Opiate Jane

by Baker, Jessica K. ;

  It had been a really long time since I’d attempted to be someone’s friend. It scared the crap out of me, but at the same time it was nice to think I would actually have someone to talk to every now and then. I didn’t have to tell them anything about me or my life. Just keep it simple. That’s all I had to do.

  Paintball wars

  The week seemed to fly by. I’d thought for sure it would drag since I was a little excited about the idea of going to do something Saturday. How had I gotten here? Hadn’t I sworn off having friends altogether? I couldn’t believe I’d caved. I was just so tired of being lonely. Solitude was great, but eventually I think a person gets tired of herself. Talking to Lizzie was wonderful. She was such a funny four-year-old, but I did need someone older to talk to once in a while. That didn’t mean I was going to set myself up to be hurt. If I had to move in a month, I didn’t want it to hurt because I’d attached myself to a couple of friends. I didn’t need any more pain. I’d had enough.

  Milah Jo and Landon had sat with me every day that week. We’d mostly talked about our upcoming paintball war. I never really had to say too much. Milah Jo always had plenty to talk about. She was one of the most flamboyant people I’d ever met. She was so loud and always drawing attention to herself—the opposite of me. She ended up getting a seat right next to mine in English. I’d thought it was bad to have to start a new school in March; poor Milah Jo had had to start in April.

  Landon looked more gorgeous every day. It was like the more I got to know him, the sexier he became. Milah Jo was constantly grilling him with questions, so I got to learn a lot about him without having to reveal anything about myself. I needed to make sure to thank her for that. Milah Jo had pretty much given us her life story on her first day of school, so Landon hadn’t asked her too many questions in return.

  I learned that Landon liked to read sci-fi books, which meant he loved sci-fi movies. Lord of the Rings was his favorite. He also liked reality TV, played the guitar, and listened to country music and nothing else. He had told Milah Jo to chalk that one up to having been born and bred a country boy. That was going to be interesting. I did not understand how anyone listened to that “cry in my beer” stuff. Landon talked a lot about his family and how his dad was gone all the time. He really didn’t know his dad that well since he’d never been around him much. He and his sister had never gotten along, and he drove Emily to school only because his mom made him. He was happy she would be getting her license soon and would start driving herself to school.

  Then he apologized to me for the nice little notes I’d been getting on my locker, because he was pretty sure his sister was behind that. He told us her holier-than-thou attitude must have made her feel entitled to do whatever she wanted to do to people. He hated being considered part of one of the most prominent families in the county. He looked right at me and smiled when he said people tended to get the wrong idea about him because his family had money. Landon seemed to answer all of Milah Jo’s questions with such ease and openness. I couldn’t comprehend how anyone could just lay it all out there like that.

  Saturday had come and I was having a hard time figuring out what to wear. The only thing Landon had told us about paintball attire was to layer, layer, layer. It was only going to be about fifty degrees, so being cold-natured, I had no problem with layers. The problem was I didn’t really have that many clothes to layer. I went to the closet and started piling on clothes and ended up looking like I was about twenty pounds heavier than I was. I looked like one of those cows out in the field. The layers were supposed to take some of the sting out of getting shot by a paintball. Great—what was I supposed to layer on my face, ski masks? I didn’t have any of those.

  I was ready at about a quarter ’til ten. I decided to go outside and wait for Landon. I gave Lizzie a big kiss goodbye and she wished me luck. Mother asked me whether I was sure paintball was something I wanted to do. I ignored her and headed out the door as she was telling me to be careful. She was always on me about making some friends, so she hadn’t pried too much when I’d told her what I would be doing.

  Landon was already standing by the garage. He didn’t look like he had too many layers on.

  “Looks like you remembered your layers,” he said, smirking. “I think it looks good on you.”

  “Yeah, right!” I said, nodding.

  Landon shook his head. “Oh no, are we going to start with the sarcasm already this morning? May we please call a truce for the day? You really need to learn how to take a compliment, City Girl.”

  I walked over to where he was standing.

  “I will chill with the sarcasm when you quit being so smug.”

  He put his hand out to shake mine.

  “Deal.”

  I shook his hand.

  “Deal.”

  Wow! The warmth of his hands shot a heat wave completely through my body. I could feel myself blush. What the crap? I never blushed, and there I was blushing for the second time in a week. This wasn’t good. Maybe I should just back out now. I was sure once I got in that car that I wouldn’t get another chance to bail. I couldn’t bring myself to do it, though. I really did want to go with him.

  Landon waved his other hand in front of my face.

  “Uh, Jane, can I have my hand back now or were you planning on keeping it?”

  I pulled my hand away from his quickly. I was definitely blushing and I knew he’d seen it. He just smiled and motioned for us to enter the garage. I knew his car was nice from seeing the outside of it, but my goodness, I sure hadn’t expected the inside. It was astounding. It had heated leather seats, satellite radio, and built-in GPS. It looked more like the inside of a spaceship. I’d never been in such a nice car.

  Once we pulled out of the driveway, I didn’t know what to talk about. Milah Jo always broke the silence at school, but she wasn’t there yet to do that. I was on my own until we picked her up. Then I realized I had no idea where she lived.

