A Christmas Kiss with Her Ex-Army Doc

by Tina Beckett

  She was perfect. Absolutely perfect. The baby had stopped crying, her big blue eyes struggling to focus on him.

  “Hi, there, beautiful. You have no idea how happy I am to see you.”

  “So am I.” Hollee was back beside him, her shoulder brushing his as she looked down at the baby. “She is beautiful. Rita—our midwife—has everything under control. I imagine she’s dealt with things like this before, but sometimes it all happens so fast, and when you don’t have an extra set of hands when you need them...well, it can get overwhelming.”

  “Yes, it can. Speaking of which, thanks for walking me through things. It’s been a while.”

  “You did a wonderful job and delivered a healthy baby. That’s all that counts in the end.”

  He smiled and touched a finger to the newborn’s tiny nose, marveling at just how small she was. He’d had that same sense of wonder when holding Ava’s new daughter. “It’s amazing, isn’t it?”

  “Yes. I feel it every time I help with a delivery.”

  Clancy wasn’t sure if that’s all it was in this case. Maybe knowing how precarious the situation had been made him feel a little more exposed. A little more vulnerable. All he knew was that holding this little one felt right and good and—

  “Is she okay?” Maria’s anxious eyes were on them, reminding him this wasn’t his baby or Hollee’s, but someone else’s.

  He gave a forced smile. “She’s doing great.”

  Hollee took the baby, laying her on Maria’s chest, skin to skin, letting them bond.

  The woman murmured to her newborn, stroking her fingers through the dark tufts of baby fine hair.

  “I guess we’d better let the baby’s father know she’s okay.”

  Hollee laughed. “Oh, no! I totally forgot about him.”

  So had he.

  When Clancy went through the door, he found the new dad sitting on a couch, head bowed low, hands dangling between his knees. His slumped posture said he expected the worst but had stayed put as he’d been told.

  “Everyone’s fine. You have a healthy baby girl.”

  His head came up. “A girl? I have a girl?”

  Clancy nodded.

  The dad came over and grasped Clancy’s hand in both of his, shaking it wildly. “A girl! I have a baby girl!”

  How would it feel to hear those words? That he had a daughter? His heart squeezed so hard it hurt, a wave of remorse crashing over him. He could have had that. If only his friendship to Jacob hadn’t meant so much—if he hadn’t been quite so ready to believe the worst about himself. And Hollee had married Jacob, so that kiss hadn’t meant all that much to her. Except Clancy had turned his back on her, pushing her away before it ever really got started.

  But why was he still dwelling on things that he had no damn control over?

  “Congratulations.” He nodded at the door to let the man know he could go in and be with his family. Hollee passed him in the doorway.

  “I came to see if everything was okay.”

  “It is. I’m pretty sure the news I handed him was not what he expected to hear.”

  “I’m sure it wasn’t.” She sighed and rested her head on his arm for a second. “I wondered for a little while if we were going to be able to deliver good news at all.”

  “Me too.” He liked the feel of her next to him, just like he’d reveled in holding that newborn a few seconds ago. Hollee’s closeness made him wonder if she could sense the turmoil inside him. “They probably should go to the hospital to make sure everything is okay, but with how hard it was for us to make it here, I’m pretty sure they won’t be able to.”

  “I agree. My only real worry at this point is swelling. We’ve had patients who’ve needed catheters for a day or two after some of those maneuvers.”

  He nodded. “I want to come back and check on her tomorrow.”

  “Not a bad idea.” She sighed. “Is it weird to think that this baby and Randy are the best things we’ve done since coming here?”

  Since he’d had the same thought, he shook his head. “No, I felt it too. But I’m sure all the patients we’ve seen the last two weeks have been appreciative.” He knew they had. He’d heard thank-yous from almost everyone they’d treated, despite the long waiting times.

  “They have. It’s just that it’s almost Christmas. And after seeing all the hardship Bender has gone through, today felt like a miracle. A pre-Christmas miracle. Working at a hospital, I sometimes lose sight of those kinds of things. I think I’d like to come back to Bender to help as they get back on their feet.”

  As someone who’d been on the other side of the equation, working in the field where he’d railed against the lack of modern conveniences that could have saved lives, he wasn’t sure he necessarily liked practicing under less than ideal circumstances. But he did understand where she was coming from. There was somehow a sense of accomplishment and gratitude when you saved lives, even when things were far from certain. When you worked your ass off and went the extra mile to make it happen.

  “Field hospitals are not always what they’re cracked up to be.”

  “You’ve already done all of this and more, haven’t you?”

  “The things I dealt with weren’t pretty, neither did they produce something as beautiful as a healthy baby. But we did save lives.”

  Her eyes went to his scar. “You’ve seen horrific things.”

  It wasn’t a question. “Yes, I have.” He smiled. “But not today. Today was a good day.”

  “Yes, Clancy. It most definitely was.”

  The midwife came out, wiping her hands with a towel. “Good, I caught you. I hate to ask, but is there any way you could stick around until tomorrow?”

