by Nia Lucas
Han voice cracks, “Lor, Lor I’m so fucking scared for you. Dan...Dan is proper broken about it all, he cried Lor when he told me what she’d done to you. What do we do?”, her hands gently stroke my bruised face but I can offer no reassurance.
Rosa asks me if I need a place to stay and I decline politely, explaining that it’ll all calm down eventually. Han looks skeptical and Nico’s green-eyed gaze is fierce. I get a chance to make a snatched phone call to Shay and Lee on the pub office phone, comforted by the prospect of seeing them in the morning. At home after work, I make myself violently sick with salt water and fingers down my throat, convincingly imitating illness. Dad tells me to study at home tomorrow.
Thursday 1st June 1995
As the Escort roars into my road even my split lip and my tight bruising don't stop me grinning. The car hasn't stopped before Lee jumps out of the passenger seat.
Growling, “I'm gonna kill that bitch”, he kisses me very gently, scowling furiously at my damaged face.
Shay swaggers over behind him, his limp noticeably less pronounced. His hug is fierce but he makes me laugh with 'Rocky' jokes as he points at my face and provides a perfect foil to Lee's defensive fury as we climb in the car and escape my prison. With the late-May sun shining fiercely, we sit by the Mill Pond and chat. Lee gruffly mumbles that he’s been put forward for a college course in September, boss Brian convinced that he's got the makings of a really good electrician. He blushes and goes very sheepish in the face of my squealing praise. Shay takes the piss and gets a scowling punch for his efforts.
Questioning Shay, he tells me that his hospital check up was positive but the Doctor gave him a bollocking because, frustrated with the lack of physical occupation, Shay’s been doing too much lifting at work. He's looking for my support as he tells me the story. He does not get it, Lee laughing as I scold him.
Settled in the long grass with the sun making us drowsy, Lee murmurs, “Shortie, we saw Nath. He needs to get them Festival plans sorted and he was givin' us hassle 'bout shit. We doin' it?”.
I look up, squinting into the sun, “I really want to go, what do you reckon?”, I have no clue at all regarding how to transition from House Arrest to Festival Freedom but here, in the sunshine with the two people who’s broken bits match mine, I find that I don't care.
Shay whoops and like a pouncing cat, covers my body with his in the long grass and tickles me, shouting, “Yeah Little Red, let's do it, let's go fuckin' campin'”, and as Lee piles on, whooping like a lunatic, I scream with laughter and the decision is made.
We head into town for a McDonald's and new trainers for Shay. I’ve never shopped like this, it's ridiculous. They try stuff on, they get distracted and then twat about in the shop causing noise and chaos before spotting something else to try on. When they examine the same pair of trainers on for the 3rd time, I snap. I brandish the shoe measuring thing and chase them round the shop, inadvertently sanctioning more silliness. We are asked to leave soon after, sniggering like toddlers. Their arms slung around my waist and shoulders, I feel invincible.
We walk past the town centre cinema and with a gleeful chuckle, Shay whispers, “C’mon, I've got a fuckin idea”.
He grabs my hand and drags me inside, Lee trailing behind with his hands in pocket and head down. I follow like Dorothy lost in Oz as Shay, ducking skilfully past the limited cinema security, walks us through this unfamiliar building with cocky confidence. He turns a megawatt smile on us both when he finds the door he was looking for, leading us into a dark and deserted screen.
Lee grins at me as he pulls me to follow Shay up the central aisle to the far corner of the back row of seats.
I’m baffled, “But.....but there's no film on in here?”, I look at the boys as they park themselves in seats, Shay patting the seat between him and Lee but I’m still none the wiser.
Shay smirks knowingly, “Tha's coz today, we ain't gonna watch a film, Little Red”, and he nods at Lee who, with no preamble, presses his lips gently to mine.
Lee’s hands wander under my T-shirt as Shay kisses my neck, the armrests retracted so there's no barriers between us. With a whimper of hesitation, I feel Lee lift my t-shirt off me as Shay pushes my denim miniskirt up. Muttering my anxiety about getting caught, exploratory hands in my knickers make me gasp and writhe, distracting me from any worries about rule breaking.
