Boots. Thick. Coming my way. A lot. Security. Shit. Fuck.
“Please, you have to believe me. I—I didn’t mean it,” I plead, falling to my knees.
“No!” she screams, and I think she means it because I’m close to her down here, but it’s because of the glass my leg landed on. But I don’t cry out, don’t even notice it until she’s staring down at the ground. At the blood pouring out, mixing with the brown. Making a nasty color.
Hands grip my shoulder, and I’m yanked to my feet.
“Let’s go,” a tall man with a scowl says.
Another tall man helps him drag me a few feet away from my crying princess. My broken princess. I broke her. Like I am broken. Fuck.
“Wait, no! I didn’t mean it! Get off of me!” I cry. “Princess, you gotta believe me. I love you, I love you! Please. J-just listen to me.”
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Liv
The first thing I saw when I laid eyes on Grey was fire. Literally. He was holding a lighter in his hand, watching me like he could read my mind. Like he just knew me and was infatuated. The second I looked at him, I was petrified and confused.
But I think a part of me knew that he would be significant. I saw it in the way his eyes soaked me up, tore through me. In the way he smiled as we bickered. I saw the way he regarded me as I apologized for being brash. Hid the fact that him calling me out for being faux polite made me want to smile.
He lingered around me more and more, and my hatred for him grew as well. Only because I didn’t want to face the fact that I was slowly but surely falling for him. Didn’t want to admit that he was hitting the right spots in the wall I’d put up after Jonah had died. I wanted—needed—to protect my soul, my heart—all of which were taking its time healing.
But you can’t stop falling in love. You don’t control the way you fall or where or how you crash, how it affects you. You just peek over your cloud in the sky of safety, and you gaze at the vibrant flowers and that person standing there. Looking up at you. Waiting for you. They want you to come down and enjoy the sun and the ocean and their smile. So your heart gives you just the tiniest shove, and you’re soaring through the sky. You’re just falling for your love. I fell for my Grey.
However, the ground wasn’t how I perceived it to be. The idea of love broadcast this picturesque world of lush green and bright eyes and warm hugs and tender kisses. But when you finally crash into the new atmosphere, the normal warmth of safety you were used to rips out from beneath you in the form of soft, soft clouds. The ground is hard and deserted and dark and bare.
Grey was all darkness, and I plunged into his world.
That didn’t mean we couldn’t go to that breathtaking place I saw, though. It was far away, but I could smell the fresh ocean breeze. Taste the dew from the wildflowers. It was just a few feet away. Hands clasped together, we walked through the dark to reach it. But each time we basked in it, our feet hit the cold hard ground instead of plush grass. We journeyed through hell-storms and deadly winds, pulling us back each time we were close enough.
No one tells you love is a journey to eternal happiness. No one tells you it’s hard and vigorous, almost impossible to journey through without losing your hope for the green place. No one warns you of the feeling of dread and the utter loneliness when they leave. No one tells you that, through that never-ending journey to the good, your soul, mind, body, and soul connects with that person.
And when you are alone in that desert, thirsty and starved for their love, it is the most painful feeling. A pain so overwhelming and so physical, it leaves you gasping and crying because it is all you can do.
There is no way back up to your safety cloud. You are now stuck in the land called Heartbreak.
That’s where I am right now.
Where I’ve been since yesterday.
I’ve visited this place plenty of times, so I know the landmarks pretty well. Too well.
When I saw Grey, I had the strongest urge to run to him. To take his hand and begin our journey to our green place again. But then I saw that whiskey bottle in his hand, and I was pushed back one hundred feet from any sight of green.
He’d been drinking. He was drunk. He came to me drunk.
That sent me flat on my ass.
I’d wanted him to come back and apologize and promise to want me even more. I wanted him to change in less than forty-eight hours. I know it’s not possible. Most of the time, people don’t ever change. They stay the same all through their lives. Especially Grey. He will never alter his beliefs and his ways. Not even for me…
A tear slides down my face, and I stop walking. I am walking to my car after leaving classes I had after the program. But it seems I can barely walk one foot before getting plagued with today’s events and bursting into tears.
