If It Kills Me

by Jason D. Morrow

  Aaron and I abandon the vehicle on the side of the road. No one will see it at night, and Aaron said it’s rare that anyone would come here by day. Normally I would fear walking long distances at night with the threat of the greyskins, but now I know that they wouldn’t stand a chance.

  I think of Connor and the others and can’t help but wonder what help I would have been in their predicament. I could have moved the vehicle. I could have thrown greyskins in every direction while Danny moved the vehicle. I’m not the perfect warrior, but I know that my gift is truly powerful.

  We walk toward Salem as silently as possible. From where we are, I can see the front gates, or what’s left of them. Bits and pieces of wood and metal lie in every direction; a direct result of Krindle’s explosion that let in all the greyskins. It’s hard to see, but I can smell the remnants of the black smoke that must have taken the bodies of the victims. After an incident like this, there are almost always two piles for burning. One for the greyskins, and one for the victims. Both piles smell the same. Both are horrible.

  As we make our way around the colony to the other side, we keep a close watch on the walls. There are no lights to speak of, but the moon allows us to see the reflection of a few Screven vehicles. These aren’t the same ones that had been left behind. These are new. A few times we see some guards from Screven patrolling the area. Jeremiah must have sent them as soon as he set the greyskins on us. I wish I could figure out how that worked.

  It takes us thirty minutes or more to finally make it to the secret tunnel under the wall that leads into Salem. As quietly as possible, Aaron pulls up on the door in the ground. Dirt falls to the sides as he motions for me to go first. I climb down the steps and he follows, letting the door shut us into complete blackness.

  “Sure hope nothing’s down here,” I say.

  Aaron lets out a short laugh. “Nobody knows about it, I assure you.”

  I feel him brush against me as he walks to the other side and to the other door. I walk behind him slowly, careful not to trip over the backs of his feet. We climb up the stairs and he gently pushes on the door. Again the moonlight shines through and I can see the dark silhouette of Aaron’s head. He looks in every direction before finally opening it all the way.

  “It’s clear, let’s go,” he whispers to me.

  I quickly move up the steps and into the colony of Salem. Looking around, I start to wonder whether it really was a good idea to come here. The guards wouldn’t hesitate to try and kill us. I know that I have the power to take any of them on, but that doesn’t mean a sniper from a distance couldn’t take me out by surprise. I’m not invincible.

  Aaron covers the door with dirt and bushes and starts a crouched run to the nearest shack. I follow him in the same motion. I can’t help but let my eyes dart from one place to the next. Every now and then I can see a guard patrolling through the streets.

  Aaron turns his head toward me. “We’re going to Heinrich’s house,” he says. “Just stay close to me and we won’t get caught.”

  I nod and follow as he ducks into the street at a quick pace. We stop a few times to make sure there isn’t anyone near us. When Aaron is satisfied, we move again until we are finally at the large house at the end of the colony. It feels weird coming back here. The last time I was in this house, I was actually spying on Aaron and Heinrich in a meeting. It was Evelyn’s idea, though I’m not entirely sure Aaron didn’t already know I would be there. Evelyn wanted me to see how badly people wanted to get out from under Jeremiah’s thumb.

  Instead of going in through the side of the house and into the basement like I did last time, Aaron takes me to the back of the house to one of the doors. He pulls out a set of keys from his pocket and unlocks the door, walking through quietly.

  I close it behind us and watch as Aaron creeps into the back of the kitchen. “Heinrich?” Aaron calls out. “It’s Aaron and Mora, are you here?”

  No answer.

  Aaron calls out again and starts his search throughout the rest of the house, but I get the feeling that Heinrich isn’t here at all. Walking past the kitchen and into the living room it looks like someone was either forced out of here or left in a hurry. Books are thrown about the floor, tables and chairs are turned over. It doesn’t look good.

