Perfect Dark (The Company of Wolves Book 1)

by J. A. Saare

  His gaze left Noah and rested on me. "Sit down, Eleonora."

  I wanted to know what was going on. "Why are you here?"

  "Sit," he repeated.

  I did, hesitant as I made it to a chair and sat.

  "I have bad news."

  Noah inched closer to the table, stopping at the center counter. "About?"

  "There was an explosion." Michael studied me, and I could see regret and compassion in his eyes. "It happened several hours ago. I was notified by the authorities and given all the details." A flash of indecision crossed his face. As quickly as the emotion appeared, it was gone. "Due to the circumstances, I felt it best to come here directly. You need to hear this from me, and you need to hear it in person."

  "I don't understand." Why would he need to tell me about an explosion? In person? Pack business included the pack. If the matter involved the PBI, Tom would have been present.

  "The blast happened at Steven's garage."

  The breath left my lungs, terror taking over. "But he's okay, right?"

  "The police had to get the fire under control before they could investigate." Again, Michael's eyes darted to Noah. Then back to me. "They found human remains."

  No.

  No, no, no.

  Michael had to be wrong. "Steven wouldn't be there. He's coming here, Michael. He's coming to see me." I looked at Noah, pleading with him to listen. "That's what I was trying to tell you. He told me this morning. He'd already packed his bags." Determined to prove I was right, I said, "It must have been someone else. He has an assistant. Mitch. He's at the garage all the time."

  I felt Noah's hand on my shoulder and shrugged him off. "Don't."

  "Mitch was at home, Eleonora." Michael remained composed, but I knew he didn't like giving me the news. "The police have already taken his statement."

  It was someone else. It had to be someone else.

  If something had happened to Steven, I'd have known.

  I would feel it.

  Then I realized that wasn't true. I'd feel the agony of loss with Noah or any of my pack mates, as our wolves were unified and we were connected in a magical an unexplainable way.

  Steven wasn't a werewolf. He was human.

  We didn't have that kind of bond.

  "You have to be wrong." I felt the warmth of tears as they streamed down my face. Noah tried to comfort me again, and I slapped his hand aside. I stood so quickly, I knocked the chair over. "Call the police. Tell them they identified the wrong person. They have to find him. He could be hurt."

  "He wore his wife's wedding band on a necklace, didn't he? He never took it off. They found the ring."

  The world swam. The walls looked like they were breathing.

  I wanted Michael to shut up. I didn't want to listen anymore.

  The wolf, sensing my raw, unhinged emotion, came to life. As soon as she understood the cause of my grief, she roared in my head. She belonged to Noah, but she adored Steven. He fed her, talked to her, read books to her. I felt prickles beneath my skin, my muscles on fire as the wolf and myself merged. I grasped the table with clawed fingers and threw it aside. The wood hit the window, and the glass shattered. Michael didn't move, staying right where he was.

  "You're wrong." My voice altered, garbled and hoarse.

  "You know I'm not."

  I wanted to rip his face open with my claws.

  This wasn't happening. Not again.

  I refused to lose another thing I loved.

  Before I caused massive damage, I decided to leave.

  Noah tried to block me as I ran toward the back door, but Michael ordered him to step aside. Noah did, even though I could sense his need to be with me, to ease my torture. I made it to the door and slammed my shoulder into the frame, bursting it free from the hinges. As soon as I had clearance, I rushed down the stairs, ripping at my clothes.

  The pain was too much.

  I couldn't take it.

  It hurt to breathe.

  I decided to shed my skin, taking shelter in a form that could bear the misery. I faltered several times, falling to the ground over and over again, uneven on my feet as my bones cracked and my musculature changed. I threw my clothing aside, but I didn't stop. By the time I made it to the edge of the clearing, the shift was complete.

  I mentally stepped back, shuttering my mind.

  I let the wolf have absolute control, giving myself over to her.

  Although I was present in her head, she was in charge.

  She knew what to do, bolting into the trees.

