Opiate Jane

by Baker, Jessica K. ;

  I was officially driving myself crazy. Every time Landon left, every time his phone rang, and every time he got a text, my mind started wondering if it was Ivy. You would have thought they’d had an affair. When he left in the middle of the night it was the worst, but the constant texting was running a close second. I would have loved to have gotten ahold of that freaking phone.

  I sounded like a crazed lunatic! I probably would have been considered a stalker if I weren’t already Landon’s girlfriend. As much as I would have liked to put a lot of the blame on Ivy, I knew deep down inside it was the pills that were driving me crazy. How could those stupid little inanimate objects be more important to him than I was? I didn’t understand why he wanted to risk everything we had just so he could get high. It really made me feel like I wasn’t enough for him.

  I didn’t think I was enough for anyone. I wasn’t enough for my mother not to want the drugs, and I wasn’t enough for my father to even consider sticking around. I knew I had issues. I thought maybe I should see a shrink, but I was sure a shrink would have just put me on meds to make me feel better. Then I would have been no better off than any of the people who were supposed to love me. I would never do anything like that even if it were a legitimate prescription. I wanted to make sure Lizzie always had one person in this world she could count on.

  Society pretty much revolves around drugs now. Doctors hand out meds like candy, and usually the government pays for it. Even at only sixteen years old, I’d seen enough to know things were messed up. Why couldn’t things just be normal? When would I get my normal? What was normal anyway? If someone had asked me what that normal was that I wanted, I probably couldn’t have told them. I’d never had normal. Normal, to me, probably would have been to live in a world where the people I loved didn’t do drugs.

  One night, Landon and I were supposed to go out. He’d promised me a night out without any of his so-called buddies around. We were going out to dinner and then to a movie, and I was looking forward to it. No matter how much I dwelled on everything that was wrong with our relationship, I craved the things that were good about it. I guess that kind of made me a junkie too, craving something I knew wasn’t good for me and that could end up hurting me in the long run. Yep, that sounded familiar, but I couldn’t help myself. Every time that boy put his arms around me, I felt like I was finally home. It had been a long time since I’d felt like anywhere was home. I just was not ready to give that up. It felt so freaking good. Landon was the first person I’d ever looked in the eye and seen my own reflection looking back. He saw me for me and loved me. He knew I was flawed and broken and loved me anyway. Yet, I saw him for who he was and I judged him for it. Ugh! Why did this have to be so hard? Just once, couldn’t something be easy?

  So there I was, getting ready for a date with Landon even though just an hour ago I’d been questioning my relationship with him—and questioning my sanity. It was no wonder I was so conflicted. I had no idea what to do. I knew what I needed and I knew what I wanted, and those things weren’t the same. I wanted Landon sober. But Landon didn’t want that, so where did that leave me? It left me hanging on to any shred of good in our relationship, knowing that at some point it would end. That was a sad feeling, and I tended to push it back and stay in denial.

  I kept hoping things would get better. They’d been pretty good at first after we’d gotten back together. It had seemed like Landon was relieved to not have to hide it anymore. He’d been so open about everything with me. But then it started to feel like he was trying to be sneaky sometimes. I just didn’t know what to do.

  Landon knocked on the door right at 6 p.m. Lizzie ran to the door, declaring she would get it. She’d adored Landon ever since he’d taken her to see the jellyfish at Mineral Springs. Mother just gave us looks, and I knew it was because Mrs. Whitman did not approve. I knew Mother was worried that my relationship might cost her her job.

  I hurried out the door and Landon followed. We got into his car without saying anything to each other and headed out the driveway. We were almost into Mount Orab before either of us spoke. Landon placed his hand on my leg and gave it a little squeeze.

  “What’s wrong with my girl tonight? Why are you so quiet?” he asked.

  I gave him one of those frown-smiles my mother always said I was famous for.

  “I’ve just been thinking a lot today. I have a lot on my mind, you know.”

  Landon put his hand back on the steering wheel.

  “Really, Jane, are you going to start this already? I thought you were looking forward to tonight and it being just the two of us. Why would you want to ruin it before we even get started? Tonight is supposed to be fun.”

  Of course he was going to blame this on me. I folded my arms and huffed.

  “I’m not trying to ruin the night, Landon Whitman,” I said. “You shouldn’t ask questions you don’t want the answers to. You know the reason I’m upset. It’s the reason I’m upset 98 percent of the time. I just don’t know how you think we can go out and pretend like everything is okay, when obviously it’s not. I can’t do it anymore. You’re going to have to start looking at things from my perspective.”

  Landon shot me a nasty look. He pulled off the road into a gas station and parked the car.

  “Damn it, Jane, your perspective is blurred,” he argued. “You see everything jaded thanks to your mother. I’m not like her. I don’t do the shit she did. What I do, I only do every now and then, and it’s not even that strong. Your mother was a heroin addict. That’s a lot different from popping a pill once in a while. I’m sure I could stop using them without even getting dope-sick.”

  I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes.

  “Then why don’t you try, Landon?”

  He laughed at me.

