Finding Teagan

by R J Gray

  "Almost good. It's not quite, well, um… good," Ro said quietly, chewing on her lip.

  "We will have to deal with the men after, but sometimes you have to stick up for what you believe in," Teagan answered the unspoken hint.

  Evie looked from Teagan to Ro with raised eyebrows. "You mean to tell me that both of your men said no to using you two as decoys, yet you want me to use you as decoys anyway?"

  "Pretty much," Ro said.

  "Yes, for the mission's guaranteed success," Teagan answered.

  "Aren't you worried they might, you know?" Evie's blush made it quite clear.

  "Spank us? Oh, I'm not worried Octavius might spank me. I know he will spank me, but I can survive a spanking. I'm more worried about Montgomery or one of his men getting to you before we get you out," Ro said.

  "Same. Besides, like I said, I need to talk to Luca about all that."

  "About all what, darlin'?" The deep voice came from the doorway, causing all three women to scream.

  "Goddammit, Lorenzo!" Teagan turned, hands fisted on her hips, and glared.

  "For fork's sake!" Ro shrieked

  "Seriously, Luca?" Evie accused.

  "The door was unlocked," he shrugged. "Someone told me they were sick, but they wouldn't be the first little girl to tell her Daddy she wasn't feeling well to get out of a red behind. I brought soup in case she was telling the truth," Luca said, holding up a take-out bag with a large container inside before placing it on the table next to the now mostly empty pan of lasagna. Teagan had the sense to look ashamed.

  "Well, that's my cue." Evie stood, slipped her fancy high heels on, grabbed her expensive coat from the hook and slipped out the front door.

  "Wait for me!" Ro yelled after her sister. "I love you; thanks for dinner." Unlike Evie, Ro didn't bother to put her flats on her feet; instead, they dangled from her fingers as she hurried toward the now open door.

  "Ro!" Luca firmly yelled after his friend's wife.

  "Yes?" She peeked her head back into the door.

  "Put your shoes on, and you forgot your coat. It is wintertime for God's sake."

  "Yes, sir," Ro muttered, doing his bidding.

  After Ro's footsteps could be heard scattering down the stairs, Luca closed the door and made a show out of clicking the deadbolt into place. Turning on Teagan, he frowned. "You don't look sick to me, darlin'."

  "I-I…" Teagan tugged at a free piece of her hair.

  "You lied to your Daddy."

  "It isn't exactly a lie," she replied with her eyes downcast.

  "Explain," he demanded.

  "I haven't been feeling well all day. Sure, physically, I am fine but not emotionally or mentally. I guess… I guess I'm mentally ill today. I'm anxious, worried, confused. I don't know what I am Luca, except, I'm not well. So, see, I did not lie!"

  Luca crossed the distance between them in a few short seconds and gathered Teagan into his arms. She fought his embrace at first. She wasn't sure why, but she did. She fought it, and he knew she needed to feel his strength, his authority, his dominance. He wrapped her tightly until she stopped struggling. Sighing, she collapsed into his arms.

  "You don't get to do this." He pulled her away from him as he spoke, holding her at arm's length. "You don't get to run from me. You don't get to struggle alone, inside your head, and not ask for help, hear me? I love your spunk, and your intelligence is a huge turn on. You can be strong and still take a step back and let me lead. Hell, that surrender, that willingness to submit, just makes you stronger."

  "I want to, Luca, but I just can't."

  "Why can't you?"

  "Because, I'm terrified of giving up control and getting hurt. When I'm in control, I'm responsible for everything that happens. I'm not waiting on someone else to do something I can do. If I'm doing it, I know whom to blame if shit falls apart. The only failure is me. I'm not bringing someone else down with my worthless inadequacies. I'm not wasting anyone else's time. I'm not a bother. I'm not worthy of the attention you've been showing me." She'd said the wrong thing.

  The muscle in Luca's jaw showed a prominent tick. "How many times have those words been said to you, darlin'? How many times? You recite them as if they are a grocery list. Who said these things to you? Who lied to you? I'll make them eat those fucking words." His anger radiated off of him. He was heated, and it had nothing to do with his internal temperature.

