So Many Tears 2

by Nicole Jackson

  “Anyway,” Kay waved her sister off. “Mya, baby, you know what would just make me smile, right about now?”

  Mya arched a brow. “What?”

  “If I could hear one good song, girl.”

  Kim fell back laughing. “Mama. You do this every time this girl comes to visit. She’s probably tired of performing for you.”

  Mya tittered, truly unbothered. “No, it’s cool,” she claimed, because in all honestly it really was. Overtime, she’d really grown attached to Kay and her praises for her voice never got old. Therefore, Mya singing for her was a win/win for them both.

  “Goody,” Kay greedily rubbed her hands together.

  “Okay, well, let me pick the song this time,” Glenda hurriedly spoke up. “Cause don’t nobody wanna hear no gospel song today, Kay.”

  Kay rolled her eyes. “Girl, whatever.”

  Taraj giggled. “So, what song do you have in mind, Ms. Glenda?”

  “Hmm.” Glenda placed a hand on her chin. “I got it.” she snapped her fingers. “Sing As We Lay.”

  “As We Lay?” Kay crinkled her nose. “What made you come up with that?”

  Mya narrowed her eyes. “Yeah, Glenda. What chu trying to say? I’m good at stealing people’s man or something?”

  Glenda grimaced. “Now, aint nobody said all that. So, don’t go there, lil’ girl. I just wanna hear that song. So, what’s it gonna be?”

  “It's morning, and we slept the night away,” Mya abruptly sang, capturing everyone in the room’s attention, including the kids.

  “Uh oh, sing it, girl!” Kay encouraged.

  “It's morning sunlight shine across your sleeping face, uh-huh. A new day brings reality and we must go our separate ways,” Mya twisted her neck sassily as she sang. “As we shared each other's love. We forgot about all the pain we caused!”

  “What chu say?!” Glenda excitedly slapped her thigh.

  “Yessss, baby, sing it!” Kay urged, as she stood up, grabbing Mya’s hand.

  Being a natural born performer, Mya never missed a beat. “I would never, never want to hurt her, nah. She would never ever, ever under-stand. You belong to me for just one night, as we slept the night away. As we lay, we forgot about tomorrow as we lay. As we lay, didn't think about the price we had to pay.” Theatrically she shot to her feet, and squeezed her eyes shut. “We should have counted up the cost. But instead we got lost! In the second! In the minute! In the hour! Hey hey, hey! As we lay, we forgot about tomorrow. As we lay! Whoa! It's morning—"

  “That’s how you do it!” Kay proudly boasted, while loudly clapping her hands. “That’s how you got damn do it!” she hugged Mya tightly, and Mya willingly accepted the gesture.

  Kim laughed hysterically when somehow Taraj joined in on the action, hugging her mama as well. She was damn near in tears from the hysterics, when she glanced up and noticed Rashad attempting to ease past everyone and head for the stairs.

  “Bae, you just gone sneak in here without speaking?” she called him out.

  “Oh, huh,” Rashad uttered, as he turned to face her. Truly, he was mentally fucked up, after leaving Connie’s and wasn’t expecting to come home to a house full of people.

  Kim narrowed her eyes, as she scooted off the couch. “What’s wrong?” she questioned, as she twisted over to him.

  He glanced over all the faces in his house, and her smiling mother, before focusing on her. “Nothing.”

  She grimaced. “You sure?”

  He rubbed his goatee. “Yeah, yeah. I just stopped by to grab some cash out the safe, and then I’ma head back out.”

  “But you just got here.”

  “I know, but I still got some shit to handle.” He knelt down, kissing her lips. “Be back later.”

  “And you’re sure that you’re okay?” she pressed.

  “Yeah,” he breathed, lying through his teeth. “I’m good. Now, let me run upstairs and grab this money. I gotta go.”

  “Okay,” she relented. “We’ll be here when you get back.”

  He paused. “Promise?”

  Her heart skipped a beat. “Always.”

  He nodded. “Then I’m good for real now. That’s all I need at the end of the day. I promise.”

  “Okay.” Kim nodded, as she watched him jog upstairs. There wasn’t a doubt in her mind that something was bothering him, and she just prayed that he’d come talk to her whenever he was ready.

