okay. Meet us at home.” He listened. “Yeah, I’m sure.” He hung up and looked at Rand. “I have my truck. I’ll
take Aliki with me.”

  “Uh, I came with my father, so I need to ride with you.”

  “Oh. Okay.”

  They crawled in the old truck with Aliki in the middle. Silence. Way uncomfortable.

  Aliki leaned forward, straining the old seatbelt. “Does this mean I really get to stay with you guys? They’re not going to take me back, are they?”

  Kai spoke softly. “No. They’re not going to take you back.”

  “You’re sure?”

  Kai glanced at Rand. “Yes.”

  “So you guys are gay, right?”

  Rand coughed to cover a laugh. A muscle in Kai’s jaw jumped. Well, shit. “That’s right, Aliki. I’m gay and so is Kai.”

  “Oh.”

  “So do you know anything about being gay?”

  “I know the guys at school call people gay when they want to make fun of them, which I think is pretty crappy.”

  Kai said, “Language.”

  “Well, it’s not good, anyway. And I know that gay people can get married like anyone else, which is good. So could we stop for ice cream on the way home?”

  Rand couldn’t help it. He laughed.

  They stopped for ice cream cones and an extra pint for Lani, then piled back in the truck.

  Aliki started to talk. Kai raised a hand. “Don’t talk with your mouth full. Plus we need to bring Lani up to speed, so wait till we get home.”

  “Oh. Okay.” He licked madly to stop the melting.

  Which meant Rand had to wait to hear what Kai was thinking. Bullshit!

  It took another fifteen minutes of discomfort before they pulled up to the house. Lani stood outside, which made Rand smile really big. The minute the car stopped, he pushed open the door, got out, and swung her up into a hug.

  She hugged back like crazy. “Oh, Uncle Rand, you came, you came. I’m so sorry to make you fly.”

  He smiled. “To be sure you’re safe, I’d crawl, baby girl.”

  She leaned back and looked in his face. “Thank you.”

  He put her back on the ground. She looked toward Kai. “I need to know what’s going on. So no one’s going to leap out of the bushes and take me and Aliki into foster care?”

  Aliki ran forward with his precious melting package. “We got ice cream, and I brought you some.”

  She slid her arm around him. “So let’s go eat it.”

  Inside, she dished up ice cream for her and Aliki—giving him more. They settled in the living room while Kai went back to change from his fancier cowboy clothes to shorts. “You have anything to change into, Uncle Rand?”

  “Nope. My bag’s in my father’s car.”

  “Your father?” He eyes got wide. “He came too?”

  “Yep. He’s a big lawyer back on the mainland, so he came with me.”

  Aliki chuckled as he consumed his second helping of ice cream. “I thought that judge would swallow his tongue when Mr. McIntyre and Uncle Rand came in. He even knew who Mr. McIntyre was.”

  “Wow. That sure was nice of your father to come all this way.”

  “Said he thought of me like a grandson. And Mrs. Orwell too, and her daughter, and that lady named Julie. They all came.” He shook his head and chuckled like he was remembering with pleasure. He looked up. “And guess what?”

  “What?”

  “Kai and Uncle Rand are getting married!” He threw himself back against the couch cushion and kicked his feet.

  “Wait. What?” She stopped eating and stared at Rand in total shock.

  Kai walked in at that second, demonstrating even old board shorts could be made to look edible. “Aliki, I told you to keep quiet.”

  Aliki frowned. “No. You said I shouldn’t talk until we got home and could tell Lani too. Lani’s here.”

  He sighed. “Right. Sorry.” He flopped down in the battered chair. “So talk, I guess.”

  Lani gazed at him. “You’re getting married?”

  He glanced up at Rand, then back at the floor. “I guess.”

  She swung those dark eyes. “Uncle Rand?”

  “Uh, I suggested to Kai that he and I should get married, we’d adopt you two, and you should all come to California and live on my ranch. That way my folks get to see you, you have good schools, a nice place to live, riding lessons, money for college, and we can make frequent trips back here so you don’t lose touch with your culture.”

  Aliki smiled. “Yeah. Isn’t that cool?”

  Lani looked between Rand and Kai. “You’re getting married so you can take care of us?”

  Aliki nodded. “The judge was really excited about it.”

  Rand glanced at Kai’s downturned face. “But, uh, it’s not mandatory. I mean, the judge recognized that you two are doing well living with Kai, so, uh, I can go back to California and maybe Kai will let me help with your college fund or something.” Whoa. His chest felt crushed. How can I feel such loss of something I never had? “I think everyone is convinced that you two have a good support network, so I imagine they’ll let Kai adopt you on his own.”

  Aliki looked up from the ice cream. “Wait. You mean there’s not going to be a wedding?”

