A Nightingale Christmas Promise

by Donna Douglas

  It was beginning to rile her, if she was honest. Why was she even bothering to look out for such a selfish, ignorant cow? Especially when it was so obvious Lily didn’t give a damn about her.

  But then at other times she would torture herself with worry that something dreadful had happened, that her mother had fallen ill or been murdered by a violent stranger down at the docks. Sadie would lie awake all night fearing the worst and make up her mind to go and see Lily, only to change her mind when morning came.

  But as today was Lily’s birthday and Sadie had one of her rare half-days off, she decided that she would finally swallow her pride and visit her mother. One of them had to make the first move, and since Lily didn’t seem bothered, it was left to her daughter to make the effort as usual.

  On the way, Sadie bought a bunch of peonies from a flower seller on the corner of Roman Road. Nothing fancy, she told herself, not like proper roses or anything. She didn’t want her mother thinking she had gone soft.

  As she climbed the stairs to her mother’s lodgings, Sadie’s nerve began to fail her. What if Lily didn’t want to see her? What if she threw the flowers back in her face? She bent down and pushed the birthday card under the door, and propped the flowers against the door frame. That was enough, she thought.

  She was just about to turn away when another impulse seized her. Without thinking about it, Sadie snatched up the flowers, turned the doorknob and walked in.

  The curtains were pulled, shutting out the daylight and closing in the thick, warm air with its lingering aroma of stale cooking and cigarette smoke. Sadie put the flowers down on the table and went to draw the curtains back, letting in the May sunshine.

  She turned to face the room. It was a mess, as usual, clothes strewn over chairs, the table littered with dirty cups and plates.

  Sadie looked at the door to her mother’s bedroom. It was firmly closed.

  ‘Ma?’ she called out. There was no reply. She was probably still sleeping off her latest binge.

  Sadie gathered up the dirty crockery from the table and took it to the sink on the landing, then filled the kettle and set it to boil.

  She searched through the cupboard and found an old jug for the flowers. Sadie paused for a moment, turning it in her hands. It was a sentimental-looking thing, decorated with flowers and a picture of two angelic children in matching sailor suits. Underneath the picture were the words ‘A present from Southend’ in curly script.

  A memory came to mind of the three of them, her mother, herself and Belle, on the beach, paddling at the water’s edge. Sadie couldn’t have been more than six years old at the time. Lily and Belle had their shoes off and their skirts pulled up, shrieking every time the cold water lapped their bare ankles.

  Sadie was arranging the flowers in the vase when she heard someone stirring in the bedroom.

  ‘I’ve put the kettle on,’ she called over her shoulder, as the door opened. ‘Now, I know what you’re thinking. Long time, no see …’

  ‘That’s just what I was thinking.’

  Sadie swung round, and the jug fell from her hands in a crash of water and flowers and broken pottery.

  There, standing in the bedroom doorway, was Jimmy Clyde.

  ‘Hello, girlie.’ He grinned, showing off nut brown teeth. ‘Scare you, did I?’

  Sadie forced herself to remain still, determined not to betray her fear. ‘Not particularly,’ she said. ‘I just wasn’t expecting you, that’s all.’

  ‘I daresay you weren’t.’

  She bent to pick up the shards of broken pottery from the floor. All the while she could feel him watching her.

  ‘When did they let you out?’ She struggled to keep her voice even.

  ‘This morning. I came straight to see my girls.’

  Panic surged through her. ‘Where’s Ma?’

  ‘I thought you could tell me that.’ His breath stank, even from across the room. ‘Silly cow wasn’t here when I got home. Not exactly what you’d call a warm welcome.’

  ‘I don’t know where she is. I ain’t seen her myself in months.’

  ‘Is that right? You two fallen out again?’

  ‘You could say that.’ Sadie carried the handfuls of broken pottery over to the table. The children’s faces gazed up at her from a single piece, their blues eyes wide and innocent, framed by golden curls. Belle had laughed when her mother bought that old pot, but Lily had loved it.

  And now it was gone.

  ‘And why would that be? I wonder.’ Jimmy’s voice grated on her, jarring Sadie back to the present. ‘It wouldn’t be because you’re a dirty little snitch, would it?’

  She looked for an escape but Jimmy stood between her and the door, his face twisted with spite.

