The Lies We Believe
Page 35
W. E. B. DuBois: “If we wish to change the sentiments it is necessary before all to modify the idea which produced them, and to recognize either that it is not correct itself, or that it does not touch our interests.”
Alfred Adler: “It is very obvious that we are influenced not by ‘facts’ but by our interpretation of facts.”
John Milton: “The mind as its own place, and in itself / Can make a heaven of Hell, a hell of Heaven.”
I. E. Farber: “The one thing psychologists can count on is that their subjects will talk if only to themselves; and not infrequently, whether relevant or irrelevant, the things people say to themselves determine the rest of the things they do.”
Biblical Teachings
Philippians 2:5 (NIV): “Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus.”
Romans 12:2 (NIV): “Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.”
Philippians 4:8 (NIV): “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”
Romans 1:28 (NIV): “Furthermore, since they did not think it worthwhile to retain the knowledge of God, he gave them over to a depraved mind, to do what ought not to be done.”
Romans 8:6–7 (NIV): “The mind of sinful man is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace; the sinful mind is hostile to God. It does not submit to God’s law, nor can it do so.”
Ephesians 4:22–24 (NIV): “You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off the old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.”
Colossians 3:2 (NIV): “Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things.”
2 Corinthians 10:5 (NIV): “We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.”
Isaiah 26:3 (NIV): “You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you.”
Proverbs 14:15 (NIV): “A simple man believes anything, but a prudent man gives thought to his steps.”
Appendix B
SECULAR AND BIBLICAL TRUTHS FOR DEFEATING THE LIES WE BELIEVE
In this appendix, I list all the lies discussed in Chapters 2 through 6 and the truths, both secular and biblical, that can be used to challenge and replace them. The truths listed are good memory and meditation verses in your war against the lies you tell yourself.
Self-Lies
Lie #1: “I Must Be Perfect.”
Secular Truth: To err is human.
Theological Truth: “This righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference, for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” (Rom 3:22–23 NIV); “If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us” (1 John 1:8 NIV).
Lie #2: “I Must Have Everyone’s Love and Approval.”
Secular Truth: You can’t please all of the people all of the time.
Theological Truth: “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward” (Col. 3:23–24 NIV); “Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ” (Gal. 1:10 NIV).
Lie #3: “It Is Easier to Avoid Problems Than to Face Them.”
Secular Truth: Problems usually get worse when avoided.
Theological Truth: “Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus” (Phil. 3:13–14 NIV).
Lie #4: “I Can’t Be Happy Unless Things Go My Way.”
Secular Truth: It isn’t what happens to you that makes you unhappy; it’s how you view it. So even when things don’t go your way, you can still be “happy” with the proper attitude.
Theological Truth: “And now, compelled by the Spirit, I am going to Jerusalem, not knowing what will happen to me there. I only know that in every city the Holy Spirit warns me that prison and hardships are facing me. However, I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me—the task of testifying to the gospel of God’s grace” (Acts 20:22–24 NIV); “I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength” (Phil. 4:11–13 NIV); “Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance” (James 1:2–3 NIV).
Lie #5: “My Unhappiness Is Somebody Else’s Fault.”
Secular Truth: Our feelings, whether pleasant or unpleasant, are caused by how we think. Since no one forces us to think the way we choose to think, we are responsible for the feelings that our thoughts create. Our unhappiness (or happiness) is our “fault.”
Theological Truth: “As [a man] thinks in his heart, so is he” (Prov. 23:7 NKJV).
Worldly Lies
Lie #1: “You Can Have It All.”
Secular Truth: No one really has it all. Everyone has gaps in his life.
Theological Truth: “Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For everything in the world—the cravings of sinful man, the lust of his eyes and the boasting of what he has and does—comes not from the Father but from the world. The world and its desires pass away, but the man who does the will of God lives forever” (1 John 2:15–17 NIV); “We brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that. People who want to get rich fall into temptation and a trap and into many foolish and harmful desires that plunge men into ruin and destruction. For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs” (1 Tim. 6:7–10 NIV).
Lie #2: “My Worth Is Determined by My Performance.”
Secular Truth: Your worth is tied to who you are, not what you do.
Theological Truth: “For you created my inmost being; You knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful, I know that full well.”(Psalm 139:13–14 NIV).
