by Gina Azzi
“I know that. But she can make my life a living hell until an agreement is hammered out between us, and I’m pretty sure that’s exactly what she’s going to do.”
“How so?”
“She’s going to want shares in the company.”
“Absolutely not.”
“In exchange for not fighting me on Liv.” He drops the bomb, and I grab my chair, sitting on the edge as I run through the different scenarios available to Aaron.
Damn it.
I heave a deep sigh and my brother nods. “I know. It’s a fucking mess. You have no idea how lucky you are that you’re not seriously involved with someone. I mean it, Finn.”
I wince at his words and his neck snaps up.
“You and Daisy aren’t, like together together, right?” he asks slowly.
“I’m not sure what we are.”
“Finn, be realistic. She’s a kid, starting her career. Before you do anything, just make sure you’re one-hundred percent, yeah? There’s no turning back when you become involved with someone you work with.”
“Right.” I mumble. His words cut through me, and while I know he has no idea that Daisy and I have been casually seeing each other for weeks, that I’m on the brink of wanting to make our hook-up official, his words slam into me. And they burn down the beautiful image I was constructing in my head about Daisy and me.
Watching Aaron, taking in the dejected slump of his shoulders and tired hang of his head, serves as the reminder I need.
The golden rule: don’t become emotionally invested. In the end, it never works out. And the woman always leaves.
This is why I manage expectations.
This is why I don’t do relationships.
This is why I never should have tangled up with Daisy in the first place.
Once Aaron leaves, I stall in my room, suddenly dreading seeing Daisy when earlier, it was all I could think about. Now, I don’t want to face her. I don’t want to have a serious conversation. I want to escape.
Sighing, I pinch the bridge of my nose and drop my head back, staring at the ceiling. But this is the thing when you tangle up with a woman you work with, a woman connected to your family: there is no blowing them off. Or vanishing act. You have to face them, confront them, and be straight up. Because you owe it to them. And your lives are too intertwined to do anything else.
Plus, in my case, I care about Daisy. Really care about her. And knowing that I’m going to hurt her devastates me in ways I never anticipated. I feel sick inside, hollow and raw. It’s worse than how I felt when Cassie shattered my heart. Because in the aftermath of that relationship, I felt blameless, even though I wasn’t entirely. But this time, right now, guilt eats at my stomach like acid, eroding my intestines and choking me with shame.
Blowing out a deep breath, I pull myself together, suit back up, lace up my shoes, and fix my hair. Then I head back down to the wedding reception. Except it looks different now. Feels different than it did just hours ago. The hope and sweetness, the pure bliss and happily-ever-after is tainted, falling under a shadow. Swallowing thickly, I take a moment before I push into the reception area.
“Hey man. You good?” Carter asks me as he passes me in the hallway. His girlfriend, Taylor, smiles widely, her eyes bright, her skin flushed from all the excitement. She looks beautiful, happy, in love. She shines with heartfelt sincerity, the same way Daisy did when I last saw her.
“Yeah. Fine, mate.” I bite out gruffly, swallowing the shame that swells in my throat as Daisy’s brother looks at me closely.
“You sure?” He asks again, his eyes slanting in concern.
Bloody hell, I don’t know if I’ve ever felt so low in my life.
I nod, unable to voice words. Taylor offers me a small wave as she pulls Carter down the hallway. I watch them walk away, note how their heads bend together, their bodies in sync.
Squaring my shoulders, I push open the French doors to the reception and immediately, my eyes find Daisy, latch onto her.
She’s beautiful. Stunning. Absolutely graceful. Color is high in her cheekbones, her hair is still swept back from her face, with a few strands slipping to her shoulders from all the dancing. Her eyes are bright, gleaming like marbles. She looks happy, carefree, young.
And she’s dancing. In the arms of a guy who looks…nice. Irritatingly so. Kind. A bunch of boring words come to mind when I see him, holding her, guiding her around the dance floor, twirling her once, twice. But he seems safe. Probably believes in the fairytale and the happily-ever-after. I doubt he’d balk at a glitzy wedding with lace and champagne toasts and overpriced floral arrangements.