  “Because I don’t want to try, Jane. I don’t have to.”

  Now the tears were running down my cheeks. I turned to look out the window so he couldn’t see I was crying.

  “You don’t want to stop, Landon, because you know you will be dope-sick. Tell me, how often is once in a while?”

  These conversations were usually done via text, but for some reason today it was face to face. He always avoided answering my questions when we were texting. Now, I had him stuck in this car with me and he was going to give me some answers.

  He shrugged his shoulders.

  “I don’t know—one or two times a month maybe.”

  Crying or not, I didn’t care. I turned to face Landon.

  “You would sit here and lie right to my face? I’ve counted five times in the last week that I’ve seen the remnants of a pill in your nose. How am I to believe a word you say if you can’t be honest with me, Landon? Why can’t you see what you’re doing to yourself? I bet you’re lucky to weigh 140 pounds, and honestly, Landon, when was the last time you washed your hair or shaved?”

  He cocked his jaw sideways. I knew I’d hit a nerve.

  “Jane, I’ve told you a hundred freaking times: I weigh a buck sixty. I’m so sick of you ragging on my weight all the time, and now you’re telling me I don’t shower enough? Go ahead and get the rest of your griping out too. Let’s see: I text too much, I don’t spend enough time with you, you think I’ve been talking to Ivy, and you want to know what it is I do at night. You’re always making accusations, Jane. Why can’t you just let things be and enjoy yourself?”

  I just turned my head. I didn’t want to hear how it was all my fault anymore. The rest of the night was ruined. We went to dinner and watched the movie in silence.

  Stowaway

  Landon hadn’t answered my phone calls all day. I finally went over to his house around five because I couldn’t stand it anymore. Mrs. Whitman said Landon had been in bed all day and she was pretty sure he was coming down with something. She wouldn’t let me in to see him. My mother had the day off, so she couldn’t tell me anything either. I finally decided to li
e down around midnight. I was really worried about Landon. I couldn’t sleep. What if he took too much of something and nobody realized it until it was too late?

  At around 12:30 a.m., I saw his bedroom light come on. I texted him to see what was up. He texted me back that he hadn’t been feeling well and he thought he was coming down with the flu. I asked him if there was anything I could do. I guess he must have been texting with somebody else at the same time he was texting me, because he sent me a text that said he would be in town in twenty minutes. What the hell? I thought he was sick. I decided it was time I found out why he went to “town” in the middle of the night. I guess I already knew why, but I wanted to know where. I wanted to know every person who was contributing to killing my Landon. I wanted to find out who they were and confront them all. It didn’t matter to me that they were drug dealers. I didn’t care if I could get hurt. I just wanted them to stop supplying Landon with that stuff.

  I got out of bed, got dressed, and quietly snuck out the front door. I went into the garage, climbed into the back of Landon’s Mustang, and got down onto the floor. He had a jacket in the back seat, so I put it over my head. I was pretty sure he wouldn’t notice me, but I was really starting to shake. What in the world would he say if he found me back there?

  He got into the car not long after I got in. I was really freaking out! We were about fifteen minutes into the drive before he parked the car. I waited for about five minutes after Landon got out before I peeked my head up to see where we were. We were at his uncle’s house, the same place where we’d played paintball. Why would he have sent that text saying he was going to town? It had to be some kind of dope code.

  I climbed into the front seat and quietly got out of the car. I wanted a closer look at what was going on. I snuck over to the side of the house and peeked into the corner of one of the lit-up windows. The window had a crack in it so I could partially hear what they were saying inside. Landon was talking to an older guy who must have been his uncle. He was begging his uncle for another chance. His uncle started scolding him over some money Landon had already cost him. Landon sat down in a chair across from his uncle with the most awful look I’d ever seen on his face.

  “I’m sick, Uncle Mac,” Landon moaned. “I just need a couple to get me through school tomorrow. I promise I’ll replace your money. I’ve got to have something. I’m sick.”

  Landon did look bad. His face was pale, he looked like he’d lost another five pounds since I’d seen him last, and he was holding on to his stomach as if it were killing him. Evidently the flu wasn’t the culprit, though. Landon was dope-sick. He’d been telling me this whole time that he only did drugs every now and then. He’d been lying to me. He’d been doing them pretty frequently if he was dope-sick.

  I didn’t understand how in the world he could owe anybody money. That boy was loaded! I heard his uncle say something about how he wasn’t “giving in this time,” that he was going to have to start treating Landon like every other junkie instead of like family. He flat-out refused to give Landon anything.

  A woman walked into the room and ran her hand through Landon’s hair as if he were a puppy.

  “Oh, Mac, look at the poor boy,” she said. “Maybe you should help him out this one last time.”

  She looked really familiar, but I knew I’d never met her. Why did she look so familiar?

  Mac stood and yelled at the woman.

  “Lily, I will not give him any more handouts! That boy’s family has more money in their little fingers than we will ever see in a lifetime. I know he can find a way to pay me what he owes me. He’ll figure it out. No more fronts.”