Lie #3: “Life Should Be Easy.”
Secular Truth: Life is difficult. A great deal of hardship and frustration is built into it.
Theological Truth: “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world” (John 16:33 NIV).
Lie #4: “Life Should Be Fair.”
Secular Truth: Life is sometimes fair and sometimes unfair.
Theological Truth: “There is something else meaningless that occurs on earth: righteous men who get what the wicked deserve, and wicked men who get what the righteous deserve. This too, I say, is meaningless” (Eccl. 8:14 NIV).
Lie #5: “You Shouldn’t Have to Wait for What You Want.”
Secular Truth: Patience is a virtue. It is often healthier to delay gratification rather than seek immediate gratification.
Theological Truth: “Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. The one who sows to please his sinful nature,
from that nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life” (Gal. 6:7–8 NIV); “A patient man has great understanding, but a quick-tempered man displays folly” (Prov. 14:29 NIV).
Lie #6: “People Are Basically Good.”
Secular Truth: People have both good and evil inside them, and they seem as bent on self-destruction as they do on growth.
Theological Truth: “The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?” (Jer. 17:9 NIV); “For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander” (Matt. 15:19 NIV); “As it is written: ‘There is no one righteous, not even one; there is none who understands, no one who seeks God. All have turned away, they have together become worthless; there is no one who does good, not even one’” (Rom. 3:10–12 NIV); “The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like” (Gal. 5:19–21 NIV).
Marital Lies
Lie #1: “All Our Marital Problems Are Your Fault.”
Secular Truth: It takes two to tango. Marriage problems are rarely one person’s fault.
Theological Truth: “You, therefore, have no excuse, you who pass judgment on someone else, for at whatever point you judge the other, you are condemning yourself, because you who pass judgment do the same things” (Rom. 2:1 NIV).
Lie #2: “If Our Marriage Takes Hard Work, We Must Not Be Right for Each Other.”
Secular Truth: Hard work in marriage is the norm, not the exception. It means you and your partner need each other’s help to work out personality flaws and weaknesses.
Theological Truth: “Those who marry will face many troubles in this life” (1 Cor. 7:28 NIV).
Lie #3: “You Can and Should Meet All of My Emotional Needs.”
Secular Truth: No one person can meet all your needs. Your needs can best be met through a variety of sources.
Theological Truth: “My God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus” (Phil. 4:19 NIV).
Lie #4: “You Owe Me (for All I Do for You).”
Secular Truth: Your spouse doesn’t really “owe” you anything for what you do. You do what you do because, at some level, you choose to do it. You aren’t owed anything for what you choose to do.
Theological Truth: “Clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because, ‘God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble’” (1 Peter 5:5 NIV).
Lie #5: “I Shouldn’t Have to Change to Make Our Marriage Better.”
Secular Truth: Marriage requires change. People who refuse to change stagnate themselves and their marriages. The important issue is deciding what we need to change about ourselves and what we don’t.
Theological Truth: “Make every effort to live in peace with all men and to be holy” (Heb. 12:14 NIV).
Lie #6: “You Should Be Like Me.”
Secular Truth: Every person is unique and can’t be a carbon copy of anyone else. Life would be boring if it weren’t that way.
Theological Truth: “But in fact God has arranged the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be. If they were all one part, where would the body be?” (1 Cor. 12:18–19 NIV).
Distortion Lies
Lie #1: “Magnification”
Secular Truth: Molehills are not mountains. Five-dollar events are five-dollar events, not fifty-dollar events.
Lie #2: “Personalization”
Secular Truth: We are not the target or cause of everything that happens to us. Many life events that happen directly to us are not meant personally and are more a statement about the person who did them than about us.
Lie #3: “Polarization”
Secular Truth: Although some issues in life are black/white, many issues are a shade of gray. Black/white issues need to be seen as black or white, but issues that are gray need to be seen that way.
Lie #4: “Selective Abstraction”
Secular Truth: While we often have to focus on a specific “tree” in life, we need to keep the whole “forest” in mind. No matter what parts there are to focus on, we need to see the whole.
Lie #5: “Overgeneralization”
Secular Truth: What happens to us in the here and now is not necessarily what has to happen again to us in the future. How things are going in our lives right now is not necessarily how they are going to be in the future. History doesn’t have to repeat itself.
