11 Paper Hearts (Underlined Paperbacks)

by Kelsey Hartwell

  And for once, I’m grateful for something I didn’t plan.

  I return to the theater and Andy has found our seats in the middle where I left my coat. I sit down next to him and this time I don’t resist the urge to grab his hand. His eyes widen for a second but he squeezes mine back and then lets go, only to put his arm around me. I breathe in his cologne and rest my head on his shoulder, eating popcorn with chocolate, which ends up being more delicious than I expected. Each bite melts in my mouth.

  When the lights go down, it suddenly feels like we’re slipping into an actual dream. The movie starts with the opening credits of Pride and Prejudice. My favorite. I’ve seen it plenty of times, but never with Andy. I feel his chest move every time he laughs or his heart speeds up.

  When the movie ends, the credits start rolling and I finally lift my head off his shoulder. He grabs my hand and leads me to the aisle. I think we’re leaving, but he stops me before putting his hand on my lower back.

  “What’re you doing?” I ask.

  “Be spontaneous with me,” he whispers in my ear. “Dance with me in an empty movie theater. It’s kind of like a fantasy for me. I hope you don’t mind.”

  “I think it’s one of mine too, but I didn’t know until just this second,” I say, smiling.

  We sway back and forth to the music as the projector shines down from above, making me completely breathless. Before the song ends, he dips me like you see in the movies and gives me the most utterly perfect first kiss I could ever imagine.

  * * *

  Andy pretends to get lost as he drives me home so we can have more time together. It becomes a running joke and he keeps making wrong turns, both of us laughing more than we should each time he does it. At one point we have to stop for gas and he comes back to the car with more snacks than the two of us can eat. Once we hit the road, Andy gets “lost” again. I tell him the joke’s going to grow tired, and he just looks at me and says we’ll never grow tired of each other. It’s only after he says it that I realize we’re driving by the bridge where we had our first unofficial date. They say time flies when you’re having fun, but I have a feeling the memory of today will last forever.

  When I get home, my mom’s at the kitchen table like she always is when she’s waiting up for me. She pretends she isn’t, though, reading some medical journal. I kiss her on the cheek before heading upstairs and not giving away that I’m on to her.

  Chapter 20

  I’m still on cloud nine on Monday and it feels like nothing can bring me down, even the fact that nobody has been able to stop talking about the Valentine’s Day Dance.

  “So who do you think is going to ask you?” Katie asks Jess at lunch. My group of friends always sits at the table closest to the window. There’s no assigned seating, but tables are pretty much declared early on. Carmen got to the cafeteria early the first day to snag the best one, since, according to her, she wasn’t going to leave one of the most crucial elements of our senior year up to chance. Just like she’s not going to leave Jess’s date up to chance now.

  “I’ll tell Anthony to get Connor to ask you,” she declares.

  “Isn’t he dating that girl Lizzie?” she asks.

  “No, they’re dunzo.”

  Katie plays with the bracelet on her wrist. It’s what she does when she disagrees with what Carmen’s saying.

  “What?” Carmen demands. Clearly, she has picked up on this habit too.

  Jess shakes her head. “I just don’t know if Connor would want to go with me.”

  Carmen smiles. “Of course he will. Anthony is going with me and Pete’s going with Ella. Now we just need Connor to go with you and find someone for Katie.” She turns to her now. “What do you think of James?”

  “You suggest Connor for Jess and James for me? Rude.”

  “Not everyone can go with Pete Yearling,” Carmen says, winking at me.

  I let it go the first time, but I know I need to correct it now.

  “I’m not going with Pete,” I say.

  Carmen shakes her head. “You’ve been going on actual dates with him. He’s obviously going to ask you to the dance too. He’s not a moron.”

  For a moment, I glance at Pete across the cafeteria. He’s eating a sandwich while his buddy Vince is telling him some sort of story, waving his arms in excitement. Pete nods. Maybe it’s just because he’s between bites, but he’s not smiling, the way he normally is. I hope he’s not still bummed about us. Just because he’s not a great guy for me doesn’t mean he won’t be a great guy for someone else.

  “No, I’m actually not going with Pete,” I say again, looking down at the table. “We ended it…whatever it was.”

  “What happened?” Carmen exclaims. “I thought everything was going great….”

  “It was. I just wasn’t into him.”

  Carmen’s eyes widen. “You’re telling me you ended things again.” Katie and Jessica give each other looks. I can feel my cheeks burning.

  “Yes,” I answer. “But he knew something wasn’t right. He was the one who brought it up.”

  Carmen nods like she’s trying to understand, but there’s a hint of anger in her eyes, like the time some new girl tried to sit at our lunch table after winter break.

  “So who do you plan on going with now?” she asks.

  “I don’t know.” I shrug. “I haven’t really thought about it.”

  That’s the truth. Besides, the only person I’d really want to go with is Andy, and he’s not allowed to come. Dances are for Arlington High students only. But Carmen continues to glare at me so I offer a new suggestion.

  “Maybe we can just go as us girls. I think we’d have way more fun anyway.”

  Katie and Jess’s eyes light up but Carmen laughs.

