Everlasting

by C. S. Johnson

  She shook her head slowly. “No,” she said. “At least, nothing for sure.”

  “What do you remember?” I asked quietly, hopefully. “Can you tell me?”

  Raiya’s eyes filled with tears. “Pain,” she said. “And so much more than pain.”

  She slumped over, sitting with her bags tucked on her lap, her head resting in her hands. I came and sat beside her, wrapping my arm around her.

  “Everything will be alright,” I said, choking on the words all over again. I didn’t actually know that, and it was beginning to get on my nerves that I thought it at all still. Especially given the circumstances.

  Oh, yeah, sure, I had Raiya back. But not all of her; I had a shell of her former self, one who was weak and distrusting and in need of a security blanket comprised of plastic bags she’d stolen from the morgue.

  She glanced over at me. “Are you sure you know that?” she asked.

  I flustered instantly, almost guiltily. Memory or no memory, Raiya was still good at calling me out.

  So I did what I did best. I changed the subject.

  “Time to go,” I said. “We’ve rested long enough. The guards will still be looking for us.”

  “I know.” I was surprised as one of her hands came up and caressed my cheek.

  The shock of feeling her skin on mine again ached through me. That, coupled with her gentle smile and sad eyes, made my heart lurch inside of me uncomfortably.

  “Thank you for saving me,” she said.

  “I didn’t save you,” I replied somberly. “I’m just getting you out of here.” I took her hand and tried to pull her up. “Come on. Let’s see about finishing the job.”

  “Don’t!” Raiya jerked back from me.

  “Don’t what?”

  “Don’t grab me like that. I have to hold onto these.” She gestured toward the bags. “They’re mine.”

  I frowned, trying not to snort disdainfully. “What’s inside that’s so precious?”

  Her face crumbled as she looked down at them. “They’re mine,” she repeated, this time with a hard edge to her words. “I have to protect them.”

  “Okay,” I murmured, still somewhat confused. “I won’t touch them, but we need to go.”

  There was a loud rumbling noise, and it made me nervous. As kindly as possible, I hurried Raiya along.

  It was only when I heard screams and looked back to see the long hallways caving in, that I began to panic.

  “Hurry!” I urged her onward. She seemed to catch the fervency behind my message, since she spurred onward.

  “Hamilton,” she gasped as she fell forward.

  I caught her and saw no choice. I picked her up, and, angry at how light she felt, carried her close to me. Raiya didn’t fight me; she tucked her bags between us, and then curled her arm around my neck.

  Water poured down on us as we finally came to an elevator. I prayed it would take us to the surface.

  I smashed the buttons on the wall, and it opened seconds later. Alarms were still going off around us, but I held onto Raiya tightly.

  Water flooded into the elevator along with us, and I hit one of the buttons, hoping desperately it was the right one. When the lights for the ground level came on, I allowed myself a sigh of relief.

  As the water level inside the elevator went down, I sensed the sky coming toward us, coming close enough we could see it. I looked down at Raiya. My hands instinctively tightened around her.

  Disbelief hit me hard all over again. I couldn’t believe it. She was alive. And she was with me, here, in this place.

  Well, this would be the only place where we would be able to be together, wouldn’t it? I thought bitterly.

  “You can put me down,” she said, jolting me out of my thoughts.

  “Huh? Oh, right. Sorry.” I carefully released her, and then moved to tighten my wet jacket around her body. “When we get back to the house, I’m going to get you into a warm bath. The last thing I need is for you to get sick.”

  She shivered as I held her. But it would take more than that to stop her when she wanted something. “Who are you?” she asked.

  I tried to shrug off the discomfort. How am I going to explain this to her?

  “I’m here to get you out of here,” I said carefully. “Like I said, we’re friends. From ... a long time ago.”

  “Does Rosemary know about you?”

  “Who?” I frowned.

  “Rosemary. Grandma Rosemary. She’s also known as the Matriarch.”