Daisy looks up, her gaze colliding with mine, and her smile widens. She finishes her dance and politely excuses herself. The bloke she was dancing with nods, his smile slipping when he notices me. Pride mixed with guilt settles in my chest. I want to reach out and wrap my arms around Daisy, kiss her senseless right here, right now and claim her in front of everyone. And, for her own sake, I want to push her back into the embrace of the nice guy who looks like he craves a monogamous relationship with stability and a future.
“Hey!” Daisy smiles as she stops in front of me. “Everything okay with Aaron?” she drops her voice, a frown dimpling between her eyebrows as she looks up at me.
“Yeah, they will be. I wanted to come down and check on you but I’m beat, Dais. I’m going to call it an early night.”
“Oh, okay.” A flicker of disappointment ripples over her face before her gaze turns understanding, her expression sympathetic. And that look, the one that cares, stabs at me, piercing my conscience. “Do you want some company?”
I shrug, desperately wanting to pull her back into my bed and slowly undress her just as much as I want to hop a flight to Edinburgh and leave Georgia and the wedding behind. “Sure, but stay and enjoy yourself. Come up whenever. We should talk.”
She bites her lower lips at my words, her eyes shimmering with…hope. Damn it. I fucked this up. “Okay.”
My fingers reach out to touch her hand, just to feel her smooth skin. “I’ll see you in a bit.”
“Definitely.” She waves to someone behind me and I look over my shoulder to see her brother Jax and the guy she was dancing with earlier standing by the bar, motioning for her to join them for a shot.
“Have fun.” I say again.
“Come take a shot.”
“It’s alright. I’m no longer up for the party scene.” I lean forward and kiss her forehead before tearing myself away and pointing her in the direction of the bar.
I watch as she joins her brother and friend. The guy drapes an arm around her shoulders casually and she laughs at whatever he says, looking up at him. A pang of jealousy settles in my stomach. He presses a shot glass into her hand and Jax clinks his shot against hers. Then she tosses back the tequila and I turn on my heel and head back to my room. Alone.
Daisy knocks on my door at half past three. My breath catches in my throat when I pull open the door and she’s standing there, looking stunning, a tender smile on her lips, concern etched in her expression.
I reach out, tugging her inside and into me. Savoring her, I cling to this moment, in case it’s the last one I have.
“You okay?” she asks, dropping her clutch on the desk.
I nod, unable to voice words. Unable to say anything because I’m a selfish bastard and I still want one more night with her, one more chance to worship her before sunrise. Before everything between us is ruined.
She pulls back and tugs my hand, walking us over to the bed. She turns around, “Can you unzip me?” She glances over her shoulder and the trust in her eyes breaks something in my soul. An ache spreads through my chest, traveling down my limbs and turning my blood to ice. I hate myself for what I’m about to do, for hurting her.
“Daisy, we need to talk.” I start, sliding the zipper down until her dress falls to the floor. She steps out of it easily, and I turn away, the image of her clad in a black strapless bra and underwear to
o much for me. I don’t deserve to admire her flawless skin, her delicious curves.
“Tomorrow.”
“No, tonight.”
“Trust me, it can wait. Please Finn, I want you.” She says the words I murmured to her earlier in the night and I groan. Was it really only hours ago that I was going to take the next step forward, to make things between us official?
She sits on the edge of the bed and takes my hand, pulling me toward her. I follow, confused and reluctant and eager and desperate, until her lips connect with mine. My hands lace through her hair, my fingers clenching at the nape of her neck.
“Daisy, wait.” I pull back, injecting space between us. “We can’t –”
“Back to that again?” She jokes, widening her eyes in jest. “I thought we were past all these hang-ups. We’re good, right?”
“I don’t think we should see each other anymore.” I push the words out on one breath, my voice low, strained.