  “Girls like us don’t need to act like going without boys will be more fun. That’s just what girls who can’t get guys say to make themselves feel better,” Carmen says. “Hard pass for me.”

  Katie plays with the bracelet on her wrist again before she realizes what she’s doing.

  “What, Katie?” Carmen snaps.

  “Nothing,” she says, her hands flying underneath the table. “Ella’s idea just sounded like it could be fun,” she says in a whisper.

  Then Jess comes to her rescue. “Plus, I’d rather go with each other than some rando just to have a date.”

  She looks at me to chime in too.

  But I hesitate. The anger in Carmen’s eyes has changed to pure shock. “You can still go with Anthony, obviously,” I say. “I just don’t think I want to go with any of his friends. And besides, we’re all going to dance with each other. The date is really just for the pictures beforehand—”

  “You mean the most important part,” Carmen interrupts.

  “Debatable,” I say, but I don’t actually want to have that argument right now.

  Suddenly, I’m relieved that Andy doesn’t go to the same school as us. I’m sure if I wanted to go with him, Carmen would be having an even bigger fit right now. I remember how she called him a nerd that one time she saw him in the library. She shakes her head at me now in the same disgusted way she did when she saw us together.

  “I was just looking out for my best friends,” Carmen says. “Don’t come crying to me when the three of you change your minds and the good dates are all taken,” she says.

  I give her a small smile to ease the tension of the table. “We won’t.”

  But I regret it immediately when Carmen squints at me while pursing her lips—she’s going to snap.

  “I’m surprised you don’t want to go with anyone, considering.”

  I take the bait. “Considering what?”

  “I don’t know. All of this is starting to feel a little like déjà vu. You didn’t have a date last year and left early for a reason.”

  “Carmen,” Jess sn
aps as I see Katie moving her hands rapidly underneath the table. “You did not just say that.”

  “I wasn’t implying that something bad is going to happen. I’m just saying it’s a weird coincidence,” Carmen says, turning from her to me, eyes flashing. “Don’t you think?”

  “I didn’t put two and two together,” I say back.

  But now that I am, I can’t help but think of Sydney at the nail salon. How I found out Carmen and I weren’t together like always right before the dance. Carmen said it was because I was being a bad friend, but at this second, I’m finding that hard to believe. “Is this why you were mad at me last year too?” I ask. “Because I didn’t go with Pete?”

  Jess and Katie look at each other nervously.

  “How did you know I was mad at you before the dance?” Carmen asks. “I never told you that. Did either of you?” Carmen asks, turning to Katie and Jess. They shake their heads.

  “Why are you avoiding the question?” I ask in disbelief. What was she trying to hide that from me for?

  “No, I wasn’t just mad at you because you didn’t have a date.”

  Just? So that was part of the reason. Are you kidding me? What was the other? My face must show my anger, though, because Carmen gets defensive.

  “Don’t turn this on me,” she says. “This was literally a year ago—not my fault you can’t remember.”

  It’s not just what she says but how she says it that makes me stand up at the table. Jess flinches as my chair screeches on the cafeteria floor.

  “You’re right,” I say. “It doesn’t matter why I was mad at you last year. Just that I’m furious with you right now.”

  Then I walk away from the table that Carmen so carefully chose for us. Her mouth is now fully open. Maybe this was déjà vu for Carmen, but it’s the first time I’m standing up to her and her impossible standards…and it feels good.

  Chapter 21

  I never imagined going to the Valentine’s Day Dance with my sister and Skeevy Stevey, but there have been crazier things that have happened to me.

  I text Andy a selfie after I’m dressed. A lot of girls will be wearing red or hot pink dresses, but I choose a black halter that hides the scar on my collarbone. I love it, and I smile when I hit send.

  Andy texts back a series of emojis with a simple message that makes my heart jump.

  Wow. You look beautiful.

  We’ve been texting a lot lately—so much that I haven’t minded the fact that I haven’t received a paper heart in over a week. Andy is always full of sweet things to say, but this one in particular makes me smile. I type back.

  That’s just a preview. My parents will be taking photos of me and Ashley before we go pick up Steve.

  Good call. That way you won’t have to crop Steve out when they break up.

  I laugh as I read it, because at the same time, I hear Ashley whining my name from the bathroom.

  Fair point. I’ll text you more pics soon.

  When I head to the bathroom my jaw drops. This is the first time I’ve seen Ashley in a color other than black in months. She’s wearing a red strapless dress and matching red lipstick, but her mouth is currently in a pout.

  “What’s wrong? You look great,” I say.

  “You don’t need to lie to me,” she says dramatically. “Of course I would have a bad hair day today of all days.”

  “What’re you talking about?” She has curled her hair, which is a nice change since normally it’s pin-straight.

  “Are you sure? I can’t see the back, and I feel like I missed some pieces.” She turns around and I see that she’s not wrong. I grab the hot iron from the bathroom counter. “Let me help,” I say. She stands still as I loop the first strand around the metal clamp.

  “Why are you so much better at this than me?” she whines.

