Fast Lane

by Kristen Ashley

  This is what you don’t know when you’re young and your hormones are raging or you’re getting pressure from some asshole.

  If you wait for the right person, it can be amazing.

  We were like kids in a candy store, time on our hands, the guys had money, and we were in a place as cool as LA.

  We lazed by the pool or made fun of ourselves doing touristy things, or we hit the beach, played frisbee badly and baked under the sun. We went to Santa Monica pier or strolled the Venice Beach boardwalk. Grabbed a ton of hotdogs at Pinks. Dressed up and went to The Dresden once for a steak.

  Gram and Gramps brought Sonia and Jules out.

  Miz Simms brought Penny and Lana out.

  Loretta and Oscar [Williams] came out.

  Dave’s parents came out and I don’t think they left the pool the entire time they were there, even at night.

  [Laughs]

  And I don’t think before or after I ever had that great of a tan.

  It came clear early, when we moved in, as such, since none of the boys had much of anything, and I was only visiting, that, although my connection to Preacher was immediate, we realized we did not know each other very well.

  [Shakes head, grinning]

  We fought a lot.

  He wanted to buy me a car so I could get back and forth to Brownsburg and Purdue whenever I wanted.

  And I refused.

  He wanted to help with tuition, so I didn’t have student loans.

  And I refused.

  He wanted to take me shopping on Rodeo Drive and buy me designer clothes.

  And I refused.

  [Laughs softly]

  I blame my mother’s stubborn pride.

  [Laughs more, then stops laughing]

  But I was right to refuse.

  A girl has to know how to make her own way.

  She should never depend on a man, especially that early in her life.

  When they’re partners and there are vows, no matter how those come, that’s one thing.

  Until then.

  Never.

  Not ever.

  Preacher was not very good at being famous.

  [Shakes head, again grinning]

  All the boys were more famous than they thought, but especially Preacher, Jesse and Tim.

  Most especially Preacher.

  It wasn’t like, in those early days, they couldn’t go anywhere without being recognized, but it happened more often than any of us expected.

  [Off tape]

  To you as well?

  [Nods]

  Obviously not as much as the guys, but it would happen.

  And Preacher didn’t like it.

  Especially when it came to me.

  With my pad and pen, I wandered out to the pool, hitting a few of the lounges at the sides to nab used beach towels left behind, on my way to the pool house.

  With the towels flung over my arm, I juggled the pad and pen and knocked.

  “It’s Lyla!” I called. “Not to disturb, but I’m going to the grocery store. Do you need anything?”

  “English muffins and orange marmalade!” Shawn shouted.

  I heard the murmur of a woman’s voice.

  “And cantaloupe!” he finished.

  I grinned, shouted back, “Gotcha,” wrote that down and retraced my steps.

  I hit the mudroom, started a load of beach towels in the washer and then went out the side door and up the steps to Dave’s place.

  I repeated the rigmarole and got, “Do we have beer?”

  “Yes.”

  “Do we have more beer after we finish that beer?”

  I was laughing when I yelled, “On the list!”

  “Love ya, China!”

  “Back at cha, Davey!”

  On the way back to the main house, I nearly collided with Tommy who was in running clothes.

  “Doing a grocery store run,” I told him.

  “Somethin’ to grill tonight, babe. Doesn’t matter what. And grab a coupla cartons of Marlboro. Think everyone’s about out. Yeah?”

  I nodded. “Have a good run.”

  He kissed my cheek and took off.

  I went back into the house.

  Tim was off surfing, no doubt. He’d taken a lesson a week ago, and from that day on, every morning before dawn, so un-rock-‘n’-roll, he was on his way to the beach.

  Jesse had been shacked up with a girl the last few days and the door to his room was open, so I knew he was probably still with her.

  Even so, Shawn and his woman would emerge, Dave too, Tim and Tommy would get back.

  So, I tossed the dregs of the pot of coffee I made for myself and started more brewing before I wandered down the hall to the master.

  I opened the door, and since there were no real curtains, just white sheers, and it was nearly ten o’clock in the morning, the sun was streaming in the four sets of French windows that dotted the space.

  And Preacher’s long, tan limbs were tangled in white sheets, with most of them exposed, plus all of his back.

  I was rethinking my plans of going to the grocery store as he pushed up to an elbow and trained his eyes on me.

  “You need anything from the store, honey?” I asked.

  “Come ’ere,” he rumbled.

  Okay.

  The store could totally wait.

  I went there, rounding the platform to his side, and since he was facing the middle of the bed, he rolled.

  He then lunged, caught my wrist and pulled me into bed with him, rolling again, on me.

  “Dave needs beer,” I said as his mouth landed on my neck.

  “Don’t care.”

  “DuShawn needs muffins.”

  His mouth moved to my throat. “Don’t care about that either.”

  “His girl wants cantaloupe.”

  His lips hit mine. “Really don’t care about that.”

  “Prea—”

  He kissed me.

  I stopped teasing.

  He started, but a different, much, much better way.