  Aaron comes down the stairs in a hurry. “He’s gone.” He pulls out his keys again and makes his way to a door on the other side of the living room. Opening it, I recognize it as the office Aaron and Heinrich had met in a couple of weeks ago. Aaron walks over to the desk and unlocks the bottom drawer.

  He seems to hold his breath for a minute as he reaches down and picks up a piece of paper. A note.

  Aaron looks up at me, then back down at the paper. “They are going to take me,” Aaron reads. “Jeremiah suspects that I’ve helped with your insurrection. Either way I’m a dead man. I imagine they will take me to Screven. Question me. Then that will be it. The Starborns are all that can stop this monster. He will not give up. I’m sorry I wasn’t able to leave with you. You must carry on without me. Heinrich.”

  “I’m sorry, Aaron,” I say.

  He shakes his head. “I can’t believe they think he’s part of it. I guess we weren’t secretive enough.”

  “Even if he wasn’t part of it, don’t you think Jeremiah would have taken him out for letting all this happen anyway?”

  “Maybe,” Aaron says. He lets out a curse under his breath and walks past me and through the door. I follow him until he reaches another door and opens it. The steps lead down into the basement.

  I walk into the familiar area, watching Aaron as he goes to the other side. I know his mind is preoccupied, but I still don’t know what his plans are. I know mine, but he doesn’t. Somehow I’ve got to break away from him for a moment to be able to seek out Christopher the healer. But maybe I should just tell Aaron. Now that we’re here I can’t really imagine him feeling comfortable with us splitting up without a good reason.

  Aaron opens a closet that I haven’t previously noticed and starts rummaging through items. He pushes a few things aside and pulls out a cart full of cables, screens, and electronic boxes.

  “What’s all this?” I ask.

  “The main reason I needed to come here,” he says. “This is the stuff that will help us use the satellite. It’s the monitoring system. If Connor and the others can get the receiver, and if we can get this stuff, then Springhill will be set.”

  “You know how to set all that up?” I ask.

  Aaron nods. “Heinrich knows it even better than I do. He’s the one that got all this stuff in the first place. That’s part of the reason I wanted to meet with him.”

  “Didn’t any of you write instructions?”

  “No. Heinrich didn’t need to, and never really expected to be taken away I’m sure.” He looks at me with furrowed eyebrows. “Don’t worry, I’m very sure I can figure it out.”

  “Very sure? You mean not one hundred percent?”

  “Very sure,” Aaron repeats. He lets out a deep breath and leans against the cart. “I need to make all this mobile enough for us to get it to the vehicle. That might take a little while. First I think we should rest. We’ll work on getting this thing ready tomorrow morning.”

  “You want to leave during the day?” I ask.

  He nods. “Trying to move all this at night will be too slow. During the day we’d be able to dress as farmers. People are always out and about moving stuff this size. If we keep our heads down, we’d just blend in.”

  “Until you want to move it out to the truck,” I say. “What do you think they’ll do when they see us outside of the colony?”

  “I never said this would be easy. We’ll figure it out tomorrow.”

  “I love how much you’ve planned this out.”

  I can see him getting frustrated. “Sorry, but I expected that Heinrich would be able to give me some support. But he’s gone.”

  I guess I didn’t realize how important Heinrich was going to be in getting us out
of here. “You’re right, I’m sorry.”

  Aaron shakes his head. “There are some cots down here,” he says quietly, almost as if I’ve somehow hurt his pride. “Why don’t you get some sleep? I’ll figure all this out tonight. Don’t worry.”

  I don’t say anything as I set out one of the cots. I lay there without covers as Aaron organizes the cart. I try to sleep, but all I can think about is Christopher. Is there even a point in trying to figure out where he is right now? It seems that he never leaves the darkness of wherever he is staying. Closing my eyes, I feign sleep by seeking him out, but I have no luck. I sense him. I even see him a little, but he is sleeping in a dark area. My consciousness cannot move far from him so it’s impossible to see where he might be from the outside. His surroundings give me no indication of where he is, nor have they over the past couple of days. He’s hiding.

