Exasperating (Elite Protection Services Book 3)

by Onley James

  They stopped at the desk where a pretty uniformed woman with deep umber skin and wild black curls handed him a large clear plastic bag with his belongings, a slightly star-struck look on her face. He smiled at her, and she smiled back reflexively. “Thank you,” he managed.

  Once in the lobby, he freed his phone from the bag to call Jasmine, his publicist. She was the closest thing he had to a friend.

  “Obi, at least let me drop you at your apartment.”

  He didn’t want that man knowing where he lived. He opened his wallet and found his debit card, walking to the ATM in the corner of the precinct. “How much do I owe you?”

  “It’s not about the money. Come back to the compound with us. We can talk. All of us. Your brothers and sisters miss you.”

  “You haven’t worried about me for years. Nothing’s changed, Father.”

  He saw his father step closer from the corner of his eye, his voice dropping to a harsh whisper. “But it has. Your mother saw you…with that girl. She seemed a bit loose of morals, but we are willing to take her into the fold. We’re just so happy—”

  Robby’s lip curled as he cut his father off, raising his voice high enough to draw the attention of the few stragglers milling around. “Happy about what? Happy that I’m heterosexual? Well, plot twist. I’m not. I was just…experimenting. I’m still super gay, Father. Lots of gay sex. All the time. Can’t get enough dick.”

  His father’s face flushed an unhealthy red. He snatched Robby’s arm, shaking him hard, saliva flying from his mouth as he spit his words at him. “That’s enough. I will not stand here and listen to such…filth.”

  Robby shook his father off his arm. “Go home. There’s nothing for you here.” He withdrew the maximum the ATM allowed and stuffed it into his father’s hand. “We’re done now. Leave me alone.”

  “Wait—” his father started.

  A shrill female voice cut him off as she hurried down the hallway from parts unknown. “Robby? Oh, thank God. We thought for sure somebody would have made you their bitch by now.”

  Robby blinked at the dark-haired girl running toward him with purpose, taking in her black leather romper, red suede thigh-high boots, and obviously fake red fur coat. She looked vaguely familiar. Her companion more so. “Wyatt?” he asked.

  Wyatt gave a half-wave, his smile almost shy. “Hey. Elijah asked us to come rescue you from prison.”

  Robby’s heart skipped a bit. “He did?”

  It wasn’t Wyatt that answered, but the girl. Wyatt’s best friend…Magellen? Charlemagne. Charlie. Her name was Charlie. He narrowed his eyes as she spoke as if that might help him focus on her words. “Yeah, he said you’d been kidnapped.”

  “Kidnapped?”

  “Yeah, said you asked him to rescue Casanova and that you’d been kidnapped. It took hours for us to track you down. All we knew was that you were probably being arrested.”

  Casanova. “What time is it?” He scrambled for his phone. “Oh, God. It’s four o’clock in the afternoon. Casanova needs his meds. He needs to eat. He’s…delicate. Oh, God. He’s been alone for hours.”

  Robby could feel the tears coming, and the last thing he wanted was to fall apart in front of his father and two virtual strangers.

  Wyatt put an arm around him, squeezing him in a side hug. “Hey, relax. Linc sent somebody to rescue Casanova after Elijah’s phone call. Don’t let anybody in here see you fall apart. It will be all over the news.”

  Charlie crowded his other side, effectively blocking him from the onlookers. “Are you ready to leave? We have a car waiting out back. We’ll take you to Linc’s office so you can get your dog, okay?”

  He gave a nod, sagging against Wyatt. To his credit, the older boy didn’t let go, just steered him towards the hallway, which turned out to be the station’s back entrance.

  “Obidiah, we aren’t finished with this conversation,” his father shouted, following behind but not closely.

  “Obidiah?” Charlie and Wyatt repeated at the same time.

  “That’s not my name. Not anymore. Not ever again,” Robby snapped. “We are finished, Jeb. Go home.”

  Robby refused to look back. He let Wyatt and Charlie shuttle him into the back of a large SUV. She slammed the door, knocking on the glass that separated them and the driver. As soon as the car lurched into motion, Robby sagged back against the seat, feeling like somebody had exposed every nerve in his body, leaving him raw.