  Grandma? I decided to ignore that part for now, especially since I recognized the other part.

  “The Matriarch is the leader of SWORD, right?”

  Raiya nodded. “She was the one who brought me here,” she said. Her lower lip quivered. “She was going to hurt people if I didn’t cooperate. But she went too far. As soon as I had enough power to overcome my medicine, I woke up. I was on my way out when you arrived.”

  That explained the inside damage. I was confused by this, but then I recalled what Elysian had told me once: Starry Knight’s power was partially dependent on me. Since I was here, maybe that gave her what she needed to get free.

  I could only speculate.

  And I would have to do it later.

  The elevator opened and I put my arm around her waist once more. “We’re not out of the clear yet,” I said.

  We stepped out of the elevator and found ourselves in the woods near the marina. I glanced behind me as the doors shut behind us, only to see just a tree trunk. A normal-looking, nothing-out-of-place tree trunk. Lake Erie was practically within spitting distance.

  So this is where they had another black site all along. I couldn’t believe how many hours of my life I had walked by this place, walked in these woods, and a secret entrance to a sadistic, power-hungry, control-obsessed organization was within spitting distance.

  I was so upset, Raiya stumbled on the ground and fell over before I could catch her.

  “No,” she moaned as her bags went flying. She scurried around, collecting them again.

  “Stop for a moment,” I told her. There weren’t any other SWORD agents around that I could see; we probably had a few moments, anyway. “Let me help you. You’re bleeding.”

  “It’s from the IV,” Raiya explained apologetically. She showed me her arms, and I could see she was telling the truth. “There’s another one on my leg,” she added, pulling up her gown to where I could see a long gash just above her calf. “It didn’t come out as easily as the others.”

  I started to rip at my shirt, tearing the wet fabric into strips. “Here,” I said, “let me get them. And then we’ll go to the house.”

  “Thank you,” Raiya said. She smiled shyly at me as I wound the makeshift bandage around her knee. For a long moment, I let my hand rest on her skin; I was still in a mild state of disbelief, and touching her, even if it was just to bind up her cuts and clean off her blood, was a remedy to my soul.

  There was a shifting noise behind me.

  I wasn’t surprised to see Dante step out of the darkness.

  “I see you found her,” he said.

  I leapt up at once, stepping between Raiya and Dante. “Are you insane?” I hissed.

  “No,” he said. “Look, I got you in, and I see you got out. And you managed to do quite a bit of damage in the meantime. There’s going to be a good cover story in the news tomorrow.”

  “You leave me and her out of this.” I took a step closer to him. “We almost died.”

  “Plenty of people did die,” Dante said, with enough pleasure in his gaze that I wondered if he’d planned that all along. “And more will continue to die, especially after your power burst managed to trigger a cave-in down one of the main hallways. You should be happy.”

  “I’ll be happy when you’re dead,” I told him darkly.

  Dante turned away from me and gave a cordial salute to Raiya. “Hello,” he said in greeting to her. “What a pleasant surprise. It’s nice to see you again.”

  Raiya
frowned. “I don’t remember you,” she said, “but I have the distinct feeling I don’t like you.”

  He smiled kindly at her. “I hope I will get the chance to prove you wrong.”

  “No,” I scoffed, “you won’t. Leave us.”

  “I’ll give you some time,” Dante said, much as he had when we were teenagers, stuck in SWORD’s prison, under his watch. “I’ll be back in a few days, when I’m better informed of what progress and recovery SWORD is making from tonight’s mess.” He smiled smugly. “Thanks for the help in the meantime.”

  Raiya shuddered as he disappeared from our sight. “He’s creepy.”

  “You never liked him,” I said.

  “Did you?”

  “No. But I thought he was useful, in some ways, so I overlooked some of the problems we had with him.”

  “We?”

  My heart fell all over again. “Never mind. Let’s not worry about it. Let’s get you somewhere safe.”