  ***

  “Kim, I fixed your plate, girl,” Kay called out to her daughter. “Come eat.”

  Glancing around her enormous backyard, Kim nodded. “Okay, I’m coming. Give me a second.” She placed up a finger, before stepping into the sliding door, which led into her kitchen. Seeing that everyone was still outside, she whipped out her cell.

  Pacing back and forth, she listened to Rashad’s cell continuously rang.

  “The fuck?” she mumbled to herself when she got no answer.

  Again, she called his phone, while her heart pounded in her chest. It was almost hard to believe that they’d been knocked to this place. After growing together, and reaching a certain level of comfort, she found herself getting shut out like some random off the streets. Suddenly, her calls went unanswered and the amount of time he’d spend at home was cut in half. And here they were having a Sunday gathering at their home, and he was a no-show.

  “Hell, no,” Kim mumbled to herself, as she called his phone again.

  Finally, he picked up. “What’s up?”

  Kim stood listening to his background, noting the music playing. “Hey, where are you?”

  “I’m in the hood, making some runs. Why, what’s up?”

  “You in the hood? When are you coming home?”

  “Ion know. Why?”

  “You don’t know? What you mean?”

  “It’s just what I said, man.”

  “Rashad, it’s Sunday.”

  “And? Money don’t stop for Sunday, Kim.”

  “Are you for real? It’s Sunday, nigga. We got friends over. Food on the pit. The whole nine. But you aint here to help with anything.”

  “Kay not there?”

  “Of course, my mama is here.”

  “Okay then, you got your mama and shit.”

  “My mama and shit?” she repeated. “What the hell is that supposed to mean? Is having my mama here supposed to omit you having to be here, because I’m confused.”

  “I never said that.”

  “Okay, then exactly what are you saying?”

  He sighed into the phone. “All I’m saying is that you not doing it by yourself, man. Your mama and auntie are there, so you got help.”

  “But what the fuck is the purpose of it all, Rashad?” she spat.

  “Come again?”

  “I thought that you were out there hustling to make a way for us. To make a good life for us. But what’s it for, if I aint happy? If this shit means that you are never here, and I can’t share a life with you, then I’m really starting to question if it’s even worth it. Cause aint no happiness in this.”

  Rashad sucked his teeth. “Man, there you go with that dramatic shit. Just because I’m not there when you want me to be, you not happy now? Yeah, okay.”

  “Don’t insult my intelligence. I’m not that damn petty, okay. This is deeper than that,” Kim alleged. “You wanna sit here and claim that this is about money, yet my friends have all stopped by here today. These are friends that have men that you do business with. It’s mighty strange that all their men managed to pull up on them at some point, while they were visiting today. Each man found time to give their woman. Not only that, but they were all surprised to stop by and find that the man of the house wasn’t here. So, clearly, you were the only one who was too tied up to give your family a minute of your time.”

  Rashad huffed. “And? What them niggas do aint got shit to do with me. We do business together, but it aint like they employ me or some shit. I make my own moves. So, just because they had free time don’t make that shit true for me.�
��

  Listening heatedly, Kim slid her tongue across her teeth. “Okay, so you were tied up. Money was calling. Yet I goes on Instagram to check some shit out, and I see that you had plenty of time to sit down and have lunch with the bitch Kass at Steak 48 today.”

  “Man,” he drawled. “Here you go with this bullshit. Kim, I keep telling you I’ma grown ass man. I aint gotta apologize for sitting down and having a bite to eat with my people. The fuck is wrong with you?”

  “What’s wrong with me, huh? Okay, that’s how you wanna come with it. Well, let me ask you this. Why didn’t you mention the fact that you and Kass used to fuck around?”

  He sucked his teeth. “We used to fuck around? Where the fuck are you coming from with this shit?”

  “Oh, nigga I got my resources. So, that bitch wasn’t your gal before she went to jail, back in the gap? You didn’t take her to her prom? That wasn’t you?”

  Rashad gulped.

  When he didn’t immediately respond, Kim’s heart broke into a million tiny pieces, giving her the answer, she was seeking. “You know what? Don’t even answer that. Fuck you. And don’t even worry about coming home, bitch!”

