by Emily Bex
“Si, master, not a problem, she has me putting together a crib for the baby.”
Picking up his cell, Shade hits Alec on his speed dial and waits for his answer.
“Senator Canton...”
“Alec, Shade here. Need a few moments of your time, are you available?”
“Of course, Shade, what's going on?”
Shade runs a hand through his hair as he talks. Cazzo, he didn’t think this out very well, how the hell does he tell him about this situation.
“Alec, I am sure Rissa already told you Kate was sick, she recommended a doctor at my request. The news was not exactly what I expected, and I need your assistance.”
Alec is distracted by the document he has open on his laptop and listens with half an ear to Shade’s conversation. “Rissa did tell me she sent over her own doctor for Kate. I don't think the two of them have talked, though, since that visit. If they have, Rissa hasn't mentioned it.”
Shade takes a deep breath and dives in feet first.
“Alec, Kate is with child. The doctor Rissa graciously sent to us confirmed this, but he does not handle these high-risk pregnancies as he referred to it and he suggested I contact you for further help. So, I am. She is still mortal, and I have no idea what this involves for either of us, but I need to find out as much as I can.”
Alec pushes the laptop aside and sits up straight. “What the fuck, Shade. First, you chose to mate with a mortal and now you get her pregnant? You two sound like a bunch of fucking teenagers. I expected better than this from you!”
As his attitude slams into him, Shade grips the phone so damn hard he feels it melting in his hand. The nerve of this bastard! Knowing I need his help, I have to endure his fucked-up power trip to get what I need. I will do whatever I have to for bel and our bambino.
“Things happen, Alec. I love her, she is my mate. And yes, I admit, it was careless, but I have seen enough in my damn life to know when I find my mate and Kate is it. I am asking for another referral, give me some help. I am still your top warrior, this changes nothing, but I need to know what the hell we are facing here.”
“You know what you are facing, old friend. You know damn well. There is nothing good that will come from this. Chances are good this baby won't survive, and the possibility exists that you could lose her too. And if, by some stroke of bad luck, the baby does survive, you know you have a half-breed on your hands. What a fucking mess, Shade. There are doctors who deal with this, specialize in pregnancies between vamps and mortals. I will have to do some research. I don't have a name off the top of my head. You know you have an opportunity here, to get rid of both of them and start fresh. Let me help you find a more appropriate mate, someone more befitting your station in life. Just say the word and I will take care of it, brother.”
The pain rolls through him at the thought of losing his bel or the baby and makes him want to scream in agony. Cory flashes through his mind. He is a surviving half-breed. He was born weak, not accepted in either world, his life its own special hell. Shade’s beast rolls out of him like he was shot out of a cannon and he stands up and starts pacing, growling so loud the house rattles.
“Get rid of them Alec? If she dies, so do I. It is that simple! And I need no help in finding a damn mate, I already found her. I know what I have on my hands, what I have done, and nothing you can ever say to me can make me feel any worse about my actions than the hell I am putting myself through. So, I will await your call, Senator.”
Hanging up the phone, he throws it across the room and watches it smash into a million pieces as he heads outside for a smoke. He wants that fucking master dead right now!
56
Luca and Kate both feel the house rumble and they stop the assembly of the crib and look at each other. Kate starts to get up to go downstairs, but Luca grabs her arm.
"My lady, I need to request you remain here. I will go down to master and see what the problem is."
Kate starts to protest, but she is reading something in Luca's eyes, so she defers to him.
“Okay, but I want answers. You will tell me when you return?”
***
Luca thinks to himself, Well, I will tell you something, perhaps not the truth…that will depend on what it is that has master so angry.
"Of course, my lady, I will let you know."
Luca leaves the room and walks down to the office to find the shattered phone, and the door out onto the patio open. He walks outside to see Shade standing with his back to him, smoking a cigarette.
"I take it your business call did not go well, master?"
***
Shade’s mind is rolling, so much fucked up shit in his head right now. He has put everything, including her and the baby, in danger. What the hell has he done? Alec's words keep ringing in his ears, but he only knows one thing, he doesn’t want to go on without her. He feels Luca as he walks out onto the patio.
“Is she okay, Luca?”
“Si, Shade, she is fine, I asked her to wait. Tell me what is going on, don’t leave me in the dark. I can’t protect her if I don’t know what’s going on, and right now, I can feel the heat rolling from you, you are angry. Something has you all fucked up inside.”
He shakes his head, “I messed up Luca, bad. I could lose Kate, and I could also lose this bambino. I am sick with myself. There is little chance this bambino will survive, if it does, we both know the outcome. She is mortal, and the child will be less in all eyes. It will be weak by vampire standards. It will never be accepted by my people. A half-breed will not be able to inherit my dynasty or rule the coven. I don’t give a fuck about that! Fuck them all, and their ways! But I need her to never know these things Luca, ever!”
Spinning around facing him, “Pledge right here, right now, you will breathe none of this to her.”
“Si, master, I will protect her from all things. She deserves to be happy, but, at some point, do you not think you should warn her?”