  “We were already talking about coming back to check on things. I’m pretty sure there aren’t any bed and breakfasts up here, though.”

  “Jerry—the father—actually has a little cabin out back that his mother lived in while she was alive. It’s not much more than an efficiency apartment, but it does have a bedroom and a separate sleeper sofa in the living room. He asked if you’d be willing to stay there so someone is close. They only have two bedrooms and one has two other children in it.” She smiled. “If there’s not something crushing in town that needs to be taken care of, that is.”

  He glanced at Hollee, and she smiled. “I think that’s a great idea.”

  The midwife blew out a long breath. “Thank you for everything. Gavin, their son, got through okay?”

  “Yes, he did, and stayed in town so that Hollee could come with me. Let me call and make sure someone can keep him for the night. If so, yes, we’ll stay.”

  “There are some canned goods in the pantry that should tide you over. I’m going to stay and sleep here on the couch. I can call if something happens.”

  “Please do.” He gave her their cellphone numbers.

  Now that it had been decided, Clancy’s thoughts were straying back into areas they shouldn’t be. Like the fact that he and Hollee would be alone in a cabin. Wasn’t that the very thing he’d been thinking about earlier? About complications and possibilities?

  Yes, but he’d better knock that last one right back out of his head. While he still could.

  CHAPTER NINE

  AS THEY DROVE through the slushy backyard to get to the cabin, Clancy worked the controls on the handlebars of the ATV with the same dexterity he’d used to deliver that baby. He’d been sure and decisive, even as fear had tickled the back of her throat that they might not be able to pull it off. Despite her worries to the contrary, he really hadn’t needed her help. He’d already been moving from one thing to the next in a logical order, climbing his way from simple to complicated.

  Until he’d succeeded.

  She had a feeling that succeeding was important to Clancy.

  It was important to her as well, but there were things that
mattered more. Like what they’d experienced today. That raw turbulence that made the human experience what it was. She wouldn’t trade that for all the success in the world. Neither would she trade the rare vulnerability that she’d seen in Clancy after the baby had been born. He’d cooed to her and held her and had looked like he couldn’t get enough of her.

  Hollee had loved watching him with her. So much so that she’d had to take a step back so she didn’t get caught up in his emotion. More than that, she hadn’t wanted to disturb that sweet connection he’d had with that little one.

  She snuggled against him for the last couple of yards, needing that connection with him herself, though she wasn’t sure why. Maybe it was the aftermath of the struggle for life that made up the human experience. Even though in this instance she was going to pretend that it was caused by the bumps in the path between the houses.

  They pulled to a stop in front of a cabin very much like the main house, only on a smaller scale. She got off the ATV and turned to look at him. “This is really cute.”

  “Cute.” One of his brows hiked up. “You took the word right out of my mouth.”

  His lips curved in that crooked smile that she’d loved so much when she’d been in the throes of that high school crush. People who crossed his path today no doubt wondered if the smile was the product of his scars, due to nerve damage. But Hollee could assure them that his sideways grin was one hundred percent Clancy. He’d probably come out of the womb with that adorably quirky feature. At the thought of a group of nurses swooning over a baby Clancy, she laughed.

  “What?” He glanced over at her, climbing off the vehicle and pulling the keys from the ignition.

  “Nothing. Just wondering something.” There was no way she was going to tell him what that was. It was far too dangerous to her psyche.

  “You looked good, holding that baby,” he said.

  The change in subject made her smile. “So did you.”

  When she realized there was more to his statement than a simple observation, her smile faded. She’d asked herself that same question repeatedly. But there’d never been a ready answer.

  She tried to tack more onto the last explanation she’d given him. “It was just never the right time, I guess. Jacob just...” She swallowed back the rush of emotions that were still raw and yet, oh, so familiar. Why hadn’t he wanted a baby with her?

  “Sorry, it’s none of my business.”

  She could understand his curiosity, though. Her mom had often pestered her about the same thing, but it was pretty crushing to have to admit that you wanted a child when your husband had no interest in that at all. And by the end he’d barely wanted to sleep with her. She’d done the asking, and he’d evaded her. The insecurities she’d felt back then had been crushing and horrifying. In her worst moments she’d wondered if Jacob was cheating on her, or if he somehow knew about that kiss that she’d shared with Clancy. But unless Clancy had told him...

  Which she very much doubted. After all, Clancy had backed away from her as well.

  She licked her lips and decided to bare one wound. “I wanted them. But in the end Jacob...didn’t.”

  “Oh, hell, Hollee, I’m sorry. Did he give a reason?”

  “Just that he wasn’t ready. And after five years of marriage I stopped asking. For anything.” It felt good to finally say that out loud, even though Clancy probably wouldn’t catch what she meant by that last part. A weight lifted from her shoulders.

  His hand moved under hers, palm to palm. He didn’t close his fingers around her, but his thumb did stroke across her skin in a way that sent a shiver through her.

  She decided if he could ask a question, so could she. “You never got married.”

  “Nope. I never did.” As if a window slammed shut, so did the shared confidences, his hand moving out from under hers.

