A Christmas Kiss with Her Ex-Army Doc

by Tina Beckett

  “It’s just different from the places I’ve worked.”

  Of course it was. “The military doesn’t decorate for the holidays?”

  “They do, it’s just not normally so...” He paused, as if searching for the right word. “So extravagant.”

  Hollee looked with different eyes and could see how he might think that. “I’m sure where we’re going, then, you’ll feel right at home.” Then, wondering if that sounded pompous, she added, “It’s not the decorations that make Christmas special. It’s the spirit behind it. Arlington Regional has a lot of children who walk through those doors. And sometimes they need a little bit of hope—a little bit of magic.”

  “I never thought of it that way. I guess I’m used to dealing with cynical adults whose deep pockets only give up funds for other things.”

  “Things that save lives.” She smiled. “But you’re right. I think it all depends on its target audience.”

  If things went as planned she would be here to help out on at least one of the hospital’s “Staff Santa” afternoons in the next couple of weeks, when they handed out gifts in the pediatric ward. It was always fun to see who they got to play the part of Santa. After that, she’d be away in Appalachia, in a town called Bender, for the rest of the festivities, playing a completely different kind of Santa. Two groups so very different but that both needed a shot of hope and happiness.

  They arrived in the cafeteria, which was also decorated for the season, boasting small centerpieces on each of the laminate tables. She headed straight for the coffee machine, where she dumped a couple of sealed creamers titled “Mint Fantasy” and three packets of sugar into a cup.

  He smiled. “I see you like a little coffee with your flavored syrup.”

  “It’s the only way to enjoy it.” She scrunched her nose. “I’ll never understand how people can drink theirs black.”

  “Since that’s how I like mine...”

  “Okay, so maybe I was being a little judgmental. But for me, coffee is a dessert. Best savored in tiny delicious sips that make you tingle all over. Sweet, luscious and silky smooth.” She closed her eyes for a second, her tongue already anticipating the flavor.

  Clancy didn’t answer, and when she glanced up, she found his eyes on her in a way that made her swallow. Oh, God. She’d made her coffee sound almost like...sex.

  Strangely, they’d only shared a single kiss but, like her dessert coffee, she could still taste him. That light touch between them had been romantic and sweet and had hinted at things that had made her skin heat.

  Their kiss had happened at Christmas too, and she could still remember exactly what had led up to it. Ava had pointed above her at something on the ceiling of her and Clancy’s childhood home with a wink, and when Hollee had glanced up, she’d seen a sprig of mistletoe.

  And she had been standing right underneath it. And Clancy... She could still see his mischievous grin. That time he’d kissed her on the cheek. He’d saved the real kiss for later that evening, when he’d driven her home. Only that time he’d been the one holding the sprig. And when their lips had met...

  She closed her eyes, suddenly angry with herself for even thinking of that night.

  It might have meant something to her, but it hadn’t to him. He’d made that very clear.

  It was as if someone had flipped a switch and turned Clancy into a totally different person. He’d still been intense, his loose bad-boy vibe deadly to the senses. Obviously a lot of other women had found him just as attractive. He still was.

  When his attitude toward her had shifted, she’d nursed that hurt until it had festered, convincing her that Jacob was the better choice. After all, she felt like she knew him, whereas Clancy had become a stranger. When Jacob had wanted to save sex for their wedding day, she’d been fine with it. But when they’d finally slept together, it had been a huge letdown, and she wasn’t sure why. But she’d loved Jacob and had convinced herself it didn’t matter.

  But maybe it had. Maybe if she and Clancy had had let-down sex, she wouldn’t be sitting here now wondering if he would have been as delicious as her coffee.

  She turned away, feeling like she was betraying Jacob’s memory somehow. Maybe she’d been guilty of comparing them all along, and Jacob had figured it out. Maybe that’s why he’d changed.

  Forget it. She concentrated on pouring and stirring her coffee and snapping on the lid. She should have just gone home, instead of offering to keep Clancy company. Tearing open old wounds was not something she was interested in doing. Especially if it would cause forgotten memories to come creeping back, dragging a matching bag of emotions with it.

  “Ready to head to the waiting room?” she asked.

  “Yes.” Then he frowned, touching her hand. “Thank you for checking on Ava. And being her friend.”

  “She’s always been there when I’ve needed her. How could I do any less?”

  “Well, I’m glad you were there anyway.”

  “I’m sorry about the father. It was a rough time for her.”

  He shrugged. “Mom didn’t even tell me what happened until I came home. I knew she was expecting, but not that he’d run off with someone else while I was still in Afghanistan. Maybe that was a good thing.”

  “Will you go back overseas?”

  “No. I was ready for a change.”

  Something shifted in his demeanor, making her say, “It couldn’t have been easy.” Her glance went back to his face and the separation in his eyebrow. If anything, the scar made him look even more gorgeous, which was ridiculous. A scar was simply epithelial tissue that filled in a wound. It didn’t change who he was.

  Or did it? He seemed less carefree than he had ten years ago. Harder in ways she couldn’t quite put her finger on. He was twenty-nine, just two years older than she was. There were no strands of gray in that thick, dark head of hair, but he almost seemed ancient, his frown line carving a deep groove that nothing would erase. She hated to think what he’d seen over there.