“No! She is so...happy. It breaks me in half. I can’t take that away from her, not yet. Alec is going to give me a special doctor who deals with this type of mortal/immortal pregnancy. Neither you nor I will speak of this to her until after we have seen this specialist. Once he gives me greater detail, I will decide what to tell her.”
"Shade, you have not fed in a while, how will you deal with this now? You need to keep your strength, especially now with those rogues, there could be more. What are you going to do? Bring in a feeder from home?”
As his words hit him, Shade realizes he hasn’t seriously given this much thought. He hasn’t fed in several days because she was ill. But he will rob the child of nourishment if he feeds from her.
“Cazzo! I am okay for now, but I know how Kate feels about feeders, she does not understand our world, and it will break her. No way can I touch a feeder or any other woman ever again! Cazzo, I have made a mess of this Luca. I need to think, to let my beast loose, or I will end up doing even more damage. I want you to stay with her, keep close tabs on her, Luca, and trust me. Just do as I ask, si?”
"Si, master, I understand. But think on this, you can always feed from me. I will go to her now.”
Watching as Luca walks back in the house, Shade heads for the weapons bunker to load up. He needs to find some rogue scum in D.C. to release this beast.
***
Luca leaves to go back upstairs and face Kate, and he is torn with emotions. He pauses at the foot of the stairs as he comes to grips with his master's pain, Kate's life, and the baby's life at risk. What the fucking hell am I supposed to tell Kate? And how am I supposed to help her keep putting this nursery together for a baby that everyone except Kate seems to know will never be.
He shakes off the emotion and starts up the stairs. As he enters the nursery, Kate is unpacking small baby clothes, folding them, and putting them in a dresser. She turns expectantly toward Luca as he enters, her face registering her questions. Luca walks into the room, shakes his head, and gives a half smile.
“T
hat mate of yours has quite a temper."
She laughs and says,” Tell me about it. What has him riled up this time?”
“He was on the phone with a business partner and clearly, they did not share the same point of view. There is one very smashed phone in the office."
She looks at him with a frown, “I thought he was calling Alec?”
"Oh yeah, he made that call first, Alec said the specialist would be taken care of. He will get back to master on that. Then master made the second, not so productive, call. Anyway, he took off for a while, to cool off."
“Wait...he took off? You mean he left the house?”
"My lady, you know him, he just needs some air, and some time to cool off, and he will be back shortly."
***
She sighs, she hates when he leaves like that, but she knows he has his own demons to get under control. She and Luca return to the crib assembly project.
57
Luca and Kate finish the crib and start putting other things together in the nursery, and she keeps thinking this should be Shade. He should be here doing this. She keeps checking her watch and it has been hours. She feels exhausted. Between the shopping this evening, and working in the nursery, and the fact she is already tired from this pregnancy, she wants to wait for him, but she can't stay awake. Luca has been watching her carefully all night with a look of concern in his eyes. She knows she looks tired and even more pale than usual, but she is not sure that's the reason he has watched her so closely.
"My lady, I think we have done all we can do here tonight, and I think you have been up far too long."
“I know you're right, Luca. I was just hoping...”
***
"My lady, master is fine, if he were in danger, he would call me.” Master is not fine, master is on a fucking rampage and I have no way to reel him in. "I think you need to go to bed. You know he will return by morning, at the latest."
She smiles at him, “Is this part of your job as protector, Luca? Making sure I get enough sleep?”
He looks at her for a long pause, as if pondering that question, and then responds, "You know, my lady, this is my job, but you and master... You are my family now. This house is my home. My concern for you is genuine. It is not a line in a job description. So yes, my concern goes beyond providing protection against any physical assaults on you or this house."
***
She returns his look. She remembers thinking when she first met him in Florence that he had coldness in his eyes, but when she looks at him now, she only sees his warmth.
“Well, your loyalty and love for this family are evident. So, if you were going for big scary vampire, you failed miserably.”
He chuckles, that same soft chuckle as Shade. "So, does that mean you're not going to give me a hard time, my lady, about getting some sleep?"
“Help me off of this floor, Luca, and I will head to bed right now.”
He grabs her hand and helps her to her feet. As she walks toward the master bedroom, he is following her. When she gets to the door, he stands to one side.
“What are you doing, Luca?”
"With master gone, my lady, I will stand guard here tonight."
“Oh Luca, that is really not necessary. Please go to your own room and be comfortable.”
"I wasn't asking permission, my lady. And this is not a subject I am going to debate with you."
“Well, now you even sound like Shade, and I know better than to argue with him when he hits that wall. Good night, Luca.”
"Good night, my lady.”
She enters the bedroom, closing the door behind her, slips into her gown and climbs between the cold sheets. Shade's absence in their bed screams at her. Where is he? What upset him so much? He shields her from so much, and a part of her seeks to live in denial, and he knows that. She pulls his pillow to her chest, buries her face into the soft fabric and inhales his scent.
“Do you hear me, lover? I wait for you in our bed. I wait here to wrap my arms around you, lay my head on your chest. Come home to me.” He does not respond, so she lets that message play like a loop in her head as she finally drifts off to sleep, alone, holding his pillow close.
