by Wells, Nancy
“This is a letter for you from the duchess. You can read it or burn it, it’s up to you.”
When her mother left, she contemplated burning the letter to ashes, expecting to read hurtful things about her selfishness and the cruelness she showed him at her sister’s birthday party, but a small part in the corner of her heart was telling her that maybe the duchess wanted to discuss something other than their mutual friend because the letter’s seal was broken and her mother would never let her read a letter that could make her further depressed. She thought for a long time, staring at the letter, but in the end, curiosity won over her fear. She picked up the letter with trembling hands and read its contents.
My dear friend, Isabella,
I hope this letter finds you in good health. I am inviting you to celebrate the joyous occasion of the event my husband is throwing in honor of our upcoming child, with me.
I know you will not be inclined to see him after the way you two separated, but if it makes your decision easier, I want to tell you that he has left London and will not be attending the event.
Sincere regards from a close friend.
She had not expected this. After the way she treated him, she had expected to be grilled by the people who considered him family. The duchess was a kinder woman than she had expected. She was still considering her a friend and was inviting her to celebrate her happiness with her. She thought for a long time about accepting or denying the request, but in the end, she was still indecisive. She needed her sister’s counsel. If Margaret refused to see her then she would grovel and beg her sister until she was forced to acknowledge her presence.
With new determination, she stepped down from her bed, still in the same dirty dress. She had not changed since the party and now her dress was so dirty, she could smell a foul odor coming from herself. She did not bother with changing her dress and went out of her room. She did not stop to acknowledge the curtsies of the maids and went straight to her sister’s room.
“Are you inside, Margaret?” she asked, timidly knocking on the door.
Her mother and Philip were standing at a distance, watching her at Margaret’s door, but were not intervening between the sisters. They were aware that the two sisters had to resolve their issues on their own, without their aid. She was grateful to them for giving her the space she needed.
“Go away, Bella,” Margaret said loudly. “If I wanted to see you then I would have come to your room.”
She had already anticipated that response, but it still hurt to hear it out loud but was not giving in so easily. She knocked again, harder than before.
“I am not going anywhere until you allow me inside.”
“The corridor is spacious enough for you to wait until you get the meaning and leave me alone,” Margaret’s reply came instantly.
She was getting close to tears. She knew it would be difficult to convince her sister, but she had not considered the fact that Margaret would not even want to see her face. Her resolve was wavering with every passing moment.
“Margaret, please, I have nowhere else to go,” she said miserably.
Margaret was her only sister and her best friend in the entire world. She could handle many things, but the disappointment and wrath she felt in her sister’s response were too much for her.
“You should have thought about that when you humiliated him. You knew I loved him and cared for him like a brother. You are a selfish person, Bella. I hope I never see your face again.”
She stumbled, not anticipating the response. Her sister called her selfish which she had already prepared herself to hear, but she had not thought that Margaret would hate her so much that she would want her dead. Her own sister was wishing to never see her face again.
“Is this what you want, Margaret? Do you want me to take my own life?”
Tears were streaming down her face as she waited outside the door, waiting impatiently for a response from the other side of the door. If Margaret sent her away, she would be lost. She needed her sister more than her sister realized.
“Stop putting words into my mouth,” Margaret said angrily. “I did not say that.”
Relief washed over her features as she heard the annoyance in her sister’s voice. There was still hope for her. Her sister did not hate her enough to wish her dead. If she tried hard enough, her sister would crack and let her inside.
“What do you want then, Margaret? I will surely die if you send me back. You are the only one who understands me. I need my sister. Please, open the door.”
She put her forehead to the closed door and wept silently. Her sister was the only one who could help her come back to life. She would never be the same after this, but she would feel a little better if her sister was standing by her side.
“I thought I understood you too, but I was wrong. You are not the person I assumed you to be. You are selfish and self-centered. I will never forgive you for what you did to him.”
She would never forgive herself either for hurting him, but she did it for his peace of mind. No one would ever know the sacrifice she made by letting him go. Her sister might think that she was selfish in hurting him, but she knew everyone was wrong about her. She was not selfish. She made the ultimate sacrifice out of the goodness of her heart.
“I need you in this hour of need,” she said meekly.
She heard the angry stomping of feet from the other side. Her hope was renewed when she realized her sister was going to open the door to her room. She took a step away from the door as Margaret yanked open the door to her room.
“What hour?” Margaret said angrily, then stopped in mid-sentence when she saw her state. “Oh my God, what happened to you?”
Her dress was dirty. Her hair was disheveled and unwashed for weeks. Her eyes were sunken and red. Her unwashed face had markings of the trails of tears she had shed in all this time. She was aware she looked like hell, but she had lost interest in her appearance a long time ago.
