So Many Tears 2

by Nicole Jackson

  Kim stopped dead in her tracks, as she was completely thrown off by his response. She just knew that he’d have some sort of excuse. “So, so, why did you do it, Rashad?”

  “Because I called myself trying to be a good friend, but I realized last night, that me doing that, just leads her on. So, that’s dead. From here on out. You have my word.”

  Kim stood perfectly still. “Did you fuck her?”

  He hesitated.

  “Tell me the truth, Rashad,” she pressed. “And I’m not talking about the past. I’m talking about recently.”

  “We did some stuff…it was just oral, man,” he confessed.

  Her lips quivered. “Exactly what you crucified me for, right?”

  “I crucified you for fucking cheating,” he gritted. “It’s a big fucking difference.”

  “Well, why doesn’t it feel that way to me?” Kim questioned, as tears slipped from her eyes.

  Rashad shook his head. “I guess because you don’t like the thought of me being with somebody else, Kim. Regardless of us being on or off. So, imagine how I fucking felt.”

  Her shoulders trembled. “I’m sorry.”

  He closed his eyes tightly, as he became emotional himself. “Man, I can’t do this shit, right now. I gotta go.”

  She gasped, as her heart nearly leapt out of her chest. “Where are you going?”

  He traveled down the hallway. “Don’t worry about all that. Should’ve opened the fucking door.”

  ***

  Traveling down Bissonnet, Rashad attempted to clear his mind. Kim was now blowing his cell up, demanding that he come back and finish their conversation. He knew that he’d eventually have to go back and face her, but he questioned if he was really prepared to put the whole Taraj fiasco behind them. That was definitely a sore spot for him, and he was quickly reminded of this, when it came up that morning. Taraj’s fine ass had actually fucked his bitch. The entire situation was crazy, as he struggled on what to feel about it.

  Pulling up to a light, he found himself looking around, as he always subconsciously did. Although, he never admitted it to a soul, he knew that this was the corner where his mama turned tricks. Peering around, he’d always hold his breath, hoping not to see her.

  Today had to be his unlucky day, because sure enough, there Reeah was, climbing into the front seat of a yellow cab. If he would’ve blinked, he would’ve missed it. Just that quickly, the cab had rounded a corner, taking Reeah off to perform her cheap services.

  Disappointedly, Rashad shook his head. With all the money he was making, he couldn’t stop his mama from selling her soul for a piece of rock. That was one of the most helpless feelings in the world, and it drove him crazy that it was one aspect of his life that he had absolutely no control over.

  It was a sad reality. His mother was a lost cause, and she’d probably never be that woman that he once loved and adored. He hated that with everything in him, but he also realized in that very moment that he wasn’t alone in this world. Yes, Reeah’s demise was hurtful, but he still had people who loved and cared for him. He still had people who depended on him. He realized right then that he’d been doing his kids and himself a disservice when he’d shut down over Reeah’s fuckups. Those were her crosses to burn. Not his. And from this day forth, he vowed to stop allowing her addiction to weigh him down. She’d succumbed to her circumstances. He didn’t.

  Seconds later, another familiar face caught Rashad’s attention. This face was completely sunken in, causing him to smile. The rail thin girl was walking the hoe stroll, hoping to hook one of the Africans who frequented the area.

  “Look at this bitch,” he grumbled to himself, as he lifted cell, snapping a quick picture, before the light changed.

  He then kept traveling down the street, as he hit up Bogus.

  “What up, nigga?” Bogus greeted him, as he answered the phone.

  “Aint shit. Where you at?”

  “’Bout to pull up on Spice Lane, nigga. You know I gotta break them boys on the dice.”

  “Should’ve known.”

  “Yeah, yeah. Anyway, good looking on the loaner, cause them dick suckers still aint fixed my shit, main.”

  “No problem, no problem.”

  “Uh huh. Where you at?”

  “Coming down Bissonnet.”

  “Yeah? So, you out here on the west. You swinging by the Lane?”

  “Yeah, I guess so, nigga. But say, guess who I just seen?”

  “Who? Don’t tell me you seen Reeah’s ass,” he guessed, knowingly.

  Rashad sucked his teeth. “Yeah, I seen her, but fuck that. I aint talking ‘bout that lost cause. I’m talking about somebody else.”

  “Who?”

  “Natori’s slut ass.”

  “Natori? And you aint do nothing? I thought you been waiting to catch her slipping out here?”

  “Man,” Rashad drawled. “That bitch look so bad that I wouldn’t waste my energy on her. She was out there walking the hoe stroll, wearing a nappy ass wig, looking like death rolled over. She gotta be on that shit. Or got that shit. One or the two.”

  “Zoe’s old bitch?”

  “Zoe’s old bitch. I took a picture of the hoe. I’ma glance at it, whenever I’m feeling down, nigga.”

  “Yeah, a’ight, funny guy. So, what’s up? What happened to you taking your ass home?”

  Rashad exhaled. “I mean, I was, but she pissed me off this morning.”

  “Aww, shit, there you go talking crazy, man. Aint nobody trying to hear that shit. Go home, before Kim go get another nigga on your ass, for real. Then you’ll be walking around looking sick. Dumb ass. But anyway, let me get off this line. I see you when you pull up.”

  Rashad smirked. “Yeah, alright, nigga.”

  ***

  “Reanah, when daddy comes back, I want you to tell him that he gotta stay here, ‘kay?” Kim shamelessly coaxed, as she sat on her bedroom floor with her daughter in her lap. “Tell him he gotta sleep with you, baby. At thish housh, ‘kay?”