  And he ended the tease from the back, taking me on our knees, me genuflected before him, stretched like a cat, pushing back to get as much of him as I could.

  “Get there, Lyla,” he ordered roughly.

  I met his slams.

  “Fuck, get there, baby,” he groaned.

  I pressed both hands to the wall, reaching for him as I gasped my stunning orgasm.

  His thrusts came hard as he grunted his.

  He glided gently for a while before he pulled out, muttered, “Fuck, love my woman’s ass,” and slapped it lightly before he bent and sunk his teeth into a cheek.

  My eyes drifted closed.

  He kissed the small of my back, shoved me down to my side and left the bed.

  He came back and made us both tangled in sheets, and each other, within about ten seconds.

  “You get to explain to Shawn why he doesn’t have his preferred breakfast,” I mumbled, cuddling closer.

  Preacher chuckled.

  I loved that sound, so I pressed even closer.

  “You know, it sucks when you have to leave me after, so maybe we should get me an appointment so I can get on the Pill.”

  He didn’t reply.

  I pulled my face out of his throat and tipped my head back. “Preacher?”

  “I should get tested,” he muttered.

  Hmm.

  “Yes, and after we’ll both be…careful.”

  “Sorry?”

  “We’ll both be careful.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  It was then I felt what I felt when Jesse had called out that first day at the house, alluding that maybe Preacher had a girl other than me with him.

  A weird cold that was also hot.

  “You said you’d get tested,” I pointed out.

  “Yeah, ’cause I fucked around before you. Not after you came back, so it’s been a while. A long fuckin’ while of no one but you. And I’m not a fuckin’ moron so I never went in ung
loved. But once we know I’m clean, it won’t matter, ’cause it’s you and it’s me and that’s all it’s ever gonna be.”

  There it was.

  That’s all it’s ever gonna be.

  He’d mentioned decorating a bedroom for our girls like Mom did for Sonia and me.

  And I knew it to the depths of my heart that was where we were at, and, as crazy as it seemed, I knew this from the very beginning.

  And I loved it that those words came out of his mouth.

  But I could not bask in that considering his tone, his expression, and his dark, heavy mood that seemed to shadow the bright room.

  “I know, honey, but—”

  “But what?”

  “But—” I tried again.

  “But nothin’. What? Are you sayin’ I got permission to step out on you when you’re gone and you the same?”

  No, I was absolutely not saying that.

  I shook my head and opened my mouth to speak again but his arms tightened around me so tight, my mouth snapped shut.

  Because I realized this wasn’t bickering with Preacher.

  This wasn’t even an argument with Preacher.

  This was something else entirely.

  And it was beginning to scare me.

  “So, we’ll be careful when we’re fuckin’ other people so we don’t catch something’?” he went on. “Is that the motherfuckin’ bullshit you’re sayin’ to me right now, Lyla?”

  His arms around me nearly hurt.

  “Preacher, you’re holding on too tight,” I told him.

  “Answer me,” he bit and did not loosen his hold.

  I blinked.

  Except in Chicago, even when we argued, his tone was never biting.

  And even in Chicago, it was more cutting than it was biting.

  “Of course not,” I snapped. “But I don’t know what the incubation period is for some of these things. So even if you get tested, we should be careful, just in case, you know, something rears its ugly head later and I get an STD even though I’ve only ever slept with you. Only when we know the coast is clear should we have at it.”

  He scowled down at me another long beat before he relaxed.

  “Well then,” he murmured.

  “And that wasn’t cool,” I spat.

  He tensed again instantly. “It wasn’t cool thinking you were suggesting we fuck other people either.”

  “I’ll point out, I wasn’t suggesting that.”

  “I know, but if you listened to what I said, I said it wasn’t cool thinking you were.”

  “I heard you, Preacher,” I retorted, pushing against his hold.

  “Calm down,” he growled, holding me even tighter.

  “Don’t tell me to calm down,” I returned, still struggling. “And let me go!”

  “Calm the fuck down, Lyla!” he exploded.

  I stilled.

  “And you didn’t finish what you should have said,” he declared. “Even though you’ve only ever slept with me and only ever will fuckin’ sleep with fuckin’,” he put his face in my face, “me.”

  Only then did he let me go and he did this to roll out of bed, snatch up his jeans from the day before off the floor, tear them on, the same with his tee and then he nabbed his running shoes.

  And as he was stalking out, he clipped, “Now I’m going to the goddamn store.”

  Then he was gone, slamming the bedroom door behind him.

  I stared at the door in shock.

  And I was not recovered when I, too, rolled out of bed, and automatically decided against the shorts and tank I’d worn when I thought I was going to the store and pulled on a white one-piece bathing suit with a short caftan over it.

  I wandered out of the room and down the hall, seeing Shawn sitting on a stool at the kitchen island.

  His back was to me, but he was looking over his shoulder, watching as I walked to him.

  He was alone, which I vaguely thought was weird, unless he was there to get provisions and take them back to the pool house.

  But if he was doing that, why was he sitting a stool?

  And when I rounded him, I had another question, wondering why he was drinking coffee instead of also taking two of those to the pool house.