Keeping my hands wrapped in her hair, I watch her face closely, note the confusion that clouds her eyes, the hurt that strikes her expression, the betrayal that wraps around her entire demeanor. She shakes her head slowly, pulling away from me, her eyes filling with tears that she rapidly blinks to hold back.
My hands glance off her shoulders as she shifts, standing from the edge of the bed, turning to glare at me, anger and desperation and so much hurt, radiating from her petite frame.
She crumbles before my eyes, her heart breaking.
22
Daisy
I don’t think we should see each other anymore.
The words repeat through my mind, over and over, clanging around my head like gibberish because even though I heard Finn, I don’t understand what he’s saying. I jump up from the edge of the bed, whirling around to face him, my body restless, tension and anger and hurt coiled deep in the pit of my stomach as I stare at him, confounded. Opening my mouth, I close it before any words slip out.
Something happened.
Something isn’t right.
My stomach sinks, a cold dread seeping through me and I shiver, looking around for my discarded dress. Instead, I pick up one of Finn’s T-shirts and slip it over my head, hot tears dotting the corners of my eyes as I breathe in his scent, spicy cologne and something purely Finn.
“What are you talking about? What’s going on?” I ask slowly.
Finn sighs, running a hand down his face. The sound of his palm scraping against his slight stubble is abrasive in the quiet gloom of the moment. It’s strange, how quickly an atmosphere can change, how fast a dynamic can shift. Standing before him, my stance automatically turns defensive, my arms crossed over my chest protectively.
Finn sits quietly, regarding me with regret, with a sadness I don’t understand since this is his doing, his decision. And I’m blindsided by it.
“Daisy.”
And in that one word, I know. He’s serious. He’s done with us. With me. It’s over.
“Why?” I ask before he even has a chance to begin.
Finn’s eyes bleed with emotion, his mouth set in a grim line, his hands clenching the comforter.
“It wasn’t going to work out. I don’t do,” he gestures between us, “this.”
“What? Allow yourself the opportunity to feel something for someone else? Give yourself the chance to be happy and have a real relationship with real feelings?” I bite out, the first of my traitor tears slipping down my cheeks.
“I care about you. Everything between us was real.” He explains calmly and I note the use of “was.” As in, past tense.
I’m already old news.
The realization cuts deep, scraping at my soul, and tarnishing every good moment Finn and I shared up until this point.
“Then why?”
Finn scoots back in bed, reaching out to the nightstand for a pair of sweats and tugging them on over the boxers he was sleeping in when I knocked. “It was becoming too real. I was feeling too much for you. Too much, too soon.” He admits, turning toward me. The resignation I detect in his expression causes a wave of near hysteria to crawl up my throat.
“You’re breaking up with me because you like me?” I explode, throwing my hands in the air, my chest heaving, my eyes leaking water faster than a bursting damn. I breathe in and out several times, trying to calm the hurt splintering through my body, invading every space inside of me.
“Daisy, this was supposed to be fun, casual. We’re not breaking up. We were never really together.” He points out, as if I forgot that small detail, as if I wasn’t the one who suggested it in the first place.
And here it is, blowing up in my face. Just like Sierra warned. Just like Carter cautioned against.
“I guess I thought you would come around. That if we tried it your way, you would be more open to the idea of dating, of actually being with me.” I admit, my voice hoarse from my current tears and my struggle to keep the unshed sobs at bay.
Finn stands up from the bed, his brow furrowing. “You thought I would come around?” he repeats slowly, a spark of anger igniting in the bunching of his shoulders, the slanting of his eyes. “What the hell does that mean?”
“That didn’t come out right.”
“You think? What the hell, Daisy? Was this whole thing, the let’s just keep it casual and have some fun, some grand manipulation on your part to, what? Snag me as a boyfriend? Get me to admit my true feelings?”
“No, Finn, that’s not what I meant.” I back-peddle, confused how I ended up on this side of the conversation but desperate for him to see my reasoning.