  I can tell Aaron is trying to be quiet as he organizes the cart on the other side of the basement. My thoughts move to Connor and the others. They are in a small clearing only a few feet away from their vehicle. All of them are staring out at what must be the military base at Garden’s Peak.

  “Not too many people make it out this far without coming in contact with greyskins,” Connor says.

  “Yeah, like Aaron,” Heather answers. “I knew I should have been the one to go here in the first place.”

  “You would have done no better,” Connor comes back. “You’re fast, but that doesn’t matter when there’s that many.” He nods his head in the direction of the base. The entire place looks like a giant community of greyskins. All of them walk in civilian clothes. There are plenty of old, rotted corpses dressed in military camouflage with weapons lying at their sides. These were soldiers who had been infected at the beginning. Sixty or so years would have rotted them to the point of complete immobilization and ultimately a final rest. These other moving greyskins are from all around. It’s almost like this is a greyskin meeting point; a death trap for the living.

  There are partially destroyed buildings all around, remnants of conflict from many years ago. Fences and gates have long been torn to pieces and do little to keep anything in or out.

  “Why are there so many?” Danny asks.

  Connor takes a deep breath and motions the others to step back with him a little. “Garden’s Peak is a survivalist’s gold mine,” he says as they settle low in the dirt. “Weapons, defense technology, food rations…anything you could want. Aaron and I discovered it a long time ago, but we aren’t the only ones.”

  “So that’s just a bunch of people who tried to get in there and take over all the supplies?” Heather asks, pointing at the greyskins. Her voice tone doesn’t hide any skepticism.

  “Not necessarily,” he answers. “That’s part of it, I suppose, but the noise that all the skirmishes cause surely draws a lot of them here.”

  “So, we’re just going to run in there just like everyone else that tries and dies?” Heather asks.

  “Looks that way,” Conner says with a smile. “I doubt too many Starborns have tried it though. That gives us an advantage.”

  “Us, not you,” Danny says. “All you’ve got is your aim. We can take care of us. You sure you want to go in there?”

  “Of course I don’t want to go in there, but we have to,” Connor says, looking away.

  “I’m beginning to wonder if all this is worth it,” Danny says. “Springhill isn’t even our village. They’re not even our people Do they really need surveillance equipment?”

  Connor shakes his head. “This technology will be useful. We’re just here to help.”

  Heather looks at Danny and grins. “Got a sense of duty, do you? Something beyond the fight against Jeremiah?”

  Connor says nothing.

  “It’s Mora, isn’t it? You went off to get this stupid satellite thing to impress Mora.” She elbows Danny in the ribs. “I told you.”

  “It just needs to be done,” Connor says. “And I know a little about Garden’s Peak is all. Aaron needs to talk with Heinrich. That’s all it is.”

  “So, it doesn’t bother you that Mora went with Aaron instead of us?”

  “Mora can do what she wants,” Connor says, still staring out into the darkness.

  “You look at her differently,” Danny says. “It’s obvious.”

  Connor’s eyes narrow. “Like the two of you have any room to talk. You are all over each other. Why don’t you just tell everyone you love each other and get it over with?”

  Heather’s eyes brighten. “Oh! So you love her!” she says ignoring the question.

  “I care about her,” he says quietly. “She is with Aaron anyway. I saw them kiss in the woods. Even if I did love her it wouldn’t make any difference.”

  Heather’s smile fades and Danny looks at her with sharp eyebrows as though to tell her that she had gone too far.

  “Have you told her?” Danny asks.

  “How did we get stuck on this?” Connor snaps. “We need to figure out what we’ve got to do to get in the base and get out with what we need.”

  The air is silent for a few moments. Occasionally, the grunts and moans of a few greyskins can be heard from the base in the distance, but Connor and the other two don’t seem to feel fear. Danny speaks up again.

  “So, have you told her?”

  Connor lets out an exasperated sigh. “There’s nothing to tell. Do I have feelings for her? Yes. Does it matter? No. We all have a mission to accomplish now, so that’s what we need to focus on.”