Lee to my right is groaning against my lips, “Fuuuuuuck, Shortie”, as I reach down and stroke him through his jeans.
Shay’s pulled my bra down and is currently kissing my chest as my brain screams, “You're in a bloody cinema, you'll get caught”. Hands and fingers everywhere, our arms cross over each other, making all the angles slightly awkward as we kiss and groan. I’ve got my hands in Lee’s jockeys when he pulls away, gently maneuvering himself so his warm body is draped over me. His eyes glazed in the gloomy light of the deserted cinema, he looks pleadingly at Shay, “Bruv, you cool if we...Shortie, can I?”, Lee's strained tone causes us all to pull back, looking anxiously at each other because this is new.
This is a new phase in us. The boys have seen me do a lot of stuff to their best mate but not this. I’m too overwhelmed to really think straight but I think I want this, I want to be a part of something that is us and ours alone, a secret that we share.
I whisper into the silent cinema, “Lee, have you got something?”, our panting breaths the only sound in this big room.
Lee’s deeply uncool scramble with his jeans pocket makes me snort with laughter and as he produces a little foil wrapper.
My heart beating fast, their matching set of hopeful stares make me bold, “Lee, there’s more space down here”.
Lee moves so that he’s lying propped back on his elbows on the bloody popcorn and pic-n-mix strewn floor below the seats. Shaking off a look of sheer incredulity Lee unwraps the condom, turning awkwardly from view as I press another kiss to Shay's lips, acutely aware that something fundamental is shifting between us all as I join Lee on the floor.
I’m conscious of a persistent kernel of popcorn biting into my kneecap as I kneel and something sticky under my hand as it presses into the floor. Lee’s steadying hand is on my lower back as I position myself over him and sink down slowly, the stretch of his thick length pulling on my slick flesh and making me gasp. Eyes wide, his face becomes a mask of bliss as we move together, our shocked eyes locked on each other from the sudden intensity of the connection. As Lee throws his head back with a groan, I turn slowly to Shay as he watches us. He's biting his lip, his eyes blazing as he shifts around in his seat in agitation, his hand rubbing at his jeans.
Beneath me, Lee starts to pant and his hips rise to meet me with greater urgency and with a shaky voice, I whisper, “Shay, you got something too?”.
He nods and reaches into his pocket as I focus on Lee, who sits up, wrapping his arms round me as we writhe and kiss until his loud moan of release is muffled by my lips as his hips twitch erratically and he pushes deeply into me.
As our movements slow to a halt, I whisper, “Lee, is it OK? If I? With Shay?”, I need him to make the decision because right now, I feel lost and those voices are screaming in my head, ‘Slut, slag’.
Lee’s frowning as he catches his breath, not looking at Shay as he shrugs. I kiss him before lifting myself off, Lee shuddering at the sensation on his spent dick. On my feet, Shay is looking at me with the sort of heat that would make me feel powerful if I wasn’t so anxious,
“Shay, you wanna....?”, I suddenly feel slutty and awkward, realising that I have not allowed Shay the right of refusal.
I shouldn't have worried, “Little Red, fuckin' get over here”, he gasps out, making me chuckle despite the sensitive situation.
In a flash of inspiration, I pull Shay's jeans and pants all the way down to his knees, his bare muscled bum now on the sticky seat as he grins quizzically. I press a quick kiss to his lips, tasting a bit of blood from my re-split lip as I do. With a grimace of apology, I turn and sit on his bare lap, my
back to his chest, pulling the arm rests of the chairs down as supports.
Shay growls at the sudden engulfment as I slide down onto him and his lips suck at my neck. For the first minute or so, we have to experiment to get the rhythm right but soon Shay is groaning out total filth and as I relax into the movements, I look at Lee. He's done his trousers up and is looking more awkward than any human should, slumped stiffly in the seat next to us. I reach for him, desperate for him to be OK and I kiss him, slowly and deeply as I give a few rolls of my hips to satisfy Shay. Lee’s kisses soothe me until Shay’s movements hit a spot deep within me that makes me gasp. Without even thinking, I take Lee’s hand and put it where I need it right now, as his kisses falter and his eyes widen. The proximity of Shay’s equipment clearly freaks him out but as I hold his finger against the part of me that I suddenly really need him to touch, Lee takes the hint until Shay’s erratic movements force us apart, his shout of release echoing through the silent room as he pulls me against his chest. The three of us catch our breath in wide-eyed, shocked silence, the empty space of the cinema suddenly feeling judgemental.