***
Teleporting into the house, directly into the weapons bunker, Shade unloads the weapons that were the extension of his hands this night. The sun is coming up fast. He had gone on a rampage of anger, killing every rogue, whether they presented a threat or not. He had blocked her from his thoughts all night, and even managed to block Luca, most of the time. But now, it was done and all he felt was empty.
He didn’t seek comfort. He wanted no questions, no discussion. He had come home as late as possible, hoping she would already be asleep, so he could shower and slip in the bed beside her and she would never know a damn thing. Not wanting to wake her, he teleports into the master bath and drops his leathers, the material slick and sticky with blood. His hair is matted with sweat and blood. His boots caked in the path of his killing. Turning on the water, watching the blood of his victims run down the drain, he wants the pain he feels to wash away with it.
Closing his eyes, the events of the night are a blur, and the pain and anger overwhelm him for the position he has put Kate in. Scrubbing his body clean, letting the hot water sooth sore muscles, a moan escapes his lips as the hunger over takes him. He can’t go to her to feed, and his carelessness kicks his ass.
Finishing up, he walks to the bedroom, slides under the sheets, and lays there, praying the death slumber takes him quickly when the exotic scent of roses wafts across his nose, and the very nearness of her causes his mouth to water. Closing his eyes, he lets it all go.
***
Kate has slept lightly, waking often as she waited for him, and worried about him. She hears the shower running. Did he walk past their bed? He could not have walked past their bed, she would have heard him. She listens to the water, and he is in the shower for a very long time. When he emerges, she lies quietly. He does not come to her. He does not kiss her. He slides into the bed as quietly as possible, making every effort not to disturb her. She lies beside him, waiting. Will he speak? Will he reach out to hold her?
He lies completely still and slips into his death slumber. Her heart is breaking because she doesn't know the source of his pain and he has blocked her. The bed feels as empty now as it did before he climbed into it. “Shade, I need you to come back to me.”
She knows he is already asleep, she only hopes her words got through to him, and her pleas from the night before got through to him, even though he never answered. She lies there for a good hour before rising and walking into the bathroom, only to find his leathers tossed on the floor and covered in blood, bloody boot prints on the tile floor, his boots caked in blood. The blood is so prevalent the stench of it hangs in the air.
“Oh my God, lover... what have you done?”
She knows she needs to let him sleep. He was out a long time, and he has not fed from her in over a week. Just one more worry in her head.
58
Kate slips on her robe and goes in search of Luca. He had stood at her door all night until Shade returned, and she hates to disturb him. She walks downstairs to his private quarters to find the door closed. She taps lightly. She tries to allow him his own space without interference from the rest of the household when he is off duty. He opens the door to her. She can see his hair is slightly damp and he wears only a t-shirt with his jeans, and she feels even guiltier for the intrusion, knowing he has just showered.
"My lady, is everything all right?"
As soon as she sees him, she wants to cry but fights back the tears. That's the last thing he needs, some blubbering female at his door after he has stood guard all night. He opens the door wider for her and indicates with his hand for her to enter. She walks into his space and takes a seat on the sofa as he sits across from her.
“Did you talk to him, Luca? When he came in?”
"No, my lady. I knew when he was in the house, and when he was in your
room, I left my post. We did not speak."
“He didn't speak to me either. He showered and went immediately into his death slumber. When I got up, I went to the bathroom; his leathers...his boots. There was blood everywhere. I don't think it was his... None of it was his. He didn't appear injured to me at all... He is just, shut off. He has closed off from me.”
Luca shifts his eyes to the floor as she describes the blood. Kate can already tell he knows something, and she can already tell he won't share what he knows.
"He just needs some time, my lady, be patient."
With a tremble in her voice, Kate responds, “This has nothing to do with a business call, Luca. This had nothing to do with an upsetting business call.”
Against her best efforts, the tears start to flow down her cheeks. She hates that she is crying, and she can see Luca struggle with how he should respond to those tears.
"My lady, you understand I cannot speak of anything I might know or overhear as it relates to master's business. All I can say to reassure you is his anger is not directed at you. He is not mad at you. Be patient with him, please. He is fighting his own battles."
So, this is it. This will be the extent of what she knows unless Shade chooses to share more later, which she already knows in her heart will be a closed subject. One more thing he shields her from. She nods her head at Luca and stands to leave.
"Trust me, my lady.”
“I do, Luca... I do. It just doesn't make this any easier.”
Kate leaves his quarters and returns to their bedroom where she removes her robe and climbs in bed beside him in his death slumber.
59
Waking very late, Shade lies in bed for a moment getting his bearings. As he awakens fully, everything suddenly hits him full force. This is not something he can fix. He can’t fix what he has done, he has lost control. He can feel her in the house, moving downstairs, and he swallows hard, needing her to feed him, comfort him, hold him, as only she can. But he knows a small feeding will not do, he is even weaker now from the rampage of last night. What the fucking hell was he thinking?