“Then what did you mean?”
“I thought if we hooked up, spent time getting to know each other, things between us would naturally progress to the next level. The next step.”
“That wasn’t what we bloody agreed to, Daisy.” He yells back, the side of his fist banging against the post at the end of the bed, agitated.
I swallow thickly, controlling my breathing, dashing the backs of my knuckles underneath my eyes to swipe away the tears.
“I can’t believe you used me.” Finn continues, his voice laced with hurt, his eyes brimming with…betrayal.
“Used you?” I repeat, at a loss for words. “Are you kidding me right now? I’m falling in love with you!”
He winces at the words and I bite down on my tongue. Hard. Until I taste the rust of blood.
“Yeah? Well you have a really funny way of showing it. Most women don’t emotionally manipulate the man they’re in love with. I’ve already done this before.” He gestures between us, his voice rising at the end. “The mind games, the back and forth, the all-consuming heat followed by the confusing uncertainty. I’m not doing it again. Not with you. Not with anyone.” He whispers the last part, blinking at me once before looking away. His jawline settles resolutely.
“What happened to you? Why won’t you tell me? Help me understand? We could be so great together. We are great together.” I try one last time, hoping he will re-consider everything between us before dismissing us, dismissing me.
“What do you want to know?” His voice is sharp, his eyes wild. “That my ex-girlfriend cheated on me? That she had a one-night stand and let me think the baby was mine? I was ready to be a dad, Daisy. A father. And then she miscarried and it was supposed to be fine because guess what? Turns out it wasn’t my baby.” His breathing is ragged, his face white. He swings his eyes around the room wildly, as if trying to understand how we even got here.
“Finn.” I whisper, shuffling forward, my hand outstretched.
He snatches his arm away before I can touch him, his face contorting in a pain so intense, it physically hurts to behold.
“Except it wasn’t fine. I couldn’t get past it. Get past her manipulation and the emotional fucking vortex she dropped me in. Is that what you are so desperate to know?” His tone is deceptively soft.
Raising the heel of my hand to my chest, I press against my breastbone, aching for him, for his loss, for what will never be for us. Inh
aling shakily, my harsh breathing mixes with tears and the need to take in more oxygen. “Finn, I’m so sorry.” I whisper but my voice breaks and he looks up sharply.
“For which part?”
“What?”
“For Cassie and all her bullshit? For getting me to confess my darkest secret? Or for playing with my fucking head?”
“I wasn’t, I didn’t play with –”
“You made me feel things I didn’t want to feel, Daisy. You made me see the happy ending, think of the future. You made me believe in it and then I find out it was what you secretly hoped for the entire time. Like I’m some pawn in your life.”
“No, you don’t understand. I wasn’t trying to trick you. I really thought I could handle casual, no commitments. God, I thought I deserved it after always being so serious, always thinking the guys I fell for loved me back when it was so obvious they didn’t.” My voice breaks as I confess my own truth.
Finn winces at my words but he doesn’t turn away and I continue.
“Things between us developed so naturally. I was enjoying it all, having fun being with you. I just thought we were there, ready to be more than casual.”
“Aye.” Finn says, his voice sarcastic. “Guess we’re not really anywhere. I’ll see you at work on Tuesday. I hope we can remain professional.” He adds dismissively.
My heart beats frantically against my chest but at his final words, it shatters. It physically aches and I dig the heel of my palm deeper into my chest, rubbing the center to alleviate the pressure. Exhaling loudly, I nod. Once, twice, three times. “Of course, Mr. Anderson. That won’t be a problem.” I bite out. “Have a safe flight.”
Finn whips around at the venom in my voice, surprise blooming in his expression, his shoulders rolling forward in anger.
Before he can add anything, I stiffen my spine, turn on my heel, and leave his room, swiping my dress and clutch on my way out.
It’s only after the door closes behind me and I stand in the corridor that I realize I’m clad in only a men’s T-shirt, no shoes, and must look like a hot mess.