  Chapter 14

  Rocking back and forth, Kim unblinkingly stared at the alarm clock resting on her nightstand. It was six in the morning, and she hadn’t had a wink of sleep. Unfortunately, she’d now had more mornings like this than she’d care to admit. The sun was sure to rise in any minute now, and Rashad had yet to show his face at home.

  It had been two long exhausting months of uncertainty. After Taraj had given her the tea about Rashad and Kass’ past, things had only worsened. Rashad had never fully denied the accusations or offered any comforting words about her current concerns with him and Kass now interacting with one another. Instead, he told her that she was behaving immaturely and that she needed to get out of her feelings. Of course, that led to more arguments, less affection, and even less time spent at home.

  Now, seemingly, nothing worked to get Rashad’s attention. It was painfully obvious that he’d much rather spend his time away from home. He’d answer his phone sporadically and would come in only when he was dog tired, before crashing and burning in the bed. No more sweet nothings were whispered in her ear. He didn’t hold her closely. She no longer felt secure or safe.

  Internally, Kim was dying as she lost all sense of self. She literally couldn’t eat or sleep, while stressing over the state of their relationship. Thirty pounds had been dropped like it was nothing. Kim hadn’t been that size since middle school. Nightly, she found herself crying. She was literally experiencing hell on earth, while feeling like she was teetering on insanity.

  “Aye, you still up?” Rashad questioned with a yawn, as he lazily strolled into the room, breaking into her thoughts.

  Kim’s head snapped up. Looking him up and down, she saw that he was wearing Gucci threads, and she could smell the loud reeking from his clothes. Shaking her head, she sniveled, not even attempting to conceal the tears she’d been sheading. “So, you not even gon even acknowledge that it’s damn near seven in the fuckin’ morning?”

  Rashad stopped in his tracks, recognizing the tears for the first time. “Come on, it aint like that. Shit just ran over.”

  She sprang to her feet. “Do you think that I’m fucking stupid?! Nothing takes all fucking night!”

  “It do when you gotta run to college station, Kim.”

  “Bullshit!” she spewed. “You been out there fucking on some bitch!”

  “Nah,” he shook his head. “You tripping. I aint thinking about no hoes. I keep telling you that.”

  “You’s a muthafuckin’ lie! Let me see your phone!” she demanded, as she ran up on him, and attempted to pry his cell out of his hand.

  “Man, move!” he shouted, trying to shove her back. “You tripping!”

  “Bitch, give it here!” she gritted, while sinking her nails into his skin.

  “Kim, chill out!” he barked.

  “Fuck you,” she growled, before viciously biting his hand.

  “Awww!” he howled, while dropping his phone in the process.

  Like a crazed maniac, Kim swooped the phone up, and frantically unlocked it. Rashad stood back in astonishment, as she anxiously scrolled through his cell with shaky hands. As he stood staring at her, he realized how much she’d mentally and physically transformed. Guilt entered his heart, as he questioned if he was driving her crazy. He never thought that he’d be unhealthy for the woman he loved, but somehow that was exactly what he’d become. And that didn’t sit right with him.

  After several minutes, Kim frustrated slammed the iPhone into the wall.

  “The fuck?! Man, why would you break my shit like that, girl?” he fumed.

  She snarled. “The same reason you’d sit outside and delete all the fucking evidence before you come in this fucking house!”

  “What?” he frowned in disbelief. “The fuck are you talking about?”

  “You expect me to believe that you don’t be texting that hoe Kass?!”

  Sighing heavily, he gripped the bridge of his nose. “You are really fucking crazy, man.”

  “Bitch!” she seethed, before charging at him, before viciously attacking him, throwing powerful blows. “I’m fucking crazy, huh?! Well, it’s cause you made me this way!”

  “Kim, man, I’m trying not to fucking hurt you!” he barked, while struggling to get a handle on her.

  “Unhand him, Kim!” Kay demanded, as she barged into the room.

  Zoning out, Kim continued to go upside Rashad’s head.

  “Girl, stop this shit!” Kay fussed, as she yanked her daughter back, finally pulling her away from Rashad.

  Kim’s chest heaved up and down as she struggled to catch her breath.