  “I’m tired of safe,” she admitted. “I want to go somewhere where I can be free.”

  I nodded. “I have a place nearby,” I said. “It might be a bit of a full house though.”

  “You have a house?” Raiya looked up at me with sadness in her eyes. “Do you have land, too?”

  “Ugh, well ... ” I didn’t actually want to say “My mom does.” So I went with my usual methods. “Why do you need land?”

  She held out the bags in her hands. “I need to bury these,” she told me quietly. “If I can.”

  “What are they?” I asked. “What’s in the bags?”

  Nothing could have prepared me for her response. As her tears finally pushed free from her eyes, she answered, “My children.”

  ☼9☼

  Hurt

  I don’t remember much about the walk back to my parents’ house. It was late, very late—or maybe early, early morning­—when we arrived.

  I felt like a robot. My movements were strangely mechanical, as though I had to order my brain to give the code to do the task at hand. Everything took twice as long to do, and everything seemed twice as hard to accomplish.

  I barely registered walking through the door to my parents’ house, and barely paid any attention to the quiet that greeted us. I was only briefly jolted out of my brain fog when I turned on the water in the guest bathroom, and it was more at the noise than at the hot water running down my hands.

  Children.

  The word rang in my head several times.

  I didn’t notice much as I dumped Raiya into the tub, clothes and all, taking care to show her the shampoo, conditioner, etc. I tossed her a towel and then went out to sit in the living room, my thoughts consuming me as I sat there.

  I’m pretty sure hours passed before I was interrupted from my inner disturbance.

  “Hamilton?”

  I turned at the sound of my mother’s voice.

  “Are you alright?”

  I shook my head.

  I’d known there was evil in the world. I knew it even long before I’d rationalized it away throughout my teen years. But coming face to face with it, and to hold the innocent victims of it in my own hands, was harder than arguing over any legal damages.

  On top of that, there was Raiya. There had been days when I wanted nothing more than to have her back. And she was here now. But she wasn’t. Not really.

  She didn’t know me anymore. And truth be told, I barely knew me anymore. The idea of getting to know her all over again, after forcing myself to forget about her, was almost as painful as losing her.

  “Is there something I can do for you?” Cheryl asked. She handed me her cup of coffee, pushing it into my hand.

  “I don’t know,” I told her honestly.

  “What happened?”

  I forced myself to say the words, knowing she would likely disapprove and I would be less adamant in disagreeing with her. “Raiya’s here.”

  Cheryl said nothing. There was a strange expression on her face as she squeezed my shoulder affectionately. “Tell me what you need. I’ll help you.”

  There was enough coherency about me that registered my surprise when she didn’t ask, “Raiya who?” or sigh indignantly.

  I’d been up long enough, and done so much, that I was ready to go to bed. I was ready to go to bed and not wake up.

  I knew I still had things to do. I needed rest, and it would come in time. I had to take care of Raiya first.

  “I need someone to take care of Lyra and Lucas today,” I said. “Can you stay home?”

  “I took a half day. Your father can watch them, perhaps, until I get home,” Cheryl said. “He was going to take Adam to school this morning, so I’m sure he won’t have any trouble taking care of the other two kids. I’ll help him when I get home.”

  “Thanks.” It was enough. For now.

  “You know,” Cheryl said quietly, “he called off work today. He was hoping to have a talk with you.”

  I shook my head. I didn’t really want to talk with my dad. “I need time,” I said.

  “No,” Cheryl told me softly. “You need to rest. When you were younger, you always seemed like you could take on the world a thousand times and still win. But you’re not the same person anymore, and you need to rest.”

  “I’ve never felt this tired,” I said, my confession surprising me as much as I no doubt surprised her.

  “Perhaps that is my fault. When you were younger, it was so easy to think that one person could change the world. And while I do think that is still possible, I now see that people working together, rather than alone, yield better results.”

  She patted my hand affectionately as I nodded.

