Edified

by Marissa Sail Fike

  I wait as he takes a swig.

  “It was her first semester at UVM, and she thought she was in love. She and I were mostly keeping up through e-mails and texts at the time, but every once in awhile she would give me a call and tell me about college life. I wasn’t liking the sound of this guy from the start to be honest with you.”

  “Intuition kicking in?” I say.

  “Way in. She called me one night in tears. I didn’t have to ask a lot of questions to know I needed to go up there.”

  I frown, “Really? You kick his ass?”

  “Yeah I kicked his ass. Got it kicked right out of UVM too.”

  I smile, amazed at my friend, “Damn, Ross.”

  He shrugs like it's no big deal.

  “It didn’t take long after that for me to fall in love with her. I liked her for a little while leading up to this, but the love part didn’t kick in till later. She, on the other hand, took even longer to realize that I was her man.”

  “Oh yeah?” I say, biting off the wax tip off of a bottle and spitting it.

  “Yeah,” He stretches his arms back, “But she finally came to her senses.”

  I smile, taking a swig of my drink. The bubbles intermingle with the snapping rocks in a popping frenzy.

  As I stare out at the calm, ever green lake as it shimmers in the sunshine, I briefly recall a bright idea Sam and I once had to kiss with Pop Rocks in our mouths. It was the strangest sensation that ended in a fit of laughter and Rosie calling us gross.

  I steal a quick glance at my friend. I told him he hadn’t changed a bit, but he really had in subtle ways. His jawline is more defined now, and he has a hint of stubble. His demeanor has lost its charming boyish vibes and taken on one of strength and masculinity. My friend, who once hated the idea of confrontation or causing any trouble, has now gotten someone kicked out of a college and since claimed his woman. I suppose it’s his confidence that has heightened over the years. Sam is the same … yet he’s different.

  “How is Grace doing? Have you heard?” He says, tearing me from my thoughts, “Are she and Jayden still going strong?”

  I wince, “No … definitely not.”

  “I kinda figured.” He says, “My intuition is never wrong about these guys.”

  “They held it together for like, four years, though.” I say, “The breakup was recent.”

  “Really? Now that actually does surprise me. Didn’t think Jayden had that kind of loyalty in him.”

  I frown, “He doesn’t.”

  “Oh,” Sam winces, “I got you.”

  We sip our drinks in silence for a few moments, soaking in all of this new information.

  “Oh, what was I thinking?” Sam says suddenly, “I should text Rosie. I bet she’d love to see you again.”

  I smile, “Yes! Please. If she’s into it, I’d love to have her as a bridesmaid.”

  “I’ll call her real quick,” Sam says, reaching for his phone in his back pocket.

  As he gets up to call her, I pull out my phone to check any messages. It’s been off since I entered the gym, so it vibrates with notifications as it boots back up. What I find is three missed calls from Zoe and a text.

  From: Adam

  Sent: 10/10/19

  Time: 12:03

  “Where you at, honey? We need to leave soon.”

  __________

  My eyes widen as I remember the photoshoot we scheduled for today with Zoe. And the text was sent a full HOUR ago.

  I tap out a quick text that I’ll be right there and pocket my phone. Sam is striding back towards me with a smile.

  “Rosie’s on her way. She’s excited.”

  “Oh, I’m sorry, Sam,” I say, “I totally forgot, but Adam and I have a photoshoot today and I really should get going.”

  Sam smirks, “A photoshoot? You hate taking pictures.”

  “I know,” I sigh, “But we need a good one to put on our invites.”

  “Ah,” He says, “Wedding stuff.”

  I smile sadly, “Please apologize to Rosie for me. I want to catch up with both of you guys soon.”

  He laughs, “Go on, Brooks, we’ll find something to do.”

  “Alright,” I say, giving him a quick side hug, “I’ll see ya.”

  “Run, girl, run.” He says after me.