  I decided I’d better head back to the car. Landon would probably be leaving soon, since he couldn’t get what he’d come for. Right as I crouched down to get past the windows, I heard a noise in the bushes behind me. I figured it was a dog or something and shrugged it off as I went toward the car. But someone grabbed my arm as soon as I got to the corner of the house. It scared me to death. It was an older man with long gray hair. He looked like something right out of the mountains. He turned me toward him and got in my face.

  “What the hell do you think you’re doing, young lady?” he asked.

  I froze; I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t want to tell him I was with Landon and get Landon in more trouble with his uncle.

  “Ain’t got no answer, huh? That’s all right. I’ll take you in the house to see Mac. He can deal with you,” he grunted.

  He dragged me by the arm around the corner of the house and in through the back door. When Landon saw me come in, his mouth dropped.

  “Hey, Mac, look what I found outside peeking in the window. What do you suppose I do with this?”

  The gray-haired man let go of my arm and gave me a shove toward Landon’s uncle.

  Mac jumped up out of his chair, grabbed a pocket knife off the table, and headed toward me. Landon ran over in front of me and stopped his uncle.

  “She’s with me, Uncle Mac,” Landon said. “She was supposed to stay in the car.”

  Landon turned and gave me a furious look, and Mac backed off.

  “What the hell are you doing, Landon? Trying to get me busted? I can’t be having this shit. I’ve told you time and time again not to bring anybody but Kyle with you. I thought you were smarter than that, boy.”

  Landon put his hands up in the air.

  “I know, I know. It’s pretty dark outside. I thought she would stay in the car and you would never have known she was here. I’m sorry, Uncle Mac. It won’t happen again. I swear.”

  Mac sat back down in his chair.

  “I’m glad to hear you’re sorry, boy, but I just can’t let her leave. She saw too much. She could run straight to the cops.”

  Landon shook his head.

  “She wouldn’t do that Uncle Mac,” he said. “She knows better.”

  Mac’s face was getting redder by the minute.

  “How am I supposed to believe that, boy? You thought she was smart enough to stay in the car and Jed caught her snooping in the window. I can’t take that chance. Jed, put her in the back room and make sure she can’t get out. I need time to think about what it is I’m going to do with her.”

  I couldn’t help myself. I opened my big fat mouth before I realized what I was doing.

  “Wait! Don’t worry, Mac,” I said. “I’ll keep your secret and make you a deal. I won’t tell anybody anything about your operation here if you promise to not give your nephew any more of that crap. I can’t believe his own family would contribute to killing him just so they could make a buck.”

  Mac threw his hands into the air.

  “Jed, get her and put her in the other room before she makes me mad enough to kill her. Get her the hell out of my sight. Now!”

  Jed grabbed me by the arm again.

  “Sure thing, boss.”

  Landon came over and knocked Jed’s hand away from my arm. Mac moved quickly over to where we were and grabbed hold of Landon. Mac was a big guy, and Landon didn’t stand a chance against him. Jed told Lily to get him some rope as he dragged me into the hall.

  Landon tried to follow, but Mac still had a hold of him.

  “You’re going to stay right here with me, boy. We’re going to have a talk,” Mac scolded.

  Jed took me to the back of the house. It was really dark and I had no idea what he was going to do with me. He took me into an empty room and Lily followed. Jed told me to sit down and Lily handed him the rope. Jed tied my hands together, then my feet, and then my arms to my legs. I was pretty sure it wasn’t the first time he’d tied someone up. He seemed to know what he was doing. I was terrified. I should have kept my mouth shut. I should have kept my butt in the car. This was not a world I wanted to be a part of, yet there I sat, tied up in the middle of it. They left me in the room by myself, and it sounded as if they’d locked the door on their way o
ut. I didn’t know how I was going to get out of this, and I had no idea what they were out there doing to Landon. I was so scared that I’d started to cry. I should have stayed home. Thanks to my curiosity, I now had Landon and myself in a world of trouble. Any sane person knows you don’t piss off dope dealers. This was crazy. What the hell had I been thinking?

  I sat in the room for at least a good hour. I could hear movement in the other room, but I couldn’t hear well enough to figure out what was going on. I was so worried about Landon. I had tried to wiggle myself out of the ropes, but it was no use. Jed had tied them really tight. It wasn’t long after I’d given up on trying to get out of the ropes when I heard a really loud noise. It scared me. I didn’t know if it was some kind of explosion or if it was a gun shot. I started screaming for Landon.

  There was a crack in the window and a strange smell was coming in through it. I heard the noise again. The second time, I was sure it was an explosion of some kind. It sounded a lot like one of those really big fireworks they let off on the Fourth of July. The smell was getting really bad. I had to get out of here. I didn’t know if the explosion had happened outside or if it had happened in the house and had caught the house on fire. I was moving around a lot trying to get loose when Landon burst through the door. He didn’t even waste time to untie me. He just picked me up and carried me out into the hallway.

  The smell was starting to get to me; I felt like I was choking. When I finally stopped coughing, I asked Landon what had happened. He just shook his head and told me not to talk. Once we made it to the front porch, he sat me down and untied me.