  “You need a warmup?” I asked.

  “Come here, baby girl,” he murmured.

  I looked to his face.

  He turned his stool my way.

  I went there.

  He pulled me between his legs, took up both of my hands and held them against his bare chest (he was only wearing track pants).

  “I think you know, Preach is an edgy guy,” he began.

  I snapped to my current situation and moved my hands as if to pull them away.

  But he whispered, “Whoa,” soothingly like I was a skittish horse, and he held on, even if his touch remained gentle.

  “Yeah, I heard him shout at you,” he said. “And no, I’m not dancin’ around that ’cause Preacher has something good in his life for once and I’m not gonna let him fuck it up.”

  “Shawn, I don’t want to talk about this.”

  “’Course you don’t. You just got a dose of the wild side of your man and it’s tweaked you. But, China, listen to me, you know better.”

  “I know better than what?”

  “You know better than to give up on something that’s as good for you as Preacher.”

  I stared into his beautiful black eyes with their spiky lashes in his handsome face and said nothing because I knew how good Preacher was.

  But what I’d just had from Preacher was very bad.

  “You gotta keep that wild side tamed, baby girl,” he advised quietly.

  “And what? Let him yell in my face?” I asked.

  “Don’t fight him,” he said, sober as a judge. “Don’t ever fight him, Lyla. Not like that and not when he gets like that. And if he starts edging that way, you find your ways and talk him down. You do not let it escalate to what I just heard.”

  “That’s not on me.”

  He shook his head. “No. You are one hundred percent right. It isn’t. But you want him, you love him, you want this to last, there’s gonna be more reasons than just you two having it out when you’re going to have to keep him smooth, girl. Are you hearing me?”

  “I am and you’re scaring me,” I told him.

  He let my hands go. “It’s harsh, but the only thing I got to give to that is you better grow up, Lyla. You want a man like Preacher, you can’t be a girl. You gotta be a woman who can handle her man. And I think you’re not only hearing me. I think you get me.”

  I stood between his knees, staring at him and feeling my heart beat hard.

  Because I had a feeling I did get him.

  “They fucked him up,” he stated bluntly, giving me proof my feeling was correct. “And it’s a goddamned miracle he’s not some hood. Some piece a’ trash worse than them. A criminal. A con. A million other things, not one of them good. And you know it. So that edge breaks through, Lyla, you soothe it, or you cut him loose and let him find someone who can.”

  I took a slow step away.

  “I know you’re that woman,” he coaxed when I did. “You know you’re that woman. And most important for both of us, Preach knows you’re that woman. Now he’s gonna come back and he’s gonna have cooled down and he’s gonna feel like a motherfucker he was a dick to you and it’s up to you whether you talk to him about it or whether you let it go and just learn to keep him smooth.”

  I didn’t move and I didn’t say a word.

  Therefore, DuShawn continued.

  “And you need to talk, you need to hash it out, you find me, baby girl. You can tell me what a motherfucker he is and rant all you like, and I’ll take it. I’ll agree with you. I’ll bear this burden with you. So he won’t. But he’s had enough. He had more than anyone should bear by the time he was fuckin’ nine years old and he became the man he is, so when the wild comes out, the people around him have to keep their own shit and help him deal.”
<
br />   “Do you know all that happened?” I whispered.

  He shook his head. “He never told me all of it, baby. But he lived right next door. And shit that shitty, you can’t hide.”

  I took in a broken breath.

  “We a team on this?” Shawn asked.

  “I love him,” I told him.

  I didn’t realize how tight his body was strung until I saw it relax.

  And he said, “Then we’re a team.”

  [Lyla stares out the window for some time and does this silently]

  Jesse:

  The next five years went by in a blur.

  Kid you not, if I didn’t have my notebooks, except for the big shit, I probably wouldn’t remember a thing.

  In the beginning, before she graduated, it was good for Preacher that Lyla was back in Indiana.

  We got into the studio and stuck into that album, none of us came up for air, and the coupla months she was still in LA, he was a man torn.

  Then after that…

  Well…

  Shit.

  When we were recording and she was still in LA, she would come in, but not often. I could tell she didn’t want to be a distraction.

  But I think, back then, [grins] she just wasn’t into our music.

  Though, she was all about making sure we were fed.

  [Laughs]

  Lyla’s Indiana home cookin’, probably put on ten pounds while we were making that record.

  [Smiles]

  Okay, maybe fifteen.

  Tim and Dave got interested in what happened behind the glass, so they were at the board with Preach, Hans, Daniel and me.

  This was good.

  You wanna stay in the business, you gotta know the business.

  Everyone knows it’s more fun to go to the Max Factor museum and look at all the crazy shit they invented to try to make women look pretty.

  But this was our second album.

  Our first was considered a success.

  There was only one acceptable direction to go from there.

  The pressure was on.

  DuShawn was no stranger to the mixing board, it was all in the family for him.

  So, he was all in too.

  Before he got into producing, Daniel had been in a decent metal band that had crashed and burned.