  ***

  My house isn’t even far from here, but of course I hit every red light possible on the way home. When I pull into my driveway, I am relieved to see Adam’s car in the space next to mine. I hurry inside.

  He’s sitting at my table with piles of papers all around him. He looks at me unsmiling over the top of his glasses.

  “Did you forget?”

  His voice is calm as ever, but I can tell he’s displeased.

  “I’m so sorry. I totally did, and I had my phone turned off.”

  He continues reading over his papers.

  “Are you pretty much ready to go?” I say, fiddling with my car keys.

  “We’re over an hour and a half late, Rae,” He says, “I called Zoe to reschedule.”

  “You — Oh … okay. How’d you get her number?”

  He nods over to a note stuck to my fridge that has today’s date and Zoe’s number written on it, followed by a doodle of a camera.

  “Oh …” I echo, “But … you’re still here. And it’s a Thursday.”

  “Yes,” He sighs, “I took off work for this, remember? You told me Zoe’s only available on weekdays.”

  “That’s right …” I say, approaching the seat next to him, “I’m really sorry.”

  He’s silent as he straightens a stack of papers. I can see now that they are ungraded quizzes for one of his classes.

  “Where were you?” He says finally.

  “Well,” I say, folding my hands, “I had trig this morning of course, and then I went to the gym. I ran into an old friend there.”

  He writes something in red ink on one of the pages in front of him, “Anyone I would know?”

  I clear my throat, “Do you remember me telling you about Samuel Ross?”

  His ink pen stills. “Your ex?”

  Suddenly, I feel uncertain.

  “I mean, I guess. He’s hardly an ex, Adam. We were sixteen.”

  He clicks his pen and sets it down on the table, turning toward me.

  “Hold on. Let me see if I have this straight. You were late for something you really wanted to do in the first place, despite what I said about the other pictures we have being just fine. Something you asked me to take off work for. And that tardiness caused me to have to cancel the shoot and reschedule it for you so that I’ll have to take yet another day off work. And your reasoning behind doing that to me is because you were busy catching up with your ex?”

  I blink. It sounds terrible when he says it like that.

  “During which,” He continues, “Not to mention, you had your phone turned off, making it impossible for me or anyone else to get a hold of you.”

  “It’s not like that, Adam, I turned my phone off at the gym way before I ran into Sam. You know I do that.”

  His eyes narrow, “So I suppose it’d be perfectly reasonable for me to not show up for something I asked you to take off work for because I’m busy catching up with Lexi, is that what you’re saying?”

  “What?” I gape, “Okay, that is not the same.”

  Alexis Reed was Adam’s most serious girlfriend, second of course, to me.

  “Sam and I were just like … you know … after-school study-buddies.” I say, “Someone to go to formals with each year without all the drama.”

  “After-school ‘study buddies’.” Adam remarks, collecting his papers, “Sure, babe.”

  I open my mouth and then close it, realizing I’ve probably shared way too much information about my relationship with Sam in the past.

  I watch him gather his things and organize them into his satchel.

  “I’m not sure why you’re trying to compare what Sam and I had to what you and Alexis had.” I say, �
�As far as I know, weren’t you two preparing for a future together? How is that the same as a high school fling?”

  He says nothing and heads for the door.

  “Not that you care,” I add, following him, “But we pretty much just talked about you the entire time. And also, Sam has a girlfriend now. A really serious girlfriend.”

  He turns at the doorway, exhaling. He says nothing, but gives me a brief peck on the cheek before opening the door and leaving.

  I’m left shell-shocked, standing in the foyer.

  I’m not sure what just happened, but I definitely did not like it.

  19

  Grace - Friday

  I tossed and turned all night. My mind kept replaying what happened with Jayden and coming up with better ways I could’ve handled everything. I should’ve just acted neutral about seeing him again; Like I had already moved on and he no longer has any power over me. Why did I let him see me cry?

  The worst part is how badly my body wanted to just give in. What if that was God’s way of telling me to accept Jayden’s repentance and forgive him? Would that mean welcoming him back into my life?