“I am falling apart, Sister.”
Margaret looked behind her at the audience gathered to watch their reunion and pulled her inside by her hand. Margaret closed the door behind them and sat with her on the bed. Margaret held her hands in her own, massaging her knuckles for a long time, contemplating her next words while she waited patiently for her sister to break the silence.
She looked at her sister’s face while Margaret was busy thinking about her situation. It had been a long time since she last saw her sister and it just occurred to her that she had missed her more than she realized.
“He will accept your apology if you asked for his forgiveness,” Margaret said, looking up at her face.
She wished it were as simple as her sister believed. If she thought that everything would be forgiven with a simple apology, then she would have kneeled at his feet a long time ago. She would have asked him to forget about all the horrors her father had made him go through, but nothing was that simple. No one can forget a lifetime of traumatizing events with one simple apology.
“I cannot do it, Margaret. I can never face him again.”
She would let him go for his own benefit, but she was still not strong enough to control her impulse to throw herself at him the moment she saw him again. She was trying her best to keep her impulses in check while he remained out of sight, but she would lose the battle if she so much as heard his voice.
“Why, Bella? Why are you so stubborn?” Margaret asked exasperatedly. “He is miserable without you and you do not look happy either. Why are you still doing this? I have seen him faking a laugh for my sake and from where I am sitting, you still love him too. What is wrong with you?”
She had seen him struggling with a simple human touch. It had made her heart bleed when she had seen him suffering so much and she was helpless to make him feel better. She had seen the sheen of sweat on his forehead when she had touched him on his chest at his permission and it had broken her heart to see a man so handsome and strong struggling against his inner demons. He was a broken man
due to her father. If she were in his place, she would have never forgiven the offspring of her tormentor.
She would never tell Margaret about all this, but she had to divert her attention to something else. She knew there was only one weapon left in her arsenal that could make her win in the battle of wills.
“His child is growing inside me, Margaret.”
Margaret looked down at her flat tummy and then looked at her face. It was a rare occasion to see her sister becoming speechless. This news was big enough for her mother to shed tears for her dark future. There was no doubt left in her mind that her sister would be equally devastated when she realized the impending doom that was awaiting her.
“You have to tell him,” Margaret said worriedly.
Isabella became alarmed by her sister’s worry. Margaret was still in league with him. If she told him about the child, he would come banging at her door and would not leave until she came out to confront him. She knew he would make her confess to everything once he had her all to himself, which she knew he could achieve even if her mother protested. He could sneak inside her room and no one would know about it. She might have kept her window closed, but she was confident in his skills to open a simple latch.
“He can never know, Margaret,” she said hurriedly. “He will take the child from me and I will be left with nothing to remember him by.”
Margaret held her head in her hands, exasperated with her. Margaret mumbled under her breath for a long time and then looked at her with a determined look on her face. Her sister had reached a decision and the only thing she wished at that moment was that her sister’s decision was in her favor.
“You still love him, but you cannot tell me the reason for all this?” Margaret asked and she shook her head. “Fine. I will not ask again.”
She sighed in relief, satisfied that her sister would not ask again. If worse came to worst, she would tell her sister about the cruel man that was their father, but she would try to shield her sister from the truth for as long as possible. No child should ever bear the burden of their parents’ sins on their shoulders.
“Am I forgiven, Margaret?” she asked timidly.
Margaret smiled weakly for the first time since they had reunited, and her heart lurched inside her chest. For now, it was the first step and it was enough for her. Margaret opened her arms wide and beckoned her with both hands.
“Come here, you silly girl,” Margaret said.
She embraced her sister, crying her heart out. She had missed her sister. She could face all the hurdles of life as long as her sister supported her decisions. She was lost without the counsel of her little sister. She could survive without his love, but she would have cracked if her sister had not forgiven her.
“You stink, Bella,” Margaret chuckled.
She was now crying and laughing at the same time. She smelled bad. It was a miracle no one had complained about the odor from the streets because she was sure the odor could be smelled even outside their house.
“I know,” she said, smiling against her sister’s shoulder.
Nothing would ever be the same after this, but at least, she had her sister back. She would remain standing as long as her sister’s love was by her side. Her child may never know the love of a father, but the child would never lack love when it came to an aunt’s love or grandparents’ affections. Philip, Margaret, and her mother would never let her child feel unloved.
Chapter 11
They had decided to attend the party at the duchess’s house and then return to their hometown the day after tomorrow. The maids were helping her dress for the event. At her mother’s insistence, she was going to look her best because she did not want anyone to suspect that her daughter was devastated. She agreed with her mother because this way she could cement his belief that she was truly as heartless as he assumed her to be. She knew he was not going to be at the party, but she was also aware that word traveled fast in situations like this. Someone would surely inform him about the heartless lady who was laughing merrily while he remained miserable. It might make him hate her more, but it would also help him move on.
