by Nia Lucas
As he thunders towards me, my soul soars as he sweeps me up into his strong arms and twirls me around, laughing like a drain. I wrap my legs around his waist and my arms around his neck and as he stills his daft twirling, coming to a stop, he stares at me, eyes bright,
“Miss me Little Red?”, his eyes are scanning my face, waiting for his answer.
I smile softly at him, “Yeah Shay, I really missed you”, I don't get the last syllable out before his lips are on mine and he is kissing me silly, tasting of Dr. Pepper, bubble gum and cigs.
He walks us over to the sofa, awkwardly lowering me onto my back. Without even taking off his hi-viz jacket, his hands tangle in my unbound hair, his hands grip my hips and he's kissing me like an enthusiastic puppy.
“Shay, that you bruv?”, at the sound of Lee's voice, I move quickly from under Shay, falling off the sofa in the process and making Shay cackle with laughter.
I ignore him and look at Lee in the doorway, desperate to read his expression. Showered and dressed, Lee's cool, calm appearance belies our activities of this afternoon. I get up and walk towards him unnerved by how OK he seems be, having found me snogging Shay on the sofa. He watches me approach, his posture a little more rigid but no other emotions readable.
“You OK Lee?”, my voice is wobbly and it makes him frown
He nods tersely, “Yeah. Shay bruv, drink?”, and Lee heads for the kitchen
“Shortie?”, he shouts over his shoulder as he walks away, “You wanna drink?”
“Yeah please”, my words feel robotic.
Shay stretches and stands up, “Little Red, I'm knackered. Fuck”, he smells at himself, “and I stink”. He turns and shouts towards the door, “Lee man, Brian says he needs you next weekend for first fix. He reckons Saturday AND Sunday. Hahahaha, fuckin' justice man”, and Shay beams at me, an eyebrow cocked as I roll my eyes and smile.
Lee’s back with the drinks and I chug it down while Lee and Shay banter about work. I watch them and see no indication that Lee’s pissed off or that there is an issue resulting from the sofa kiss. Lee's darting looks at me though, it's like he's checking on me.
Shay heads towards the door, “Righ’, I'm goin' for a shower. Wha' we doin' tonight eh? Wha's the fuckin' plan?”, Shay's stretching again, flashing glimpses of muscle-rippled flesh.
I shake myself, “Oh yeah, Justin wants us to meet him in town tonight. Soho? It's a some bar he's working in but he said Nath would be there and it's a really cool. What do you reckon?”
Agreement reached that we will indeed head 'up west' tonight and that Shay will drive, I ring an excitable Justin who gives me the name and address of the bar. O'Driscoll heads for the shower, leaving Lee and I stood awkwardly in the lounge.
I whisper, “Lee, I feel weird about this”.
Lee walks past me and sits on the sofa and he looks me right in the eye, shrugging like he doesn't care, like he's bored, like he could give a bigger shit but I now know different. Lee's hurting. I walk slowly towards him, kneeling down in front of his legs, peering up at him I whisper softly,
“Lee, before Shay got home, I thought that maybe we should make it just you and me?”, my lips wobbles a bit, making Lee's head jerk up, “Lee, tell me what to do?”
His look is hard and his jaw is tense, “You and me Shortie, we got into this thing and it's real good. But see him?”, he points a finger at the direction of the bathroom, “he's in deep too and I ain't gonna play him. He's blood”. Lee shakes his head and looks away from me, “I gotta let him and you do your thing too, I gotta be cool wiv that coz otherwise, you and me, we can't be nothin'. I ain’t fuckin’ him over. So you want to know what to do Lor? I ain't got no clue”, he shakes his head, looking at the floor.
I sit looking at him because I do understand. It's all or nothing and nothing is too painful to think about. I don’t have the right words so rising up onto my knees, I cup Lee's cheek, stroking those impossibly high cheekbones. I see a muscle in his cheek tick as his hand comes up to grip my curls and Lee kisses me like he's shouting at me in snog form, it's harsh and raw and almost painful but as I reciprocate, it softens into absolution.
“LITTLE RED, c'mere a minute!”, Shay's shout from the bedroom makes us reluctantly pull apart.
