by Nia Lucas
It's surprisingly heavy, luminous Woolly Mammoths appear to be weighty beasts.
Bouncing on the balls of her feet, Rosa's giddy, “Go get changed Jailbait, I wanna see this!”
In the loo, I silently offer thanks to a dull Wednesday night that saw Han and I experimenting with depilatory cream because these hot pants require nothing less than minimal pubic topiary. The basque top just about fits but Jesus, my boobs are pushed up and out in a manner never before attempted. Without doubt though, my new favourite things in the whole world are my luminous green, Woolly Mammoth 'fluffies', which cover my lower legs and trainers. Laughing, I barrel out of the downstairs loo and to my horror clatter straight into the solid form of a comically astonished Nico, his green eyes running up and down me. His inky hair looks as if he's just got out of the shower and he smells of aftershave. Caught unawares and without his trademark frown, he's fit.
I gabble, “Oh shit, er sorry”, I touch his arm and he flinches.
“What the fuck is....? What are you.....? What’s....?”, he looks like he’s been walloped with a large fish.
I point vaguely at the garage, “Er, I'm training with Rosa. See ya”, and I scuttle off.
When I explode into the garage, laughing like a drain, Rosa's mouth drops open and she shouts, “Holy shit Jailbait, you look amazing cara, fucking amazing!”, she’s beaming from ear to ear and I’m laughing, trying to explain that I’ve just broken her cousin.
She collapses with laughter and leans against the wall, “He's probably wanking himself raw now, dirty little bastard. Oh Jailbait, we are HAVING IT at Mission”, and with that, she flicks on the CD player and she and I dance for thirty minutes like loons, giddy with silliness.
Dressed normally and my outfit in my bag, I eventually go to leave. Rosa asks me about how I'm getting to Mission and I tell her about Justin's lift and my concerns about the lack of communication from him.
Rosa tuts loudly, “Oh fuck that shit. Ti’s driving so come with us cara”, she's nodding at me, looking for my assent, which is most eagerly given.
With a hug, I say goodbye and head off down the road. It's bloody freezing tonight and I feel the tarmac slicked with frost under my feet. A door slams and I hear the sound of feet running.
“Davies, hey, Davies, wait up!”, I turn and see Nico running towards me, stunning me into inertia.
His tall frame slowing to a halt, he puffs out, “Davies, I wanted to ask....er, what is it you're doing with my cousin?”, he seems genuinely curious and I note that his gently West-Country accented voice is actually really nice, when he's not snarling.
I stutter nervously, “Oh, er well, I've got a dancing job and needed her help. We met in the shop”, I’m still wary but I smile at him
He looks down at his feet, “Oh, right. 'kay then. Um, Davies, are you, er I mean, is this job that you've got, are you er, are you a stripper?”, he looks so bashful that for a moment, I don't hear his words, I just sense his unease.
When my brain does process what he's said, it loses its shit, “WHAT??! No I'm not a fucking stripper Nico, what the hell??!” I'm outraged.
He looks defensive and maybe a little bit disappointed as he says, “Oh, er, chill out woman, it's just that them clothes you were wearing just now, they were...well, they were a bit...y'know and not that you didn't look hot...”, he rubs the back of his neck, his eyes anywhere but on me as he shakes his head and walks off, shoulders slumped.
I feel bad for him, calling out, “Nico, it's OK, I was just surprised that's all”
He's stopped fifteen yards up the road and is facing me again, mumbling, “Yeah? Well, sorry for calling you a stripper. I er, I haven't seen you round for a while”, he's talking to his feet.
He smirks and looks up at me through his lashes, “If I knew you dressed in shit like that Davies, I’d have looked a bit harder for you. See ya round yeah?”, and with a cheeky wink, he's gone.
Astonished and too cold to linger, I turn and carry on home.
Sunday 12th March 1995
I get home from a night spent at Han's to a terse looking Mum in the kitchen. I mutter 'morning' and go to scuttle upstairs, avoiding her wrath.
“Wait by there girl”. Oh. Shit.
Hands are on hips as she sneers, “Last night, a Justin rang asking for you. This boy, his number’s a London area code. Who is he and why is he calling you, eh?”, her eyes narrow. Think quick Davies, think quick.