I jump from Shay's lap, the squelch of our separating bodies loud and undignified. In my bra and skirt, I wrap my arms around myself, feeling exposed and vulnerable, the voice in my head louder. Slut, Slag. I turn away from them as I slip on my t-shirt, almost sobbing with relief when a large, warm arm wraps itself around my middle, pulling me close,
“You 'kay Shortie?”, Lee whispers into my neck.
I nod but can't hide the jagged breath and the sniff that follows. Lee turns me, frowning with his head cocked. Shay stands tall behind him, the aisle too narrow to allow him to come side by side as he whoops,
“Little Red, you're a fuckin' boss, love”, Shay's exuberant praise makes me smile through my wobble.
I look back at Lee's face, his gorgeous, scowling face, “Lee, are we OK? Is this”, I point vaguely at the seats that we've just defiled, “is this OK? What we just did?”, the anxiety in my voice makes him pull me closer.
He whispers at me, as Shay starts vaulting over the rows of seats, messing about as always despite his recent injuries, “Shortie, this here? This is all new right here but us? Yeah girl, we're cool. I mean, fuuuuuuck, that was good, yeah?”, Lee smiles shyly, melting me pulling me close as he gently licks at my wounded lip, like he's trying to heal me.
Pulling apart I grimace, looking around, “Oh shit, where are the condoms?”, Lee points at two sorry little rubbery corpses under the seats. With a huff, I grab a discarded coke cup and deposit them in that.
A loud, indignant shout from a female voice startles us all, “OI! What are you doing in here??”
A shocked Shay comically missing his footing as he vaults the seats and lands with an 'ooooof' somewhere in the front row. Laughing, Lee takes my hand and drags me down the steps to the front, where he grabs Shay and hauls him off the floor and towards the door. Shay cheekily salutes the furious looking woman in the Cinema-branded uniform as Lee leads us out.
Returning to my town, the boys play pool at the pub while I pop home before my parents return. Having convinced my disinterested Dad that I’m ‘well enough to go to work’, I throw on my uniform and head to work where Shay and Lee hang around in the kitchen, chatting to Pete while I frantically waitress. At 9pm however, it really is time to part. They have work tomorrow and I have a horrendous history exam that I'm dreading. We walk together to the car, silent and pensive, no plans in place for our next meet up and we all seem to be feeling unease at this. It all feels like the new territory we find ourselves in after today’s cinema escapade has us all a bit edgy.
Hidden in the dark of the side road by the pub Lee's kisses are soulful whereas Shay, in typical style, tries to absorb as much of me as he can in as short a space as possible. Shay smirks and with a kiss, he jumps in the car and gives me and Lee a minute alone.
Tucked in his arms, I whisper nervously, “Lee, I need to tell you something”, I pull back to see him frown, his dark eyes so intense in the evening gloom. My heart beats loudly, “Lee, I want to make sure that you know, that....that I love you Lee. I didn't want you to leave tonight without me saying it properly”, I look down at my feet, hoping I don't pass out from the way my heart is ricocheting.
When I look up, Lee's face looks agonised and I panic, the icy wave of anticipated rejection filling my veins but then his hands cup my face and he's kissing me so softly, so reverently.
He pulls me into a hug that makes me want to never let him go, his tall, hard frame draped round me like a blanket as his words rumble from deep in his chest, “I...fuck...I feel it Shortie, I fuckin’ do, yeah. It ain't never been like this before”, and I feel his whole body tremble as he buries his face in my hair, stroking my back as I whisper like a mantra “I love you, I love you Lee, I love you”.
Shay’s back out of the car, standing and smirking at us from the driver's door, “Lee man, get your fuckin' arse in this car. Ring us tomorrow Lor, it's gonna be a nightmare wi' him if we ain't seeing you for time”, he winks and jumps back in.