  “’Kay,” Reanah agreed with a head nod. “Him can’t leave.”

  “Nope, him can’t leave.”

  “Hello, da-da,” Junior faked talked on Kim’s cell, while managing to find a pair of Jordans Rashad had left behind and was hobbling around in them. So, all he wore was a diaper and his father’s oversized shoes.

  Kim was tickled at the sight. “Baby Rashad, you calling your daddy, huh? Tell him to bring his ass home?”

  “Bring ass home, da-da!” Junior regurgitated.

  Glenda stepped into the room shaking her head. “Kim, why you in here teaching his lil’ bad ass how to cuss? Kay already gotta put holy oil on his lil’ forehead every other day. You and Rashad must’ve been doing speed when yall made his ass.”

  Kim scrunched up her face. “Speed?”

  “Hell, yeah. That or some kind of drug, cause something is off about that child. He digs in the damn trash can every damn day. All the neighbors’ dogs are scared of him. And he sleeps with his eyes open.”

  Kim rolled her eyes. “Lady, the lies you tell on my child.”

  “Okay, calm down,” Kay hurriedly spoke into her cell, as she entered the room.

  Both Kim and Glenda glanced her way.

  “What’s going on?” Glenda questioned.

  Kay rolled her eyes, as she placed her hand over the receiver of her phone. “Messy Lisha back from Spice Lane is talking crazy. I’m trying to see what she’s talking about. I’m sure it’s nothing.”

  Glenda squinted. “Messy Lisha is usually on point, though.”

  Kim tilted her head. “What is she saying, mama?”

  Kay focused on the call again. “Uh huh.”

  Kim and Glenda looked at each other. Kim’s stomach churned, because her only vested interest on Spice Lane was Rashad. And since Kay didn’t regularly go out to Spice Lane these days, people wouldn’t usually call her phone about anybody on Spice Lane, either…unless it was about her daughter’s baby’s daddy.

  “
Mama, what is she talking about?” Kim pressed, becoming a little anxious, when Kay’s expression changed.

  “Are…are the police letting anybody near the truck? So, how do you know that it’s his?” Kay enquired. “Well, send the fucking picture!” she abruptly shouted, before ending the call.

  Glenda frowned, knowing that this was completely out of her sister’s character. “Kay, what the hell is going on?”

  Unconsciously, Kay began pacing the floor, immediately alarming Kim.

  Kim climbed to her feet. “Mama, what did Lisha say on that phone?”

  Before Kay could respond, her cell vibrated in her hand. Nervously, she scrolled to her texts. With a trembling hand, she gave Kim the phone. “Is…is that Rashad’s truck, baby?”

  Kim stood there, carefully examining the photo of the bullet riddled Benz SUV. The very vehicle she and Rashad had taken an Uber to pick up. The same vehicle that still held her children’s car seats in the back. That same vehicle was now seared in bullets and blood.

  “Here,” Kim offered Kay her cell back.

  Slowly, Kay retrieved her phone, as the room fell deafly silent. Then without warning, Kim bolted out of the door. Instinctively, Kay went after her child, and caught up with her, as she collapsed on the stairs, howling like a wounded animal.

  “Nooooooooooooo!” she screamed from the depths of her soul, while violently kicking and scratching.

  “I know, baby. I know,” Kay cried with her.

  “Mama, nooooo, noooooo, noooo,” Kim held onto her mother’s arm. Snot dripped from her nose, as she hyperventilated.

  For several long moments, Kay held Kim, while she cried her eyes out. Glenda stood back, holding the kids, as they cried, because their mama cried.

  “Oh, my Lord,” Glenda sniveled, as she found herself wiping a few tears of her own.

  “Da-da,” Junior whined, breaking everyone’s hearts. “Pick up, da-da. Pick me up!”

  “Damn, I know my nigga was loved, but yall are really fucked up over my nigga Bogus, huh? Shit, I am too.”

  Everybody’s heads shot up, and spotted Rashad standing at the foot of the staircase.

  Glenda was the first to dry her eyes. “He was in your truck, baby?”

  Rashad solemnly nodded. “Hell, yeah. His shit was in the shop, so I let him use mine. He fucked around and went to Spice Lane and got killed over a funky ass dice game. A dumb ass nigga finna probably do life over hurt feelings. Shit is unreal, man.”

  Kim was too full of sniffles to say anything. Seeing how distraught she was, did something to Rashad, as he traveled up to her. Carefully, he pulled her out of Kay’s arms and into his own.

  “I could hear you all the way outside,” he whispered in her ear. “That fucked me up.”

  Kim wrapped her arms around him, and held on for dear life, as she buried her face in his chest. Unconsciously, she gripped his t-shirt. “Don’t ever leave me again,” she sobbed.

  Lovingly, he rubbed her back, as he kissed her forehead. “I aint going no muthafuckin’ where. I was comin’ home, anyway. I been tired of playing with you. It’s time to put all that bullshit behind us. It’s all in the past. I fucked up. You fuck up. But that’s water under the bridge. Cause God been trying to tell me something all day today.”

  She snuggled in on his chest. “And what’s that?”

  “That I need to carry my ass home. So, I listened. That’s probably the only reason I’m still breathing too. I finally listened.”

  She smiled, because that’s all she’d been wanting. Sometimes his ass just needed to listen.