  "Why are you so angry? It's the truth." Teagan shrugged.

  "Listen to me carefully, little girl," Luca all but growled at her. "You are not a failure. You are a strong, intelligent and beautiful woman with an amazing amount of passion. You change lives every day, you rescue people; don't you see that? Hell, Tea, you've rescued me. Do you know what pisses me off? Do you? What pisses me off is that you think I'm a liar."

  "I don't think you are a liar."

  "Yes, you do. You think I lie to you every time I tell you I am falling for you or that you are worthy or good."

  "No, no! I think that you believe those things about me, even if they aren't true," Teagan tried desperately to explain.

  "I see. You don't think I'm a liar; you think I'm stupid."

  "What? No!"

  "Then, what, Teagan? Why do you keep trying to push me away? Why do you run? Why do you text me you're sick and tell your sisters you don't know what you are going to do about us? All you have to do is let me love you."

  "I'm not as pretty as Evie. I'm ten pounds heavier, and I have absolutely no fashion sense. I prefer jeans and a hoodie over a little black dress. I'd never make it in polite society," Teagan said. "I'm not as motherly as Ro. I don't know how to bake a pumpkin pie or not to stuff a turkey before baking because it might cause food poisoning. I am a boxed macaroni and cheese, let's order takeout, I'm too tired from work to cook type of girl. I'm not special. I'm not wife or long-term relationship material, and you deserve all of that."

  "What are you talking about?" Luca asked, perplexed by the change in conversation.

  "Us. No, you." Teagan looked down at her hands. "I figured this would be a quick fling. We'd have some good sex and you'd get me out of your system and move on. That's how it always goes. The longest relationship I've ever had has been with work. I have more vacation time than anyone else in the department because I have no one to spend it with. And, you know what? I'm okay with that. I'm okay with not falling in love, Luca, because when you love someone, you put yourself at risk, at risk for heartbreak, for rejection, and for pain that takes entirely too long to overcome and heal from. I realized this last week that I could, no, I am falling for you and that scares me, Luca. You deserve better than me. I don't know how to do this."

  "Teagan," Luca started, but she held up a shaky hand.

  "No, let me finish," she said. She hadn't looked up from her hands. It was hard enough to get it all out without looking at his handsome face. "It isn't you, Luca. It's me. I know that sounds ridiculously cliché. But, it is me. I will hurt you. Once you discover I'm not worth it, that I'm not loveable, that I'm not good enough, and you finally discover you have wasted too much of your time on me, and that will happen, you will resent me. You might deny it now, because you are so incredibly stubborn, but someday, it will happen. It's best if we break things off now."

  "Are you done?" Luca asked, drawing Teagan's eyes up to his face. His eyebrows were drawn together, wrinkling his forehead.

  Teagan nodded curtly.

  "Good, then it's my turn. The hell, we will break things off," Luca growled.

  "You can't even look at me when you break up with me. Little girl, there is a reason you aren't the boss in our relationship. Don't think I don't recognize what this is. It is your survival instinct, break up with me before I can leave you. I've spent a lot of time getting to know you, Teagan. I know that you have at least half a dozen delivery places saved into your phone and that they all know your regular order. None of what you mentioned that your sisters do matters to me. I don't care what side of a plate the fork goes on or if you
know what color eyeshadow pallet matches your skin tone the best. Newsflash, darlin', I think you look the best when you don't have any makeup on and your hair is in one of those messy bun things, in your oversized Oregon Duck hoodie and black leggings that hug those curves your sister doesn't have." He took a step toward her. "If you think for one moment, I am going to let you run because you're scared, you've got another thing coming. I'll be brave for both of us until you can recognize it within yourself."

  "Dammit, Luca. I'm serious," Teagan scowled at him. She had never had a man stand up to her like this, nor one who didn't seem relieved when she broke up with them. It had always seemed like they were holding their breath, waiting for the perfect time. He didn't seem relieved. She looked at him closer. No, he was radiating controlled anger. "Stop being a stubborn asshole and listen to me."

