The Lies We Believe
Page 30
_____ 29. A good Christian doesn’t feel anxious, angry, or depressed.
_____ 30. God can’t use me unless I’m spiritually strong.
Look back through your responses, and circle any marked 5, 6, or 7. Add up the number of circled answers. Write down your responses to each statement from the first time you took the questionnaire to the left of your responses this time. Compare the two. Overall, did you have as many 5s, 6s, and 7s this time? Were there any lies you no longer believe as strongly? What were the most significant changes from this time to last as far as your answers to each specific lie?
Now, look back through your responses this time, and identify the three lies you still believe the most strongly. In the spaces provided, write each lie, write a short statement on why it is a lie, and then write a Bible verse that opposes this lie.
Lie #1:______________________________________________________
This is a lie because ______________________________________________________
The Bible verse that opposes this lie is ______________________________________________________
Lie #2:______________________________________________________________
This is a lie because ______________________________________________________
The Bible verse that opposes this lie is ______________________________________________________
Lie #3:______________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________
This is a lie because ______________________________________________________
The Bible verse that opposes this lie is ______________________________________________________
If you have a computer, I want you to type these three lies in large, boldfaced print and put “My Top Three Lies” at the top of the page (do this by hand if you don’t have a computer). Then, print numerous copies, and post them in various places (on the bathroom mirror, on the refrigerator, on your car dashboard, on your office wall). Make sure you post these lies wherever you can so that you are reminded of them frequently. These three lies are destroying you, and you have to stay aware of them.
Finally, I want you to get a close friend involved in this effort. Let someone you trust know about these three destructive lies, and ask him to check with you once a week on how your effort to fight them is going.
Week Two:
Knowing Your A-B-Cs
Track the lies you tell yourself for the next seven days using the A-B-C model. Use the space provided to keep a record of the A-B-Cs you experience. Make as many entries as you can that involve any of the lies we covered in this book.
Dedicate yourself to this task for seven days. Write down the trigger events that happen (“A”), the lie or lies you tell yourself (“B”), and the unhealthy reactions that result (“C”). If you can’t write the A-B-Cs at the moment they happen, try to write them down as soon as possible, so you don’t forget them.
As you make each journal entry, assess how big the trigger event (“A”) was and how big your reaction (“C”) was, using the 5¢ (really small and unimportant) to $500 (really big and extremely important) scale you learned earlier in the book.
In writing down your A-B-Cs, your entries need to look something like this:
“A” (Event) “B” (Self-Talk) “C” (Response)
Waited for fifteen minutes in a long line, only to be told they were out of what I wanted. ($2.00) Why don 't things ever go my way? I can 't believe this! Life should be a lot easier than this! I shouldn't have to put up with this nonsense. Muscles tensed; felt angry and resentful; let the guy at the counter “have it” and stormed out. ($100.00)
Let me challenge you once again to be diligent about doing this assignment. To truly change, you are going to have to stay on top of what you are telling yourself from day to day and how it is impacting your reactions. Don’t let a single day go by without writing down at least a couple of A-B-C’s from your life.
“A” (Event) “B” (Self-Talk) “C” (Response)
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After keeping up with your A-B-Cs for seven days, complete the following statements:
1. The three events that I became the most upset over were:
Event #1:________________________________________________________
Event #2:________________________________________________________
Event #3:________________________________________________________
2. The three lies that I told myself the most often at “B” were:
Lie #1:__________________________________________________________
Lie #2:__________________________________________________________
Lie #3:__________________________________________________________
3. The three emotions that I felt most often at “C” were:
Emotion #1:______________________________________________________
Emotion #2:______________________________________________________
Emotion #3:______________________________________________________
4. The single worst behavioral reaction I had at “C” all week was:
________________________________________________________________
5. The A-B-C that involved the biggest overreaction from “A” to “C” was:
Event (“A”):_____________________________________________________
Self-Talk (“B”):___________________________________________________
Response (“C”):__________________________________________________
6. What did you learn from doing this assignment?
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Week Three:
Challenging Your Lies with the Truth
For the next seven days, I want you to take the next step and challenge your lies with the truth using the A-B-C-D-E model. To complete this assignment, take one specific situation from each day that was upsetting or bothersome to you, and analyze it using the A-B-C-D-E model.
To help you with this assignment, I have provided an example of a situation analyzed along these lines:
“A” (Event): A close friend starts spending a lot of time with a new friend he has made. The close friend hardly calls anymore as his new friend becomes a “best” friend.