Lee cups my face, “Lor, you like him yeah? You ain't doing this just to, y'know, keep the peace?”. Lee looks worried, scanning my face.
I give him a watery smile, “No, I like him too, I like Shay a lot. I.....I just don't know if that's fair on any of us”, without waiting for a reply, I follow the noise to its source, leaving Lee with his head in his hands.
It's dark in the hallway and Shay’s room does not appear to have any lights on. Like a victim in a low budget horror film, I walk blindly through the door, only vaguely startled when large hands grab me in the dark.
“Gotcha, c'mere Lor”, and as Shay envelopes me with his big, damp body as his lips crash down on mine.
With a shout of, “Goin' for milk”, Lee leaves the flat, the front door slamming.
My guilt is silenced as I’m propelled backwards, nearly tripping over the sizeable floordrobe that remains a feature of Shay's scruffy room until my knees hit the bed and we fall onto it, laughing as Shay misses and lands on the floor with inventive swears and a thump.
He smirks, “It's mint comin' home from work and havin' you here Little Red, proper good”, as he pulls me in for a snog, rolling about on his bed.
My guilt about hurting Lee morphs into guilt that I have treated Shay with less attention, driving me to rashness. We mess around and before I know what’s happening, Shay is naked and it is astonishing. Shay’s so vocal, I’ve never had this before. He tells me exactly what he feels, what I’m doing to him, what he wants me to do. It is the dirtiest, bluntest thing I've ever heard and it makes me tingle,
“Oh Lor, suck like tha'.....Lor.....FUCKKKKKKK...Lor, I'm so hard”, his eyes screwed shut with bliss, he roars in astonished release
I smirk at the wide eyed, shocked look he's giving me. He's looking at me like I just grew wings and farted gold bars.
I snort, “You OK there Shay?”
I watch as he slowly starts to smile and before I know it, I'm pinned backwards onto the bed, “Little Red, shit love, I wanna kiss you but I ain't gonna coz you'll taste fuckin' weird”, he laughs when I gasp in outrage and beat him with his own pillow.
Composed and cuddled up against his headboard, Shay whispers in my ear, “This thing, we gotta make it work. Me, you and him, we gotta keep it cool yeah?”, and he presses warm kisses to my neck as I nod slowly.
The front door slams again and with a pat of his knee, I stand up, heading for the door.
I turn and look at him, smiling, “We'll make it work, we will. It'll just take a bit of figuring out eh?”, and I head to the kitchen.
Lee’s unpacking a carrier bag of stuff and I nervously wrap my arms around his waist. He stills, hands grabbing the counter.
“Lee?”, I press a kiss to his shoulder as he sags slightly.
I hear Shay turn his music on in his room as Lee turns slowly, the baseball cap he's got on hiding his eyes, “Did you fuck him Shortie?”, Lee sounds pained.
I look at him and whisper, “No, I'm not ready for that with him yet”.
Lee looks up, his gorgeous brown eyes hopeful looking and vulnerable, “But you was ready wiv me?”, I nod and I see his lips twitch at the edges.
Scanning my face, he turns away to unpack the shopping. I swear I see the edge of his cheeks moving, as if he's smiling.
The rest of the evening is without drama, Shay and Lee's banter reducing me to tears of laughter as they talk about work, about the guys in their respective crews. The omelette and chips I cook them for tea might as well be fillet steak, both lads woofing it in seconds, incredulity from both of them at my catering skills as it emerges that neither of them can cook and they generally live off takeaway. Their thanks and gratitude makes me glow, that desire to make them feel cared about is getting strong
er. Primped and preened a few hours later, Lee is leaning against the lounge doorway wearing a white t-shirt with 'Mecca USA' across the front, his black bomber jacket and a thick gold chain round his neck. His low slung jeans have a knock-off Armani belt and his trainers are very white. Stood in the living room, Shay is wearing what looks like a bowling shirt from the 1950's over what are rapidly becoming my favourite jeans. They both smell amazing, their mixed scents making my knees weak. In a tiny miniskirt, the velvet knee-high boots I bought with Han in the Christmas sales and a silver crop-top, I babble questions, asking if they know where we are going ('sort of'), does Shay know how to get there ('yeah'), where will we park ('fuck knows').
