Loving Mr. Daniels

by Brittainy C. Cherry

  When he withdrew his mouth from mine and stepped back, we both knew that what we had done couldn’t happen again. He bit the corner of his mouth and shook his head. “I’m so sorry, Ashlyn.” The bell rang before I could reply, and he went on his way and I went on mine.

  The saddest part?

  I’d missed him before he’d even left.

  Don’t be who you are today.

  Be the person I saw yesterday.

  ~ Romeo’s Quest

  I’d felt something pulling me to her the moment I saw her on the train. I’d felt an even bigger pull when I saw her breaking down behind Joe’s bar. Yet nothing felt as right as it had when I bumped into her at school. Which I knew was wrong. All of this was wrong.

  There was no question about it—teachers didn’t date students. The ethics behind it were strong, something they’d hammered into us in college. Never in my life would I have ever considered it.

  At least I wouldn’t have before Ashlyn Jennings showed up.

  Now my mind was considering crazy things. She made me think about breaking the rules, finding the loopholes, holding her close to me in the hidden hallways, and reading her Shakespeare in the abandoned aisles of the library.

  I spent over an hour after school tracing the building, searching all corners for secret hideouts, for places we could maybe meet, maybe hold each other between the school bells ringing. That was crazy, right? I was crazy. But I looked, I searched, and I was extremely disappointed in myself after the hour passed by.

  When I arrived home at the lake house, Randy was sleeping on the sofa. I headed for the kitchen, grabbed a beer from the fridge, and sat down at the kitchen table, staring out the window above the sink counter. The sky was darkening with clouds moving in. The smell of the air pointed to a downpour of rain coming soon.

  I sat there for a long time—long enough to witness the first raindrop dance down to the windowsill. Long enough to witness the crack of lightning igniting the sky.

  Maybe we could be friends. I sighed at my idiotic thought. Of course we couldn’t be friends. She was a student in my class. Besides, after that kiss, there was no part of me that simply wanted to be her friend. Plus, her life was already complicated enough. I couldn’t add to her issues.

  When we’d bumped into each other outside my classroom, I’d seen the confusion hovering in her gaze. Then, when I’d waited for her to leave Henry’s office, I’d seen the sadness implanted there.

  “First day of school already got you drinking alone?” Randy joked, walking to the fridge and opening it to pull out two beers. He slid one my way.

  “Yeah,” I muttered, still staring out the window.

  “You need to get laid.”

  I shot my eyes to Randy, cocking an eyebrow. “I’m good.”

  “No.” He shook his head back and forth. Grabbing a chair from the table, he swung it around and sat. “You need sex. What happened to that chick who came to the concert on Saturday?”

  I cringed. “Don’t call her a chick.” A chick was what you called a girl who you didn’t give a crap about. Ashlyn wasn’t a chick. She was so far from just a chick.

  She was smart.

  She was funny.

  She was intriguing.

  She was so, so far from being a chick.

  “I’m telling you though. Your aura is all off.” He waved his hands around my head, and I sighed. Randy was talking his mumble jumble again. “It’s fucking depressing.”

  I took a chug of my beer and placed it back on the table. “And to fix this, you suggest…”

  “Sex. Lots and lots of sex.” He said it so matter-of-factly that I had to laugh. “Seriously, Dan. When was the last time you got laid? I’m not even sure if you have a dick anymore. I’m telling you, it’s not healthy. I should know. I studied this in college.”

  “One class, Randy,” I stated. “You took one online course on human sexuality and now you’re a professional?

  A loud clap came from his hands and he sat up straight in his seat. “A naked music party!”

  “No,” I said, pointing at him.

  “What?! Come on! We haven’t had one in years!”

  “Exactly.” When we were younger and I had my first apartment on my own, Randy and I would have jam sessions with some beautiful women who…would be naked. After Sarah passed away, I’d been a little lost, and Randy had been positive that the best way of getting my mind off of death was to replace it with sex and music. One of his many different beliefs. It wasn’t my proudest moment of my past. “No naked music parties.”

