The Big Stones Metaphor
This parable explains the importance of differentiating between the superfluous and the essential . . .
One day, an old professor at one of the great business schools taught his students this masterful lesson about life.
He placed a big, empty jar on his desk. Then he put six large stones into the jar until they came up to the rim. He asked his students, “Is this jar full now?” The students all together answered “Yes!” “Are you sure about that?” responded the professor. Then he took a handful of gravel and put in the jar. “And now, do you think the jar is full?” he continued. The students once again said yes. The professor added a handful of sand. “And now?” Now, less sure of themselves, the students answered hesitantly, “Yes, the jar is now full after all.” Finally, the professor emptied a bowl of water into the jar and said, “Now it’s full. This jar represents your life and the manner in which you manage your time. Tell me the hidden metaphor behind this story!” One of the students dared to come forward with a guess. “Even when you think you don’t have any more time, there’s always more space to introduce something else into your plan!”
The old professor answered, “More importantly, it illustrates the need to identify what matters the most in your life. The big stones represent your priorities, the things you deem essential. Often you tend to focus on small urgencies, the minor things that catch your attention, as represented by the gravel, the sand, and the water. If I had put them into the jar first, there would have been no room for the larger stones. Concentrate first on your own large stones; put them first in the jar of your life and make sure they fit. Do you know what your large stones are?”
What About You?
What matters the most in your life? What heavy obligations do you impose upon yourself? What do you accumulate? Excess pounds? Debt? Objects? Memories? Guilt? Procrastination? And what if you started to lighten the load?
It’s Time to Act!
The Great Sorting
The time has come to lighten your load in every sense of the word. After all, it makes sense that books about organizing, arranging, and zero waste are so popular: Our environment impacts our mind and our inner self.
List what weighs you down.
To evolve in life, make it a priority to release yourself from this weight.
Go Further . . .
The scope of this task seems overwhelming. That’s logical, because it’s exactly what is weighing you down. It appears to be an insurmountable mountain.
But a mountain can be climbed in smaller, easier stages, one step after the other.
The secret of attacking such an objective lies in simplifying and breaking it down, task by task, into smaller actions that aren’t so scary and don’t require more than five minutes. The most difficult task is getting started: Program an alarm for five minutes. Once you’ve taken the first step, you may be eager to continue with the next . . .
Task to accomplish
Break it down
Further simplify each action
For example, losing sixty pounds may seem insurmountable. “So what’s the point, I might as well have another piece of cake . . . what’s a little more or a little less . . .” Therefore the objective to note is not “sixty pounds” but to break it down to “one pound,” which is way more feasible.
Or if you’ve never sorted through your paperwork, it appears impossible for you to attack a massive lifetime of papers. “So what’s the point? It’s just as well to add today’s mail to the top of the pile. What’s a little more or a little less . . .” Therefore the task at hand isn’t “sorting through all of the paperwork,” but the first step is to create a file for the phone bills.
Start Here and Now!
Take the first, smallest step on your list: Organize your sock drawer, send that e-mail you’ve avoided sending for the last six months, call the plumber, or cancel the meeting that over burdens your day . . .
Maintain
Great works are performed not by strength, but by perseverance.
—Samuel Johnson
Make sure the pieces stay in place by wrapping the object with masking tape or rubber bands.
Once the cleaning has been accomplished, it’s important to keep the pieces firmly attached to each other, so that they remain perfectly welded together during the drying phase. Once dry, the object will be more solid.
In life it’s also important to maintain a certain structure, so that the changes you’ve initiated have time to take hold, to become part of your day-to-day routine, until they are solid.
It took me quite a while to understand this. With my go-getter and bulldozer nature, once I made a positive resolution, I wanted to change everything at the same time. For example, with my legendary enthusiasm, I might have decided to start jogging, do yoga, get up every morning at six o’clock in order to start my “Miracle Morning,” put lotion on my body regularly, meditate for forty minutes and visualize my day, sort through my entire cabinet, do my spring cleaning, and, of course, everything else I could think of . . . all on the same day. I would thus prepare a meticulous, step-by-step plan of action, which I would stick to perfectly . . . for only the first five days. Obviously, it was impossible to keep up this routine for any longer length of time, because there were too many changes all at once.
Today I understand that the requirement for keeping up with change is to concentrate on one task only, giving it the necessary time to blend into your life. Some speak of twenty-one days. For me it takes about a month before a new habit instills itself seamlessly into my life. It’s the time the brain needs to install new patterns so that the new habit becomes a well-grounded, automatic reflex, like brushing your teeth!