  I stare at his number on my phone screen, so tempted to press the call button. To tell him everything. But then I remember something that he said last night that didn’t add up: That he wasn’t seeing Hadley anymore. That he’d cut communication with her.

  Last I checked, his Facebook didn’t back up that claim, but out of pure curiosity, I type his name into the search bar.

  To my surprise, nothing comes up. I apparently no longer have a Facebook friend named Jayden Grayson.

  This, of course, could mean one of two things: Either that Jayden is telling the truth, or that I am officially blocked.

  Probably the latter. I throw my phone across the bed, choosing to shove Jayden from my mind.

  It’s Friday. The big day. Meaning I need all the mental strength I can conjure.

  I spend a little extra time getting ready for the day. I outline my nails with perfect French tips and apply a layer of beige lipstick. I slip on a close-fitting black skirt and a white button-up shirt. From my jewelry box I select a classy, jeweled watch and some conservative hoop earrings along with my favorite black heels. I turn to see my profile in the mirror as I twist my hair into a neat bun. I’m going for a no-nonsense, businesswoman look, and I feel like I’ve nailed it. My gaze flicks over to the circled date on my wall calendar: Hadley - 11 o’clock - Vanelos.

  My eyes drop down to the handwritten note pinned to my bulletin board. The apology and phone number from Liam. I almost thought the note would’ve inspired me for the day ahead — made me feel desirable and untouchable — but instead, I find myself burning with fury. Why had I kept any evidence of someone else’s infidelity, and used it to make myself feel good? I must really be at an all-time low. I rip the paper down from my board and pick up my cell phone, pressing the numbers on my phone digit by digit.

  The dial tone beeps five long tones before the answering machine picks up, “You’ve reached Liam Cross. Please leave your name, phone number and a brief message and I will get back with you as soon as possible.” I expect the beep to follow directly after the message, but instead I hear what sounds like the same message repeated, but in some other language — Italian maybe? Then the beep.

  I shake my head to clear it and make my voice firm.

  “Liam, this is Grace. We met a few days ago in the Café, and you gave me your number. I just wanted to say how highly inappropriate that was, seeing as though you have a girlfriend — who I would be more than happy to contact for you about this, by the way. Please do not use this number to call me back,” I say, “and for goodness sake, quit handing out your number to random girls.”

  I tap the ‘end call’ button and throw my phone in my purse. I crumple up the note and toss it in the trash can once and for all as I take one final look in the mirror. I press my beautifully beige lips together in a pucker before grabbing my keys and heading out the door.

  ***

  I pull up to Vanelos and pick a stool at the bar. I was never much of a drinker myself.

  I’ve only been to Vanelos on nights when Rae dragged me, and I was usually the designated driver. But I figured today … with the topics I’d be drudging up, and moreover who I’d be drudging them up with, might call for a little alcohol.

  Shortly after my arrival, the familiar blonde comes in and shoots a smile at the bartender, who waves at her. I plaster on a smile when she joins me at the bar.

  “Hey!” She says, reaching over for a hug.

  “I guess you come here quite a bit?” I say, hugging her back.

  She laughs, “That’s a fun story. I was nineteen when I moved here, and I thought I had a pretty convincing fake ID, but Joshua here,” she nods to the bartender, “Called my bluff immediately.”

  My eyes widen, “Oh no.”

  She waves her hand, “He let it slide. Still gave me my drink and everything.”

  “Shhh,” The bartender cuts in, “Don’t make me regret it, Harris.”

  She laughs, “But not before giving me an all-responsible talking to of course. About how a young girl shouldn’t be lying about her age.”

  I watch as the two share comradery and after a few minutes we order margaritas.

  I try to act natural as we make small talk and sip our drinks for the next ten minutes, but I’m not sure how much more avoiding the topic I can do. I wait for the small talk to come to an awkward silence before gaining the courage to broach the reason we’re here.