  ‘You thought you were so clever, didn’t you? Standing up there in that dock, telling that judge all about me. Wanted to put me away for a long time, didn’t you?’

  Sadie regarded him calmly. ‘No,’ she said. ‘I wanted you to swing.’

  The blow came from out of nowhere, knocking her off balance. Sadie fell sideways, into the table, her ear ringing, the side of her face blossoming with pain.

  ‘You silly bitch, you’re just as stupid as your mother.’ Jimmy stood over her, stinking of stale sweat and rotting teeth. ‘You should have known I’d want paying back for what you did. And to think I didn’t even have to come looking for you!’

  Sadie spat in his face. Jimmy put his hand to his wet cheek, eyes widening in surprise.

  ‘You’ve got some bloody nerve, I’ll give you that, lady. More spirit than your useless mother, at any rate.’ He leered nastily. ‘I like a girl with a bit of go about her. Makes things more interesting, if you know what I mean.’

  He reached out, toying with the buttons on Sadie’s blouse. ‘Such a pretty little thing, too. I’ve always imagined what it might be like to have you—’

  Sadie clutched the shard of pottery in her hand and swung it up against his face. Jimmy jumped back with a yell of pain, his hand to his cheek, blood trickling between his fingers.

  She dodged past him and had almost made it to the door before his arms closed around her, bringing her down. They both fell to the floor, Jimmy on top of her, pinning her down.

  ‘Bitch!’ he hissed. ‘Think you’re so clever, don’t you? Well, I’m going to teach you a lesson you’ll never forget!’

  ‘Leave her alone,’ said a voice from the doorway.

  Sadie twisted her head to one side. Her mother stood there, her eyes fixed on them.

  Jimmy barely flinched, his weight still crushing Sadie, his face inches from hers. ‘Hello, Lil.’

  ‘Hello, Jimmy.’ Lily’s voice was oddly calm. ‘I heard you was out.’

  ‘Yet you weren’t here to greet me?’

  ‘I had some errands to run.’ She nodded towards Sadie. ‘What’s going on here, then?’

  ‘I’ll tell you what’s going on. Your bitch of a daughter attacked me, so I’m teaching her a lesson.’

  ‘You’re covered in blood. Come and sit down and I’ll clean it for you.’

  Jimmy hesitated for a moment, and Sadie held her breath. Then, slowly, he rolled off her and got to his feet.

  Sadie sat up cautiously and looked at her mother. Lily looked different, she thought. Her high-necked blouse and carefully pinned hair were shabby, but almost respectable.

  Her mother had poured some water from the kettle into a bowl and now she was dabbing carefully at Jimmy’s cheek with a damp cloth.

  ‘That looks nasty,’ she said. ‘It’s deep, too. You might want to get it seen to.’

  Sadie caught her mother’s eye over Jimmy’s shoulder. She jerked her head towards the door. Sadie stared back at her, uncomprehending, until she read the frantic message in her mother’s eyes and realised she was silently signalling for her to go.

  Her mother was fussing over Jimmy, distracting him, telling him how much she had missed him, how glad she was that he had come home. Still keeping her eyes fixed on him, Sadie slowly man
oeuvred herself backwards across the floor away from them. She had nearly reached the door when Jimmy’s voice stopped her in her tracks.

  ‘And where do you think you’re going?’

  Sadie caught the look of fear in her mother’s eyes, but Lily managed to keep her voice calm and steady.

  ‘Oh, let her go, Jimmy,’ she said. ‘We don’t want her around, do we? It’s nicer when it’s just the two of us.’ She wound her arms around his neck. ‘Besides, we’ve got a lot of catching up to do, ain’t we?’

  Jimmy pushed her off roughly. ‘You think I’m stupid, woman? I know what you’re playing at. You’re as devious as your bloody daughter!’

  He got to his feet, towering over Sadie. ‘She ain’t going anywhere. Not till I’ve finished with her.’

  ‘Jimmy, please—’

  ‘Shut it, Lil! This is between me and her.’ He bent and grabbed a handful of Sadie’s hair, yanking her to her feet. Sadie gritted her teeth, determined not to cry out.

  He thrust his face close to hers, so she could feel his damp, sour breath. ‘I did nearly six months behind bars because of you, you little cow. You cost me dear, and now you’ve got to repay me.’ He twisted her hair so hard her knees buckled. ‘And when I’ve finished with you, I’m going to carve up that pretty face of yours so no man will ever look at you again.’

