Timing Is Everything
Page 23
“Whatever it takes, Taylor. I’ll run home for some clothes and things while you’re out with Meg. What time should I be back?”
“Make it noon, Susan. I’ll need to leave for the hospital shortly after that.”
* * *
Taylor drove to their favorite beach, and he and Meg began to walk along the shore. Meg was quiet, walking beside him, holding his hand. Normally she would have been darting here and there and talking a mile a minute.
“Meg, let’s sit here for a while.” He drew her down beside him on the sand, and they silently watched the endless surge of the sea. Finally, Meg said, “Taylor, thanks for coming back.”
“Of course, Munchkin.” He hadn’t called her that since she was a very little girl. One day she’d put her hands on her hips and informed him she was too old to have such a ridiculous nickname. She’d been all of six years old then, but Taylor had not used it since. It somehow slipped out now, but Meg didn’t notice.
“I want to see her, Taylor.”
“Meg, I know, but they won’t even let me in for more than five minutes every hour. Until she’s out of intensive care, they won’t let you in at all.”
“It’s not fair!”
“No, Meg, it’s not, but that’s the way it is. As soon as possible, I’ll get you there. If we’re lucky, she’ll be home soon and we won’t have to worry about it.”
Meg angrily brushed tears from her face, but didn’t say anything. He left her alone until she was more composed. Then he said, “Meg? What about school?”
“I don’t care about school, Taylor!”
“Meg, I know that, but the law says you have to go to school. Susan must have called in for you this morning, but we have to decide what to do from here.”
“Taylor, I can’t go back. Not yet. Please, let me stay home this week. I’ll call some friends to get my assignments, and I won’t get behind, I promise.”
“That sounds fair, Meg. I’ll call the school when we get back and explain it all to them. We’d better go now, sweetheart. I’ll need to make those calls, then get back to the hospital.”
He took her hand, pulling her up from the sand. “Meg, you’re not alone in this. I’m here, and I won’t leave you.” She wrapped her arms around him and hugged him fiercely, clinging to him as the only anchor she had.
* * *
When they returned to the house, he called the school as he had promised. Then he dialed Laura’s Albuquerque number. He wasn’t surprised when the machine picked up. She probably wasn’t back from California yet.
“Laura, it’s Taylor. Annie’s still in the hospital, and they’re running tests. We should know something more later today. Meg is hanging on, at least for now. I’ll call you when I know more.”
Hanging up the phone, he realized how much he missed her. She’d become such a part of his life that not having her around left him feeling lost. He didn’t plan on letting her be away from him for long.
* * *
Annie had been moved from ICU to a private room by the time Taylor got back to the hospital. As he ran to her new location, Taylor tried to believe that this was a good sign. He nearly ran into the doctor as he came around the corner in her hallway.
“Slow down, Mr. Morgan.”
“I’m sorry, I didn’t know she’d been moved and was afraid I’d be late.”
He opened the door for the doctor and followed him in. Taylor went to the head of the bed and kissed Annie. “Meg’s doing fine. She misses you and is worried, of course, but she’s strong, like her mother.” Annie gave him a grateful smile as they turned their attention to the doctor. Taylor could feel her tension as she gripped his hand.
“I wish this were better news, Annie. And there’s no easy way to tell you. The CT scan revealed what I had been afraid of. You have a brain tumor, very large—and inoperable.”
Chapter 43
Taylor stood by the sunroom window at the end of the hall. Annie had asked for some time alone. Since he had no comfort to offer her, he’d kissed her gently and come down here to wait.
The doctor had explained at length that there was nothing they could really do. Chemotherapy might retard the growth of the tumor. At best, it might extend her time for a month or two, but would probably leave her feeling worse than she did now. He assured Annie that even had she come in when the headaches had started, the prognosis would have been the same. The tumor was simply too deep and too involved for them to reach.
“I’d like to keep you another night, Annie. I’ll be sending a counselor up to talk to you. If you decide you want to try the chemotherapy, we can do your first treatment tomorrow before we send you home. Either way, I’ll dismiss you tomorrow if there’s someone at home to help.”
Taylor had managed to speak. “I’ll be there with her, Doctor.”
“Good. Annie—Mr. Morgan—if you think of any questions, have them page me. I’ll be here at the hospital until late this evening.” He turned and walked to the door, then looked back. “I’m truly sorry that there’s nothing I can do,” he said quietly before he left the room.
* * *
They had been silent for a long time after the doctor had left. Taylor had sunk into the chair beside Annie’s bed, struggling to make sense of what they’d just been told. Annie was dying. Taylor tried the phrase in his mind. Dying. Oh, God, no, not Annie! Meg needed her. He needed her. Stunned, he looked up and met Annie’s eyes, their clear blue shimmering with unshed tears. Silently, he moved from the chair and sat facing her on the bed. Her eyes never left his until, suddenly, she said, “Megan. How are we going to tell Meg?” The tears had come then, and he’d held her until she asked him to leave.
He looked at his watch. Three o’clock. Two hours had passed since their meeting with the doctor, more than an hour since she’d asked him to leave. Turning from the window, he went back to her room. After knocking softly, he opened the door and found her out of bed, standing by the window.