  He laughed. “Fine, fine. Well, I also took a course on aromatherapy and can prescribe you with some essential oils to help ease your stress levels.”

  “I’m not stressed,” I argued.

  “A little eucalyptus oil, rosemary, and sweet almond oil in a bath would do you wonders. In the bathroom closest, I have jars of different types of flowers that you can float in the bath, too. Each one is labeled with its healing descriptions.”

  My mouth hung opened and I narrowed my eyes. “Are you sure you have a dick?”

  He chuckled and shrugged. “I get laid at least five times a week. I have healthy skin and a calm, peaceful lifestyle. Plus, my sexual performance is—”

  “Shut up. Just…stop talking. Please.”

  “Okay okay… What about”—he held his hands up—“massage therapy 101. Straight guy to straight guy—let me loosen up your back muscles.”

  “Oookay, on that note…” I leaped from my seat and tossed the beer down on the table. “I’m going for a run.”

  “It’s pouring outside!” Randy argued.

  “The best runs are in the rain,” I said as I headed toward my room to change into my running gear.

  “Oh, right. Of course. Well hey, if you happen to run into a vagina, ask it to invite you in for a little conversation. And by conversation, I mean sexual intercourse!”

  The rain clouds lifted, leaving puddles that I ran through until I returned back to the property. I stood in front of Dad’s boat shed and opened up the doors. The boat hadn’t been out of the shed since Mom had passed away. I’d thought about selling it a few times. Hell, I’d thought about selling the house altogether, too.

  But who would sell their parents’ dream?

  The place was already in jeopardy with the taxes and all. My teaching job and my weekend band gigs were the only things that were helping me keep the possibility of holding on to the property. I felt like there were so many times I’d let my parents down—I couldn’t lose their house on top of losing them, too.

  It wasn’t an option.

  I walked into the dark space. My fingers traced the edge of the landlocked ship and my lips involuntarily frowned. This beauty wasn’t supposed to be locked away, kept from the one place that made it feel free, alive. The water was its home. Yet I kept it locked up, trapped inside a wooden box.

  “Sorry, buddy,” I muttered, pounding my hand on the side. “Maybe next summer.”

  Maybe.

  No promises.

  Getting along fine with my here friends,

  Don’t give a damn if the world decides to end.

  ~ Romeo’s Quest

  “I don’t understand why we’re still going,” I argued to Hailey, who was pulling me toward Theo’s house party. He’d been caught cheating on her in the lunchroom, yet she still found the need to drag me to his place two weeks later.

  Peeking through the windows, I saw a bunch of people from our high school, drinking, making out, and doing everything one would expect to see at a high school party.

  Why didn’t anyone ever throw reading parties?

  I would be all over that crap.

  “I told you. He texted me last night apologizing. I think I just misunderstood.” She’d misunderstood his tongue in her ex-best friend’s mouth? “Besides, Ryan is here, too.”

  “I thought he hated Theo?” I asked.

  “He does. But he likes Tony. And places like these are the only time he c
an really hang out with Tony.”

  I held my purse close to my shoulder as we walked inside. It smelled like someone was burning sage, but I was pretty certain it wasn’t sage I smelled.

  “Ashlyn!” Jake smiled, walking over to me. He was still putting the stress on my name since we met. “I didn’t know you came to parties!”His eyes danced across my chest but for a shorter period this time.

  “I don’t.” I gave him a slight grin. Everything about being inside Theo’s party made me uncomfortable. The noise, the drinking, the surprisingly bad taste in music. Gabby would be ashamed.

  Jake laughed and placed his hand on my lower back, guiding me farther into the house. “Well, I will be your tour guide.” He glanced over to Hailey, who was giving him a wary grin. His eyebrows arched. He smelled a little too much like burning sage. “Oh! Ryan’s sister, right?”

  She nodded.

  “Hailey,” I corrected him, giving her a name—and putting the stress on said name. She deserved more than only being tagged as Ryan’s sister.