Lie #6: “Emotional Reasoning”
Secular Truth: Feelings aren’t facts; feelings are feelings.
Religious Lies
Lie #1: “God’s Love Must Be Earned.”
Theological Truth: “God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Rom. 5:8 NIV); “For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast” (Eph. 2:8–9 NKJV).
Lie #2: “God Hates the Sin and the Sinner.”
Theological Truth: The story of the woman caught in adultery (John 8:1–11); “God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Rom. 5:8 NIV).
Lie #3: “Because I’m a Christian, God Will Protect Me from Pain and Suffering.”
Theological Truth: “Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed” (1 Peter 4:12–13 NIV); “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world” (John 16:33 NIV); “It has been granted to you on behalf of Christ not only to believe on him, but also to suffer for him” (Phil. 1:29 NIV).
Lie #4: “All My Problems Are Caused by My Sins.”
Theological Truth: “As he went along, he saw a man blind from birth. His disciples asked him, ‘Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?’ ‘Neither this man nor his parents sinned,’ said Jesus, ‘but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life’” (John 9:1–3 NIV).
Lie #5: “It Is My Christian Duty to Meet All the Needs of Others.”
Theological Truth: “Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it. And in the church God has appointed first of all apostles, second prophets, third teachers, then workers of miracles, also those having gifts of healing, those able to help others, those with gifts of administration, and those speaking in different kinds of tongues. Are all apostles? Are all prophets? Are all teachers? Do all work miracles? Do all have gifts of healing? Do all speak in tongues? Do all interpret? But eagerly desire the greater gifts” (1 Cor. 12:27–31 NIV); “We have different gifts, according to the grace given us. If a man’s gift is prophesying, let him use it in proportion to his faith. If it is serving, let him serve; if it is teaching, let him teach; if it is encouraging, let him encourage; if it is contributing to the needs of others, let him give generously; if it is leadership, let him govern diligently; if it is showing mercy, let him do it cheerfully” (Rom. 12:6–7 NIV).
Lie #6: “A Good Christian Doesn’t Feel Angry, Anxious, or Depressed.”
Theological Truth: “When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in Spirit and troubled. ‘Where have you laid him?’ he asked. ‘Come and see, Lord,’ they replied. Jesus wept” (John 11:33–35 NIV); “They went to a place called Gethsemane, and Jesus said to his disciples, ‘Sit here while I pray.’ He took Peter, James and John along with him, and he began to be deeply distressed and troubled. ‘My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death,’ he said to them. ‘Stay here and keep watch’” (Mark 14:32–34 NIV); “On reaching Jerusalem, J
esus entered the temple area and began driving out those who were buying and selling there. He overturned the tables of the money changers and the benches of those selling doves, and would not allow anyone to carry merchandise through the temple courts” (Mark 11:15–16 NIV); “In your anger do not sin” (Eph. 4:26 NIV).
Lie #7: “God Can’t Use Me Unless I’m Spiritually Strong.”
Theological Truth: “To be sure, he was crucified in weakness, yet he lives by God’s power. Likewise, we are weak in him, yet by God’s power we will live with him to serve you” (2 Cor. 13:4 NIV); “He said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong” (2 Cor. 12:9–10 NIV); “God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong” (1 Cor. 1:27 NIV); “To the weak I became weak, to win the weak” (1 Cor. 9:22 NIV).
Appendix C
BIBLICAL SUPPORT FOR THE TEN TRUTHS NECESSARY FOR EMOTIONAL AND SPIRITUAL HEALTH
In this appendix, I provide biblical support for the truths covered in Chapters 8 through 17.
Truth #1: To Err Is Human
To morally err is very much a part of being human. The Bible teaches that we have a sin nature. It is our natural “bent” to sin (miss the moral mark). Contrast this with humanistic psychology’s assumption that man is basically good, and you can see that the two views of man’s nature are worlds apart.
For biblical support for the reality of the sin nature of all people, see the following passages:
Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity, And in sin my mother conceived me. (Ps. 51:5 NKJV)
As it is written:
“There is none righteous, no, not one;
There is none who understands;
There is none who seeks after God.” (Rom. 3:10–11 NKJV)
There is no difference; for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.