Talk Dirty To Me

by Ali Parker

  “Your brother doesn’t know?”

  I shook my head.

  “Vanny?”

  “What?”

  “I’m not mad.”

  I looked up at him. How could he not be mad? “Why not?”

  He shrugged. “I can understand wanting to keep something for yourself. Something sacred. It just… it explains a lot. You’re really good at what you do, Vanny. Really damn good. I think you’d make an exceptional marriage counselor.”

  My cheeks burned. God. Why and how was he so gracious? He should be furious. “Thank you.”

  “How did you get into radio?”

  “That’s a story for another time.”

  “Come on,” he pushed. “Tell me.”

  I forced myself to smile at him, even though all I wanted to do was pull my sweater up over my head and disappear into the neckline like a turtle. “I like to keep the mystique.”

  “You should use it to your advantage. This could open doors for you. This could shoot you in all different directions. You could specialize. You could—”

  “Stop, Rhys. I don’t need career advice. I’m not ready for whatever comes next. I need more time to sort things out. To get control over myself.”

  “What do you need to sort out?”

  Hadn’t he been listening? There was so much about me I needed to fix before I took a step forward. My weight, my confidence, my wardrobe, my love life—all of it needed work. “Everything.”

  “You’re being silly. You have so much potential. You’re raw and real and—”

  “Fat?”

  Rhys shut his mouth. I couldn’t read the expression on his face. He knew it was true.

  I stepped back. “I think it was a bad idea for me to come today. We need to be careful about mixing our lives. Especially business. I’m going to go inside and call Kim to come pick me up, okay?”

  “Vanny. Wait. Please.”

  “It’s okay. Go back to your game. I’m all right.”

  I didn’t give him a chance to try to convince me to stay. I turned and left, cramming my hands under my armpits and trying to ignore the way my stomach felt like it had hardened into a cold, heavy stone.

  This wasn’t how today was supposed to go.

  Chapter 33

  Rhys

  She was pushing me away.

  I watched her go. Every step she took brought her further from me and I was torn between my investors and the girl who was unceremoniously and effortlessly turning my heart into amiable putty in her hands. She owned part of me. I didn’t know how she’d done it, but she had. Part of me was hers. It had been for a while.

  And now she was walking away with it.

  “Jasper, you’re up!”

  I grimaced. I didn’t have much of a taste for golf as it was. Now I had to finish a game knowing things between Vanny and I were rocky?

  Business was a fucking kick in the nards.

  I turned back to the investors with a smile as false as the one my father used to wear when he introduced me to his colleagues back in the day. “Buckle up, boys. I’ll try not to embarrass you too badly.”

  Lucky for them, I was absolute shit at golf.

  We made it through another two pars before I had to stop. My phone had been ringing off the hook for the last fifteen minutes. When I finally stepped off the putting green to answer it, my grandmother’s voice filled the line.

  “Rhys, where are you?”

  “The Narrows Golf Course. Why? Where are you?”

  “I’m at the hospital.”

  My heart leapt into my throat. “Why? What happened? Are you okay?”

  “I’m fine. I’m not here for me. It’s your mother, Rhys. She… she took some pills.”

  I could hear the fear in her voice. It crawled through the line and took hold of me. For a brief moment, I couldn’t breathe. My throat tightened and my palms grew sweaty. “I’m on my way. Who else is there?”

  “It’s just me.”

  “Where’s my father?”

  “He’s at the house. He wouldn’t come.”

  “Fucker,” I growled.

  “She’s stable. They pumped her stomach. But they won’t let her leave now. She’s a risk to herself. They’re going to have to put her into rehab. She’s going to go through detox again and she’s going to need us, Rhys. I know the timing is bad. I know—”

  “Don’t worry about the timing, Gigi. Get yourself a coffee and something to eat. I’ll be there as soon as I can. Call me if anything changes, okay?”

  Her voice shook. “Okay.”

  I slid my phone in my pocket and took three steadying breaths.

