Everlasting

by C. S. Johnson

  I had a strong suspicion he was using that as a convenient excuse.

  On my way out of the room, I turned back to him briefly. “Oh, and Raiya and I are going to dig around in Mom’s yard some. No objections. You owe me, especially after this.”

  Mark said nothing. He only nodded.

  I thought I heard him sigh as the door shut behind me.

  Well, what did he expect? All things considered, I should’ve gotten a medal for not ripping his office to shreds or pushing for medical malpractice charges.

  Frustration ate at me. I didn’t know who I was more angry at. I remembered hating Adonaias at the end of everything last time, and it was too easy to shake my fist at him and demand he punish himself for my pain.

  Why did he let my dad do this? Why did he let SWORD do this?

  Why didn’t he tell me about Raiya?

  Why didn’t I know better?

  And if nothing else, why didn’t she at least remember me?

  I stood in the hallway, leaning against the wall as I pondered all of this and more, trying to process my guilt and fear and all that other good stuff.

  A shimmer of light and Lyra’s laughter caught my attention.

  “Yes, do it again,” she exclaimed, and I wondered what she was so happy about. The noise was coming from the den, I noticed.

  “That was so cool,” Adam said.

  “I want to try,” Lucas insisted.

  Were they bothering Raiya? I decided it would be best to encourage Adam, Lyra, and Lucas to leave her alone.

  But one look at the four of them, and I changed my mind. It was for the better, because I didn’t think I would get them to agree with me anyway.

  Raiya held onto Lyra’s hand, her palm covering Lyra’s wrist where the Emblem of the Prince would be.

  A bubble of light and music suddenly appeared over their joined hands. Inside of it, I could see a colorful picture of gardens and water, almost like a painting.

  The music was haunting and thoughtful, and the light shined in all the colors of the spectrum, dancing off the shadows and shades of the room.

  “It’s beautiful,” Lyra said as the image faded and she let go of Raiya’s hand.

  Lucas and Adam had identical looks of intense interest on their faces; they began shoving each other as they moved to get closer to Raiya where she sat on the couch.

  I watched as Lucas put his hand in Raiya’s. “My turn!”

  “You know what you want to make?” Raiya asked.

  “Yes,” he exclaimed.

  “Alright, then give it a try. Do you know what to do?”

  “I can guess,” he huffed, his impatience clear.

  A second later, a new bubble of light formed above their hands. This one, however, didn’t stay a bubble with a pretty picture inside of it. This one metamorphosed into a dragon, like it was budding out from an egg.

  “Awesome,” Adam said.

  “That’s my pet,” Lucas said proudly. He tightened his grip on Raiya’s hand, and the dragon sprouted wings and went flying around the room.

  “You mean like Elysian?” Adam asked.

  Raiya frowned. “Elysian?” she repeated.

  “Yes. Hamilton’s dragon, from when I was a kid.”

  The look on Raiya’s face was painful. Before she could ask any questions—which, to be honest, I was hoping she would, because I wasn’t aware that Adam had retained so many specifics of my time as one of the city’s superheroes—Lucas interrupted.

  “No, my dragon’s name is Aeolian,” he said.

  “Alien?”

  “No, Aeolian,” Lucas said, enunciating carefully.

  While they began discussing this at length, Raiya turned her attention to Lyra.

  “Your turn,” Raiya told her.

  Lyra looked nervous. “I don’t know how.”

  “You won’t figure it out if you don’t try,” Raiya pointed out.

  Lyra hesitated.

  “It doesn’t have to be perfect,” Raiya said. “There’s nothing to be gained by forsaking the good in search of the perfect. Especially when the good is often a stop on the way to perfection.”

  “Okay.” Lyra took a hold of Raiya’s hand this time, and I watched in amazement as light sparked up between them.

  “It’s a simple trick,” Raiya told them, “but not always easy. Once you do it enough, you get better at it.”

  “How do I start?”

  “Try thinking of something that gives you joy. Something good and beautiful and true.”

  As I watched Raiya and Lyra bond over their powers, I stepped back into the hallway, thinking of the times when she would teach me something with my own power. Many times, she worked with me after Aleia had returned to the other realm, and I saw the same compassion and concern etched into her expression as she broke down her instructions for Lyra, using patient words and kind smiles.

  Will she remember me? Will she remember us?

  Maybe it was better if she didn’t. I’d changed since we were last together.

  It would be better for her, maybe. But not for me. Not when I want her back this badly.

  The pain in my chest prompted me to leave.

  I walked outside and felt a sense of surreality fall on me. The landscape that had once been my home still welcomed me, but I was less familiar with it than ever.

  Jason had told Mikey that Rachel’s was closed, boarded up for sale. I couldn’t go there.

  I graduated high school, and most of my friends had moved. And even the ones who didn’t, I didn’t think they would be trapped by the past the same way I was.

  So I stood outside my house, watching as the rain fell down from the sky, as the world slowly continued to turn. I didn’t notice when my tears began to mix in with the rain.

  “This isn’t fair,” I murmured, angry at the injustice of it all. “Why? Why did you let this happen, Adonaias?”

