From the Desk of Zoe Washington

by Janae Marks

  Dedication

  For my mom and my daughter,

  my biggest inspirations

  Contents

  Cover

  Title Page

  Dedication

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  Chapter Twelve

  Chapter Thirteen

  Chapter Fourteen

  Chapter Fifteen

  Chapter Sixteen

  Chapter Seventeen

  Chapter Eighteen

  Chapter Nineteen

  Chapter Twenty

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  Chapter Thirty

  Chapter Thirty-One

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  Chapter Thirty-Three

  Chapter Thirty-Four

  Chapter Thirty-Five

  Chapter Thirty-Six

  Epilogue

  Acknowledgments

  About the Author

  Copyright

  About the Publisher

  Chapter One

  The day I turned twelve, I was certain it’d be my favorite birthday yet, but then I got the letter.

  I’d just had my dream birthday party at Ari’s Cakes. Mom’s friend Ariana owned the bakery in Beacon Hill, my favorite neighborhood in all of Boston. It had cute brick buildings and town houses, with cobblestone streets. There was a deli with baskets of fresh fruit for sale outside, a chocolate shop, a coffee shop, and a ton of fancy restaurants. And then there was Ari’s Cakes, with its pretty, pale-blue awning and a wooden sign above it with the store’s name written in white script. Her front window always had lots of cupcakes on display along with fresh flowers. You could smell the sugar before you walked in.

  Even though it was pouring rain outside, I felt like the luckiest girl. I’d been in a professional kitchen with my best friends, Jasmine and Maya, as we baked and decorated chocolate fudge cupcakes.

  When my parents and I got home, Dad pulled his rain jacket hood onto his head and rushed inside with the box of leftover cupcakes. Mom, using an umbrella, carried my gift bags. I hurried behind them, and on my way in, grabbed the mail from the mailbox next to our front door.

  While I kicked off my sneakers in our foyer, I flipped through the envelopes, checking to see if my great-aunt’s birthday card arrived. She usually included money, and I was dying to add an egg separator to my baking supplies.

  There was a catalog and some junk mail from credit card companies. And then I spotted a plain white envelope with my name, Zoe Washington, and my address handwritten in neat, blue print.

  I glanced at the return address and froze. “Massachusetts State Penitentiary” was typed on the upper left corner, across from a waving American flag stamp. The name Marcus Johnson was written in that same blue handwriting above the prison’s name.

  It was a letter from my convict father, a man I’d never heard from before. I couldn’t believe it.

  Just like that, my birthday didn’t matter anymore.

  The envelope slipped from my fingers, landing on the floor. My dog, Butternut, ran over and started licking it, but I snatched it up and dropped it onto the table next to the front door.

  Why would Marcus write to me? Why now?

  I only owned one picture of him, which Grandma had given me, since Mom would never approve. It was one of Mom’s pictures that Grandma had saved from when Mom and Marcus were high school sweethearts. I’d hidden the picture between the pages of one of my journals. In it, Marcus was at a Boston Celtics game, wearing a team sweatshirt and a huge smile. My smile looked like his, which was weird. Someone I never met had the exact same smile as me. And his brown skin matched mine. Mom’s skin was a little lighter.

  Now Marcus was sitting in a prison cell, probably wearing an orange jumpsuit. That’s how I imagined people in prison.

  I bet he didn’t smile much there.

  I picked up the envelope and rubbed my thumb across the seal, but all of a sudden, my fingers stopped working and I froze in place. I wanted to read it, but I was also terrified of what it might say. He’d committed a terrible crime. What if he’d written something scary? It was only a piece of paper, but the feeling wouldn’t go away.

  I took a deep breath and started to open the envelope again, but then I heard Mom come down the stairs. I knew it was Mom and not my stepdad, Paul, because she was humming a song, which she did a lot, especially in front of the bathroom mirror when she was putting on makeup. She had a pretty good voice, but she always said it was because of the bathroom acoustics. That was wrong, because my stepdad sometimes sang in the shower, and the acoustics didn’t stop him from sounding like a dying coyote.

  I quickly tucked the letter into the pocket on the inside of my rain jacket. It wouldn’t be a good idea to show Mom. I was pretty sure she’d take it away without letting me read it. I hoped she couldn’t hear how hard my heart was beating.

  “I put the gift bags in your room,” she said.

  “Thanks.”

  “Did you have fun today?” she asked. “Your cupcakes came out so pretty.”

  “It was amazing!” I told Mom.

  But now I couldn’t focus on how amazing it was, not with Marcus’s letter taking up so much space in my brain.

  “This today’s mail?” Mom stared at the foyer table, where I’d left the rest of it.

  “Yup. I grabbed it from the mailbox.”

  “Thanks.” But then her eyebrows scrunched together, and her shoulders did what they did when she was stressed—they lifted up toward her ears. She smiled at me, but it was a forced smile, like she wasn’t actually happy. She picked up the pile of mail, and as she flipped through it, her shoulders slowly returned to their normal position.

  “I thought Auntie Lillian’s card might’ve come, but I didn’t see it.” I swallowed hard, thinking of the letter that had come. I wondered if I should tell Mom about it. But what if it made her mad or upset? She didn’t like to talk about Marcus.