  This wasn’t our first rodeo. Or our third, fifth, or tenth. I’d lived this nightmare a hundred times over. Even when I was young, barely old enough to drive, I’d leave parties with my friends to peel my mother off the floor and get her to the hospital. I’d dropped her off at rehab and picked her up months later only for her to relapse within weeks. Sometimes days. This disease had been wreaking havoc on her since before I was born. Since she married my father.

  And he’d never been the one to put her back together when she crumbled.

  I jogged back over to my investors. “Gentlemen, you’ll have to finish the game without me. I have a minor emergency that needs my attention.”

  Minor wasn’t the right word, but I couldn’t very well go telling the men who supported my business with their investments that my alcoholic mother had landed herself back in the hospital again.

  Mr. James stopped the protests of the other men and told me to go. “We can discuss business anytime. Oh, and Jasper?”

  “Yes?”

  “Vanessa Hampton is one of the good ones. Try not to fuck it up. Hmm?”

  I resisted the urge to tell him I wasn’t a fool and that I knew that already. It wouldn’t serve any purpose other than to waste what little time I had to get to Gigi. I hated to think of her alone at the hospital, worrying over my mother. She needed me.

  I had one of the caddies drive me back to the start of the course, where I hopped off and jogged up the steps onto the stone patio. I pushed through the doors into the lounge and then rushed down the hall and through the atrium. When I stumbled out onto the top of the front steps, I found Vanny sitting on the bottom three, texting on her phone.

  I hurried down them and stopped beside her. “I thought Kim was picking you up?”

  She glanced up at me, surprised. Then she got to her feet and wiped her hands on her pants. “She’s not answering her phone.”

  “So you’re just sitting here waiting?”

  “Yep.”

  I sighed. “Come with me. I’ll drive you home.”

  “Don’t you still have half a game left to play?”

  “Yes.” I stepped down the remaining stairs and made for the Porsche. Vanny followed hot on my heels.

  “Rhys, what’s going on? Did something happen?”

  I slid into the Porsche and started the engine. She got into the passenger seat. I could feel the concern in her gaze as she watched me slam it into reverse. I peeled out, swung the front end of the car around, and pushed the shifter into first. The tires spun briefly before catching traction. The car shot forward. Vanny gripped the sides of her seat and never took her eyes off me.

  “Rhys?”

  “My mother is in the hospital. Again.”

  “Is she going to be okay?”

  “She’ll be going into rehab. And my asshole of a father left her to her own devices. She popped some pills apparently.”

  “Rhys, I’m sorry.”

  “Stop saying my name like that.”

  “Like what?”

  Like we’re a couple.

  I ignored her question and shifted into second, third, and fourth. The car was racing down the narrow tree-lined lane. We shot out the open wrought-iron gates and hit the country roads before heading back into the city. Vanny remained quiet. I decided not to press her about the radio show and her being Nessa Night, even though it was
competing for my attention with my mother being in the hospital and my fury with my father. I hadn’t lied when I said I wasn’t angry. Because I wasn’t.

  But I was confused.

  “This isn’t the way to the hospital,” Vanny said.

  “I have a pit stop to make first.”

  She made an uneasy sound in the back of her throat. “And where is that?”

  “My father’s house.”

  “Rhys, I don’t think now is the right time to confront him. I know there’s bad blood there. I don’t know the full extent but I know he’s hurt you and your family. But right now, your mother needs you.”

  I didn’t want to listen to reason. I wanted to wring my father’s neck. I wanted to say all the horrible things I’d thought about him but had never given voice to. I wanted to shake him as hard as I could and scream at him that all of this was his fault, that my mother wouldn’t be so broken and angry and sad if he hadn’t cast her aside when she gave him a son he could never love.

  I wanted to tell him I was glad he was sick.

  The thought made my stomach churn.