  “And that’s what confuses me,” Heather says. “You have this new sense of duty to take down Jeremiah, but before, you weren’t against him. Not until Mora showed up.”

  “Yeah, well when Mora showed up, everything went to hell,” Connor says. “I like her, but she sure stirred up a mess.”

  Connor’s words warm me on the inside, though I don’t want them to. A big part of me wishes he didn’t feel anything for me. It would make things a lot easier. But an even bigger part of me feels exactly what he feels. In a way, I feel like I need Connor in my life.

  “It was coming soon with or without her,” Heather says quietly.

  “Her coming showed Jeremiah’s true colors,” Connor continues. “Sure, everything in me thinks it’s foolish to fight the only one that can help us, because it’s not like he asks all that much of us colonists.”

  “No, he just tracks our every move with those stupid wristbands,” Danny says. “He takes most of our food.”

  Connor snickers. “It’s not like you’ve gone hungry, Danny, that’s for sure.”

  “Maybe not,” he says in a much harsher tone than before. “But I still have to answer to his guards. I always have to stay within their curfew, their rules and laws without any say of my own.”

  “Not to mention there have been rumors of a lot of other colonies going south,” Heather chimes in.

  “What do you mean?” Connor asks.

  “Screven guards raping…thieving. Just stories.”

  “Sorry if I have a hard time believing you, because you’ve been isolated in Salem for a long time,” Connor answers.

  “You forget, honey, I’m a Starborn. A really fast one too. Doesn’t take me too long to get to another colony if I want. Believe me, the only reason I ride in cars with you people is so I’m not the awkward one showing up to the party first.”

  Connor looks as if he doesn’t really believe her, but he doesn’t respond to this. “All I’m saying is that I now realize what he can do. What he did at Salem is inexcusable. Killing his own guards, setting loose the greyskins. There’s no call for that.”

  “That’s unless Aaron and Evelyn were actually the ones that set it up,” Danny says through a devious grin. Heather elbows him in the ribs hard enough to make him cough this time.

  Connor sits up straighter. “What are you talking about?”

  “Nothing,” Heather says, shaking her head, then eyeing Danny sternly. She lets out a sigh. “Danny and I have come up with a theory that al
l of this is a conspiracy made by Aaron and Evelyn so they can grab power and take it from Jeremiah.”

  “We all heard Jeremiah on the loudspeakers in Salem,” Connor says. “He called for their heads.”

  “Our heads actually,” Danny said.

  “Yeah,” Heather says. “Think about it. What if Aaron or Evelyn killed the guards that night? What if one of them called the greyskins to Salem? What if we are just their little pawns in their twisted little game?” She lifts an eyebrow at Connor. “It’s not like you would know any different. You and Aaron have barely talked for years. You didn’t even know he had special powers before the other day, did you?”

  “No,” Connor says thoughtfully. “You two really think what you’re saying is true?”

  “Of course not!” Danny says. “If we really thought it was true, Aaron and Evelyn would be dead right now.” He lets out a low laugh.

  “Something to think about when we’re bored, I guess,” Heather says.

  Connor says nothing.

  “Oh come on, it isn’t true,” Heather continues. “We’re just planting ideas in your brain. Anyway, it’s not like your dear Mora would be a part of it anyway, so you might as well keep trying to impress her by getting that satellite dish.”

  Still, Connor is silent.

  Heather and Danny forget about the conversation and move on to something else, but Connor’s mind is in another place. I think about my own feelings and also start to wonder if it’s true. But I know I can’t forget that I overheard Krindle and Jeremiah talking about starting the code red, which had to be the greyskin attack. What else could it have been? I know Heather and Danny have to be lying, or at least saying these things to mess with Connor’s head. He’s not one of them. He’s not a Starborn, but he’s still ready and willing to do the right thing. The two of them don’t know how delicate his views on Jeremiah are like I do.