  Mom smiled at me for real. “It’ll come. Anyway, there’s one more birthday surprise for you. We’re going to order Hawaiian-ish pizza for dinner.”

  I forced myself to smile. “Hawaiian-ish” was the name I’d given my favorite pizza combo—pineapple and pepperoni instead of ham. Since my mom and stepdad thought it was gross, we usually only got those toppings on half a pie.

  “Sounds great.” I cleared my throat. “I’m gonna go to my room, and, um . . . put my gifts away.”

  It was a total lie, but that’s not what Mom noticed. “You’re not going to take your jacket off?” she asked.

  Marcus’s envelope was still in my pocket, right over my heart, which was beating fast.

  “I’ll take it off in my room.” I walked away before Mom could say anything else.

  What could Marcus have to say to me?

  I had to know.

  Chapter Two

  I shut my bedroom door and opened the envelope. The paper inside was a piece of loose-leaf, like what Mom would buy to put into my school binders. The words filling the page were written in the same blue handwriting from the front of the envelope, except the print wasn’t as neat. I stood in the middle of my bedroom and read the letter from start to finish. And then I
read it again. Everything was quiet except for my heartbeat echoing in my eardrums.

  To my Little Tomato,

  Happy Birthday. I can’t believe you’re twelve years old. Wow. Do I sound like a broken record when I say that you’re growing up so fast? Do you even know what a broken record is? Everybody used to listen to CDs when I was growing up, but my dad—your grandpa—kept a record player in the corner of the living room. He always says that music sounds better coming from a record player. He might be right. His favorite singer is Stevie Wonder. Have you ever heard any of his songs? He has a pretty great voice. There’s this one song called “Isn’t She Lovely.” You should look it up sometime. Stevie’s saying exactly how I feel about you, my baby girl. Well, you’re not a baby anymore, but I know you’ve gotta be pretty lovely at this age.

  I wish I could give you a hug and see your smiling face on your big day. I’m sorry I can’t be there to celebrate with you. I know your mom is doing something special. She was always good at knowing how to celebrate birthdays when we were together.

  Even if you never reply to these letters, I’ll keep writing them. Though I hope you’ll write me back one day. In the meantime, I want you to know that I think about you every day.

  Love,

  Daddy

  All I could do was stand there staring at the paper in my hands. I was like the Tin Man in The Wizard of Oz when he needed to be oiled. My arms and legs felt stiff, like they’d weigh a million pounds if I tried to move them.

  Why did Marcus sound so . . . nice? Mom always made it seem like he was a bad person. He didn’t seem like he was writing from prison. I wasn’t sure how someone in prison would sound, exactly, but I guessed they wouldn’t be so smart.

  He seemed normal. He liked music, like any other dad. Like my stepdad, who was into classical and jazz music. I’d heard of Stevie Wonder, and I thought I knew a couple of his songs. I’d look up “Isn’t She Lovely” later.

  I read the letter again. Why had he called me Little Tomato? It was kind of weird. I liked tomatoes, especially the little ones, but I didn’t want to be called one.

  What did Marcus mean when he wrote “these letters”? This was the first one I’d ever gotten from him. It didn’t make any sense.

  None of this did.

  I stared at my striped rug as a million thoughts swirled around my head like cake batter in a mixer.

  Should I write him back? What will happen if I do?

  I had no idea Marcus thought about me. But what if he was pretending to be nice to me because he wanted something from me? What, though?

  Maybe I should throw the letter away.

  There was a knock on my bedroom door, which made me jump two feet and almost drop the letter. I clutched the loose-leaf paper in my now-sweating hands.

  “Hey, Zoe?” It was Mom.

  I tensed up. “One second!” I stuffed the letter back into the envelope and tucked it underneath my purple comforter. I remembered I was still wearing my jacket, so I took it off and threw it over the back of my desk chair.

  Then I cracked my bedroom door open.

  “Trevor’s here,” Mom said.

  Trevor? What’s he doing here?

  As if she could hear my thoughts, Mom said, “He wants to give you his birthday present, since he wasn’t at your party.”

  There was a reason for that: he wasn’t invited.

  “Can you tell him I’m busy?” I whispered.

  Mom’s glare made it clear she was not about to do that.

  “Please? It’s my birthday, and . . . he’s not my friend anymore.” Not after he made our friendship out to be a total joke.

  Mom’s expression softened a little. “When are you going to tell me what happened?”

  I shook my head. No way was I telling her anything. She’d probably force me to forgive Trevor, and that was not going to happen.

  “You know, as a brand-new twelve-year-old,” Mom said, “you’re old enough to understand how rude it’ll be if you don’t come out and thank him for the gift in person.” She forced my door open wider. “C’mon.”

  All I wanted to do was read Marcus’s letter again and figure out what it all meant, and what I should do next.

  But first I had to deal with my ex–best friend.

  Chapter Three

  I trudged behind Mom to the living room, where Dad was talking with Trevor’s mom, Patricia.