Since it’s impossible to change everything at the same time, you have to focus on a single habit. When you’re really motivated, one habit at a time might seem like too little and maybe even too slow! But when you think about it, starting a new habit per month creates twelve new habits per year! And that’s huge, particularly once they’re all well ingrained.
So, concentrate all of your efforts on a unique objective, and maintain that attention for at least one month. Start a new habit, start a new life!
Neuroplasticity
In order to maintain a good habit, it’s necessary to give the brain time to create new “pathways.” In fact, the human brain is a marvel of perfection that trains itself to accomplish repetitive tasks so we can adapt to our environment and learn better.
This malleability of the brain is due to the plasticity of neurons, which can create new synaptic connections, like creating new roads to connect different towns. A little like how an often-used path is well marked and a path seldom used becomes overgrown, so too our neurons, if used regularly, can build “highways.”
The anatomy of the brain therefore evolves as a result of this learning and these new habits. Some areas of the brain can be reactivated, even regenerating themselves! And the good news is that the brain remains malleable no matter how old we are.
What About You?
Do you have a tendency to change everything at once when you’re motivated but get discouraged just a few days afterward? What if you choose a single objective to concentrate on with all of your strength and energy?
It’s Time to Act!
The Twelve Habits
Which habits would you like to integrate into your life? For example, these might include small changes (such as brushing your teeth three times a day, backing up your work regularly, cleaning the dishes after meals, or taking care of your skin twice a week). Or they might be more demanding (such as meditating for twenty minutes per day, getting up an hour earlier every morning, stopping watching a TV series, going jogging three times a week, or using the stairs instead of the elevator).
List them all, no matter whether they’re easy or more demanding, without sorting them out, a bit like new year’s resolutions. It’s important to formulate them into precise actions. For example, write down “stop buying cake” instead of “lose weight.”
Circle the twelve activities that appear to be the most important to you.
Sort them from the easiest to the most demanding.
Allow one month for each, and start today with the easiest.
Month of _________ Habit #1: _________
Month of _________ Habit #2: _________
Month of _________ Habit #3: _________
Month of _________ Habit #4: _________
Month of _________ Habit #5: _________
Month of _________ Habit #6: _________
Month of _________ Habit #7: _________
Month of _________ Habit #8: _________
Month of _________ Habit #9: _________
Month of _________ Habit #10: _________
Month of _________ Habit #11: _________
Month of _________ Habit #12: _________
And there you have your program for the coming year!
Go Further . . .
If you need help to get motivated, show the list to a good friend who can help guide you during the entire year.
Start Here and Now!
Write down your first habit.
Breathe
I have so much to accomplish today that I must meditate for two hours instead of one.
—Gandhi
The lacquer (urushi) is alive and needs to breathe to dry and to harden. Prepare a covered cardboard box (muro), and place a damp towel in the bottom. Using a number of wooden sticks, create a grid so the object can be placed on it.
The lacquer has the rare capacity to breathe, almost like a living creature! Extracted from the sap of a tree, it injects a second life into the object, thus helping cure it. Therefore, like all living organisms, it needs to breathe. The lacquer absorbs oxygen and humidity while it continues to breathe during the long process of curing. As the lacquer slowly hardens, it makes the object increasingly more resilient over the months.
This phase reminds us how vital it is to take your time if you do not want to be short of breath in the course of any kind of healing procedure.
As a young entrepreneur, while managing a particularly exhausting wedding planning business and dashing around at one hundred miles per hour, I never took the time during the day to stop, even for just a few minutes. I was extremely efficient and productive . . . Or, at least I thought I was. Today I know that taking breaks throughout the day reduces stress and improves creativity and overall performance.
Certain studies even consider the ideal daily rhythm to consist of seventeen minutes of pausing for every fifty-two minutes of activity.
Without going that far, I invite you to learn how to breathe regularly throughout your day by using one of the following techniques: resonant breathing, yoga, afternoon nap, meditation, abdominal respiration, sport, etc. This is particularly important, especially when you don’t have the time. Personally, I allow myself a meditation session after lunch and regularly pause throughout the day to prepare myself rosebud tea. I also run three times per week.
By breathing regularly, even when stressed, we send a message of relaxation and serenity to the brain. We thereby change its frequency and help to progressively reprogram it. Often during times of intense stress, you get short of breath, with a tightness in the chest. A baby, on the other hand, sleeps peacefully, breathing with its belly. So don’t forget to take a break, take a breath!
Resonant Breathing
If you breathe regularly in a constant rhythm, your breathing aligns itself with the rhythm of your heartbeat, thus sending a message of relaxation and stress reduction to your brain.