  “That’s some outfit you got there, kitty cat,” Charlie said before hissing and meowing.

  “I don’t think anybody dressed like a mobster’s mistress gets to point fingers at my fashion choices,” Robby managed, not even bothering to open his eyes.

  Charlie snickered. “Oh, kitty’s got claws. I like it. You’re way more fun since Elijah broke your heart.”

  Robby tried to ignore the way said heart squeezed, a sudden knot forming in his throat. It wasn’t Elijah, not really. It was all of it. His pounding head, his burning eyes, seeing his father standing there after all that time, his fear for his dog. The fact that the only people who had come to his rescue were two people he barely knew. He’d never felt so utterly alone…and so very tired.

  “Charlie!” Wyatt snapped.

  “What? Are we just supposed to pretend all of this is normal? We just rescued our friend’s ex-boyfriend from prison where he’s dressed like an underage male prostitute and talking to a dude who looked like he should be holding a sickle for a little kid named Malachi in some Nebraska cornfield. I have a lot of questions, so let’s just confront the Elijah-shaped elephant in the car. Is this Miley level meltdown really because Elijah broke your heart?”

  To Robby’s horror, the sob he’d been holding back escaped. He pressed his fist to his lips but it was too late. Tears welled in his eyes, burning his already irritated skin.

  Wyatt shot Charlie a scathing look. “See what you did?”

  Charlie sucked in a breath. “Oh, no. I’m sorry. Come to mama. Let it all out.” She patted her lap.

  Robby eyed her warily, annoyed that he wanted to let this strange girl comfort him, but Wyatt gave him a gentle shove and a reassuring smile. “Go ahead. She won’t stop nagging until you do. She’s powered by gay tears.”

  Robby didn’t have the emotional capacity to even try to fight her. He just let himself slump over until Charlie cradled his head in her lap. “That’s it. Go ahead and cry it out.”

  He did. Not gross body wracking sobs, but tears streamed down his face as he lay there feeling sorry for himself. Charlie’s scary claw-like nails felt nice as they combed through his hair and she crooned nonsense at him like a baby. At some point, he dozed off, but not before an awful thought struck him: What if this was all there was for him?

  Calder Seton had been given many strange tasks since he’d started working with Elite Protection Services, but babysitting the world’s ugliest dog definitely topped the list. Lincoln had called him before the sun came up with a strange request. Go to the address given and retrieve the hideous beast, gather his supplies, and take said beast back to his apartment until further notice.

  It had taken forty minutes to coax the dog out of hiding and longer still to gather up the list of supplies. He wasn’t sure whose apartment he had skulked around in but they clearly loved this dog. He’d taken the containers full of fancy dog food from the fridge and the sparkly red bowls from the floor before spending far too much time searching for the box Linc said would be in a cabinet somewhere in the owner’s tidy bedroom. He’d finally found the black and white polka dot box with ‘Casanova’ emblazoned across it in red glitter letters under the bathroom sink. Inside was an assortment of medications and tubes full of creams for what Calder imagined were the dog’s many ailments.

  Calder had spent the next ten or so hours in his apartment having a staring contest with the creature, now convinced it was more muppet than canine. It clearly had an unfair advantage as Calder was almost positive the dogs eyes were looking in different directions,
which made him feel unsafe somehow. It was tiny, like the kind of dog one of his socialite clients carried in their overpriced handbags. But no self-respecting socialite would be caught dead with this dog.

  The thing was pale and hairless except for the strange tufts of black fluff growing sparsely at its ankles and the tip of its tail. The small amount of hair on its head formed a mohawk, but Calder thought it looked deliberate like a defense mechanism to warn people away, as if that would ever be a problem. Its teeth were too big, giving it an overbite, and his tongue lolled out of his mouth at all times.

  Despite its demonic appearance, the dog made no noise. It never growled or barked. Even when he’d entered the overpriced apartment, it was painfully silent. It took him forever to find it, lurking like some mutant sewer rat just behind the toilet. He couldn’t even begin to imagine why his boss would have need for such a creature, but it wasn’t his place to ask questions. He was just glad his babysitting duties had finally come to an end.