  “Landon, how long will it take to get to Milah Jo’s?” I asked.

  We were stopped at the end of the driveway. Landon turned my way and grinned.

  “Well, Milah Jo seemed pretty excited at the idea of partnering up with Kyle today, so I asked him if he would pick her up and meet us there. Is that okay? She’s a really nice girl, but I never get to talk to you when she’s around. That girl can talk. I was hoping we could use this time to get to know each other. Or at least me get to know you. Milah Jo has done a pretty good job of interrogating me this week. I’m guessing you know pretty much everything there is to know about me.”

  All of a sudden, I felt like my heart was going to jump right out of my chest. I could feel my pits and my palms getting all sweaty, yet my feet were freezing. Those were sure signs I was nervous. I was just hoping my stomach would keep it together, because that was usually what came next. This wasn’t going to be good. He’d tricked me. I didn’t want him to know anything about me or my sad, so-called life.

  Landon went ahead and pulled out of the driveway. I had no idea where we were going. It was quiet, and I wasn’t sure what to say. The only sounds were the roar of the engine and the country music playing on the stereo. It wasn’t up very loud, but I could hear the man singing something about being on the porch in the backwoods. I just didn’t get that music, and I couldn’t help but snicker.

  Landon threw a quick glance my way.

  “What’s so funny?”

  “I just don’t get this music,” I replied. “Is there any meaning to any of it other than sitting on the porch because they lost their woman or their dog?”

  Landon burst into a very loud laugh.

  “Don’t knock it until you’ve given it a chance,” he said “It’s not all about losing your woman or your dog. And what kind of music would you prefer, City Girl?”

  That was a question I could answer. It wasn’t too personal, and maybe it would satisfy his cur
iosity.

  “I listen to alternative music mostly. My favorites are most definitely Paramore, Blue October, and Nine Inch Nails.”

  He grinned really big.

  “That doesn’t surprise me any. I had you figured for being a rocker. You have the whole Halsey thing going on.”

  I sank down in my seat. Little did he know I’d once had the whole Billie Eilish thing going on with my hair and the new look was definitely not on purpose. I turned my head to look out the window and didn’t say anything. My long hair was just one of the many things taken from me because of my mother.

  Landon turned onto a dirt road and pulled over to the side. He reached over and turned my chin toward him.

  “Have I offended you? I didn’t mean to. I really like the way you look,” he said.

  I could feel my eyes watering up, and before I knew what was happening, I was spilling it.

  “My look a few months ago was more G.I. Jane; I’m sure you wouldn’t have thought that looked good.”

  He grinned again.

  “Jane, I’m pretty sure you would look good bald.”

  He looked me in the eye and ran the back of his hand down my cheek.

  “This is a beautiful face, and I don’t think it would matter what kind of hairstyle you have. You would still be beautiful.”

  When Landon touched my cheek, I got this weird shock in my stomach again. It didn’t hurt; it actually felt kind of nice. What was up with that? He was still looking me right in the eye. His brown eyes made me want to be wrapped in his arms and stay there forever. There was something about him that made me feel very safe. That really scared me.

  Landon turned his hand around so he was cupping my cheek.

  “So, how did you end up with G.I. Jane hair anyway? That just doesn’t seem like something any girl would do on purpose. But then again, we’ve already established you’re not just any girl.”

  I broke his stare and looked out toward the window. Earlier that week, I’d sworn to myself I wouldn’t expose any of my past to Landon or Milah Jo, and there I was letting Landon into my world already. What was wrong with me? I had more self-control than that.

  “Let’s just say this girl in my last foster home didn’t like me much,” I answered.

  “Oh, Jane, I’m sorry. Was it very long before she got a hold of it?”

  I frowned. I really missed my long hair.

  “Yes, it was three-quarters down my back. Okay. That’s all you get about me today. You’d better drive or we’re going to be late.”

  Landon put his hand back on the steering wheel, put the car in gear, and pulled back out onto the road. He didn’t pry any further, and I didn’t reveal any more information.

  I looked at the clock and realized it was already 10:30.

  “How long will it take us to get there?” I asked. “I don’t want Milah Jo to get worried.”

  The truth was I didn’t want to give Landon any more time to get any more info out of me.

  He glanced my way.

  “We should be there in about ten more minutes. It’s not far. We play in the woods behind my uncle’s farm. He lives right outside of Sardinia.”

  It was quiet for a few minutes and I could hear some of the words of the country song that was playing. The words seemed familiar to me, so I reached over and turned the stereo up a little.

  “Landon, I know this song.”

  He turned the stereo up some more and it was blaring Nine Inch Nails’ “Hurt.” But it wasn’t Nine Inch Nails singing it; it was someone else.

  “What the crap? Who is singing this song? This is a Nine Inch Nails song, not a country song,” I blurted out.

  Landon started laughing at me yet again.

  “This is Johnny Cash,” Landon said, “and he wore all black long before your Nine Inch Nails did. And according to you, he must have pretty good musical taste if he decided to cover a song you like. Maybe we country folk aren’t so bad after all.”