I stammer out, “Er, he's a lad from school. His Dad lives in London”, I hear the imaginary audience in my head clapping and cheering.
If I wasn't so concerned about her believing me, I'd be worried about how easily lies seem to trip off my tongue at the moment. Mum just glowers at me and with a pursing of her lips, she turns away. I sag with relief, grab the note with Justin's number on it and skedaddle to the phone box up the road.
“Hello”, Justin sounds rough, like he's been gargling with gravel all night.
I'm nervous, bizarrely uncertain that he'll remember who I am, “Justin, it's Lorna, y’know, from the rave?”.
He sounds tired, “Lonely Lorna! Oh shit love, it's been a rough night. I've got some lad in my bed that I’ve honestly never seen before”, he groans
I chuckle, asking, “Is he fit, this lad in your bed?”
Justin snorts, “He's got an arse like two eggs in a hanky. Not really seen his face but the arse alone is astonishing”, his laugh sounds painfully croaky.
I snigger, “Er, you rang last night, you OK?”, I hold my breath.
He sighs, “Yeah, I'm cool but Lorna but I've hit a snag with your lift, I dunno how the fuck we’re gonna get you to Mission now...”, he sounds genuinely upset
I jump straight in, relief sweeping me, “Justin don't stress- I've got a lift there and back and it's all sorted. I've got the clothes, I've got new moves, Jesus, I've even got abs!”, I’m giddy with my shopping list of accomplishments.
Justin lets out a massive squeal, “Ohmygod that's AMAZING!”.
I smile, “Yeah, I'm all sorted. Are, er, are Shay and Leon still coming?”, Play it cool Lorn, Play it cool.
Justin chuckles, “D'you know what Lorna, it's very interesting how interested those boys have been in whether or not you're coming, that Leon actually looked worried last night at the club when I told Nath the lift had fallen through. Hmmmmmmm, and here you are asking more interested questions”, Justin chuckles softly as I hop around the phone box, a grin splitting my face.
He groans, “Anyway Lonely Lorna, I need to see if the face in my bed lives up to the standard of the arse. I will see YOU on Saturday, meet me 5pm at reception yeah? Bye, love”, the phone goes down at the other end and I pocket his number, my talisman to their world.
I'm too filled with jittery adrenaline to complete my essay on the War Poems of the Somme, it almost seems a bit disrespectful to attempt it. So, upon my return home, I change into my running kit and head back out.
They were talking about me.
Chapter Three
Saturday 18th March 1995
The Mission plan turned out to be surprisingly simple really. I secretly booked the day off work and told Dad I’m going to a sleepover straight after my shift. I’ve said I’ll get the bus back Sunday morning. If my parents gave more of a shit about me they would maybe have asked for an address. Or a name.
Poor deceived Han, who thinks I just have the day off work, heads into town with me on the bus to spend a few hours browsing clothes, talking nonsense and people watching. My secret jitters about tonight translates into some truly daft behaviour in the BHS bra department, leading to tuts from staff as Han and I prat about. I have to catch my lift with Rosa and Ti at three and so after a McDonald's lunch, we head for the bus home, Han entirely unaware of my devious plans as she bids me goodbye.
I’ve never been this nervous in my life. I head round to Rosa's convinced that any moment I’ll have a heart attack so fierce is the coronary rhythm beneath my parka coat.
As she opens
the door Rosa is dressed in an incredible blue fluffy bra top and tight fitting black trousers, her belly button ring glinting as she moves, “Alright there Jailbait? Christ you look a bit peaky, you fucking OK?”.
I swallow thickly, “Rosa, I’m bricking it. I feel a bit sick actually” admitting it makes the nausea worse.
Ti emerges from the sitting room and I realise I’d misjudged him on my first encounter. With his olive skin, his close-cropped dark hair, strong build and the slightly lopsided smile he's throwing Rosa, he's good-looking. He smiles at me and I feel guilt for judging him last time, we all have our off days. On wobbly legs, Rosa leads me to Ti’s BMW where I throw my stuff in the boot and climb in the backseat. Ti roars out of the quiet estate at a speed likely to cause alarm, the car's deafening sound system blaring out tune after tune but my heart does not stop racing. What the fuck am I doing?