  I slammed the brakes and came to a sliding stop on the side of the road. Vanny gripped the handle in the door panel and let out a startled yelp. The car came to an abrupt stop and I threw my door open, fumbled with my seatbelt, and stepped out onto the gravel on the side of the road to promptly lean over and puke my guts out.

  “Rhys!” Vanny got out of the car. I heard her slam the door. She came hurrying around the back of the Porsche and drew up short when I held up a hand to stop her. She fidgeted with her thumbs. “Are you okay?”

  I spat onto the gravel and dragged the back of my hand across my mouth. “Oh yeah. Peachy.” I lifted my gaze to look at her. She looked confused. And frightened. I supposed I couldn’t blame her. I’d just thrown up with no warning—all for thinking a simple little thought.

  I nearly retched again as I recalled the wicked fury and resentment I felt toward my father. I didn’t want him to die. I didn’t want him to be sick. But I was glad karma had come for him. And that made me feel like an absolute fucking monster.

  “Get back in the car,” I said.

  “Rhys, take a minute. A minute won’t do any harm.”

  “Get in the car.”

  She lifted her chin. Then she marched around to the driver’s side and got in.

  “What do you think you’re doing?” I asked.

  “I’m driving. You’re in no shape to be behind the wheel. Unless you’re trying to kill us, of course. Then by all means, take the wheel, Andretti.”

  Grumbling and cursing the vile taste on my tongue, I listened to reason and let her drive. I took the passenger seat and she pushed the clutch in and switched from neutral to first. And then we were off. I was a little surprised she knew how to drive a stick but kept my mouth shut. I was in no mood for conversation. I feared if I started talking, I’d say the wrong thing. The insensitive thing. I had a temper to match my father’s and I’d seen firsthand the damage his words could do. I’d felt it myself.

  I would not subject the girl who was trying to help me to that. I already felt like I was losing her.

  Vanny got us to the hospital in one piece. She pulled up to the entrance and told me she’d figure out parking and find me inside. I thanked her, closed the door, and hurried inside to seek out my mother and Gigi.

  I found them in recovery in the north tower on the eighth floor. My mother had a view of the city out her window and she was sleeping when I arrived. Gigi stood from the chair she’d pulled up to the bed and sank into my open arms. I gave her a tight squeeze and rested my chin on top of her head.

  “I’m sorry it took me so long to get here.”

  “You have nothing to be sorry about.” Gigi’s hands pressed into my back. She always seemed smaller than I expected her to be. “You deserve better than this, Rhys.”

  “So do you.”

  She sniffled, pulled away, and then gave her head a small shake. “A son shouldn’t have to take care of his mother for something like this. I’ve never been able to protect you from it. I don’t know how to.” She took my arms and squeezed tighter than I expected her to have the strength to do. “I need you to promise me something.”

  “What is it?”

  “Promise you won’t let this be your legacy. The hospital visits. The drama. The never-ending spiral of bullshit that your last name incurs. You’re better than this. Than them. Always have been. And you have a life of your own that needs living. Don’t let something like this steal it from you. Your mother did, and look at her now. She let her anger and her pain swallow her whole until she had nowhere to turn but the drink. It scares me to think of you letting your anger consume you, too.”

  I’d never heard my grandmother talk like this before. “It won’t, Gigi. I promise.”

  Her eyes were glassy now. She sniffled. “I’ve seen it in you, Rhys. I know how much you hate your father. And I beg of you. You have to find a way to forgive him before the cancer kills him or you’ll carry the weight of that hatred for the rest of your life. It’s not worth it. It’s not—”

  She broke off and blinked away her tears. Then she forced a smile.

  I turned and found what she was looking at. Vanny was standing in the doorway to the room.

  “Come in, dear,” Gigi said.

  Vanny stepped into the room and came to my side. Her hand found mine and she knit her fingers between my own. Her gaze wandered to my mother in the bed. “How is she?” she asked softly.

  “She’ll be just fine, dear,” Gigi said. “Just fine.”