  I had to admit I was a little embarrassed. I’d given Landon such a hard time about his music, and here I was enjoying a country version of one of my favorite songs.

  “I’m sorry,” I said. “I really need to quit making judgments about things I know nothing about.”

  Landon grinned.

  “Yes, you do.”

  I’d definitely been put in my place a bit. I knew Landon had to have loved that.

  Milah Jo was standing outside Kyle’s car when we arrived at Landon’s uncle’s farm. She was grinning ear to ear. She must have enjoyed the ride. She was so easy to read. Everything she felt was always written all over her face.

  Landon’s uncle’s farm was quite large. It had several barns and a huge house. This house wasn’t like Landon’s, though. It looked like it was falling apart. The paint on the wood siding was flaking off, some of the windows were cracked, and there was a giant hole in the flooring of the front porch. There were three older cars parked beside the house. Landon told me that his uncle, his uncle’s girlfriend, and the girlfriend’s younger sister lived there. He filled me in that it was his uncle on his mother’s side and Landon wasn’t really supposed to visit him. Landon said his uncle was kind of the black sheep of the family. He didn’t go into detail why; he just said he wasn’t going to be judgmental and stay away like the rest of his family did.

  Landon parked the car, got the paintball equipment out of the trunk, and started walking toward Kyle and Milah Jo. He stopped halfway to Kyle’s car and looked back at me with the strangest look. I guess that was my cue to get out of the car. I had to admit, I was a little nervous, but I got out and headed toward the others.

  Landon and Kyle gave us the lowdown on the rules of a paintball war. There really weren’t very many rules to it after all. It was pretty much “Don’t get shot” and “Leave your facemask on at all times.” The guys flipped a coin and determined that Landon and I would go out to get settled in the woods and then Kyle and Milah Jo would follow shortly to hunt us. We fired a couple of practice shots, put on our camouflage gear, and were on our way. Thank goodness the guys hadn’t decided to gang up against Milah Jo and me. We wouldn’t have stood a chance.

  Landon and I walked a long time into the woods before he decided on a good spot for us to hide. He’d found a pile of brush just behind a pond. He said the brush would be good cover for us and the openness around the pond would give us plenty of time to see our hunters coming. This was starting to sound scarier by the minute. Landon was starting to sound like the people in military documentaries. It was definitely too late to turn back.

  So there I lay in the woods with all the spiders and creepy crawlers that lived there. It was a gross feeling to know that, at any time, something could crawl into my pant leg. The thought of it made me shiver. Landon must have sensed I was getting uncomfortable because he scooted closer to me. We had to be quiet because we didn’t want Kyle and Milah Jo to find us. The idea was for us to see them first and get a good shot on them before they found us. The good thing about being quiet was that Landon couldn’t question me anymore about my past. The bad thing was that the silence gave me plenty of time to think about all the stuff that was living in those half-wet leaves beneath me.

  After lying in the leaves and brush for about ten minutes, we finally heard something coming. The sound wasn’t coming from the area we’d come from; it was coming from behind us. I was a little scared—how would Kyle and Milah Jo have gotten in behind us like that? Landon looked at me and pointed at my paintball gun. Then he grabbed my facemask and pulled it down over my face. I was so nervous that my heavy breathing fogged up the damn thing and I couldn’t see anything. I turned around to try to figure out what was going on when I thought I heard shots. I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t see and I didn’t know where to go. I pulled up my paintball gun and just started randomly firing. After what seemed like about fifty rounds, I heard someone
yelling. It was Landon. I pulled up my facemask because I couldn’t hear or see with the damn thing on. As I was pulling up the mask, I heard a shot fired. It was too late; my mask was already off and the paintball hit me right below my left eye. It hurt like hell. I grabbed my eye. I tried to keep my cool, but I couldn’t do it. I fell to the ground while still holding my eye.

  Landon came over and knelt down beside me.

  “Jane, are you okay?”

  I looked up with the only eye I could see out of and saw that Landon’s jacket was peppered with pink paintball splatters. I was the only one with pink paintballs.

  “Did I shoot you?”

  Landon chuckled and said, “Yeah, you totally went postal on me, City Girl. Let me see your eye. Are you okay? I’m so sorry. I should have had you put that mask on sooner so it wouldn’t have fogged up so bad on you during all the action.”

  I took my hand down from my eye, and the look on Landon’s face told me it wasn’t a pretty sight. It was throbbing now. Milah Jo came running over to me. She was hysterically apologizing. I couldn’t figure out why she was so upset until I looked down and saw the purple paint on my hand. She was the one who’d shot me in the eye.

  I looked up at her and asked what had happened.

  “Kyle over there made me run all the way around the woods so we could come in behind you guys,” Milah Jo said, frowning. “He said it was a surefire way we would win. When we were getting close, we heard shots.”

  She pointed at Kyle and said, “Genius here said you were firin’ on us and told me to shoot back. I’m so sorry, Jane. I didn’t know ya didn’t have your mask on. Look at your face. I’m so sorry.”