Object of My Desire

by R. L. Kenderson

  That’s it?

  “Sounds like you had … fun,” I said.

  “Yeah. I missed you though.”

  I turned away and narrowed my eyes. Don’t try and butter me up, bud. I’m on to you. I looked back at him and smiled. “Me, too. I wish I’d gone with you.” Then, you wouldn’t have made any stupid mistakes.

  Travis’s phone rang. “Oh, it’s my mom. You care if I take it?”

  “Nope.”

  As he talked to his mom, I tried to control my runaway thoughts, but by the time we got to his home, I was pretty worked up.

  In all the scenarios I had run in my head about what it would be like when we saw each other again, he’d always come out and told me about his Friday night. Not once had I practiced how I would go about bringing it up.

  I needed to find an excuse to call Harper in private. She’d know what to do.

  I was sitting on his couch, tapping my foot on the floor, when Travis walked out of his bedroom. He’d gone to put away his suitcase, and I noticed the look on his face. He looked nervous.

  I sucked in a breath. Here it was. He was going to tell me what had happened. And it couldn’t be good if he looked scared.

  “I need to show you something.”

  My eyes widened. I didn’t want to see any naked pictures of Travis and some other chick. But I couldn’t tell him that. “Okay,” I said.

  He sat beside me on the couch and thrust his phone into my hands. “This isn’t the way I wanted to tell you, but I figure, I’d better show you before it leaks on social media.”

  On the screen was a video. My hand shook as I hit play.

  Travis was the first thing I saw. He was in a busy bar at a table.

  “Travis,” a female voice said from behind the camera, “can you say that again? Except, this time, into my phone.”

  There were giggles from others around them, and I heard someone say, “He is so drunk.”

  “Say what?” Travis said.

  “Tell us what you just told that girl who hit on you.”

  “Oh.” Travis grinned. “I told her no way in hell would I go home with her.”

  The person behind the camera sighed. “Why?”

  “Oh. Because I love my girlfriend.”

  I sucked in my breath.

  “I love her so much,” Travis continued. “She’s perfect. And the best part is, she doesn’t even know it.” He leaned closer, as if he were telling a secret, except he forgot to lower his voice. “I think she’s the one.”

  “Now, do the song,” someone told him.

  Travis started singing. Badly. It was so bad that I couldn’t even tell what song he was singing. All I knew was, it had something to do with love.

  I held my hand to my mouth as I laughed and cried at the same time. He loves me.

  The video ended, and Travis took the phone. “I have one more thing to show you.”

  He scrolled to a picture of him lying on a bed, passed out, with his shirt off. All over his whole body, someone—or several someones—had written, Travis loves Sydney.

  “Oh my God,” I said.

  “Yeah. That was my new friend, Nina. She thought it was funny to write all over me the night before a photo shoot. It took me twenty minutes to wash that shit off in the shower.”

  I started laughing again, and I fell into him. “Oh my God, I’m so relieved.”

  He put his arm around me. “So relieved? About what?”

  I buried my nose in his neck. “You didn’t call me back on Friday night, and then, when I read the messages between you and Nina the next morning, all I could think was that something had happened between the two of you. But, instead, you’d told everyone you loved me.” I kissed his neck, oblivious to the fact that Travis had gone as stiff as a statue. “I love you, too.”

  He didn’t respond, and so I backed away to look at him.

  “What’s wrong?”

  Travis swallowed. “What do you mean, you read the messages between me and Nina?”

  Oh shit.

  I had never meant to keep it a secret that I’d seen the messages, but I sure as hell hadn’t meant to blurt it out either. I’d known that I would have to explain it after what he’d gone through with Christy.

  “About that.” I chuckled, but Travis didn’t crack a smile. “Remember how you borrowed my phone last weekend?”

  “Yeah?”

  “You kind of forgot to sign out of your account, and I happened to read Nina’s message to you.”

  “You happened to read her message to me?” His voice was full of doubt.

  “Yes. When I got the notification, I thought it was for me. I didn’t look at whose account it was.”

  “But you said messages.”

  “What?” I was confused.

  “You said messages between me and Nina. So, not only did you read the one message, but then you also went and read what I had written her, too.”

  He was clearly upset, and I didn’t blame him. He had every right to be very sensitive to this sort of thing after his ex had invaded his privacy.

  “Yes, but then I signed out.”

  He threw his hands up. “Oh, so that makes it okay. You only read two messages before you signed out.” He stood. “And you were worried this whole weekend that I’d cheated on you, but you didn’t talk to me about it.”

  I got up from the couch, too. “I was going to. But not over the phone. Harper and I both agreed it would be better to discuss it in person.”

  “Harper?” Travis clenched his jaw shut and sucked in a deep breath. “You shared my messages with Harper?”

  I didn’t want to answer. “Yes.” I stepped toward him. “You have to understand; I was freaking out. You were half a country away, and I didn’t know what to do.”

  He backed up. “You should have talked to me. You shouldn’t have gone behind my back and read my messages. You shouldn’t have gone behind my back and talked to your friend instead of me.”

  “Travis, wait. You’re making it sound worse than it is.”

  He looked away from me. “I think it’s time for you to go, Sydney.”

  “What? No. We can’t end the conversation like this.”

  He slowly met my eyes. “Yes, we can. It’s over.” He pointed to the door. “Now, please leave.”

  Travis was clearly too upset to talk, so I picked up my purse and left.

  Unfortunately, I couldn’t get his words out of my head.

  Is the conversation over, or is the relationship over?

  TWO WEEKS LATER

  “Who’s going to the book signing in Iowa next month?” Derek asked the monthly writer group.

  My head whipped up from where I had been taking notes. “Oh crap.”

  Derek laughed. “Did you forget about it?”