After ninety minutes of silently panicking in the back of the BMW as music blares from the stereo, Ti turns us into what looks like an out-of-town shopping centre with security fencing circling a huge, squat building. It's covered in shiny plastic cladding with a barrel-shaped glass atrium. There are large numbers of people milling around and I start to feel my whole body tremble, the realisation that this is really happening overwhelming my nervous system.
Rosa nudges me from the front seat, “Ok, look Jailbait, we get split up or anything at the end, we meet back here, yeah? Come find us when you're done. Right, lets HAVE THIS cara!” and with a whoop she's out of the car, dragging out of my safe cocoon with my holdall gripped in my hands.
Leading me like a wobbly toddler with Ti trailing behind, Rosa spots a side entrance. Pushing the heavy door, in front of us is a large reception desk in front of a wall with 'Mission' written in big letters behind. I hear a squeal and turn, relief sweeping me, to see Justin running towards us. In seconds I’m clasped into a bony but very welcome hug and the approaching security guard backs off, confirming to me that Justin does indeed have a bonafide role in this scenario.
“Lonely Lorna, you made it! Christ love, it's good to see you! Eh, who's this?”, Justin’s eyeing Rosa with an appreciative air.
I'm so pleased to see him that my wobbles and nausea disappear, “Justin, this is my mate Rosa, she's helped me get myself sorted with the dancing and stuff “.
Rosa smiles, “Hiya man. You one of the dancers yeah?”, her eyebrow cocked at me as if to say, “This is one of them?”.
Justin laughs loudly, “Haha, nope but I love that you think I could be. Nah, I'm front of house tonight. I'm your go-to guy”, he does a mock bow which makes me chuckle.
Justin claps his hands, “Right, Lonely Lorna, we need to get you changed. Nath wants to get you and the boys briefed in a bit but those twats aren't here yet”, Justin tuts
“OK Jailbait, go do your thing. You’re gonna KILL IT cara, can't wait to see you up there”, Rosa pulls me into a fierce hug. I squeeze her back, feeling anxious and she turns to Justin,
“We cool to be here until later yeah?”, at his confirming nod, she beams.
With a final wave to Rosa, I follow a chattering Justin down breeze-blocked corridors and through fire doors until he walks me into a changing room by the looks of things, lockers and doors everywhere.
“Right love, can I leave you here to get changed and stow your stuff? That door”, he turns and points, “leads to the backstage area so when you're dressed and ready, come through and wait for Nath”.
I feel the wobble in my voice as I ask, “Justin, do you reckon that Shay and Leon are coming?”, I feel my heart stop, waiting for his response.
He grins at me, “Little Lorna, I don't reckon there's any danger of them missing this”. With a cheeky wink he says, “See you in a bit love”, and he's gone, with the bang of a fire door.
Five minutes later, my hands have stopped shaking enough for me to be able to start getting dressed, my boobs safely contained in the top and my hot-pants secured with hairspray to prevent bunching (Rosa’s tip). Using the limited mirrors in this space, I chuck on makeup, worrying that I might have overdone the glitter spray when I start to look like a disco ball. A mass of thick, heavy, curly hair is the Devil’s own arse-wipe to get into a neat ponytail and I spend the best part of twenty minutes fighting with it. Dressed and sitting on the counter, I can hear the sounds of event preparation from what I presume is the main room. Sound checks are happening, there’s some banging and hammering and the sound of people shouting short instructions to each other over long distances. I start to feel those nerves again, bubbling in my stomach.
As I contemplate legging it and walking home, amongst the noise of pre-event industry I can hear voices that make my heart thud.
“Shay, bruv, fuck off”
“Lee, you’re in a fuckin’ hurry, why’s tha’ eh?”
“FUCK OFF SHAY”.
My heart rate is dangerously fast now, I have the urge to hide, like I'm in a game of Hide-and-Seek and the seeker is coming up the stairs fast. The sound of footsteps, thumps as bodies bang against the door, “I'll end you, you dick”, and then the handle turns.
Them. Here.