  Stung, she withdrew, her fingers twining together. So much for baring her soul. That door evidently didn’t swing both ways.

  As if realizing what he’d done, he glanced over at her. “I didn’t mean that to sound harsh. I just never really met anyone I wanted to settle down with.”

  Evidently not. Maybe that was why he’d dated woman after woman, never quite finding what he’d been looking for. He’d added her to that list of not-quite-right rejects.

  She blinked. Except they’d slept together a few weeks ago.

  Ha! No sleep had been had by either party.

  But there must still be some kind of attraction on his part, unless it was just old-fashioned lust between a man and a woman. Even she’d tried to pass it off as that but had wondered several times if that was exactly true. Their time together had stirred up feelings she’d thought were long sent to the ash heap. But when she blew on them, a vague glow appeared. Just the barest hint of something left over.

  He rotated one of his shoulders as if trying to rid himself of something. “Let’s go inside before it gets any colder.”

  Passing through the door ahead of him, she was surprised to see that someone had already started a fire in the woodstove in the main area. It must have been done while they’d been washing their hands and cleaning up. It was still chilly, but already warmer than it was outside. There was a stack of wood beside the stove that looked like it had been freshly dumped.

  She walked over to the heat source, closing her eyes as she walked through a silky layer of warm air. In the background, she could hear Clancy talking on the phone to Matt, the FEMA liaison, telling him what their plans were and asking if there was someone who could take care of Gavin for the night. From the sound of it, that wouldn’t be a problem.

  That was good, because she was both keyed up and exhausted at the same time, each emotion warring for first place in her body.

  So was something else, and it was making her feel slightly crazy. The waves of heat from the stove were starting to feel a little too good, were starting to remind her of other ways to stay warm. Like on the back of that ATV. Or twined together under the cozy weight of winter blankets.

  Sex with him shouldn’t have been as good as it was. But there she had it. A damn stove was reminding her how much she still wanted him.

  “Are you okay?”

  She blinked and mumbled that she was and started to move away from the fire, only to have him stop her with a look. He came to stand in front of her.

  “What’s wrong, Hollee? You’ve been acting weird ever since we walked through that door. Before that, even.” Oh, Lord, had he guessed her thoughts?

  “I’ve been acting weird? I could say the same about you.”

  “It’s been a stressful week.” He stared at her. “Are you sure you’re okay with staying here with me? I can try to get you back to town and return on my own.”

  “I don’t want to go back.”

  She left it at that, her teeth digging into her bottom lip. When Clancy followed the movement, her breath stalled. In his eyes was a familiar heat. Something much more than the tiny ember from their past.

  “You drive me crazy sometimes. Did you know that?” His fingers touched her arm, trailed up it until he reached her nape.

  “You used to tell me that all the time when we were younger.” She was treading on dangerous ground, and she knew it. But did she care? Not at the moment.

  “I’m not talking about that kind of crazy.”

  She already knew that. But, then, of course, he didn’t know that he drove her insane either. That she’d been sitting here thinking crazy thoughts herself.

  His thumb stroked the sensitive area behind her ear. “Do you want coffee?”

  Coffee? The last thing she wanted was a hot beverage. What she wanted instead was a hot...

  Oh, God. Something was seriously wrong with her.

  “No. I don’t want coffee.”

  He gave her that slow, devastating smile. “That’s good, because I don’t either. Do
you want the bed...or the couch?”

  This time when his hand moved, his thumb toyed with her bottom lip in a way that caused her whole body to sit up and take notice. God, if he was seriously asking her where she wanted to sleep instead of where she wanted to be with him, she was going to be horribly disappointed.

  He leaned his forehead against hers. “Damn, Hollee, tell me we shouldn’t do this. That we could get a call any minute saying we’re needed in the house.”

  “A minute is all it would take for us to get dressed.” She licked her lips. “And I can’t say we shouldn’t do this. Because it would be a lie.”

  He leaned back to look at her, and she wondered if she’d just made a fool out of herself. If he was going to clear his throat and warn her not to get too invested in him, that he was only passing through...

  “Lying is a sin.”

  The way he’d said that... Lord, it was getting hot in here. “W-we wouldn’t want to sin, would we?”

  Putting his lips close to her ear, he whispered, “I don’t know. I think it depends on which of the seven deadly ones we’re talking about. Because I can think of one I might like to explore. At length.”

  Her heart leaped at the seductive edge to those words, and suddenly she was floating in the clouds even as she tried to chain herself to the nearest solid surface. Because she’d just been thinking about this, and it looked like she was about to get her wish, sin or no sin. Right here. Right now.

  * * *

  Clancy walked her backward until her back was against the first flat surface he could find, shrugging out of his coat as he went, not caring that his cellphone was still in the pocket. And when he covered her mouth with his, he swore he felt something shift inside him. Something besides the obvious, which was doing some shifting of its own at the thought of having her again.

  And that tiny nudge that said he might want more than one night? Well, he wasn’t going to stop and examine that too closely. Better just to enjoy the here and now and not look too far into the future.