  Rand sighed. “I guess I kind of forced Kai to say yes, Aliki. But that doesn’t mean we won’t see each other. If I can figure out how to get across the ocean without vomiting, I’ll come visit you.” He laughed, but it sounded so phony.

  Aliki stared at him like he’d lost his mind. “But I want to go to your ranch and learn to ride, and go to college, and—be with you every day.” Tears welled in his eyes.

  Suddenly it was all just too much. Rand wiped the back of his hand across his face and rose. “Sorry. I guess it’s not going to be that way.”

  “But—”

  “Hang on!” Lani stood and planted her hands on her nonexistent hips. “Uncle Rand, why did you ask Kai to marry you?”

  “I told you.”

  “No, you told me all the good it would do for me and Aliki. Is that why you want to marry Kai?”

  “Partly.”

  “Why mostly?”

  Kai’s eyes never rose from the rug. Rand stared at the shaggy, ink-black hair. “Well, because I love him.”

  Kai’s head came up like someone pulled it on a rope.

  Lani said, “You do?”

  “Of course.”

  She threw her arms up. “What do you mean, ‘of course’? Did you ever tell him?”

  “Well, maybe not.”

  “Jesus God, save me from cowboys.” She stalked a pace toward Rand. “Don’t you realize that everything Kai’s done in his whole life is because of me and Aliki? He’s never had anything of his own. And now you’re telling him that his marriage has to be for us too? That doesn’t work, Uncle Rand. He deserves to have a love that’s all his.”

  Rand stared at Lani, then turned his head to Kai. Their eyes met. “I love you. I have since the moment I saw you sitting on that horse like some pagan cowboy god. Since the moment you two-stepped into my heart. I’d do anything for Aliki and Lani, but I’m in love with you.”

  “Really?” Kai blinked hard.

  “Yeah. Is that romantic enough for you?”

  Kai nodded but then stared at the floor again.

  Rand swallowed. “But I don’t want to force you into something that’s not right for you.”

  Aliki wailed, “Come on, Kai.”

  “Shhh.” Lani put a hand on Aliki’s arm and hauled him up. “This is for Kai and Rand to decide. It has nothing to do with us.” They disappeared down the hall.

  Kai looked at Rand. “You love me? You’re sure?”

  Rand walked to Kai and touched his cheek. “I’ve filled a couple of barf bags on a Hawaiian Airlines flight to prove it.” He sat beside Kai on the old chair and shoved him over. “But the big question is, do you love me? Even a little?”

  Kai’s lips turned up, and he nodded.

  Rand’s heart slammed into his ribs. “Really?”

  “That’s why I’m so suspicious of you. Because in my life,
I’ve never loved anyone but those kids. Giving love to someone else feels almost like stealing. But you’d sure be a great role model for them.”

  Rand gazed at him. “Why do you think you’re a crappy role model?”

  He shrugged. “Dumb, uneducated, no-account cowboy. What kind of example is that?”

  “Who told you that?”

  “My dumbass, no-account stepfather.” He sucked in a breath. “And my fucking mother, every day until she finally did us a favor and left.”

  Rand nodded. “While the only two people whose opinions really matter to you think the sun rises in your smile and want to be as hard-working, selfless, and dedicated a person as their big brother. Aren’t you the one choosing the wrong role models to believe?”

  He wiped a hand over his neck. “Your opinion matters to me.”

  “Then fuck, I’m telling you that you inspire me. I wish I could be as brave.”

  “Why are you scared to fly?”

  Rand took a deep inhale. “Because when I was just a little older than Lani, I went to a cowboy camp and developed a serious crush on an older boy. He was gorgeous and the best cowboy of us all. He asked me to suck his cock. I wanted to—I already knew I was gay. But a kid walked in, and this dude freaked. Really freaked. He backed me up to a steep cliff with a knife while all the boys yelled ‘fag’ at me. I was about to fall when the counselor caught them. She grabbed me, or I’d have died. I didn’t mind the dying, but the idea of falling made me sick.”

  “Shit, I hate him. Wish I could go back and throw him off that cliff.”

  “I could have used a friend. I sure didn’t have any that night. Even the counselor thought I was a weak-assed little fag.”

  “And you never came out again, right?”

  “I learned my lesson. Cowboys don’t come out.”

  “And now you have.”

  Rand shrugged.

  “For us.”

  Rand gazed in Kai’s eyes.

  “For me.”

  “Yep.”

  “How fucking brave is that?”

  Rand quirked a smile. “So maybe you make me brave.”

  “And maybe you can get me to believe I’m inspiring—in about fifty years or so.”

  “I’d be happy to try.”

  Kai barked a laugh. “And I would get to fuck your ass for my whole life.”