Shay O’Driscoll should not be allowed to drive in busy traffic. EVER. He possesses neither the concentration nor the sense of direction to navigate with any semblance of safety. At one point, there are so many people honking their horns at him that it drowns out the stereo and my knuckles are white with terror. However, once parked up and walking through the busy, noisy energised streets of Saturday night West End London, I feel invincible with them by my side. Their hands in mine feel like a talisman. I feel protected. I feel wanted. Belonging.
Club found, we sneak to the front of the queue. With Shay and Lee’s proximity bolstering my confidence, I throw the large bouncers my best coquettish moves, explaining that we’re Justin’s mates and Nath's dancers. This information seemingly negates my very obvious under-age status as they just wave us through, my astonishment at the ease of it hard to disguise. Entering the bar, I scan the room and feel a bit intimidated by the glamorous decor and cool punters but the music immediately makes me want to dance. I spot elfin Justin having a conversation with the DJ at the decks, dressed in an exceptionally tight white t-shirt and a pair of silky looking jeans. The boys head to the bar while I go over to him, tapping him on the shoulder he turns with a squeal,
“Little Lorna!! I've missed you girl! Christ alive, that arse is enough to make a man straight”, he makes a gesture with his hands that earns his a mock-wallop to the head, both of us laughing.
He carries on, “Nath's here Lorna, come say hi. You here with the Two Pricks?”, Justin shouts as he leads me by the hand through the crowds to where Nath sits at a table surrounded by some shady looking guys and few disinterested looking girls. Nath looks jittery, his whole demeanour is agitated and my guard goes up.
Justin approaches, “Nath, look who I found!”.
Nath looks up, his eyes unfocussed before he grins lopsidedly and shouts, “LORNA!”, his uncharacteristically animated greeting further compounds my suspicion that he’s high.
Nath jumps up and offers an uncomfortable hug and I extricate myself quickly when I feel his sweaty hands stroking my bare back.
Nath shouts, attracting the leering stare of his similarly addled companions, “Guys, this is Lorna, my new dancer”.
Nath grabs my hips, pulling me to him as I squirm, “Lorna, you on for the club next weekend yeah? I've got you a regular gig y'know, big club in Faringdon wants dancers, thought of you, got it sorted. Good money, Saturday nights. I wanna see you dance every week, you get me?”, he's chewing gum wildly and if I'm honest, I'm starting to feel scared, his grip on my hips hurts as he leers, “You here alone? Lorna, me and you, we should get to know each other yeah, I think you should consider how you pay me back”, his grabby hands stroke downwards towards my arse and I pull away, bumping unexpectedly into a body behind me.
A wave of relief sweeps through me as I hear, “Got ya a drink Little Red”. Shay. Turning, I barrel into Shay's safe, warm arms, shaking slightly. Lee's behind him and is staring daggers at Nath. I note that Justin is frowning too and looking uncomfortable.
Shay's voice is tight as his arms encircle me, “Nath, you good?”.
Nath shoots Shay what I'd describe as a sneer although with his weird muscle control, Nath could perhaps have been trying to smile as he sneers, “Oh yeah, I forgot you lot are a team. You're working next weekend yeah boys? Little sugar tits here will be shaking her fucking arse so I guess you'll be there too”, Nath raises his glass in a mock toast.
Lee dives forward snarling, “You don't say shit 'bout her fucker or you and me, we'll have a fuckin' problem”, Nath seems unfazed but his sleazy-looking mates look worried.
Justin, looking anxious, steps in with a breezy, “See you later Nath”, taking me by the arm he leads me away, Lee and Shay stare threateningly at the group before skulking after us.
Stroking my arm, Justin sighs, “Fucking hell, Nath is such a twat when he's on blow, he wasn't that wasted when I spoke to him earlier. Sorry love, just ignore him”, Justin looks genuinely apologetic
Smirking, I raise an eyebrow, “Sugar tits? Really?”, and we both crack up.