  I stood up, her coffee still in my hands. “I’m going to need to borrow some of your old clothes,” I added as I headed back up the stairs.

  “There’s plenty in the guest room,” she said. “I keep all my older things there, just in case they come back into fashion. Tell Raiya she can have her pick.”

  I nodded. “Thanks.”

  Part of me wanted to go to my room and lie down, and fall asleep there. I didn’t want to think about the last day, or day and a half now, and I didn’t want to think about the next day, or the one after that.

  I knew they were going to be hard to get through.

  It was the other part of me that won out in the end. I walked to Raiya’s room. I knocked, but there was no answer. I peeked in, making sure she was out of the bath, and I saw she was already lying down on the bed, curled up.

  For a moment, I stopped and watched her. I’d seen her sleep before, and I could hardly tell that any time had passed at all when I looked at her.

  Her long hair was free, splayed out against the pillow. Her one leg stuck out from the side of the cover. I thought I even recognized the pair of pajamas she was wearing, one of the fluffier pairs Cheryl had barely worn and then tossed out over the years. Raiya would like that one, I thought with a small smile.

  I made my way over to her and brushed a tendril of hair out of her face. She sighed softy, her sleep deep and peaceful looking. Squinting, I could see her dreams were comforting, and I hoped they were providing a soothing slumber for her.

  Well, I guess I don’t have to worry about her falling asleep in a strange place tonight.

  I was just about to leave when she sighed again. “Hamilton?” She rolled over, still half-asleep.

  “Uh, what is it?” I asked. I felt awkward, almost like I’d gotten caught spying on her.

  Instead of reproaching me, she took a hold of my hand. “Stay.”

  I had no resistance.

  I held onto her hand and lay down next to her, my eyes never leaving her face as I drifted slowly off to sleep.

  When I woke up later, she was still asleep next to me. It was hard to tell how much time had passed. There was only a grayish beam of light shining through the slivers of the curtains, and I could hear the rhythmic falling of the rain outside.

  Nothing in the house moved. I wondered if we had slept through the who
le day, or if it was just that everyone was gone for the day.

  I looked up at the ceiling of the room. I felt the warmth of Raiya’s hand, still tucked carefully in mine. I watched as the soft light fell on her.

  A small twinkle of light fell on her chest; I could see the hint of an old scar cutting down through the middle of her heart.

  Dante told me her heart had exploded, I recalled. So what exactly had happened to her?

  Adonaias, I decided. A rush of regret and shame ran through me. He’s given her a new heart, rather than a new wish.

  I could still see him clearly in my mind as he protected us during the last battle with Draco. Was I right? I certainly thought I was, but I didn’t have a way to prove it. Just yet, anyway.

  “Hey.” She looked over at me, her eyes blinking back sleep.

  Despite everything, I smiled. “You’re awake.”

  “What are you thinking about?” she asked.

  I shook my head. “Nothing.”

  “You’re more than just my friend, aren’t you?”

  She said it was such conviction, I felt the warning flares of hope.

  “You know me.”

  “Yes,” I said.

  “That’s why you saved me.”

  “Yes.” I frowned.

  “What is it?”

  “There’s more. I was told that your power is connected to a black hole, and it can break through Time.”

  She pulled herself up into a sitting position, releasing my hand, much to my dismay. “I don’t know or remember anything about that,” she said. “But I’m glad you were able to get me out of there.”

  “Did they ... hurt you?” I could barely ask the question. I didn’t need to know whose suffering was greater between us. I already knew.

  She ducked her head. “Yes,” she admitted quietly.

  I reached over, awkwardly, and wrapped an arm around her shoulder. It’s almost like old times, I thought, pulling her into the nook underneath my arm. “Everything will be alright. I won’t let them hurt you again.”

  She clutched back at me. “Thank you,” she said.

  For a long time, she let me hold her, and that was just what I did.

  The long moment was ruined when her stomach rumbled. She blushed as I laughed. “Excuse me,” she murmured.