Thankfully, Matthew is okay. But he has a black eye, and it’s because of Grey. I didn’t expect him to punch one of my best friends. But like I said, people don’t ever change…
Anyway, Matthew was sent home early. I’m on my way there now, but I want to bring some coffee over. Maybe a cake. An entire feast. I just want to apologize for what Grey did. I feel so incredibly bad. He got punched in the face by my boyfriend for no reason.
I finally make it to my car with fewer outbursts of tears. The drive to the local coffeeshop is filled with me gripping the wheel and singing along to the song on the radio in a low, flat voice. I have to keep my mouth busy, my mind too busy remembering and voicing words, to keep from thinking of Grey. Of how I fell from him, leaving my safety cloud. Because all I can wonder is: was he worth the fall?
Sniffling, I look at the clock on the screen. I’ve been sitting here in this parking spot for ten minutes. I look away, confused. Look around. I’m in front of the coffeeshop. But I don’t remember driving here. Don’t remember parking here, either. I just—I just opened my eyes and here I am.
I don’t think too much of it. It’ll only hurt my brain.
I get out and lock the car behind me. When I enter the coffeeshop, I am met with a jazz tune playing. I shake off the snow clinging to my coat and beanie. It’s the sky-blue one with a white pom-pom attached to it. My heart churns and squeezes. He always loved this one. Said I looked too adorable for the outside world. He’d always kiss me everywhere on my face, my hair, wanting me for himself. I’d always laugh him off and drag him outside.
Billie Holiday’s crooning of “Blue Moon” pulls me from the memory, transforming it into another. It’s of Grey and me at the cabin. We’re talking and laughing as we stroll the streets. We’re eating Monica’s cookies. Buying records. I’m dancing the Black Bottom, crooning and pressed against his chest. Looking into his eyes and knowing—he is it. He’s the one. My awaiting man. My awaiting paradise.
But then another memory comes crashing down. Him towering over me, screaming at me. Accusing. Pushing me into walls. I wave the memory away and cry at a picture of a group of college students smiling into the camera as they hold up their coffees from this store. It’s above the cash register. I know I look insane, but I have to focus on something else or I’ll have another meltdown in public.
I am stuck in a dark paradise. And I don’t know how to get out.
The flowers are black, the grass brown, and the sky gray with thunder. There is no sight of any green. Not even the tiniest speck. And then I realize: he stole the green place when he left.
“Miss? Miss! Are you okay?” the barista says, finally capturing my attention.
“Huh?” I bring my eyes down and look into her brown eyes. She’s looking at me with one lifted brow and twisted lips. “Oh, right. Can I please have two black coffees and one caramel iced coffee? And this.” I pick up a pack of chocolate chip cookies for Max. I can’t forget about him.
She nods and types in my order, probably wondering if I’m insane.
Noticing the longish line, I decide to sit down. A guy wearing bulky black headphones, head drawn down to a tablet, is sitting at the table I decide to sit at, but
the chair is kind of between two of the tables, so I don’t know if it’s his or the other. I just sit and face the line, waiting and crying in my dark paradise.
“Liv?” the boy says to my left.
I face him, and my heart flutters, then pounds.
“Mason,” I say through gritted teeth. I stand and begin to move to the line when he reaches across the table and looks to the chair. When I don’t react, he sighs and lets go, sitting back and pulling off his headphones, resting them on his neck.
“Please. I don’t want to fight. I just…please listen to what I have to say,” he says with a deflated sigh. His brown eyes are dark, softly pleading. But they’re also understanding if I dump steaming hot coffee on his head and storm out of the shop.
But I’m exhausted and, by the looks of it, he is too.
He takes my silence as permission and begins talking. “I hurt you, and I am sorry. I devised the plan to hurt him because, Liv—damn it. He was, he destroyed her. Destroyed her life. All because he was a selfish prick who wouldn’t be there for. Instead of being by her side and actually caring for her, he demanded she get an abortion. Get rid of his baby, their baby.”