  There was nothing but silence. I slumped down to my knees, leaning against the wall behind me, putting my head in my hands, closing my eyes as I allowed myself to let my pain free.

  I felt the words burn in my throat. “I thought you cared about us. About me. Don’t you care at all? You could at least answer my question, you know.”

  Before I knew it, I wasn’t just crying, I was all out sobbing. My questions turned into the mutterings of a man too caught up in his grief and grievances to give a voice to truth.

  What is truth, anyway?

  I didn’t notice it right away when a hand patted me on the head—lovingly, tenderly, like a parent tending to a child. The moment I did, everything changed. Fear trickled down my body; I was no longer alone.

  I glanced up in shock, silent as the Prince of Stars leaned down and wiped a tear from my cheek.

  He was the same as he had always been. Fire gleamed like crystals in his eyes as he gazed at me with both compassion and expectancy, calling me to both fear and courage. The white of his hair and the bronze of his skin radiated strength and comfort, all bound up in truth and light.

  I grasped onto him, letting the enormity of his power and his embrace wash over me as I wept against him.

  I held on for the longest time, fighting for every moment of time and inch of space I could as he held me.

  When I was younger, I had looked out across the city skyline and wondered how Adonaias could really be a part of this world. He seemed too far away, too irrelevant. There were problems everywhere, a myriad of obstacles that all required a different approach and a different cure.

  Turns out, there was nothing more relevant. As a lawyer, I had little appreciation for medicine, preferring to leave that to people like Mark. Because of that, I often failed to see what the right mix of chemicals and ingredients could do to a sick body.

  And I was sick. Sick with grief, sick with selfishness, sick with my own problems and the problems that pushed their way into me.

  Nothing was more relevant to me, in that moment, as I held on.

  I didn’t know how much time passed be
fore I pulled away.

  He said nothing still, but he wrapped his one hand around my wrist—the same one that had been marked with his emblem all those years ago—and then placed the other on my heart.

  Instantly, my eyes were flooded with a new vision. I could see myself turn away from him, back after the battle with Draco and Alküzor. I saw myself in pain, in the hospital; functioning with walking depression; graduating high school; making mistakes, with alcohol and girls and grad school; driving around on my motorcycle, wondering what would happen if I just let go of control ... and then, as I took my eyes off myself, I saw him.

  He was beside me—walking with me, protecting me, shielding me, preserving me—through every step and scene of all my life.

  Wonder and awe and a bunch of other emotions all tumbled around inside of me, kindling a warmth inside I hadn’t felt in years.

  I blinked and saw his expression as he gazed back at me. All the wonders I felt and saw and experienced were nothing compared to hearing his voice again.

  “You shall know the truth,” he said, “and the truth will set you free.”

  He stepped back and let my wrist go. I looked down to see my mark was back, shining, glowing with restored power. I felt my mouth drop open less than glamorously, realizing just what he meant.

  When I looked back up at him, he was gone. But I knew he wasn’t, not really. It was only later that I realized he must have been waiting for me all this time.

  I had my answer.

  ☼11☼

  Healing

  Eventually, the rain let up. It was still drizzling out when I woke up the next day. It wasn’t too bad, but it was enough to make me depressed.

  Of course, I was depressed anyway. I was back in my own room, and my room only made me think of how Elysian used to share it with me.

  Thinking of dragons, I thought about Lucas’ light dragon. I wondered if, now that I had my mark back, I could make those, too.

  I didn’t know about my powers as a kid, or as a young teenager, so the idea of using my powers for anything without a need for battle seemed like a good challenge that would cheer me up.

  Checking my bank account balance, I was able to think of a few other things which would make me happy, too. Mr. Dahlonega had proven his word was true; I had a nice-sized deposit ready to be spent.

  It wasn’t like I didn’t have anything to buy. I had to go get a wedding present for Mikey. As much as I’m sure he wouldn’t have minded it, I wasn’t going to opt for cash or gift cards.

  Maybe I can convince Raiya to come with me, I thought.

  I could even bring the kids, too, if I had to. Which I supposed I did, since both Mark and Cheryl were back at work. Adam had already gone off to school, too, I realized, spying the clock.

  I thought it was a good plan, and I planned to present it to Raiya when I saw her.

  But when I actually did see her, I forgot everything else.

  Raiya was staring out the windows, looking out into some unknown world inside of her mind. Or it was possible she was just looking out the window into the yard. The sun was up, and even though it was still cloudy, there was plenty of light to brighten some of the smaller corners of the yard. Despite the cold of the last few weeks, and the snow in Pittsburgh, Apollo City had yet to see any snow.

  “You okay?” I asked.

  “Yeah,” she said. “Just thinking about how lovely it is outside.”

  I came up to her and put my hand on her shoulder. It seemed natural to want to touch her, to find a way to comfort her—to find a way to comfort myself.

  “I was thinking of going out,” I said. “You want to come? We can go shopping for some new clothes for you.”

  Raiya shook her head. “I have a few more important things I’d like to take care of,” she said.

  I wondered if she could feel my disappointment.

  “But I’ll be okay here by myself,” she said a moment later. “I know you have to get a gift for that wedding you’re going to next week.”