  "Did you just curse at me, little girl?" The look he shot her made Teagan's butt cheeks clench. "You seem to be the one having a hard time listening. Just stop fighting us. Stop getting inside of your head. Let go, and let me lead."

  "I don't know how to do that," she replied.

  "All you have to do is tell me what is going on in your head. That's it. Communicate with me. Be honest and open. You aren't going to scare me away, Teagan Anne. I've already fallen in love with you."

  "No," Teagan gasped, pushing away from him, stumbling back a few steps. "That isn't possible. It's too soon. I'm too hard to love."

  "Actually, darlin', you are rather easy to love. It is only you who feels otherwise," Luca argued. He stepped closer to her. For every step she took backward, he took one forward, pushing her until her back hit the wall. "When you get scared of getting too close, you push people away. That ends now. You talk to me, tell me how you are feeling. No more running. I can't help you if I don't know you are struggling. Being with me means understanding that I am going to demand better from you. I can only do that with open and honest communication. Teagan, don't give up a beautiful future because of an ugly past."

  "I've never needed a man, Luca. This is hard for me."

  "Don't need me, then. Want me, desire me, long for me. You don't have to need me to belong to me."

  Teagan stood there, the cold hard wall behind her back, her chest rising and falling like she had run a marathon, even though she had only taken a few steps. She felt him in front of her, even through her tightly closed eyes. She smelled his musky manliness, his words shooting arousal straight through her from her heart into her loins. She had never wanted a man as badly as she wanted the one in front of her before that moment.

  She could belong to him without needing him. Something clicked with his words. She could surrender to him without being dependent on him for survival or giving up her individuality. He could make her better without losing herself in the process, make her stronger with her submission instead of exploiting her weaknesses, and damn, if that wasn't sexy as hell.

  Teagan opened her eyes, wrapped her arms around Luca's neck, pulled her face as close as she could to his and whispered into his mouth, "I belong to you; take me."

  Chapter 15

  Those words were all the permission Luca needed. He swept Teagan up into his arms and carried her down the hallway. Unsure of where her room was, he kicked open the first door, an office. Moving faster, feeling his erection painfully restrained, he did the same to the second door. Bingo! It looked like the guest bedroom, but he didn't care. There was a bed, and that was all that mattered.

  Luca all but tossed Teagan down on the bed. He didn't want their first time to be rushed, but fuck it, he could make it up to her later. Right now, there was a primal need, a driven force that went beyond his thought process, leading him. He was over her in a second, kissing her, his hands roaming over her body. Damn clothes were in the way. Growling, he stood back up, grabbed her hands, and pulled her off the bed.

  "Strip." He barely got the word out before her clothes started flying off her body and onto the carpet, his following suit. For a second, they stood there looking at each other.

  "You are beautiful," Luca said, eyeing her soft curves against her well-defined muscles. If there was such thing as perfection, it stood before him. Her breasts stood tall, perky, ready to be fondled. Her nipples beckoned toward him, wanting his undivided attention. He licked his lips.

  "You aren't that bad looking yourself," Teagan responded, swallowing hard, her gaze lingering over his body.

  Luca fisted Teagan's hair, tilted her head back and crushed their lips together in a rough, violent, claiming kiss, bruising her lips with his intentions of owning her. He rubbed his hard cock against her pussy as they stood there.

  They stumbled back onto the bed, Teagan, flat on her back, Luca, braced above her.

  He broke the kiss and looked down at her. "Once I start, I won't be able to stop, darlin'." This was it. Her chance to say no, to change her mind, to withdraw consent. His heartbeat was loud in the room, waiting for her response.

  "Don't stop, Daddy. Don't ever stop."

  "It won't be gentle."

  "Good. What are you waiting for?" Teagan's eyes were glazed with desire. Their arousal scented the room. Luca jerked her legs apart with his knees and moved toward her entry. She was slick and ready for him. The second her juices kissed the tip of his hard, throbbing cock, he was undone. He thrust forward and into her. She was tight. God. His girl was so fucking tight. She raised her hips to meet his demands, her skin warm against his. Flushed from his ministrations, she wrapped her legs tightly around his body.