  As he passed the conference room, he saw the boss’s husband, Wyatt, sitting on the conference room table with his friend, Charlie, who dressed like she’d just left the night shift off Hollywood and Vine. They faced away from him, talking to somebody who sat in a chair in front of them, but he couldn’t see who it was. He could only make out ripped jeans and pristine white sneakers. He shrugged off his curiosity, eager to unburden himself of the gremlin trembling in his arms.

  He didn’t knock on Linc’s door before entering as it already sat slightly ajar. His boss sat behind the huge mahogany desk in jeans and a black EPS polo shirt that hugged huge biceps, signing papers while his assistant, Emma, sat in the chair opposite him. Emma leaned forward, pointing at things on the page. “And sign there, too. And then that’s it. I’ll get these over to Jack, and then I’m going to dinner if that’s okay with you?”

  Linc grunted in the affirmative, glancing up when Calder entered, one brow hooking upward at his new canine companion.

  “You wanna tell me why I just had to spend hours guarding the world’s ugliest dog?” Calder drawled, holding up said dog.

  Linc ignored his question. “Emma, can you take the animal to the kids? Then you can have the rest of the evening off. It’s already pretty late in the day.”

  Emma nodded, scooping the dog out of Calder’s arms and taking the bag full of supplies off his shoulder, glowering at him all the while.

  Calder grinned at her retreating back, amused by her mysterious hostility. “What’d I do to her?”

  Linc gestured for Calder to sit. “She’s the one who took the call from Kirsch yesterday.”

  Calder fought the urge to roll his eyes. It was a trap. Linc had only asked for his help to lure him into the office for yet another talking to. Were bait dogs a thing? He really wasn’t cut out for the politics of corporate work. There were just so many rules.

  He sprawled in the chair opposite Linc, sweeping his long dark hair off his shoulders and securing it with an elastic band. “What about Kirsch?” he asked, hopeful he read the situation wrong.

  Linc scoffed. “What do you think? He’s furious. He’s demanding his money back.”

  Outside, the sun pierced the veil of clouds, sending a beam of light through the window, pinning him in place and forcing him to squint. “He’s overreacting, man. You know how these rich folks are,” Calder hedged, refusing to admit to any wrongdoing until he knew what Linc knew.

  Charged silence filled the room as Linc fixed him with a dead stare. “You fucked his wife…and his son.”

  Yep. There it was. What could he say? “Not at the same time?”

  Calder wondered which one of them blabbed. Probably the housekeeper. At least Linc didn’t know about her. He hoped.

  Linc flopped back in his chair, exasperation leaching into his tone. “Your job is to keep his family alive, not stick your dick in them.”

  Calder snorted, another grin spreading over his face. “Did they die?” he drawled, letting the Texan seep into his voice. “No. In fact, it might be the first time they ever truly lived. My dick changes lives, man.”

  “Stop sticking your magical dick in my clients,” Linc boomed. Calder winced, glancing towards the windowed wall where the rest of the office all stood frozen, staring at the two of them with interest. Wyatt and Charlie both faced him now, laughing, but Calder’s eyes locked on the boy sitting between them. Robby Shaw. The jilted cupcake of Oscar-winning actor, Elijah Dunne. The boy didn’t laugh like the others. If anything, he looked shocked. Almost as shocked as Calder felt seeing the boy again after all that time. Something about the way that kid looked at him still went straight to his dick. Now was definitely not the time to get a boner.

  He forced himself to look away, turning back to his furious friend. “Linc, I’m not trying to be an asshole, but I feel the need to point out that both you and Shepherd married the only clients you were ever charged with watching. Hell, at this point Jackson might as well call this place Elite Protection and Matchmaking Services. I submit that I’m being unfairly targeted and punished not because I fuck our clients but because I just refuse to marry all of them afterward, and honestly, it’s starting to feel a bit like discrimination.”