I tear up at his words, memories of me on the floor and him punching the wall and demanding I get rid of it. I didn’t truly feel it before, but I feel Rose’s pain now. I know what it’s like to get screwed over by Grey. And I actually thought he loved me. At least enough that he wouldn’t demand such a thing. But like I said: people don’t change.
“Are you okay?” He touches my hand. I pull it away with a little shake, and he pretends not to be hurt. But I see the hurt. See it flash across his dark brown eyes. He retreats his fingers through his thicker, curlier hair. “I never ever meant to hurt you.”
“Then what do you call scheming with your sister?” I snap, and he flinches but doesn’t deny it. “You hurt me, Mason. Not her. I didn’t know her long enough to put my ultimate trust in her.” My voice breaks, and tears flow down my face. “But you…I thought you were the one person who would never break my heart. But you did. And you didn’t warn me. But I guess that’s the thing about loving another person. Once you give them your all, you can never get it back.”
“I’m so sorry.” His voice creaks like a weak floorboard. His mud-brown eyes glisten with tears, and he lets them fall. He reaches for my hand again, but I pull away, not bothering to hide my disgust and pain. He closes his eyes, making a fist.
“There is no taking back what I did. If there was a way, I would,” he confesses. “I’d take it all back.”
“And there is no taking back the pain. Once you’ve felt it, there is no going back. Because it’s all you ever feel when you’re around the person who hurt you in the first place.” I choke up on my words, unable to speak around the large lump lodged in my throat. A ball of tears just waits to burst out of me.
“I’m sorry,” he says again. It seems to be the only thing he can say. I wish he hadn’t done what he did to me. But if my wishes could really come true, I’d wish Grey hadn’t done what or said what he did.
“Olivia Westerfield?” one of the baristas calls my name at the pick-up station.
“So am I,” I tell him in a low, shaky voice thick with tears lacing my words. His head bows as I get my order, and it stays bowed as I leave the shop.
Chapter Thirty-Nine
I didn’t realize how important friends were. How they could make a world of difference. How they could save you from yourself. But I get it now. Friends are there as pieces of yourself you never even knew you needed. And once you have them, you never want the feeling of being incomplete to conquer you ever again.
A tear slips out of my right eye, and I swipe it away. I’m not crying because I’m sad, I don’t think anyone can really ever stop being sad, but because I’m extremely happy. It’s kind of overwhelming and affects my heart, but in a good way. A really good way. I want to capture this feeling in a mason jar. Watch it light up and bounce around like a mesmerizing firefly.
I take deep breaths to calm my wacky hormones, then swing out of my car. After locking it behind me, I look down at my phone. My map says I’m in the right place and that the building in front of me is the one Matthew lives in. It’s mighty tall and all glass.
I walk inside and am instantly met with classical music. The decor of the lobby is fancy as heck. All white with splashes of red. Mosaic paintings and pictures of elegant women in pearls and still shots of the city hang on the white walls. There’s a long red carpet that branches off to the two elevators. A doorman nods at me as I finally step inside fully, moving out of the way.
“Good day, miss.” He nods at me, his gray mustache crinkling, gray eyes lighting up in genuine happiness to see me. And he doesn’t even know me. I like him.
“Good day to you too.” I nod at him with a wide smile, enjoying his warmth.
“And you are here to see?” he inquires.
“Matthew Jacob,” I inform him.
“One minute, please.” He holds up a finger before walking over to a desk. He hunches over it, speaking in a low tone. I walk over to the elevators, staring up at a photo of a bunch of grey and white dots with little pops of bright red. “You may go up. Just press the highlighted button on the panel inside,” he informs.
“Okay, thank you.” I walk into the elevator and press the highlighted eight, giving him a wave before the steel doors close.
A few seconds later, the doors pull apart. I step out and look down both ways of a white hallway with a red carpet. In all, there are three separate doors spread out on the wall that faces the elevator. Floral print couches rest on the wall on the side of the elevator, some more red-themed paintings.