  He laughed and nudged her. “Right. Hailey. I’m glad you’re here. I just smoked a bowl with your brother. If you two are interested, I can get ahold of more. My treat.” He was asking us to get high with him, and for a second, I thought I saw Hailey considering it.

  “No thanks, Jake. We aren’t really into that stuff.”

  “We could try,” Hailey piped up, her eyes filled with excitement.

  I gave her a harsh look then turned back to Jake. “No thanks, Jake. But hey, we’ll find you around later, all right?”

  He took me in again, his eyes dancing across my apparent cleavage. He smiled, saying that he would check back in on us later.

  Hailey frowned. “What did you do that for?! Jake’s cute. I think he’s into you.”

  My eyes effortlessly rolled. “Doubtful. Listen, if we are going to be here, here a few rules.”

  “Okay, Mother,” she mocked. “What are the rules?”

  “Rule number one, no drugs.”

  “Theo said marijuana is herbal. Just like tea.”

  “Theo’s an idiot,” I said flatly. “Rule number two, maximum two drinks.” Her mouth hung open and she went to argue but I cut her off. “Rule number three, no sex.”Her lips pouted out. I pushed them back in. “No sex!”

  “You’re such a buzzkill,” she muttered, walking off to find Theo.

  I laughed and called after her. “You’re not even buzzed!”

  The rooms of the house started to become more packed, filling in as the night went on. I hated the smells, I hated the groping—I hated everything about this place.

  This was why I was the girl who lived in my books. The parties in the novels always seemed more entertaining.

  After moving through the house, I made it to the back door and pushed it open to walk outside onto the back porch for some fresh air. My head was starting to pound from the smells of the weed and vomit mixing together.

  There were steps leading to a large backyard. My hand rested against the banister and I lowered myself down to sit. The porch light shone over me dully, blinking in and out, almost ready to die out.

  But it would be enough.

  Reaching into my purse, I pulled out my current novel. I planned to sit out here until Hailey had had her fair share of heartbreak for one night. Opening the book, my fingers traveled across the pages, feeling their texture against my thumbs. I raised the book to my face and inhaled it, taking in the scent of the words on paper.

  There was nothing as romantic as the feel of a book in your hands.

  Except Daniel.

  He was pretty romantic.

  I blinked my eyes and shook my head back and forth. No. No thoughts of Daniel.

  The only problem with not thinking about Daniel was that my mind went to Gabby next.

  Which was even worse.

  The words started to blur over on the pages. The paper within the book began to get wet. Surprise, surprise—I was crying again.

  “I can’t believe I’m here,” I muttered to myself, to Gabby. My voice dropped a little. “Hailey reminds me of myself when I dated Billy. Which can’t be any good.”

  I paused, waiting for the reply that never came.

  “Mom still hasn’t called. I thought about calling her…but I didn’t. The other day, I got mad at you for dying. Sorry.” I laughed, feeling a little insane for talking to myself, but it always made me feel a tad bit better.

  A girl stumbled out of the house, and I could’ve sworn she’d been bitten by a zombie based off her glazed-over appearance. Her name was Tiffany Snow; she was in my history class. I had to admit that she looked a lot prettier during school hours—the running-mascara look wasn’t doing too much for her. She didn’t notice me.

  With a deep inhale of fresh air, Tiffany tried to steady herself, holding her arms out to her sides. She exhaled and giggled, pleased with her ability to calm herself.

  Then she ran to the left side of the porch and vomited over the railing. She slid down to the porch, smiling to herself.

  Classy.

  “Shhh…” was whispered from my left. I turned to look toward the bushes that were currently moving—and talking. “Shut up!”

  Zippp!

  It was the sound of jeans being zipped up. I blushed and turned back to my book. When I saw Ryan come stumbling out of the bushes, fixing his shirt and buckling his belt, I blushed even more.