  Startled, I turned to her. “How did you know about Mikey’s wedding?”

  Raiya grinned. “I saw the invitation, of course. It was with the stuff you left with the kids in their room.”

  “Oh.”

  “You do have to buy a gift still, don’t you?” she asked. “Unless that painting you have is what you were going to give them?”

  “Painting?”

  “The one wrapped up in the brown paper.”

  The one Rachel had given to Mikey to give to me.

  “Oh, no. That was actually a gift for me. I wonder what it’s doing here. I didn’t think I packed it.”

  “I brought it,” Lucas said as he came down the stairs. “I thought we could get it fixed for you. Since Lyra and I broke it.”

  “Morning, Lucas,” Raiya said.

  “Morning,” he replied. He came beside her and put his arms around her waist. “Are you going to make me regular pancakes this morning?”

  “Lucas,” I hissed.

  “What? It’s not my fault the French have thin pancakes.”

  “Those are crepes,” Raiya murmured.

  “Those crepes creep me out.”

  Raiya giggled. “Well, we can’t have you starve, can we? Why don’t you see if Lyra wants some, too?”

  “Lyra!” Lucas called, so loudly I could feel the soundwaves bounce off of the walls. “We’re eating pancakes, so get your butt down here before I eat them all!”

  She started shouting back as Raiya came up to me. “Would you like some, too?” she asked.

  “I don’t even know if my mother has the stuff here to make them,” I said.

  “I’ll go check and see what your mom has. If we need something, you’re going out, right? I can give you a list.”

  “I don’t even know how to make them.” I really didn’t want to bother with it, and I hated the feeling of being overruled. It was part of the reason that I argued against every objection to my arguments in court.

  “Don’t worry. I remember,” Raiya told me with a smile. “It shouldn’t be a problem.”

  You can remember how to make pancakes while you only have my mother’s kitchen as resource, but you can’t remember that you and I were meant to be together?!

  Anger flooded me, fast and vengeful. I knew that life wasn’t fair, but I hated when it insisted on being unkind, too. It made it a lot harder for me to be kind. “I’m just going to head out,” I grumbled.

  “Is something wrong?” she asked.

  “No,” I snapped. “I’ll be back later.”

  “Are you sure?”

  Before I could convince myself it was a better idea to stay and try to smooth things over, I grabbed my coat, put on my boots, and headed out into the cold morning air.

  *☼*

  I didn’t really have a solid plan of where I was going. I was lost in a world of my own thoughts, and I didn’t hesitate to allow myself the time to brood.

  I didn’t have a job, after all. This was my first real time off in months. When you have to work, when you have to perform, when other people are counting on you to fulfill every one of their expectations, brooding is an unfathomable luxury.

  One I could finally indulge in.

  Don’t get me wrong. I had hope again, now that I’d seen Adonaias and I knew he wasn’t ready to give up on me, and he didn’t want me to give up on me.

  But I was still struggling to find a way to put that into practice. Being stuck is not always a bad thing. Staying stuck—now that’s the real tragedy. And I knew that one from first-hand experience.

  I walked throughout the downtown area, surprised to see a lot of the small shops I’d grown up with were closed or in need of repairs. Some were still open, but I had a feeling Mikey wouldn’t quite appreciate me buying him an antique.

  Although, I thought mischievously, it might be fun to buy him something he doesn’t need, so completely expensive and extravagant that I can laugh at his face as he unwraps it.

  That was shapi
ng up to be formidable threat when Dante’s face appeared in the window behind me.

  “If you’re really looking for something good,” Dante told me, “I’d recommend the new underground mall where Rosemont used to be.”

  I almost jerked around. In my reflection, I saw myself flinch.

  Instead, I clenched my fists and started looking for an excuse to beat him up surrounded by the public and still keep my good standing. And my job. And my freedom.

  Dante continued. “The meteorite, and then our lovely battle, really opened up quite a crevice in the middle of the town. Rather than fill it and start over, they decided to keep it and build up from the bottom. Even the subway system just runs their newest platform through it, on a bridge.”

  “I’m surprised that it’s open,” I muttered. “Apollo City doesn’t have a good record for getting construction done.”

  “Mayor Dunbrooke—yes, no longer Assistant Mayor Dunbrooke­—used tax credits and cut through a lot of regulation. He had it opened officially at the end of his first full term two years ago.”

  “I didn’t like him much,” I said. “But at least he’s getting things done.”

  “That’s how most people feel here,” Dante assured me. He raised his eyebrows. “But I didn’t follow you here to discuss politics.”

  “If you’re here to uphold your part of the bargain, you can forget it,” I snapped. “I’ll get Mom to help me get the kids back home. Or someone else. Anyone else.”

  “I didn’t know she was alive,” Dante said. “If it makes you feel better.”

  “How else would the hospital receive her blood?” I bit back angrily.

  “Our arrangements with the Skarmastad Foundation ceased the year after Draco’s defeat. The foundation itself has been shut down, since your friend, Rachel, and her mother, decided not to file the yearly registration. If the hospital did get blood, it was likely an older supply.”

  “Why didn’t you know about her to begin with? Apollo City’s Flying Angels case was your project.”