“Philip is waiting for us near the carriage, Bella,” Margaret said from outside her room. “Hurry up, you will make us late.”
Margaret was the only one in their house who was genuinely excited to attend the event, while the rest of them were going for show and tell, but none of them were scolding her sister for her enthusiasm because it was the last time she would get to visit her friend, Willy. There were times when she envied her sister for being welcomed with open arms in the house where her beloved resided or used to reside. The duchess had mentioned that he had left London a few days ago. She was glad he was not there, but she would not have minded one last look at his handsome face either, albeit from a distance.
“I am coming,” she called back.
She took one final look in the mirror and went out of the room with long, hurried strides. She was keeping this to herself, but she was deliberately dressed in a golden dress with a fontange-coiffure as her hairstyle. It was the same look she had when she first met him on the balcony. The idea of being dressed in the same color would bring happy memories all night long.
She ran into her mother, who studied her and smiled with misty eyes. Her mother was probably the only one who knew what she was doing. Her mother pulled her into her embrace, then kissed her on her forehead.
“You look lovely, my child.”
She appreciated that her mother was not making her change. She knew her mother remembered the night she found her on the balcony, talking with a stranger, but was gracious enough to not interrogate her, neither that night nor today.
“Thank you, Mother.”
She went with her mother towards the carriage awaiting her near the entrance. Philip offered her a weak smile and nodded his head. He was not very expressive when it came to offering compliments, but she knew he loved her like his own child. Philip had never married and spent his whole life in their service. She suspected that the reason he never took a wife was that he was devoting his life to them.
“Bella, hurry up, will you,” Margaret said from inside the carriage.
Her mother glared at the window where her sister was leaning out, but she shook her head, forbidding her mother from saying anything harsh to her sister. She did not want to ruin her sister’s night. Margaret was the only one who was thrilled tonight, and she wanted to keep it that way. There was no reason for her sister to become as forlorn and miserable as the rest of them.
She ascended the carriage steps and sat on the opposite bench of her sister while her mother sat beside her, holding her hand, offering her the strength and courage she was in need of.
She looked out the window as the carriage started moving and hummed a melody she had been humming since the day he left her at the party. It was the same melody she had hummed the night she met him and would sing it for the rest of her life.
When the carriage halted, her mother offered her a handkerchief. She had not realized that she had cried the whole way. She wiped her tears and smiled weakly at her mother, giving her permission to open the door.
She was escorted by her mother on one side and Philip on the other. Margaret had vanished the moment she saw Willy at the entrance. Both children were enjoying the night more than the adults. She was a little astonished at her sister’s behavior too. After sharing everything with Margaret, she had expected a little support tonight, but she was also aware that Margaret was just a child and she was probably not paying attention to her in light of her own merriment.
They were received at the entrance by a butler who took them directly to the duchess and the duke. It was not the type of event where a large number of people were invited. It was a small gathering, comprised of the household of the duke and a few other guests whom she had never met before.
When the duke saw her, he was astonished, but he schooled his expression pretty fast. He did, however, glare at his wife who glared back at him unti
l the duke backed down and looked away. The respect he showed his wife was rare and she was envious of their bond and wished she were as fortunate as the duchess.
“Are we interrupting, Your Grace?” her mother asked.
She looked from the duke to his wife, taking notice of the difference in build between them. The duchess was a tiny little thing compared to the tall and burly duke, yet the duchess managed to bring him to heel. She had to give the credit where it was due. The duchess had full control over the duke and his household. It was clear to anyone that the duchess was loved and respected by everyone.
“Not at all, madam,” the duchess said amiably. “In fact, my husband was about to go to his study, leaving me to meet and greet my dear friend, Lady Isabella.”
A silent message was being conveyed between the husband and wife. It was not hard to guess that the duchess was the one who had the final word in important affairs because no matter how many times the duke glared or narrowed his eyes, the duchess managed to convince him to agree with her.
“Apparently, I have an important matter to handle in my study,” the duke drawled.
The duke bowed and excused himself. The duchess smiled broadly and paid her full attention to them.
“Lady Isabella, my dear friend, I missed your company these past days. I do hope you have recovered fully and would help me with my guests.” The duchess leaned towards her and whispered, “I heard some of them are chatterboxes and gossip machines.”
She looked from her mother to the duchess in bewilderment. She did not know that her mother had made an excuse of illness when she had locked herself inside her room. It never occurred to her that someone might have inquired about her while she remained indisposed and her mother had to make excuses for her.
“Isabella, Philip will keep me company while you enjoy the event,” her mother said.