Reading his text, I walk over to the apartment number 8A. I ring the doorbell and wait a few seconds, then a minute. Frowning, I knock and call out, “Guys? It’s Liv.”
Where are they?
They said they’d be here, waiting for me.
The door finally swings open to the little face of Max. Green slime is in his hair and smeared on his cheek. His eyes light up in all their deep green-sea beauty when he sees me. I smile even bigger.
“Liv!” he screams before launching forward, tackling my lower body with his small arms.
I laugh a throaty laugh, ruffling the part of his hair that doesn’t have slime in it. “Max! How are you doing?” I discreetly toe off my shoes, shoving them to the side where a shoe rack is. I want to put them on the rack properly, but I’m a little busy at the moment being squeezed to death.
“Amazing!” He pulls back and tugs me inside. I quickly close the door behind me before he drags me further in. “Matt and I were just doing a science project for school! And it was awesome and made a big explosion.” He bounces on his heels, displaying his small teeth, despite the one missing on the top level.
“I believe you.” I wink, gesturing to his face and hair.
He blushes.
“So where are your…where’s your mother and Matthew?” I ask him.
“Mom’s screaming at Matt in the bathroom. Something about how he should be more careful. She’s blowing up at him, but he’s taking it well,” he replies proudly.
Lily bursts into the room before I can reply.
“Max, what have I told you about opening the door without my permission? The person could be a serial killer, and you’re talking to the said killer. Do you want to die, little boy—oh, it’s just you, but what I said still stands. Hey, girl.” She waves at me.
I laugh and walk into her hug. “Hey. Max here says you’re blowing up at Matthew.” I raise an accusatory eyebrow, and she rolls her eyes and glares at her son.
“You’re snitching on Mommy, now?” She stalks toward him, but her smile is playful.
“No?” he says more as a question.
“Oh, I think you are! Come here, ya snitch!” She growls and lunges after him. He squeals like a little pig and runs away. She chases after him, and they run around the white marble counter tops. I laugh at their
silliness. Their relationship is admirable, cute. They’ve been through a lot, but they always stuck together and eventually prevailed.
“Liv, you made it.” I turn around to Matthew and smile, kind of shocked at his clothes even though he lives in this luxurious condo. He’s wearing a dark gray t-shirt with his school’s logo on it and basketball shorts, feet bare. His eyes seem more blue, happy as he looks over my shoulder and at the mother and son playing around.
“Of course I did.” I walk over to him, drawing his attention to me. He blushes as I wink at catching him gawking over his girlfriend and her son. It’s almost like he feels they’re his family…but I could be wrong.
We hug, and it’s long and filled with him rubbing my back. A pity hug. I usually hate these, but I don’t mind when it comes from him.
He looks deeply into my eyes and says, “How are you doing?”
“Fine, I guess.” I clear my throat, tearing up at everything that’s happened. “But you were the one assaulted. How’s the pain?” I stare at his bruise. It’s big and black and blue, and I instantly feel even worse.
“It’s all right. Hurts like a bitch, but it becomes numb when I put ice on it,” he says, smiling. I love him for this. For being positive even if my insane boyfriend punched him in the face, because if he were writhing in pain, it’d just kill me, and he wants to protect my feelings. He is way too good for this messed-up world.
“Which is what you should do…after you give this little man a bath,” Lily says, walking over with Max in tow, staring up at his mother with so much love. She reaches behind her knowingly and rustles his hair, making him laugh and hug her lower body. “You owe it after that slime debacle. Momma’s gotta clean that ish up.”
“Understandable. Come on, Max.” Matthew holds out his hand, and Max doesn’t hesitate. Looking at him with love too. This is going to make me tear up. Before they leave, Matthew gives Lily a chaste kiss, murmuring, “Sorry about the mess. I’ll help you clean it up.”
Grey: Everlasting (Spectrum Series Book 6) Page 28