  Trevor usually celebrated my birthday with me. We were in the same grade and had been neighbors practically our whole lives. Our families shared a two-family home—a baby-blue house with two side-by-side white front doors, a wooden porch, a paved driveway, and a two-car garage.

  During the summer, my friends Jasmine and Maya always left town. Maya would go to sleepaway camp in the Catskills, and then on vacation with her parents and younger sister. This year they were going to San Francisco. As for Jasmine, she normally spent the whole summer at her grandparents’ house in Maryland with her twin brother and cousins. But this summer, she was actually moving to Maryland. Her parents decided they wanted to live closer to her grandparents all year round. When I said goodbye to Jasmine at the end of my birthday party, I cried, having no idea when I’d get to see her next.

  I’d stay home for the summer, as usual. Mom didn’t believe in spending thousands of dollars for summer activities when I could have fun at home for free. Like always, Grandma would watch me while my parents were at work.

  I never really minded being home for the summer, because I’d always had Trevor. We’d come up with our own adventures, like riding our bikes around our neighborhood or making s’mores using the microwave. Last summer we watched all the Marvel movies on Trevor’s dad’s big-screen TV. Sometimes, Trevor would help me bake cookies or brownies. We never got bored when we were with each other.

  But this was not going to be like all our other summers. A month earlier, Trevor betrayed me and I hadn’t talked to him since. I had no idea how I’d entertain myself without him, since bike riding and movie marathoning didn’t sound as fun alone. I couldn’t even complain to Mom because she’d tell me to use my imagination, or say that being bored was good for me.

  When I walked into the living room, Trevor was standing next to the couch. I narrowed my eyes at his baggy Medford Middle School Basketball T-shirt. He probably wore it over here on purpose, to rub it in my face that he only cared about the team. He was playing that old-school Mario game on his phone again. I recognized the beeps and cheery music coming from the speaker. But then he lowered his phone and his eyes locked with mine. I looked away.

  The thing was, I knew Trevor way too well. Even though I only saw his face for a second, I knew what that look meant: (a) he didn’t want to be there either, and (b) he was still confused about why I was mad at him. Well, I wasn’t about to tell him. He should be able to figure it out for himself.

  “Happy birthday, Zoe!” Patricia came over and gave me a hug. “Your dad said you guys were at a bakery. Sounds like you had a good time.”

  I thanked her while thinking, Why would he do that? I didn’t want to have to explain why Trevor wasn’t invited along. But lucky for me, Patricia didn’t say anything about that.

  “Trish, do you want a cupcake?” Mom asked her. “We have a lot left over.”

  What? Those were my cupcakes. I crossed my arms.

  “It’s the best chocolate cupcake I’ve ever had,” Dad added. “And I’m not just saying that because Zoe made them.” He winked at me.

  I glanced over at Trevor, who was standing up straight now, peering toward the kitchen. He couldn’t resist anything with chocolate.

  Back when we still hung out together, Trevor and I spent a lot of time making and eating snacks, especially chocolate ones. One time he was so desperate, he sucked the coating off chocolate-covered raisins, even though he hated raisins.

  “Just eat the whole thing,” I’d told him before popping a chocolate-covered raisin into my mouth. “They’re good.”

  “They’re shriveled-up
grapes. Like mini grape corpses. Disgusting.” He’d sucked the chocolate off another one and then reached the spit-covered raisin out to me. “Since you like raisins so much, you can have mine.”

  “Eww!” I’d grimaced.

  He’d pushed it closer to my face, so I’d stood up to get away from him. Then he’d chased me around my house with it. We made several laps around the kitchen island and ended up in the living room, where we collapsed on the couch, laughing so hard that tears streamed from my eyes.

  My throat tightened. It was hard to imagine laughing like that with Trevor again.

  “Girl, I can never say no to cake,” Patricia was saying with a laugh.

  Mom laughed too. “I’ll get you a couple.”

  Patricia followed my parents down the hall, leaving Trevor and me behind.

  I wished I could leave Trevor alone and go back to Marcus’s letter, but I’d get in trouble if I did that. Instead, I leaned against the doorway between the living room and hallway, ready to make my escape as soon as I could.

  Trevor and I were quiet for a few seconds, and then he said, “Happy birthday, by the way.”

  It didn’t sound like he really meant it, which made me want to kick him in his shins. “Why are you even here?” I asked. To apologize for what he said about me? To make it up to me on my birthday?

  “To give you your present,” he said.

  “I thought you’d be hanging out with one of your teammates.” I said the word “teammates” as if it tasted like burnt cookies and sour milk.

  Trevor shrugged.

  I huffed and turned away. Fortunately, that’s when my parents and Patricia returned from the kitchen. Patricia held a Tupperware filled with two cupcakes.

  “I hope you like your present, Zoe.” Patricia pointed to the wrapped rectangle on the coffee table. “We should get going. I have the night shift.” She was a nurse at Massachusetts General Hospital and was already wearing her pale-blue scrubs. Her pressed hair was in a neat bun on top of her head.

  Mom gave me a look that meant, What do you say?

  Right. “Thank you,” I said, looking only at Patricia.

  She smiled and said goodbye, and Trevor followed her out without another word.