  ‘I’ve found someone else.’

  Lily’s words hung in the air. Jimmy froze, still looking down at Sadie. ‘You what?’ His voice was frighteningly quiet.

  ‘You wanted to know where I was this morning? Well, I was with him.’

  ‘Who is it?’

  ‘No one you know.’

  ‘You’re lying to me!’ He yanked Sadie’s head back in a sudden, violent move that made her cry out in pain.

  ‘All right! His name’s Tommy Diamond, and he’s a street bookie over in Bermondsey. Happy now?’

  Jimmy was very still. ‘You wouldn’t,’ he said quietly.

  ‘Wouldn’t I?’ Lily threw back at him. ‘He’s twice the man you’ll ever be, Jimmy Clyde. He looks after me, treats me right. I don’t need you anymore.’

  It all happened so fast Sadie barely knew what was happening. One minute Jimmy was holding her by her hair, the next minute he had released her and launched himself across the room to pin her mother over the kitchen table.

  ‘Say that again, you whore!’ he bit out.

  Lily pushed him off, sending him flying across the room. He collided with a wall and seemed momentarily stunned. ‘Go,’ she said to Sadie.

  ‘I ain’t leaving you …’

  ‘I said, go!’ Lily turned on her. ‘For gawd’s sake, girl, do as you’re bloody told for once in your life!’

  She grabbed her daughter by the shoulders and shoved her out of the open door. Sadie tried to get back in, but Lily slammed it shut in her face.

  Sadie clattered down the stairs and out into the cobbled alleyway, nearly colliding with a pair of kids in ragged clothes who were spinning an old pram wheel down the street. She pushed them aside, running down the alley and out into the street. Her chest was burning with the effort, but all she could see was a picture of Jimmy’s face, twisted with anger, and her mother standing there, looking so oddly calm …

  She had to get help, and she knew just where to go.

  A girl answered the door at Belle’s lodging house, pulling a faded silk robe around her. One of the night workers, by the way she yawned and blinked in the daylight.

  ‘Is Belle in?’ Sadie blurted out.

  ‘Depends who wants – oi!’

  By the time she’d reached the bottom of the stairs Belle was on the landing above her.

  ‘Lil? Is that you?’ she called down. Her expression changed when she saw Sadie. ‘Oh, Christ almighty, what’s happened?’ She came running down the stairs, her feet thundering on the bare boards. ‘He’s back, ain’t he?’

  ‘She made me go …’ The words rushed out, tumbling over each other. ‘I didn’t want to leave her but she made me …’

  Belle’s hands came down on Sadie, gripping her by the shoulders. ‘Fetch the police,’ she said.

  Chapter Forty-Three

  ‘I should never have left her.’

  Sadie pressed her hands to her face, trying to shut out the images that crowded in every time she closed her eyes.

  But it was the sounds that haunted her. The slam of the door in her face. The murmur of the crowd at the end of the alleyway, the thunder of policemen’s footsteps up and down the stairs. Hearing someone screaming hysterically and realising it was herself as she struggled to break free from Peter Machin’s arms wrapped tightly around her, stopping her from going inside the house …

  And now here, in the hospital waiting room. The warmth of the summer sunshine pouring through the window, the smell of disinfectant tingling at the back of her throat. People moving to and fro across the waiting room, busy and purposeful, their lives continuing as normal around her while Sadie sat with Belle at her side, marooned on an island of misery and confusion.

  ‘She wanted you to go,’ Belle said in a low voice.

  ‘But I should have stayed,’ Sadie insisted. ‘It was me Jimmy was angry with, not her. If I’d been there—’

  ‘If you’d been there he would have killed you both!’

  Sadie swung round to look at her reproachfully. ‘Ma ain’t dead!’

  ‘I know, love. I spoke out of turn. I’m sorry.’ Belle’s scarlet slash of a mouth was turned down in her powdered face. She looked out of place in the waiting room, with her bright dyed hair and tattered fur stole.

  ‘She’s going to pull through,’ Sadie murmured.

  ‘Of course she is.’ Belle put out a hand to cover hers. Her skin was rough, nails broken. ‘She’s a tough old bird, your ma.’