  With each step, as she grew stronger and pushed back the human portion of her, the despair and torment crushing my heart eased. The wolf focused on the sights and sounds I'd long kept from her, ready to venture into the wilderness and revel in her newfound freedom.

  Her thoughts and plan intensified.

  We'd go deep into the forest.

  We'd find game and hunt.

  The mortal world would be left behind.

  Then scents and sensation drowned out everything.

  Steven wasn't the only person who'd died.

  In that moment, the human part of me had as well.

  Chapter Ten

  The wolf woke with a snarl, baring teeth her teeth and struggling to break free of the fingers grasping her nape. I witnessed everything through her eyes, aware of who'd taken hold of her due to our combined sense of smell. The wolf identified Noah and prepared to back down. Not wanting that, I rose unwillingly from the slumber I'd enjoyed, instructing her to fight.

  "That's enough." Noah's grip increased as he applied pressure. "Stop, Ray."

  Despite a decent attempt, the wolf's head slammed into the earth.

  "You can stay in this form, angel. I'll allow that. But if you don't come back and take control right now, I'll force you to shift." When I didn't relent, snapping at his fingers, I felt power radiating from him. "Last chance."

  Knowing he meant it, not wanting to change form, I muddled through the cobwebs in my head, coming to true awareness. I wasn't sure how long I'd been under or how long I'd been gone. I'd simply let go of everything, trusting the wolf to survive on her own. As I broke through the surface, grasping hold of the wolf and taking charge, I remembered everything and wanted to put the wall back up.

  It still hurt too much. I couldn't bear it.

  "Stop it, now." Noah didn't sound angry, only determined. "I've given you as much time as I could. You have to come back. There are things you need to do." Since I'd stopped struggling, he pulled my upper body onto his lap. He ran his fingers along my head, trying to comfort me. "Steven's funeral is today. You don't want to miss that, do you? It's your last chance to say goodbye."

  Steven's funeral. I slumped against him.

  He's gone. He's really gone.

  I let the pain wash over me, no longer aided by numbness.

  As much as I wanted to deny it, I'd never see Steven again.

  Michael was many things, but not a liar. An alpha of his stature wouldn't need to lie about something like that. Now I had to figure out why Steven had died. He always used caution at the shop. If there had been an explosion, it hadn't been due to him. Something else had happened.

  I knew it, could sense it.

  I owed it to Steven to find out why.

  "That's it, come back to me," Noah said softly. "I know you're hurting, and I'm sorry as hell. I'd take away your pain if I could. I'd kill myself to make everything better." He sounded solemn and heartbroken himself. "You told me you loved him. I didn't believe you. For that, I'm sorry. Call it arrogance or wishful thinking on my part, but I do believe you now. Even though it's not easy to admit. I sensed it in the kitchen, Ray." His voiced cracked and he lowered his head, resting it atop mine. "I felt your pain. That kind of hurt doesn't come from anything less than love."

  He paused, kissing my muzzle.

  "Knowing that, I realize you need time to come to terms with the loss. You need to mourn. You have to let yourself grieve. But you can't do it like
this. Not in this form. It's too dangerous. To you and everyone around you. The wolf needs your guidance just as much as you need hers. Both of you have to accept what's happened if you want to get through this. I won't let you lose yourself in the beast, even if you want to."

  I sighed and closed my eyes.

  This time, Noah wasn't being selfish.

  The longer I stayed like this, the more I'd adapt to my form. I'd become a wolf entirely. Eventually, I'd be unable to shift at all. Unless someone made me. By then I'd be feral and uncontrollable.

  I'd have to be put down.

  "I've booked a flight for you. If you leave in time, you'll make it to the funeral. You'll be able to say whatever you need to. You'll have the chance to grieve." He stopped stroking my fur and pulled away. "I know you don't want me there, so I've made arrangements. Someone else will go with you. Someone that makes you feel safe. You don't have to do this alone."

  I didn't know who he meant.

  He didn't clue me in or reveal the person.

  It wouldn't be Michael. A human funeral wouldn't be secure. It was far too dangerous for him to accompany me. Maybe he thought Trisha would be comforting. I hoped not. I didn't want to be around anyone from the pack.