“Annie?”
Without turning, she said, “Taylor, do you remember, about a year after your parents died, you came to talk to me because you said you couldn’t remember what your mother looked like?”
He remembered all too clearly. It had been the first anniversary of their death. He’d made it through all the milestones of that year, the birthdays and holidays, but he hadn’t been able to handle that they’d been gone for a year. He’d shown up on Annie’s doorstep, drunk and in tears because he couldn’t remember his mother’s face without a picture to prompt him.
“I remember.”
She turned to look at him then. “You were twenty-one when they died. You’d had twenty-one years to memorize her face and you still forgot. Meg’s only eleven, Taylor.”
He crossed the room and caught her as she crumpled into tears. He couldn’t tell her that Meg wouldn’t forget. He couldn’t tell her that Meg would be all right. All he could do was hold her while she cried.
Finally, her tears had slowed, and she looked up at Taylor. “I want to see her, Taylor.”
“Tomorrow, when we take you home.”
“No, tonight. I have to see her tonight.”
“Annie, are you sure?”
She laughed a little wildly. “Of course I’m not sure, Taylor. I’ll never be sure of anything again. But I know I need to see her.”
“Then I’ll go bring her to you. Will you be all right while I’m gone?”
Mutely she nodded, and he helped her back to the bed before he left.
* * *
Taylor didn’t know how he was going to get Meg to the hospital without her noticing that something was terribly wrong. He was a pretty good actor, but this… As he pulled into Annie’s driveway, he was almost overwhelmed by grief, but managed to pull himself together. He was a little surprised that Meg didn’t come out to meet him.
He entered the quiet house. “M
eg? Susan?”
He heard Susan’s voice from the kitchen, “In here, Taylor.”
The kitchen was filled with light and the smells of baking. He was suddenly aware he hadn’t eaten all day. Meg said, as she took a tray of cookies out of the oven, “We’ve made Mom’s favorite, Taylor. Will you take some to her tonight?’
“I think she’d like it more if you delivered them, Meg.”
“Really?” She threw her arms around him. “I can go see her tonight? Honest?”
“Honest, Meg. They’ve moved her to another room, and she can have visitors now. I was ordered by the Queen herself to fetch the Princess.”
“I’ll go change. I’ll be right back.” The elated girl ran out of the room.
Susan looked at him, shaking her head as she said “Taylor, you look terrible. When was the last time you ate?”
“Dinner last night, I guess.” It seemed much longer than 24 hours ago that he’d flirted with Laura over dinner. In his mind he could see her laughing.
“Then you’re going to eat now. Don’t argue. We already have Annie sick. We can’t do without you, too.” She opened a pot on the stove and ladled out a bowl of soup. “Eat this. My Jewish mother swears it will cure anything.”
“Thanks, Susan.” He sat at the table and picked up a spoon. “Can you come to the hospital later to pick up Meg? I want to stay a while with Annie.”
“Of course I can, Taylor. Visiting hours end at eight, right?”
“I’m not sure, but that sounds about right. And can you stay with her tonight? I’ll be going back to the hospital early, and my place is a lot closer.”
“I’ll be here as long as Annie needs me, Taylor. Now, eat that soup. You’re not leaving until you do.”
Dutifully, he ate the soup and felt some energy come back into his tired body. Susan packaged up the cookies, and, by the time Meg came back, he was ready to leave again.
* * *
Meg was very quiet as they waited for the elevator. “Meg? Are you all right?”
She took a deep breath, then nodded. “It’s a pretty scary place.”
“Scary because you’re worried about someone. There’s some good stuff happening here, too, like babies being born. That can be pretty scary, too, come to think of it. I remember how scared I was while you were being born, but it all went away when you wrapped your fingers around mine about five minutes after you arrived.” He smiled at her. “That was an amazing moment, Meg.” He put his arm around her and gave her shoulders a squeeze as the elevator doors opened.
Taylor knocked lightly on Annie’s door and pushed it open, letting Meg step in before him. She stopped just inside the door, unsure of what to do until her mother opened her arms and simply said, “Meg!” Her paralysis vanished, and she launched herself across the room and into those waiting arms. Taylor closed the door and walked down the hall to the increasingly familiar waiting room.
He’d been sitting there for half an hour when he saw Dr. Pearson heading down the hall. “Doctor, wait!”
Pearson turned around. “Mr. Morgan. I was just on my way to see Annie.”
“Can it wait a little? I know you’re busy, but her daughter’s here and…” Taylor’s voice trailed off.
“It can wait. What about you, Mr. Morgan? You look like you could use some serious sleep.”
“You’re right, and I’ll try for that later. Right now, I have a question. Do you have a minute to answer it?”
“Sure, let’s use the conference room.”
When they were settled, Taylor was suddenly at a loss for words. “I’m sorry. I… I wanted to know…”
“You wanted to know how long Annie has?”
Taylor nodded, grateful that the doctor had not made him say the words. Hearing the answer would be hard enough.