  Chapter 34

  Rhys

  “You’d better have that dress on by the time I get there.” I hurried down the front steps of my office tower in downtown Nashville. Vanny was on the other end of the call, getting ready for her reunion, which started in T-minus two hours.

  Originally, I was supposed to pick her up in my Porsche and drive her to the venue, but I’d just gotten a call from the hospital. Things with my mother had taken another turn and she’d somehow managed to get a drink while in recovery. Leave it to my mother, the Houdini of alcoholics, to find a way to get her fix. “I’ll find a way to make it up to you. And I won’t be late. I’ll get there. I swear.”

  “Don’t worry. I’ll see if I can get a ride with Kim so I don’t have to show up alone. And the dress is already on.”

  “I’m a lucky son of a bitch.”

  “I think you and I have very different definitions of lucky.” Ever since the golf course the day before yesterday, things between Vanny and I had been a little tense. We hadn’t spoken about her being on the radio. Or about my mother being in the hospital. She’d tried to bring it up a handful of times but it wasn’t something I knew how to talk about. I wanted to pretend it wasn’t happening. I wanted to bury it.

  But that was easier said than done. Especially when your mother couldn’t be left unattended for even a minute.

  “I’ll see you soon,” I said.

  “See you soon.” Vanny hung up first.

  The drive to the hospital was quick. I parked, paid for my spot, and made my way to the north tower where my mother’s room was. She was supposed to be released tomorrow morning and picked up by the rehabilitation center, but if she wasn’t stable, things were going to get messy.

  Potentially violent.

  When I hit her floor, I immediately spotted the four nurses gathered outside her room. There were two security guards standing with them.

  “Fuck.” I picked up my pace.

  The nurses saw me coming. One of them stepped aside and told the others to move, too. The security guards looked me up and down before letting me enter, and I found myself in a room littered with food. Pudding was streaked across the floor. There was a spilled small carton of milk near the bathroom door. The bedding was covered in mustard and sandwich toppings.

  Gigi was sitting in a chair by the window with her forehead resting in her hand. My mother in all her glory wa
s sitting on her bed, shouting profanities at a man in the corner who, up until this very second, I hadn’t realized was my father.

  “Dad?” I blinked.

  All three of them looked at me. Gigi’s hand fell from her forehead. “What are you doing here?” she asked.

  “The hospital called to tell me my damage deposit on the private room was officially non-refundable.” I looked around at the torn and stained curtains and noticed that the bathroom floor was soaking wet. Mom had done her damndest to make sure everyone knew how pissed she was at the prospect of rehab. I sighed. “I’m sorry, Mom. But this is how it has to be. We’ve tried everything else. And this time is bad. Really bad.”

  “That’s what I’ve been trying to tell her,” my father growled from the safety of his corner.

  I glared at him and felt that oh-so-familiar rage come alive inside me. “Shut up. Why the hell would she listen to you? Where have you been? And why are you here now? Trying to redeem yourself before you meet your maker?”

  He brooded in the corner.

  “Nothing to say to that, Dad? You should know it’s going to take a hell of a lot more than showing up to the hospital this one time in the last six years to make up for the shit you’ve put this family through.”

  Gigi got to her feet. “Rhys. Enough. This doesn’t help anyone.”

  “Listen to your grandmother,” my father said.

  I rolled my eyes at the ceiling. Gigi marched over to me and poked me in the chest. “I thought I told you this wasn’t your problem. Don’t you have somewhere to be tonight?”

  “Yes, but—”

  “But nothing.” Gigi poked me again. “There is a beautiful young woman waiting for you. You need to go. We can handle this.”

  I glanced at my mother in the bed. Her hands were balled into fists. Her hair was plastered to her head. Fury was burning in her eyes, along with fear and shame and guilt. I sighed. “I don’t want to leave you like this.”

  Gigi put her hand to my cheek. “You’re not leaving her. Your mother wants what’s best for you. Don’t you?” She looked over her shoulder at her daughter.