  "You're thinking about it. Good." He shifted his legs, moved me aside, and stood. "We have to hurry if you want to go to the funeral. I meant it when I said I'd given you as much time as I could. You only have a few hours before you have to leave."

  He started walking from me, weaving through trees.

  He didn't look back.

  I watched him for several seconds.

  Uncertainty coursed through me, and I realized I'd already been in wolf form too long. I wanted to be the animal, guided purely by instinct. Perceiving the danger I'd put myself in, I followed Noah's departing form, remaining several paces behind him. The trek through the area was quiet, the only noise coming from crushed leaves and branches beneath our feet. It took us nearly twenty minutes to clear the trees, and when we did, a scent drifted to me.

  I froze, inhaling deep.

  Then I knew who'd be taking the trip with me.

  I took off, sprinting past Noah. In seconds, I saw a road and Noah's truck.

  A large form stepped around the side.

  He looked exactly the same, dressed in a T-shirt, blue jeans, and cowboy boots. His dark, glossy shoulder length hair was thick and straight. I'd always envied him, wishing my locks were as glorious.

  Bowen.

  I didn't slow down, covering the distance between us.

  A smile tugged at his lips as he kneeled.

  I slammed into him, burying my head in his chest.

  "I've missed you too, Ellie." His arms surrounded my neck and he pulled me close. "I'm sorry I wasn't here when you needed me."

  I whined, wishing I had arms to hug him back.

  "Get a room," Noah yelled at us, obviously happy at my reaction.

  "Why don't we go home and get you ready, hmm?" Bowen said. "I know we have a lot to talk about. There's so much I have to tell you. We've missed a lot of years, haven't we?" I pulled away, meeting his hazel gaze, and he winked at me. "Nothing's changed, Ellie. It never will. What we talk about stays between us, remember?"

  That eased my tension.

  Bowen respected Michael and Noah, but he wasn't like them.

  He'd been made, not born.

  He knew what it was like to be human.

  Noah climbed into the truck and asked, "Are you coming?"

  "There's a lot he wants to say to you. Some of it you should hear when you're ready," Bowen whispered. "But I told him not to smother you. Not right now. He'll leave you alone when we get home. No one will bother you. You have my word. You're good, darlin'. No matter what happens. You are safe. I've got your back."

  ◆◆◆

  Bowen hadn't been joking.

  We'd made it to Noah's home, and no one bothered me.

  Not even the man himself.

  Noah hadn't said goodbye as we'd left his house, he'd driven to the airport, and watched as I boarded the plane. But I could tell he wanted to. He wasn't pleased watching me go. I scented his worry and fear. He was afraid to let me out of his sight. The only reason he hadn't come along was because of Bowen, who'd given his word he'd bring me back in one piece.

  Bowen also didn't say anything to me.

  Then again, what could he say?

  As soon as I'd shifted to human form, I'd started crying.

  I'd wept non-stop.

  By the time we'd landed in New York, my face was a puffy mess. Bowen had given me a handkerchief and guided me to a car. From there, we'd traveled to The Chapel of St. Mark. There were several cars, which forced our driver to drop us off and find another area to park. I'd entered the church but stayed near the back, unable to get close to the coffin. I'd realized on the trip to the church they couldn't display Steven's remains due to the severity of his injuries.

  I'd never see his face again, which had me crying yet again.

  As the ceremony drew to a close, I saw Steven's parents. When they noticed me, their faces turned angry and hostile. They'd never liked me and didn't approve of my relationship with their son. They'd made it clear I was a bad choice. Steven had cut them off when we'd started dating, telling them they accepted both of us or nothing at all. Due to his decision, they hadn't had any real contact with their child in several months.

  They had every right to despise me.

  I saw them parting the crowd, coming my way, and said, "We need to go."

  Bowen seemed puzzled but followed me as I made a hasty retreat from the church. I heard Steven's mother scream out my name, but I didn't stop, walking faster.

  "What's the matter?"

  "Steven's parents."