  They sat in silence, each lost in their own thoughts.

  The door swung open and Dr Latimer strode out into the Casualty hall. He caught Sadie’s eye and grinned in recognition. Then his gaze flicked from her to Belle and Sadie saw his smile fade, to be replaced by a look of faint embarrassment. The next moment he turned on his heel and strode off in the other direction.

  Belle must have noticed too, because she withdrew her hand and said, ‘I should go.’

  ‘I want you to stay.’

  ‘But it don’t seem right, what with you working here … What if one of your friends was to see us?’

  ‘I don’t care. I want you here. Besides, you’re Ma’s best friend.’

  Belle smiled. ‘Thank you, love. I must say, I wouldn’t be able to settle if I had to sit at home and wait for news.’ She stood up, craning her neck to look over the rows of benches. ‘It’s been a long time,’ she said. ‘You’d think we’d have heard something by now …’

  ‘They have to wait for the swelling in her brain to go down,’ Sadie said.

  ‘And if it don’t?’

  Sadie raised her gaze to look at her. ‘It will.’

  Belle settled back into her seat and pulled her fur stole around her, in spite of the warm day.

  ‘Lil came here, you know,’ she said. ‘To see you.’

  Sadie turned to face her. ‘When?’

  ‘This morning. After she found out Jimmy was being released.’ Belle pursed her mouth. ‘She had word they were letting him out and wanted to warn you. She asked me to help her write a note for you.’

  ‘I didn’t see her.’

  ‘No, you wouldn’t have. I daresay she handed the note in at that Porters’ Lodge and ran. She was that nervous.’ Belle smiled. ‘Got herself in a right old state about it, she did.’

  ‘Why?’

  Belle sent her an old-fashioned look. ‘She didn’t want to show you up, love.’

  Sadie had a sudden recollection of her mother’s high-necked blouse under her coat, her hair pinned up under a battered hat. Shabby but respectable.

  Then another thought occurred to her. ‘You say you saw her this morning?’

  Belle nodded. ‘She spent the night at
my lodgings. Came round straight after she heard the news about – him.’ Her mouth curled. ‘I begged her to stay. She promised she was going to deliver the note here, then collect a few bits and pieces and come straight back. I was waiting for her when you arrived.’

  ‘I thought she was with Tommy Diamond?’

  Belle turned in her seat to face Sadie. ‘And who’s Tommy Diamond, when he’s at home?’

  ‘You know, Ma’s new man? The bookie from south of the river? She must have told you about him?’

  ‘She ain’t said a dicky bird, mate. And you know your ma, she’d never keep a secret like that from me.’ Belle shook her head. ‘No, there ain’t no new man. Believe me, I’d know about it.’

  ‘But she told Jimmy she—’ Sadie stopped talking abruptly. ‘She made it up,’ she murmured finally.

  ‘Made what up?’

  ‘Nothing.’

  Sadie sat quiet for a moment, picturing the scene in her mother’s lodgings, remembering the savage expression on Jimmy’s face as he bore down on her. He had intended to kill her, Sadie realised. Lily must have realised it too, which was why she had stepped in, drawn his fire.

  She remembered the angry words Belle had flung at her outside the court.

  If you understood what that girl’s done for you.

  ‘Why did she stay with him?’ she asked.

  ‘What?’

  ‘Why did my mother stay with Jimmy Clyde?’

  Belle shrugged. ‘I don’t know, do I?’

  Sadie turned to look at her. Belle’s face had turned a mottled scarlet. ‘Yes, you do,’ she said. ‘You nearly told me once, the day of Jimmy’s trial.’

  Belle dropped her gaze. ‘It don’t matter now,’ she muttered.

  ‘I want to know.’ Belle’s mouth was a tight, obstinate line. ‘She did it for me, didn’t she?’

  For a long time Belle said nothing. Then she said quietly, ‘He said he’d kill you if she ever left him.’

  Sadie nodded. ‘I thought as much.’ She paused, thinking about all the times she had called her mother weak and pathetic for staying with him.

  Her thoughts must have been written on her face because Belle said, ‘Don’t be too hard on yourself, she never wanted you to know. I wanted to tell you, but she wouldn’t have it. She wanted to protect you, Sadie. That was all she ever wanted to do, to protect her little girl.’