  Folding my hands in my lap, I realize being direct is the only way I can do this.

  “I know it probably seemed weird that I contacted you out of the blue,” I start, choosing my words carefully, “But to be honest with you, I wanted to ask you something specifically.”

  A look flashes across her face. It isn’t malice or feigned innocence, but genuine curiosity.

  I take a deep breath. “Do you know someone by the name of Jayden Grayson?”

  She gives me an inquisitive smile, “Yes, he’s my boyfriend.”

  My chest squeezes tightly. That’s when I know for sure; she has no idea who I am to Jayden.

  “Like, you’re currently seeing each other?” I say.

  All traces of a smile disappear, “Yes … Why?”

  Her confirmation twists my stomach in knots. That low life lied to me again.

  Hadley sips her drink with a sudden look of uncertainty, waiting for me to continue.

  “I don’t know how to say this, Hadley. You’re clearly not anymore to blame than me, but Jayden was my boyfriend too.”

  She studies me carefully, “Okay?”

  “Not like, a long time ago … we broke up a little over three weeks ago.”

  I can see the gears in her mind turning as the color bleeds from her face. There is silence between the two of us as her light eyes stare at me, guarded, “What are you saying?”

  I shake my head, sorry that I have to be the bearer of this news, “I’m saying that we were played. Both of us.”

  She sits back in her chair, watching me, and I almost wonder if she feels skeptical of what I’m saying.

  “I naturally had a lot of questions for him when I first found out about you, none of which were answered.” I continue, “But when I saw you that first time at A&B, I recognized you immediately. I thought you knew who I was, too. But I guess … I was wrong about that?”

  “You thought I knew you? As in, took your man from you on purpose?” She says, somewhat defensively. Then her face softens. “Damn, it feels weird even referring to him as someone else’s man.”

  My shoulders ease down as I realize in her mind, Jayden belongs just as much to her as he does to me. This must be a lot to take in — that she’s not the only girl he’s been whispering sweet nothings to.

  A new bartender—Not Joshua—comes up and whisks away her empty glass.

  “Another ma’am?” He asks her.

  She regards him with a half-
hearted nod, and my heart just aches for her. All at once, I begin to feel that she’s a lot like me. The bartender slides over her drink, but Hadley only considers the glass, brushing it with her finger tips.

  “The truth is,” I begin again, “I was really hoping I could ask you some questions about the whole thing,” I say, taking my guard down in hopes that she will do the same. “Not just because Jayden wouldn’t answer them, but because the idea of seeing him again just … hurts a lot. I’d like to keep him out of it.”

  “You’re not trying to get him back?” She asks.

  I shake my head, “Definitely not.”

  Not after he lied to me last night about not being with you anymore. Right after basically promising me no more lies.

  “I don’t blame you …” She says, finally sipping her drink.

  It dawns on me that she might have questions for me.

  “I’m happy to answer anything you want to know as well. I was just hoping you could give me some closure.”

  She nods, “Okay. I can try.”

  I recall the list of questions I’d written down to ask her, trying to decide which ones were crucial and which ones were unnecessary heartache.

  “How did you guys meet?” I conclude.

  I see a hint of a smile play on her lips before it disappears, “A couple months back, my sister invited me to come see her and her new husband in Nevada. I had just adopted my little Pomeranian, Hudson, at the time, and it was too expensive for me to take him on the plane with me, so I hired my cousin to take care of him while I was gone.”

  I nod, interested.

  “I really should’ve known better than to ask my cousin to watch him. I should’ve just asked Kaya to take him for awhile so he could hang out with Coco. But long story short, somehow Hudson got out of the house on my cousin’s watch and tore off down the street. He was still missing by the time I got home. Of course, my cousin was sick about what happened, but we couldn’t find him anywhere. So naturally I printed about fifty ‘lost puppy’ posters, attached my number and a cash award, and hung them up all over town. A few more days went by without any calls and I was starting to lose hope, when finally my cell rang, and guess who it was.”