Minor-drama dealt with, the rest of the night is a belter. The music is brilliant and I spend hours dancing with Lee and Shay. It would be very easy to assume that we’re just mates, my dancing with Justin is far more sexually charged, albeit for comic effect. I see a group of girls make eye contact with or boys or at least try to in Lee's case and I watch them dance closer and closer, waiting for Shay or Lee to make their move. I remember that first practice session with Rosa and her advice to imagine that the boys I like were being chatted up by somebody else. As Lee's blonde pursuer steps between us and starts to dance in Lee's space, I decide to go for it. I feel the tingle in my bones, the motor in my muscles and I feel it thrum through me as I start to move, the brevity of my skirt allowing me to pull some complex moves with ease, my thick, hip-length curls tickle the base of my bare back as I let loose. Honestly, Nath is a total moron if he pays money for drugs to feel like this because this is better than any drug could be and it's free. I feel eyes on me but I'm not paying attention, faces are a blur and I smile, my arms raised almost in prayer, my hips and my legs reflecting the fast paced rhythm and the bliss that the beat inspires in me. This, this, is just magical.
It's a hand on my hip which breaks me out of the dance subspace. It's Lee and I feel him against me, pressing into my back, moving with me like oil on ocean waves. Lee turns me gently so that we’re facing each other and I lose myself in his face and the music, ducking and dipping in harmony. Then I feel Shay, his arm draped around my waist, his body against my back. If Lee and I are synchronisation, then Shay is more of a conductor and he alters the way I move with Lee. After a few more tracks, the music changes, it becomes a little bit less enthralling. I fall gently out of bliss, like being brought round from an anaesthetic.
Shay is hard, pressed against my bum as a giddy glow of arousal washes over me. Taking my hand, Lee signals to Shay and the three of us leave the dance floor, Justin having wandered off somewhere.
We veer off towards a black door marked 'private' and ignoring it, Lee pushes the door open before taking us down a corridor. Confused when we reach a dead end behind a pile of crates, I start to ask where we’re going but I’m pulled into Lee, his lips on mine before I can take a breath. Shay’s pressed himself against my back, kissing my neck as he lifts the edges of my top, yanking it off as I squawk in protest.
“Shit Lor”, Shay turns me, claiming my mouth.
Lee presses kisses to every part of my skin that he can as he undoes my bra, the cold and the arousal making me edgy as the boys hands' tinker with me. Awkwardly, I slip my hand behind me and reach Lee's jeans, rubbing haphazardly as he groans softly in my ear. Shay's eyes are drawn downwards, to where Lee's hand is now in my knickers and with a wink, he bends down and I find myself topless, skirt round my waist, knickers round my thighs. If I wasn't so doped up with arousal, I'd be entirely mortified.
I gasp out, in between kisses, “What...if...somebody...comes...down...here?”, not wanting to be more exposed than I already am.
Lee groans into my neck, “Nah, ain't nobody comin' down here. Oh fuckkkkk Shortie........”, I've managed to undo his fly.
Shay stands up, he looks in pain, “Lee man...I need... I wanna....Can I?”, Shay seems to be asking p
ermission from Lee to take something further.
Lee shrugs as Shay takes my hand gently in his and drags it over the front of his jeans, murmuring in my ear, “Lor, fuckin' touch me, I'm so hard”, as he lowers his jockey shorts, I understand what he was asking Lee’s permission for. Shay's sizeable erection is right in front of me, therefore it's potentially in Lee’s line of sight. Ah.
Lee’s forehead is pressed against my back, thrusting into my palm as I stroke him while in turn, he gently tortures me with his fingers. Shay's tone is getting more frantic and I realise that he will come all over my skirt and new boots if I don’t take affirmative action. I swoop down onto my haunches whilst still stroking Lee behind me.
“Oh shit, Lor, holy shiiiiiiiiiiiit”, Shay groans, falling back against the wall panting and swearing,
I stand to shield Lee from his view. Lee groans, kissing my neck as I continue to stroke him.
He whispers into my skin, “Gonna come Shortie”, Lee's tone is desperate and I crouch back down, making him hiss loudly.
Leaning against the wall, wide eyed and shellshocked, it's Shay that starts to laugh first, pointing at the three of us in various states of undress. The absurdity of the situation overtakes any embarrassment and before long, Shay and I are doubled up laughing, Lee putting himself to rights in his jeans as he tuts.
Dressed and presentable, Shay looks worried, “Little Red, are we, y'know, cool? Wi', er, this?”, he points between the three of us, Lee frowning.