  The vein on Linc’s forehead started to throb. Calder may have felt sorry for the man if he didn’t know Linc lived for this shit. He loved running a command, even if his team consisted of misfits and headcases. Calder had a foot firmly in each camp. “Come on, man. I promise I’ll try to stop being so goddamn irresistible.” Linc shook his head. Calder assumed that meant the verbal spanking was over. “So, tell the truth, did you have me kidnap that…mutant as some kind of punishment?”

  Linc nodded toward the conference room. Robby snuggled the hideous dog against his chest, feeding him something from a dropper. Once more, the boy’s gaze met Calder’s, like he sensed him watching. It sent a jolt of adrenaline through him. Calder felt like he was held captive by the boy’s stare, freed only once he dropped his gaze back to his canine companion. “What’s he doing here?” Calder managed.

  “Not sure. Shep said Elijah got a call at four in the morning their time with the boy out of it, claiming he’d been kidnapped. Shep heard a police siren and figured the kid was drunk or high in the back of a police car, which proved to be correct. He just kept going on and on about his dog. Shep called me, asked me to ping the kid’s cell phone, Wyatt stuck his nose where it didn’t belong as usual, and he and Charlie went to spring the kid from county lockup where he’d been picked up for a drunk and disorderly and assaulting a police officer.”

  Calder snorted. “Assaulting a police officer? Angel face in there? The kid is the personification of a basket of kittens. What did he assault him with? Kindness?”

  Linc’s lips twitched as he tried to keep a straight face. “A twelve-inch black dildo known as the ‘hole wrecker.’”

  Calder turned back to look at the boy who was adamantly not looking in their direction any longer. When he turned back around, he and Linc both started to laugh. “Well, that would definitely piss off a patrolman.”

  “Oh, he was pissed alright. He pepper sprayed and tased your adorable basket of kittens in there.”

  That wiped the smirk off Calder’s face, a tightness forming in his chest. “That’s fucking excessive. What does he weigh? A buck fifty, maybe? We should be suing for excessive force.”

  “We?” Linc inquired.

  Calder snorted. “You know what I mean. He’s friends with Elijah. He’s friends with Wyatt and Charlie. He’s in the fold. He’s one of us.” Linc examined Calder without speaking until he said, “Don’t look at me like that. He’s not a client.”

  There was a knock on the door, and then Wyatt entered without waiting for an invitation. He sauntered past Calder and walked to Linc, helping himself to the man’s lap. Linc automatically curled an arm around him. “Robby wants to go home and shower. You think he should see a doctor first? That taser burn looks pretty bad and his eyes are swollen.”

  “I’ll tak
e him home,” Calder heard himself volunteer.

  Wyatt locked eyes with Calder, both brows raising before a smirk crossed his lips. “Yeah, okay. You should take him home and maybe stay with him for a little bit. He’s kind of shaken up.”

  “Wyatt…” There was no mistaking the warning in Linc’s voice.

  Wyatt turned those guileless green eyes on his husband, batting his lashes. “Well, I guess I could go spend the night with Robby. I mean, you and I had plans, but if you’re that worried about Calder potentially having his way with a fully grown adult not paying Elite for services…I’m willing to put off our plans. But tonight was the night we were going to…” He leaned down and whispered something in the boss’s ear. Linc’s hand squeezed Wyatt’s thigh reflexively as the boy talked.

  His eyes flicked to Calder. “Fine, go. Just don’t… You know what? It’s not my business.”

  Linc bent to kiss Wyatt’s neck. The boy winked at Calder and gestured for him to get lost. Calder shook his head but left before he was as traumatized as everybody else on the other side of Linc’s glass walls would likely be in five minutes.

  Calder stopped at the conference room door where Robby sat snuggling his demonic looking dog. “Come on, angel face. I’m gonna give you a ride.”

  Charlie choked on a laugh. “Well, damn, Calder. Right here in the conference room. I thought only Linc was allowed to do that.”

  “Get thee behind me, hooker Barbie. I have no time for your forked tongue today. I’ve been asked to take the boy home and make sure he gets to his apartment okay.”

  “Asked by who? ‘Cause there is no way Linc dangled this sweet little morsel in front of you and asked you to take him home…to his apartment…where he lives all alone.”