In fact, an obvious link between the brain and the heart exists: When stressed, the heart has the tendency to beat faster and irregularly. By breathing calmly, you obtain a more regular cardiac frequency, which transmits information of well-being directly to the brain.
To start with, it’s often recommended to use the daily method of “3-6-5”:
3 times per day
6 respiration cycles per minute
5 minutes in a row
Start by first getting calm and taking a deep abdominal breath through your nose for five seconds (letting your stomach inflate), and then exhale deeply through your mouth for five seconds (deflating your stomach), and go on like this for five minutes.
Many applications or videos show how to familiarize yourself with this resonant breathing method, with or without music. Try it. It’s quite simple and its impact can be felt instantly.
What About You?
Do you take the time to regularly take a break during the day? What if you paused to catch your breath?
It’s Time to Act!
Daily Breaks for Breathing
In order to manage regular breathing space throughout the day, choose one of the following techniques:
Resonant breathing
Mindfulness meditation
Yoga
Running
Sport
Abdominal respiration
Afternoon nap
Sophrology
Guided meditation
Now program an alarm (for example, to do abdominal breathing for one minute every hour, or for resonant breathing three times a day), or use an already existing time that’s easy to remember (brushing your teeth, after lunch, every Wednesday, during traffic jams) to catch your breath.
Go Further . . .
Have you tried forest bathing? For some time this practice (Shinrin-yoku) had been forgotten, but it was reintroduced by Japanese doctors during the 1980s, and today it’s quite popular again for its many benefits for the body and mind. Walking outside in nature, breathing air that is naturally rich in essential oils, helps oxygenate our brain and body cells, effectively reduces stress, controls mood swings, reduces heart rate, and strengthens the lungs and muscles.
Start Here and Now!
Take a break and take a breath now!
Pause
Let us allow our minds a few moments of calm each day. The most beautiful fruit of the soul: peace, joy, and tenderness, are born of this deep silence.
—Frédéric Lenoir
The lacquer hardens best at a humidity level of 75 to 90 percent and at a temperature above 68°F. Place the object in this box, maintaining constant temperature and humidity levels.
The time has come to place the object in the box to settle. In life too, it’s often necessary to stop for a moment. Once in the midst of an activity, it’s often difficult to know when to stop. But just as it’s necessary for land to lie barren in a fallow period for a time to regenerate, it’s necessary to manage one’s time and pause while battling those self-imposed challenges. Henceforth, it is necessary to lower our defenses so we can recharge.
And yet, for a long time I believed that action was the answer! Always faster, always further . . . Cutting back on my sleep, even my hobbies were timed! But sometimes it’s necessary to let things settle in order to see more clearly. To let your subconscious work at its own pace and absorb new thoughts. Today I am gradually learning to slow down and ease my mind, warm and wrapped up in Danish hygge style: taking time for breakfast in bed, relaxing contentedly in front of a fire with a good book, contemplating a burning candle, and savoring a delicious cup of tea.
The Japanese Tea Ceremony
This is the ideal moment to mention the traditional Japanese tea ceremony. Sometimes it takes an entire lifetime to fully understand the stylized and contemplative nature of this ceremony or to appreciate all the precise gestures of the tea master and his guests. Highly symbolic, this is not about just the
preparation of a beverage but rather the search for harmony, respect, purity, and serenity (wa, kei, sei, jaku).
In Japan, where this ritual can be traced back to the twelfth century, it is called chanoyu, literally meaning “hot water for tea.” The actual art of the tea ceremony is called chado, “the Way of Tea,” and is considered one of the ways to reach serenity, as tea is a symbol of awakening in every sense of the word.
The tea ceremony requires simple accessories of modest beauty made from natural materials. These elements invite participants to contemplate and appreciate their imperfections and remind guests of all the flaws in human nature, echoing the philosophy of kintsugi.
You too can create comforting rituals. Take good care of yourself. After all of your efforts, all of your battles, all of your progress, you certainly deserve a break! Ready, set . . . rest.
What About You?
Do you know how to slow down? What if you took the time to gently settle down from time to time?
It’s Time to Act!
The Infusion
Take the time to slowly settle down and prepare your own personal tea ceremony. Taking time to care for yourself is an integral part of the curing process.
The preparation is an important part of the ritual. Choose a special tea, with the kind of fragrance and flavor that takes you away. The exercise can also be executed with a delicate herbal tea or an excellent coffee, based on your personal preference. Personally, I often choose white tea delicately flavored with lychee, rose petals, and apricot.
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