  As they walked back toward the elevators, Neil Vickers, the hospital administrator, stopped them. “I don’t know if either of you have been in the staff lounge, but I put a sign-up sheet in there. I want to get an idea of how many we have for the Bender trip.” He looked from one to the other. “That is if you two are still interested in going.”

  Hollee didn’t hesitate. “I am. I’ll make sure I put my name on the list.”

  “Great. FEMA has just finished setting up a disaster relief camp. So they should be ready for us by the time our group arrives.”

  Clancy hadn’t said anything, and she wondered if he’d changed his mind about going. Neil must have thought along the same lines because he glanced over at him. “How are you settling in?”

  “So far, so good. I’ll take a look at the sign-up sheet.”

  Hmm, that was rather noncommittal. What happened to all that talk about them both being adults and able to handle situations like this?

  If he decided not to go, that would be a relief, right?

  “That’s all I can ask,” Neil said.

  “My sister is in surgery right now for preterm labor, and my decision has to hinge on the outcome.”

  The administrator frowned. “I didn’t know. I’m sorry.”

  “Not a problem. Hopefully everything will turn out all right, and I can join the team.”

  Hollee had almost forgotten about that. Of course he wanted to see what happened with Ava and the baby. She felt like a fool for thinking his hesitation had anything to do with her.

  She steered the conversation away from the subject, hoping to reassure Clancy that everything would turn out okay. “Do you think it would be all right if I bring some Christmas lights to decorate the tents or wherever we end up staying?”

  “I didn’t see anything against that in the paperwork. It might even help morale. We’ve already planned on b
ringing some small gifts for the kids. They’re going to send me a rough count of the numbers once they get organized.”

  “That’s great.”

  “Don’t forget to sign up,” he said again, before waving and heading the way they’d just come. Why not? Even Neil had to eat.

  “Let’s head right to Maternity,” she said. “I can sign up afterward.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Yes, I’m anxious to see if there’s any word.”

  Making their way there, they stopped at the nurses’ station, and the person behind the desk gave them a smile, not even asking what they wanted. “She’s doing well. The baby’s out and being assessed. She’s tiny, but perfect. I don’t think she’s going to need as much support as many born that early.”

  Clancy planted a hand on the desk as if to support himself. “Can we see her?”

  “Not yet. They’re still closing her up.” The nurse hesitated. “And she does have the flu, so we’re taking extra precautions.”

  “We’ve all had the flu shot, obviously, but we’ll be careful.”

  Wow, Clancy had said “we” as if expecting her to go with him to see Ava. And of course she wanted to. Even if seeing the relief in his eyes had just about done her in. How hard would it be to see Clancy’s niece, knowing that his family was growing, while she was alone?

  In five years of marriage, Jacob had continually put off having children, at first saying they had plenty of time. The last time, he’d said he wasn’t sure if he wanted children at all...with her.

  Those words had hurt in a way that went beyond description. But he’d said he didn’t want a divorce, he wanted to work things out, even though she’d seen no evidence of that before his last deployment.

  In the end, nothing had been settled between them. Had Jacob somehow known about her youthful crush on Clancy? No. Of course not. That had been over before they’d gotten married. And Hollee never would have cheated on him. Not even with Clancy. Her infatuation had been just the foolish stuff of youth.

  She was over it now. And she’d donned her anti-Clancy armor as soon as she’d seen him again. She was well protected and ready for anything.

  At least, she hoped she was. Especially if he ended up going on the relief trip. The last thing she needed to do was dig up that old crush and start mooning over the man again. Especially if he still played the field, like he had when they’d been younger. If that was the case, and he tempted her to share more than a simple kiss, she would be setting herself up for a whole lot of hurt. And this time there would be no one there to catch her when she fell.

  CHAPTER THREE

  CLANCY PUT HIS gloved hand through the opening of the incubator and touched Jennifer Jay de Oliveira’s tiny hand, marveling at the sweet face. The Jay stood for Jacob, a nod to their friend. That rankled. When he got the chance he was going to advise Ava to choose something else. But he didn’t want to do that in front of Hollee.

  He didn’t want to hurt her if he didn’t have to. If that meant taking his old friend’s secret to the grave and letting her continue to think Clancy had been a jerk back then, so be it. If he hadn’t been such a kid at the time, he might have sat back and thought for a while before letting his friend’s veiled hints and his own insecurities convince him that he was not what Hollee—who was valedictorian of her class—needed. What she deserved. But at the time he’d thought Jacob was right.

  Clancy had coasted along for most of high school, wandering aimlessly, drifting from one pretty girl to another. His friends had been the one constant in his life. Until he’d kissed Hollee and found it mattered more than he had expected it to. And then even that friendship had been destroyed. Thanks to his own stupidity.

  His life had changed when he’d joined the military and had seen the need for medical personnel. It was like he’d found his purpose in life.

  “She’s so beautiful.” The low voice of the person he’d just been ruminating about slid past his ear, making his insides tighten.