  Her nails dug into his back, urging him forward. Her body stretched around his, like it had been made for his, the perfect fit. He sped up his thrusts, faster and faster, motivated by her groans, her nails digging deeper into his flesh. Luca possessed her then, owned her. He slowed down, drove intentionally to her core, tilting forward, seeking her G-spot. He was a skilled lover, bringing his hand between them and stroking her clit until she writhed underneath him and begged for her release.

  "Please, oh God! Please!" Teagan panted from the delicious torment he was administering, tossing her head from side to side, desperately seeking the glorious promised end to their mating. His finger flicked one more purposeful time, making her back arch off the mattress in desperation.

  "You're mine, darlin'," Luca proclaimed.

  "Yes," she breathlessly agreed.

  "Say it," he commanded, rougher than he intended.

  "Yes, I am yours," Teagan confirmed.

  "You won't run away from Daddy again, you hear me?"

  "Yes, Daddy!"

  Daddy. The one word. The one fantastic word. It washed over him as he thrust into her, the hardest thrust yet, and he flicked his finger faster across her clit, bringing them to simultaneous release. She screamed it again, sealing them together in more ways than one.

  Afterward, Luca pulled Teagan close to him and played with her hair. She smiled, content from their lovemaking. As she nestled into his strength, she allowed her thoughts to wander, confused by the evening's events. She hadn't been lying when she had told her sisters how confused she was by Luca's intentions. If she could truly look deep down inside of herself and trust her heart and gut, she could be happy. They were cheering for the couple, telling her to go for it. At work, nine times out of time, Teagan followed her gut, and it rarely let her down. Yet, here she was, being a big ole dummy, allowing her brain, which had a habit of overthinking things, to dictate her fears and insecurities.

  It was her past, her history, her pattern of destructive behaviors and choices that clouded her vision. She really had to learn to let go of all of that and move forward. She had said that she kept fighting each step. Why was this difficult? Why did her brain have to ruin everything by running every single scenario before her? Even the scenarios that had a likelihood of point zero-zero-zero one percent of occurring. If failure was a possibility, even a distant, almost impossible, unrealistic possibility—for instance, she had a higher chance of being struck by lightning while surfing in the ocean and bei
ng eaten by a shark—she would run away.

  Teagan was learning—maybe it was because of the afterglow from the best orgasm she had ever had—that sometimes, things with the highest risks had the greatest rewards. Perhaps, letting go and letting Luca lead could have an enjoyable outcome, risk and all.

  "I probably should have waited," Luca declared, interrupting Teagan's inner musings.

  "What do you mean?" Teagan popped up on her elbow and looked down at him.

  "I told you before, I don't bring pleasure when discipline is what is due."

  "I thought perhaps you were giving me a bit of grace this time."

  "I believe in grace, Teagan. I am not an overly strict taskmaster. However, there are some things that I am very firm on. I won't let anything or anyone hurt our relationship. That means you. My little girl is the most important person in my life. Keeping her safe and protecting what we have is my utmost priority. I can't allow you to run away, to hide from me, not trust me with your feelings and insecurities, especially when it comes to us. Does that make sense, darlin'?

  Teagan thought for a second. It did, but it didn't. Was he still planning on disciplining her, then? Her butt cheeks clenched at the thought.

  "Does that mean you are, uh…" she let the words fall off. She was a grown ass police detective. She had no problem threatening to shoot the man, but saying the word spanking in reference to her behind turned her into a babbling, blushing child.

  "Does that mean I am going to spank you?"

  "Yes, that," Teagan answered, reaching up to tug a piece of her hair.

  "What do you think?"

  "I hate it when you answer a question with a question," Teagan said with a frown.

  "I'm not fond of you asking a question you already know the answer to," Luca countered.

  "Is that a yes?" Teagan rolled off of the bed and started picking her clothes up off of the floor, avoiding Luca's penetrating gaze.

  "What are you doing?" Luca stood and walked toward her.