  “Now, what the hell is going on?” Kay wanted to know.

  “I’m fucking tired of him playing with me,” Kim huffed out. “He’s making a habit of letting the sun beat him home. He never answers his phone. He’s always with that hoe Kass. It’s just a bunch of bullshit going on,” she vented.

  “Ion work no 9 to 5,” Rashad reasoned. “I keep telling her the same shit, day in and day out. She just can’t seem to grasp that concept for whatever reason.”

  Kay shook her head. “Rashad, we all know what you do, but you have to admit that you haven’t been here at all, lately. If hustling means being gone that much, then you might as well work three legal jobs, baby. Something aint adding up. Aint that much working in the world.”

  “Thank you!” Kim praised, while bucking her eyes.

  “But common sense gotta come in at some point with you too, my child,” Kay addressed Kim.

  Kim grimaced. “What are you saying?”

  Kay exhaled. “Baby, if he’s showing you that he don’t wanna be here, then all the fighting in the world won’t change that. Look at you. I can’t get you to eat around here. I’m worried sick, because I know that you’re not physically taking care of yourself. You’re stressing yourself to death, babe. And this aint the way to do it. If it aint working, then let it go.”

  “But Kay, aint nobody said that I aint wanna be here,” Rashad spoke up.

  Kay shook her head. “Oh, I doubt that, because your actions tells me something entirely different. I can’t pinpoint exactly what it is, but your interest aint here, right now, Rashad. Maybe the streets got a hold on you, right now. I don’t know. But it aint here. And the best thing I think you can do for my child is set her free. Don’t drag her along. Don’t make her suffer—”

  “Mama!” Kim blurted. “Why would you say that?” her bottom lip quivered.

  “What do you mean?” Kay opened her eyes arms. “Why would you want him here, if his heart aint in it, Kim?”

  “Because,” Kim’s voice cracked. “Because I love him,” she broke down into heavy sobs. “And I don’t wanna be without him. So, why would you tell him to leave me?”

  Right then, Kay’s heart broke for her daughter. She’d known firsthand what it was
like to love a man this deeply and it was downright painful when it wasn’t properly reciprocated. Kimberly had completely opened herself to Rashad. She was vulnerable and it was clear to see from the outside looking in that he’d shut her out. The last thing Kay ever wanted for her daughter was a one-sided love, but at this point she knew that Kim was too far gone.

  Stepping up to Kim, Rashad pulled her into his arms, while Kay looked on. “Stop that crying, man. I ain’t going nowhere. That aint even a thought. On everything I love. And I aint fucking around on you, either. I’m just going through some shit. That’s it. Be patient with a nigga. I’m begging you.”

  Kim clung to him, crying her eyes out. Confusion took over, as she didn’t know what to think or feel. His words no longer offered any comfort, as they weren’t backed with actions. He was seemingly a man lost, and now so was she. And she could only pray that they’d find their way out of this storm.

  ***

  Needing a day of relaxation, Kim and Taraj stopped by Anya’s without the kids to hang for a while. So, now they were catching up in her living room on her couch, smoking a little herb.

  Anya sat looking upside Kim’s head. “Uh, when are you gonna pass the blunt?”

  Kim cut her eyes at her long-time friend. “Bitch, I know this is your house and all, but you didn’t put in on this.”

  Anya giggled. “Hoe, you didn’t, either. Helping yourself to Rashad’s stash don’t count.”

  Kim rolled her eyes. “Fuck his bitch ass,” she spat bitterly.

  Taraj shook her head, as she smirked. “If I hear you say that one more time.”

  Kim glanced her way. “You talk like you wasn’t the one who pulled my coattail to his bullshit.”

  Taraj waved her off. “Girl, don’t put all that on me. I just did my duty as a friend. Some tea came my way and I just let you know what it is. That don’t mean to ride the hate train, shit. Either get off or stay on, but shut the hell up is all I’m saying.”

  “Whatever,” Kim sighed, as she handed Anya the blunt.

  “Yeah, or get you a good side nigga,” Anya suggested. “The shit works perfect for me.”

  Kim tittered. “You’re still fucking over Bebo? I thought that he’d stepped his game up since he’s been getting more money?”