  “A lot of practice,” I laugh. “Remember how me and Carmen would wear gloves when we first started because we kept burning ourselves?” I stop, realizing Jess or Katie is probably doing her hair right now.

  Ashley gives me a small smile in the mirror. “Do you want to talk about what happened?”

  “What do you mean?”

  Ashley raises an eyebrow. “I’m really happy that you want to third-wheel with me and Steve, but I know that’s not exactly your first choice. Obviously, something happened. Is Carmen mad at you again?”

  I nod. “I’m always disappointing her in one way or another. She wants me to be something and I just don’t.”

  “Have you tried saying that to her?” Ashley asks.

  I wrap another piece of hair around the barrel of the iron. “Well, no,” I admit.

  “I think maybe you should. You guys are too good of friends to not talk it out, and if she doesn’t want to hear it…you don’t need a friend like that.”

  I nod. “Giving your older sister advice. Who are you these days?”

  Ashley smiles.

  “Do you think it’s going to be weird for you tonight…you know, going to the dance, since last year…” She trails off.

  I spin her around to face me. I remember Ashley when she was a little girl with skinned knees, applesauce in her pigtails, and colored marker all over her hands. But tonight, I’ll remember her looking absolutely beautiful.

  “Yes, tonight is weird for me, but that’s why this is important. I don’t want it to be. That’s why I’m doing this even though all my friends are going to the dance without me. When I think of the Valentine’s Day Dance, I want to have new memories…so no pressure, but we have to have fun tonight.”

  “We can do that.” She smiles. Then she squeezes my hand three times like she used to do.

  * * *

  The gym looks like it’s been hit with Cupid’s arrow. The walls and ceiling are covered in pink twinkling lights. The planner in me starts looking around, making a checklist of all the things I would’ve done differently, like put the flower wall on the far end of the gymnasium so the line doesn’t block the entrance as people come in. But it looks beautiful, and I feel a twinge of sadness, knowing that I had nothing to do with it.

  The DJ has started playing music, but nobody wants to be first on the dance floor. On the far side of the basketball court is a flower wall donated by the florist next door. There’s a line for pictures.

  “Oooh! We need one together,” Ashley says to Steve, grabbing his arm. He’s wearing a black suit with black Converses that actually look pretty good together. But as she turns with me we see Carmen and the rest of my friends get in the back of the line. They’re all wearing minidresses in shades of pink, with stilettos. I wonder if Carmen recruited one of them to get their nails done together.

  Ashley follows the direction of my eyes. “Never mind. Let’s wait until the line isn’t as long.”

  “Good idea.”

  We turn around, and walking in with his date is Pete. The girl named Molly who he was apparently seeing before me has her arm locked in his. She’s wearing a red dress with mesh cutouts.

  Stop staring, I tell myself. But it’s too late. Suddenly, I’ve locked eyes with Pete across the gym. He gives me a small smile, which in a way is comforting. We’re back to being exes. I just wish I could’ve come here with Andy. If I had, it wouldn’t matter that I’m not talking to any of my friends. Luckily, I have Ashley.

  “Maybe we won’t run into anyone by the punch,” she suggests now, but as she says it Steve’s head jerks toward the DJ, who has started playing a slow song.

  “I love this song!” Steve says. “Let’s dance.”

  Ashley looks at the dance floor. “Nobody else is dancing yet.”

  He shrugs. “So we’ll be the first.”

  The way Ashley smiles lets me know this is the most romantic thing he’s ever said. She looks at me.

  “Go!” I encourage her. “I have to go to the
bathroom anyway.”

  “Are you sure?”

  I smile. “Yes, I’ll come third wheel after.”

  “Okay!” she says. As Steve whisks her away to the dance floor, she turns around to mouth thank you.

  I head to the bathroom, passing the punch table on the way. There’s a little sign that says love potion that makes me smile. It’s clever—I bet Sarah came up with it.

  I’m relieved when I get to the bathroom. It’s early enough that there’s not a long line yet, and anybody that’s willing to stand in a long line is trying to get the first pictures at the flower wall. I take the opportunity to do a quick lipstick fix in the mirror. By the end of the dance it’ll be impossible to do.

  As I’m putting my lipstick back in my bag, I hear familiar voices outside the bathroom door.

  “I still can’t believe we got booed trying to cut the line.”

  It’s Jess. Of course they tried to cut the line, I think as I sprint to the nearest stall.

  “I said we shouldn’t do it,” I hear Katie say as the bathroom door opens. “You and Carmen insisted.”

  From underneath the stall door I watch their heels head toward the bathroom mirror. If they see my nude heels, they don’t care because they keep talking.

  “Yeah, well, now she’s mad like it’s all our fault,” Jess says.

  “She’ll get over it. She’s just embarrassed Anthony was watching when it happened.”

  “Does Carmen get over anything?” Her voice lowers. “She’s still mad about what Ella did last year. It’s obvious.”

  What I did last year? What did I do?

  “It’s also low-key hilarious that history is repeating itself. It’s like Carmen said. Freaking déjà vu. But Carmen better be careful. Pretty soon someone is going to tell Ella why she stopped being friends with us last year and became attached at the hip to that rando.”