“It’s hard to say. I don’t want to give you false hopes. A tumor of the type that Annie has moves at its own speed. With chemotherapy, we can slow its growth a little, but, it could happen as quickly as a couple of months, as long as six, if we’re lucky.”
Taylor buried his face in his hands. So little time!
“Taylor, I’m going to leave now. Use this room as long as you need it.” He touched Taylor’s shoulder in mute sympathy before he left the room.
* * *
Susan was getting off the elevator as Taylor came out of the conference room. He had no time to compose his features, and she caught her breath at the desolation she saw in his eyes. She sat across from him in the waiting room and quietly said, “It’s bad news, isn’t it, Taylor?”
“The worst,” he said. “But we have to keep it from Meg until Annie decides it’s time to tell her. Susan, you’re going to be with her a lot. Can you keep it from her?”
Susan’s eyes were filled with tears that she blinked away. “I will somehow, Taylor.”
“Annie can come home tomorrow. There’s nothing they can do here that we can’t do for her at home.” He saw Meg emerge from Annie’s room and signaled Susan to be quiet.
“A good visit, Meg?” Taylor stood and gave her a hug.
“Uh-huh. Mom says she can come home tomorrow.”
“That’s good news. I’ll call you in the morning as soon as I know when I can bring her.”
Taylor chuckled as Meg tried to stifle an enormous yawn. “I bet you don’t make it home before you fall asleep. It’s a good thing Susan is driving! Goodnight, Meg. Try to get some rest.”
“’Night, Taylor.” She waved sleepily as Susan led her to the elevator, and Taylor started down the hallway to Annie’s room.
* * *
The first thing Taylor noticed as he came into the room was an air of serenity that surrounded Annie. She seemed to have reached some place in herself that let her find some peace, and she smiled at him as he came in.
“Thanks for bringing her, Taylor. She’s better than any medicine.”
“For both of you. That was a different child who came out of here than the one I brought.”
Annie reached out and caught his hand in hers. “And you, Taylor? When was the last time you slept?”
“Good Lord, Annie, after today, how the hell can you be worrying about me?”
Annie’s eyes grew solemn as she pulled his hand to have him sit on the bed beside her. “Because, Taylor, I need you now more than I ever have. So, you have to be all right.”
Taylor picked up her hand and kissed it. “I’m fine, Annie. A little punchy from lack of sleep, but basically ok.”
“I need to talk to you for a minute, Taylor, then I want you to go home and sleep.”
He nodded, and she searched his eyes as if she could find the answer she was seeking hidden there. “Taylor, it’s about Meg. You know I named you her guardian right after she was born.” Taylor nodded before she went on. “But that was a long time ago. Neither of us ever thought something like this would happen. I need to know now, Taylor, if you’re still willing to take on that responsibility.”
“Annie, how can you even ask? I promised you then I would always be there for Meg.”
“Taylor, it won’t be the same. You’ll have to be the grownup, and pre-teenage girls are only marginally easier than the teenager she will become. It’s a tremendous responsibility.”
“Annie, I won’t let you give her to someone else. Meg’s my daughter in all the ways that count.”
Annie smiled at him as her eyes filled with tears. “Thank you, Taylor. I know she could have gone to my parents, but they’re too old to take her on. She’d be miserable. This will all be hard enough…” her voice trailed off.
“Annie, remember when Meg was baptized? I wasn’t just mouthing the words when I made those promises as her godfather. I meant every one of them. I’ll do my best to help her to become the woman you dream her to be.” He gathered Annie into his arms, and they sat in silence for a long while.
“I’ll be here, Annie,” he promised as he leaned down to kiss her. “Goodnight.”
“Goodnight, Taylor.”
As the door closed behind him, Annie had never felt more alone.
* * *
He opened the door to the condo. It was only 10:00, more than early enough to call Laura, but he couldn’t do it. To hear her voice would have broken down every barrier he had spent the day building around his emotions. Instead he turned on the computer and logged on to his e-mail. There was a brief message from her letting him know that she had arrived home safely. He began to compose a message to her.
Laura,
I’m sorry. I know I should have called, and I hope you’ll check in tonight to read this. I just can’t bear the thought of hearing these words said again.
Annie is dying.
God, how it hurts to even type that!
It’s a brain tumor, and she doesn’t have very much time. I’ll be canceling everything until further notice. I have to be here for Annie and Meg.
I’m Meg’s guardian, Laura. After this is all over, she’ll be my responsibility, a constant part of my life. I’ve not had a lot of time to think, but I know that my lifestyle will have to change. Luckily, I have more than enough money put away so that I shouldn’t have to work for a while.
Annie hasn’t told Meg yet. I don’t know when she will. They’re releasing her from the hospital tomorrow. She has to make a decision about chemotherapy, but I’m pretty sure that she’s going to opt for quality instead of quantity for what time remains.
I’ll try to check in when I can, but things will be crazy around here. I’m moving out to Annie’s tomorrow. You can reach me there if you need me. - T.
He glanced back over what he had written and sent it out. He climbed the stairs to his bedroom, threw himself on the bed, and lay there staring into the dark until the weariness won and he slept.