  “Chicago!” he said, his eyes glassed over and red. He smelled a lot like burning sage, too. “What are you doing here?”

  “Hailey,” I said, pointing toward the door.

  He grimaced and sat down next to me. “Theo’s an asshole.” He paused. “But he has the best weed.” I smiled at Ryan, and he laid his head on my shoulder, whispering to me, “There’s a boy in the bushes still.”

  “I figured that much.”

  “He’s not ready to come out yet.”

  So much meaning in such few words.

  Ryan glanced over to Tiffany, who was passed out on the porch. “Tiffany!” He pounded his fist on the wooden steps, getting her attention. “Tiffany! Wakey-wakey eggs and bacony!”

  One of her eyes opened and she giggled. “Ryan,” she breathed, tossing her hands in the air in excitement, “I soo want to fuck you right now.”

  She kept laughing, running her hands over her face. I was trying my best to see the pros of partying…but they were making it easy for me to want to keep reading.

  Ryan snickered and turned back to me. “I soo don’t want to fuck her.” I swear there was a split second where his eyes looked so sad.

  “There’s a lot to you, isn’t there?”

  “I could say the same about you.” He paused. “Sometimes I feel like you’re hiding behind your books to avoid reality.”

  I flinched at the truth to his words. He didn’t notice though.

  “Can I tell you a secret?” he asked, pulling out his fake cigarette box and ‘lighting’ one up. “Because I feel like I can since you don’t know the people at school or anything. You’re an outsider. I need an outsider.”

  “Of course.”

  His stare was on the bushes, and a single tear fell down his cheek. “I’m not as happy as I pretend to be.”

  “Why are you pretending?” I questioned.

  He lowered his head, staring at his shoes. “Because pretending to be happy is almost like being happy. Until you remember that you’re only pretending. Then you’re sad. Really sad. Because wearing a mask every day of your life is the hardest thing to do. And after a while, you get a little scared because the mask becomes you.”

  “Ryan…you’re not alone.” I pushed him in his shoulder. “And you never have to put the mask on around me.”

  His lips turned up, and he whispered, “Ditto,” against my cheek before giving me a kiss.

  Hailey came walking out the back door of the house and sat down on my other side, putting her head on my shoulder. “I hate him,” she whispered so softly. Ryan didn’t even hear
her.

  It was in that moment right there that I knew I was in the right place. I was lost, but so were they.

  There were no maps to be found.

  At least I wasn’t walking alone.

  I’ll lie to keep you safe,

  I’ll lie to keep you warm.

  I’ll lie to keep you away from the ugliest fucking storms.

  ~ Romeo’s Quest

  A few weeks had passed since Ashlyn and I had found out about our situation. When October arrived, I was shocked by how much I still wanted her.

  One morning, we walked into the school building at the same time. It was only for a second or two that our eyes connected. It was only a mere moment that we stared at one another, but I saw her hiccup, her nerves resting on the surface. When she turned away, I wanted to follow her.

  But that was wrong, right?

  What was wrong with me?

  I thought without interacting in an intimate setting that my feelings would tail off. But they didn’t. They only grew each and every time I saw her step foot into my classroom. Sometimes I would catch her walking in with Ryan and the way she would smile when she spoke to him made me feel as if I were floating. Her smiles were addicting, and I wished they’d been created for me.

  I hated that I couldn’t tell her how beautiful she looked each and every day. I hated that, when she walked into my classroom, I had to pretend that she wasn’t on my mind. I hated that she wouldn’t participate in class discussions, even though I knew she had all the right answers.

  I hated how my other students looked at her. How they lusted after her. How they mocked her. How they bullied her. I hated that she mourned her sister’s death—by herself. I hated that she felt alone but never really showcased it.

  I hated how much I missed her lips. Her laugh. Her smile.

  I hated how close we were but how distant we felt.

  I loved how beautiful she looked each and every day. I loved that, when she walked into my classroom, she was on my mind. I loved how she wouldn’t participate in class discussions, even though I knew she had all the right answers.