“B” (Faulty Self-Talk/Lies): You can’t trust anybody to be a true friend. He never really cared about me in the first place. I will never find another person to be a close friend. I’ll never get over this. Life really stinks.
“C” (Response): Physically tense; shallow breathing; felt hurt, depressed, and angry; started avoiding my friend; began eating too much; didn’t return his phone calls.
“D” (New Self-Talk/Truth): My friend being less available hurts, but the fact that he is spending more time with someone else doesn’t mean I’m not a worthwhile person or a good friend. I know that friendships can change, even end, but that doesn’t mean that my life has to be miserable. I don’t have to spend the rest of my days bemoaning what happened. Maybe the friendship can still go on in some enjoyable manner. I’ll do what I can to find out. If he doesn’t want to be my friend any longer, it will have been worth the effort to find out rather than just let the friendship die without any effort on my part. If I’ve lost a friend, it will hurt. Yet there are other friendships to be found and enjoyed.
“E” (New Response): Less physical tension; breathing a little easier; some decrease in feelings of hurt and depression; less anger; still somewhat isolated from him; still overeating.
As you use the A-B-C-D-E model for the next seven days, you may notice that the truth (“D”) helps some but doesn’t eliminate all the unhealthy feelings and responses (“C”) you had toward the trigger event (“A”) initially. The truth about the truth is that it needs a lot of “watering” before it produces its “crop.” Don’t give up on telling yourself the truth just because the emotional and behavioral dividends aren’t immediate.
Day #1
“A” (Event):_____________________________________________________________
“B” (Faulty Self-Talk/Lies):_______________________________________________________________
“C” (Response):__________________________________________________________
“D” (New Self-Talk/Truth):_______________________________________________________________
“E” (New Response):____________________________________________________________________
Day #2
“A” (Event):_____________________________________________________________
“B” (Faulty Self-Talk/Lies):_______________________________________________________________
“C” (Response):__________________________________________________________
“D” (New Self-Talk/Truth):_______________________________________________________________
“E” (New Response):____________________________________________________________________
Day #3
“A” (Event):_____________________________________________________________
“B” (Faulty Self-Talk/Lies):_______________________________________________________________
“C” (Response):__________________________________________________________
“D” (New Self-Talk/Truth):_______________________________________________________________
“E” (New Response):____________________________________________________________________
Day #4
“A” (Event):_____________________________________________________________
“B” (Faulty Self-Talk/Lies):_______________________________________________________________
“C” (Response):__________________________________________________________
“D” (New Self-Talk/Truth):_______________________________________________________________
“E” (New Response):____________________________________________________________________
Day #5
“A” (Event):_____________________________________________________________
“B” (Faulty Self-Talk/Lies):__________________________________________________________
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“C” (Response):__________________________________________________________
“D” (New Self-Talk/Truth):_______________________________________________________________
“E” (New Response):____________________________________________________________________
Day #6
“A” (Event):_____________________________________________________________
“B” (Faulty Self-Talk/Lies):_______________________________________________________________
“C” (Response):__________________________________________________________
“D” (New Self-Talk/Truth):_______________________________________________________________
“E” (New Response):____________________________________________________________________
Day #7
“A” (Event):_____________________________________________________________
“B” (Faulty Self-Talk/Lies):_______________________________________________________________
“C” (Response):__________________________________________________________
“D” (New Self-Talk/Truth):_______________________________________________________________
“E” (New Response):____________________________________________________________________
Once again, go back through all your entries and use the 5¢ to $500 rating scale to assess the original event (“A”), your initial response (“C”), and your final response (“E”). Are there any instances where your reactions improved from “C” to “E”? Put a star by those entries—truth helped you there!
Finally, look back through your seven entries and see if you notice any themes. Were there certain trigger events (“A”) that showed up more often than not? Were certain lies (“B”) more of a problem than others? Did certain emotions occur more frequently than others? What truths (“D”) did you find yourself relying on the most? Did telling yourself the truth actually help you have a healthier response (“E”) to the original situation?
Week Four:
Dealing with Past Events
I want you to do another A-B-C-D-E workout, but this time I want you to do it related to events from early childhood through adolescence. Looking back through those years, what five events (“A”) were the most painful and upsetting? What lie or lies (“B”) did you tell yourself at the time? What emotions did you feel at the time, and how did you cope (“C”)? What truthful self-talk (“D”) do you know now that counters the lie or lies you told yourself when the event first occurred? What change, if any, has occurred in how you feel and cope as a result of telling yourself the truth (“E”)?