  “Yes, she is.” He’d invited her here. He wasn’t sure why, except that Ava and Hollee were close friends, their friendship bound so tightly together that they’d weathered all the ups and downs of childhood. Not so with his and Hollee’s friendship. He’d made a choice he’d never dreamed he’d regret.

  But he did regret it, even though Hollee had been happy with Jacob, and since she’d never learned the truth, she continued to believe her marriage had been perfect.

  Clancy had done his damnedest to stay busy, dating lots of women. He hadn’t wanted Jacob or Hollee to guess the battle going on inside him, so he’d played up the freewheeling commitment-phobe aspect of his personality.

  Maybe there’d been more to the act than he realized, since he was still single and had no desire to change that fact.

  “At least Ava is okay, even though she can’t see Jennifer yet.”

  They’d come to see the baby first to avoid any possibility that they’d pass something from mom to newborn. As it was, Ava wouldn’t be able to see her baby for four or five days, until the period of contagion was over. It was for the baby’s safety mostly, but Ava had been through an ordeal on top of being sick. She needed rest, and her body needed time to heal. She could still provide nourishment for the infant, since the flu virus didn’t pass into breast milk. She couldn’t feed her directly, but she could pump and have it sent to the NICU.

  He turned and glanced at Hollee, noticing that she had a faraway look in her eye. She and Jacob had never had kids. Was she regretting that? He hadn’t talked to his friend enough after his engagement to know if there was a reason, other than a choice he and Hollee had made. Maybe they couldn’t have kids. Or maybe he hadn’t wanted to be tied down by them.

  That would explain a lot, actually, knowing what he did about Jacob.

  “Better to wait and be sure than to endanger the baby out of impatience.”

  He’d have done well to heed that advice himself.

  “Yes, I agree.”

  “Do you want to touch her?” he asked.

  “Oh...um, I’m good. You take all the time you need.”

  A shakiness to her voice made him pause. “You don’t like cuddling babies?”

  “I do. My mom is watching mine.”

  Shock made him turn around, his hands sliding out of the incubator’s access ports. “Excuse me?” She had a child? He’d assumed...

  “Well, maybe I should amend that. My ‘baby’ has four legs and is covered with fur.”

  He went slack with a relief that took him by surprise. “A dog?”

  “A German shepherd named Tommie.”

  “I actually have a dog too. Only he’s a basset hound mix.”

  She laughed. “I love bassets.”

  “He’s quite a character. Mom comes over to let him out during the day. She’s coming up to see Ava and the baby in a little while.”

  “I’d love to meet your dog sometime.”

  A sliver of surprise went through him. She’d barely said twenty words since they’d come into the NICU area, and the change from then until now was dramatic. Her eyes were bright green and a smile revealed a peek-a-boo dimple at the corner of her mouth that he’d almost forgotten existed. It fascinated him as much now as it had when they had been teenagers. It was what had drawn his gaze repeatedly to her mouth after that kiss on the cheek, and the very thing that had instigated the very real kiss at her house later that night.

  Dragging his gaze away, he focused on her eyes instead. “We’ll have to get them together for a walk, although I have to warn you that Gordy doesn’t always match his soulful brown eyes. Sometimes he can be a grump.”

  “That’s okay. Tommie has enough cheer for five dogs.”

  What the hell was he doing? They were not two single parents planning play dates. Seeing her outside the hospital was not a good idea. But since they might be spe
nding two weeks together in the near future, this might be a good opportunity to ease their way into things. It wasn’t like they were going on an actual date. Just walking their dogs together.

  “I guess we’ll see. It looks like Ava and the baby will be okay, and if that’s the case I’ll probably go down to the Appalachian area with everyone else. What are you doing with your dog while you’re gone?”

  “The same as what you’re doing while you’re at work. My mom will come over and take care of her. She’ll probably stay at the house with her, actually. She has a soft spot for Tommie. It almost makes me jealous at times.”

  He stiffened. That had been exactly what had gotten him into trouble with Hollee. He’d had a soft spot for her that had morphed into something else entirely. And, hell, if he hadn’t been a jealous bastard the day of her wedding, even though he’d been a continent away. He’d drunk himself into oblivion just to keep from calling Jacob and saying he’d changed his mind. That the union no longer had his blessing.

  Knowing what he did now, maybe it would have been better if he had. But hindsight was twenty-twenty, and there was nothing he could do about any of it now.

  “My mom likes Gordy as well. He kept her company after I was deployed. She said it eased her loneliness while I was gone.” Gordy had to be pushing seven now, although Clancy didn’t know his exact age. And he was glad he could spend the dog’s remaining years with him. Staying away had been the easier choice, but he truly believed that coming home was now the right one.

  Hollee turned away, wrapping her arms around her waist. “Are you ready to see Ava?”

  Damn. Had his mention of his mom’s loneliness reminded her of her own loss?

  “You don’t have to come if you don’t want to.”

  She turned back. “I do. She’s my friend, although I should have been checking on her more. It’s time I made amends for that.”

  Maybe it was time he made amends too for the way he’d behaved. He might have been trying to do the right thing but had ended up hurting her, according to what Ava had said all those years ago. His sister had not been happy with him. But that was okay. He hadn’t been happy with himself.