Lee scowls at him and I find my tears turning instantly into laughter over the memory that I once considered Lee so truly intimidating and terrifying, this gorgeous lad that loves me. He gives me a shy, melting smile and climbs into the car, not taking his eyes off me as he buckles up and winds down the window.
Frowning he leans towards me, “I'll be here if she pulls that shit ‘gain, yeah? I don't give a fuck if she's your mum. One more time, I'll fuckin' end her”, he raises an eyebrow and I nod.
With a whoop and a wink, Shay spins the wheels and zooms off, flipping me the bird out the window as he goes, making me laugh.
I choose them.
Chapter Nine
Wednesday 7th June 1995
I sat my eighth GCSE exam today and after days of grinding, panic-filled revision, my friends are increasingly creative in dealing with my post-wallop house arrest. Nico actually snuck in tonight, climbing in through Dan's bedroom window, scaring the shit out of him and surprising me. We hid in my room, Nico offering to ask his mum if I can move into their house when Rosa leaves, which made me hug him, feeling his warm strength. I looked at Nico while he told me about the complete balls-up he'd made of his Geography exam and I smiled at this kind, funny mate who takes the piss and makes me laugh. As my chuckles turn into belly laughs when he describes just how wrong he’d got the answers, I swear to myself that I will never risk my place in his life.
As the days plod on, I miss Lee and Shay so much that I ache, it’s like nothing fits properly now, as if once familiar places and experiences are somehow a bit wrong without them by my side, without that protective shield of belonging.
Thursday 8th June 1995
The restaurant is inexplicably empty so Gill and I hole up in the dining room with a drink and we chat.
Gill looks worried, “Lorna, I've been meaning to ask love, how are things at home? You OK?”, her expression is kind.
I sigh and I unconsciously touch my face as I grimace, “Well, my mum's not walloped me again, so I guess that's good. It's OK, I’ve been busy with exams so...”, I shrug.
Gill pats my hand, “And that lovely boyfriend of yours, Shay? How are he and his friend, sweetheart?”, Gill's smile is genuine.
I find myself inexplicably telling Gill all about Shay and Lee, their lives, who they are. I monologue for ages, relishing the chance to talk about them, tearful at times as I recant some of Jock’s stories and wobbly when I talk about them being ‘hurt’ at Easter. Gill’s narrowed eyes suggests that she realizes that is more to the story than I’m currently divulging.
I explain that my current ‘house arrest’ makes seeing them almost impossible and that I miss my boyfriend Shay and my friend Lee.
Gill tilts her head, “They're builders are they? Lorna, d’you know I've got a couple of small jobs that need doing, maybe they could come and do some work for me?”
She smiles, “The Housekeepers Flat is still
empty, they could stay there at weekends, free food, beer and accommodation as their payment?”, Gill sips at her drink, looking at me over the rim of her glass with a smile.
My excitement at what I think Gill is saying makes me breathless as she carries on, “If your parents agree Lorna, perhaps you could stay here after your Friday shift, bringing your study things of course. It would be just to give me a hand, these crowds can be so demanding”, she rolls her eyes, sweeping her hand sarcastically across the empty room.
I’m beaming, “Gill, are you serious?”
She smiles fondly and pats me on the hand, “You’re a good girl Lorna, you always were a lovely girl. When you were little, you were this quiet little thing, always so wary looking but you’re a hard worker and a mature head on those little shoulders. Although I don't know them well, those boys seem like good lads, albeit cheeky”
Gill leans forward, “As long as you understand sweetheart that I can't pay you unless you actually do a shift and as long as the boys are happy to be paid in beds, food and beer, well, we have a deal”, she nods and smiles as she continues, “You can have that little single room Number Five in here, it's never needed and I will sleep soundly knowing that you are tucked up in your bed upstairs here and that good-looking Irish charmer will be tucked up in his own little bed in the flat”, she looks very serious and I nod solemnly.
Gill snorts at me before smacking the table decisively, “Right, I'll ring your mother and ask her permission, we don't want any more bruises do we sweetheart? I’ve always thought Linda Davies was a tough one to fathom”, she frowns fiercely and pats me on the arm. I turn and hug her, gabbling my thanks.