  The response was more than enough.

  Bowen grasped my arm and shouldered through those who had stopped and turned in our path, getting me swiftly to the front doors. We exited the building and he pulled his cell from his pocket. He didn't stop walking as he called the driver and found out where the limousine was parked.

  "This way." He guided me to an alley, onto another street.

  As soon as I saw the limo, I hurried toward it.

  "Stop!" Steven's mother had followed and my stomach sank. "Stop, right there! It's your fault. This happened because of you!"

  "Go," Bowen instructed, giving me a gentle shove. "I'll take care of it."

  I felt like a coward, but I did as he said.

  I tried to shut off my ears when they made it to Bowen, but it didn't help. I heard Mrs. McDaniel loud and clear. She blamed me for Steven's death. She said if he'd never met me, he'd still be alive. As much as the words stung, I accepted her outrage. Even if wasn't responsible for his death, I'd taken valuable time away from them. I made it to the vehicle and climbed inside. When I looked back, I saw Bowen on the phone.

  "Close the door, miss," the driver said. "We'll loop around and come back for him. Those were his instructions."

  As soon as the door shut, the driver took off.

  The guilt built, making me feel even worse.

  I should have fought my own battles. Not Bowen.

  We didn't have to complete a full loop. Bowen had cut through another alley and appeared in front of us. I wanted to ask how he'd accomplished it, but he'd prevented questions as he climbed in and told the driver, "Back to the airport."

  "No, not there," I interjected.

  "Where do you want to go?" He didn't sound argumentative, just curious.

  "The garage. I want to see it."

  "Darlin'," Bowen sighed. "That's not a good idea."

  "I have to see it." I truly did. I hadn't seen Steven's body, so a part of me would always wonder if he'd really died, and I wanted to see if my nose detected anything out of the ordinary at the scene. "I couldn't say goodbye to him at the funeral. At least let me do it there."

  Bowen reclined in his seat. "Listen to the lady."

  I gave directions and the driver turned aro
und.

  "If you want to say goodbye there, then you should. But if you're hoping to find something unusual, or maybe a crime scene, you're not going to find anything, Ellie." When my eyes darted up and met his, he ran his fingers through his hair. "I'm not Noah. I'm not going to put my foot down, or tell you 'no' because I can. But if you want to do something, tell me what it is. We don't lie to each other, remember?"

  "Have you seen it?" I doubted he had but wondered.

  "No, I haven't seen it." He pulled his tie loose, worked it off his neck, and unbuttoned his collar. "But I've read the report." His eyes softened when he looked at me. "It happened because of propane tanks. They're working out scenarios, but they're certain that's what caused the explosion."

  "Steven was always careful. He wouldn't leave tanks near heat."

  "Accidents are called accidents for a reason."

  "You don't understand. You didn't know him."

  Bowen cocked his head. "So fill me in. Tell me about him."

  I knew I was going to cry again and fought back tears.

  "Ellie, you know as well as I do that he doesn't have to be gone. Not entirely. He can live on through you. Like your mother does. So keep the memory going. Tell me about him."

  That's so Bowen.

  "I really did miss you," I laughed, swiping at my face. "You have no idea."

  "I didn't just miss you, darlin'. I was scared out of my damn mind." Although he kept the tone light, I knew he'd suffered when I'd vanished. "I couldn't handle it. Which is why I decided to track you down."

  "You did what?"

  "I found you a little over a year ago. I have connections who have connections. Wolf-men get so little credit for the jobs they do. It's a shame, really. I passed a shirt of yours around to people I trust. It took time, but they located something. I followed their leads." He grinned at my stunned expression and said, "Since, technically, you were safe and sound and not a threat, I left you alone. I mean, you were breaking rules being unlicensed and all, but you in no way caused direct harm to the general public or the packs."

  "But Michael..."

  "What happens between us stays between us."

  Grappling for words, I sputtered, "But you didn't say anything."

  "Didn't have to. I saw how happy you were. After everything you'd been through, I wasn't going to change that. You'd been through a lot. You have the right to be happy, Ellie."