They are more than I remember. Tall, grinning Shay's wearing baggy blue jeans that are low on his hips, a wide 'Calvin Klein' boxer waistband clearly visible.
His sapphire-blue eyes glitter as he throws a cheeky wink at me, his grin as cutely-crooked as I remember, “Little Red!! Fuck me, look at you darlin'!”, he comes towards me, tall and staring at me from under his dirty-blond hair in a way that makes me blush.
I smile nervously, “Hiya Shay, how've you been?”, as cool as I can muster with my heart beating its way through my ribs.
He comes and sits next to me on the counter, close enough to make me tingle and I watch the muscles under the tanned skin of his arms flex and bunch as he moves. As I try to take in the whole picture of him, a klaxon-sound squeak of trainer sole on floor makes me turn. Leon.
His tall frame clothed in baggy jeans and a white vest under a black bomber jacket, Leon’s staring at his feet, looking uncomfortable in the doorway. His hair is neater than when I last saw him, the twists shorter and more defined. He slowly raises his gaze, his deep-brown eyes intense enough to make my whole body shiver.
“Hey Leon”, I mutter with a boldness that I blame on the hot pants.
He's staring at me, his hands clenched. I notice faint dark lines emerging from under the neckline of his vest top and realise that they’re part of a tattoo. I've never seen what tattoos look like on black skin before and it catches me by surprise. His eye contact does not waver and with a jerk of his head he finally speaks.
“You 'kay?”, he’s looking directly at me. I want him to keep doing that.
Shay laughs next to me breaking the tension, “Tha’ outfit is fuckin' mint Little Red!”, Shay hops down off the counter.
In a slick move, Shay lifts me down, his big hands feeling like an electric shock on my skin as his gaze rakes up and down my body. Blushing, I’m distracted by the sound of voices as the doorway is suddenly filled with people. Nath appears, I recognise him talking to a big security guy with a walkie talkie and behind them, I get a few glimpses of the vast space of the main room, a raised balcony that goes round the edge and netting draped from the ceiling. Christ, this place looks huge.
Leon moves to stand next to me, the small space between us making me fizz and when his hand accidentally grazes mine, I have to stifle a gasp.
Nath claps his hands together and for the first time, looks my way, his eyes widening in shock, “Fucking hell, is that you er, Lorna?”, Nath has clearly not given me or my name much thought since the rave, “Christ, you scrub up good!”, snorting, Nath nudges the guy next to him, a bald middle-aged bloke with earrings with a walkie-talkie who leers.
I feel Leon shift closer to me, a welcome and strangely protective gesture as he glances quickly my way before looking down at his feet again.
Nath clears his throat, “Right, you lot'll be on from nine-thirty for
forty-five minutes out of every hour until four. You each get an hours break. Boys, you take yours whenever but Lorna, if you just take thirty minutes late on, I'll pay you extra coz I want you front and centre as much as possible”, he winks at me and I feel Shay hiss out a breath, a hint of disapproval in the noise as Nath pats a beaming Justin on the shoulder before walking off.
Justin comes flying up to me, his grin is so wide that I fear for the structure of his face, “Little Lorna, LOOK AT YOU, you little podium strumpet!”, he turns slightly, “Leon, it's good to see our little dancer isn't it, I know you were worried when we thought she wouldn't make it….”, Justin's grin is a bit evil now.
With an almost silent, “Fuck you man”, Leon walks towards the bald guy with the earring who barks out, “Right you three, come with me”, as Shay and I follow compliantly.
As I step out of the backstage room into the main space, I stop dead for a second, causing Shay to bang into me, his arms wrapping around me as he steadies himself. I’m too shocked by the space to react initially to Shay’s touch. There is too much to take in, such a large area, so much hustle and bustle. This place is enormous. Leon turns briefly and frowns as he looks at Shay's arms on my skin. My own heart rate explodes as Shay gently squeezes my hip before nudging me forward again. Lee turns away, his hands thrust deep in his pockets.
Baldy points at me, “You, love”, his leer making me uncomfortable , “are to be in the centre of the stage at all times. There’s a square marked on the floor in tape for each of your spots. Stay in those squares coz the lighting is set up to track you there”