  I had completely forgotten about it. Since my breakup with Travis, I hadn’t thought much about anything. I was behind on my next book’s schedule due to barely writing, and I couldn’t seem to find my concentration. I was a mess. I’d missed two takeovers and neglected my reader group.

  I was trying, but it was like someone had taken over my brain and put it on the Travis channel twenty-four/seven. Every time I tried to change it, it went back to him.

  “Are you still going to go?” another author asked me.

  “I don’t know.”

  It was the same author event I had met Travis at, and I knew he was going to be there with Angela. Angela and I had decided to split Travis’s expenses and have him split up the time between our tables. But, in light of our breakup, I didn’t think Travis wanted to be anywhere near me. And I honestly didn’t know if I could go there and see him in person.

  I hadn’t even opened my Instagram in the last thirteen days because I was afraid I would burst into tears. I had no idea if he’d told the world about our split, and I really didn’t want to know.

  “I need to recheck my schedule. Some stuff has come up,” I told the g
roup.

  While we were friendly, these people were still my professional peers. I wasn’t going to tell them about my personal life.

  The group called it a day, and I headed for home as I debated on what to do about the September signing. I could cancel, or I could still go and ask the event planners to put my table as far away from Angela’s as possible.

  Once I got home, I got on my computer and messaged the event hosts to see if there was a wait list. I would be very surprised if there wasn’t one.

  I got a response five minutes later, telling me there was a wait list. A huge sense of relief went through me. I put in notice that I was no longer going to attend. Then, I e-mailed Angela to let her know I would still split the costs with her. When attending a book signing, there was a table fee, an assistant fee, and a model fee, so it was nice to be able to share what one could.

  Hey, Angela.

  I’m no longer able to attend the book signing next month in Iowa. I know we agreed to split Travis’s costs, and I will still honor that. E-mail me the receipts, and I will send the money over to you right away.

  I’m sad I won’t be seeing you again this year, but I hope you have fun.

  Let me know if you need anything else.

  Sydney

  I didn’t explain much more since I figured that Angela already knew about Travis and me. He was pretty close to her, so I was sure he’d told her by now.

  I texted Harper.

  Me: I’m not going to the book signing next month. I’m sorry. I know you were looking forward to it.

  Harper: Ha-ha. I figured you’d backed out a long time ago. No worries, Syd. I wasn’t expecting you to go.

  Me: I’ll find another one for us to go to.

  Harper: Sounds good to me.

  I did a search for some other book signings. I knew it would be hard to get in, but I’d snuck in at the last minute before.

  I found one in Wisconsin for the weekend following the Iowa event. It was a smaller, more intimate event, and it sounded perfect. I quickly filled out the form and messaged the coordinators to let them know I wanted to be put on the wait list.

  Next, I went to my reader group and apologized for not being around much lately, and I told them the bad news about the book signing. I added that I was in the process of finding a new one to attend.

  After that, I updated my website and actually wrote a thousand words without any breaks. It wasn’t my usual amount, but it was a start.

  I was feeling very good about myself for taking charge of my life and moving forward even if they were little things, and I thought I deserved a break.

  Maleficent jumped up onto my desk as I went to see if Angela had responded to my e-mail. She hadn’t, but I did get something from Robert Hahn.

  I had no idea why the famous photographer would be e-mailing me, but it put a grin on my face.

  But, the second I opened the e-mail, my smile fell.

  Greetings, Sydney.

  Here are the pictures I took of you and Travis that I promised to send to you. Apologies for the wait. I hope it was worth it.

  Robert Hahn

  I knew I shouldn’t, but I clicked on the link to his cloud drive.

  And I immediately started crying.

  The pictures of Travis and me were beautiful. The looks we were giving each other showed how much we liked each other. And I had thrown it all away.

  I had tried to apologize to Travis several times after I left his house that awful night. But he’d told me that he couldn’t trust me anymore. It wasn’t so much that I’d read the messages, but it was the fact that I had done it behind his back. And because I had thought he’d cheated on me. I had really messed up.

  I flipped through each picture, crying harder as I looked at them. I could barely see through my tears toward the end.

  I couldn’t look at them anymore.

  I shut down my computer and walked downstairs. I went straight to my freezer and my carton of ice cream.

  So much for moving forward with my life.

  After a night of fitful sleep, dreaming about Travis and feeling like crap, I knew there was more I needed to do to move on from him.

  And I had a plan.

  I was going to do something I had never done in my career before, but I had to follow my instincts and my heart.

  I e-mailed my editor and asked her to fit me in at the last minute and that I was putting my current project on hold. Next, I e-mailed Robert Hahn and asked him for permission to use one of the pictures of Travis and me on a book cover. With a yes from both my editor and the photographer, I contacted my cover designer and told her what I wanted.

  And then I sat down and started typing, and I didn’t stop.

  I wrote The One That Got Away: An Unconventional Love Story in twelve days. It was the fastest I had ever written a book, but the second I typed The End, I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders.

  Love didn’t always work out the way we wanted, but life went on, and my book represented that.

  It wasn’t a normal romance novel, and there was a chance that I would receive a lot of backlash for what I’d written, but sometimes, as a writer, you had to let the words out of your head before you went crazy.

  I set the release date as the day of the Iowa book signing but didn’t make a big deal out of it. No release blitz, no blog tour, no announcements. If people found it, great, but if they didn’t, that was okay, too. I had written the book for myself and my journey to healing.

  The last step in my plan was asking Derek to do a favor for me. Now that The One That Got Away was finished, I regretted giving up my spot to someone else at the book signing. But such was life. I knew Derek would deliver my message, and hopefully, Travis would heal a little bit from my book, too.

  Travis looked around the lobby of the hotel until he spotted Angela.

  “Hey, Ang,” he said and kissed her on the cheek.

  “Hey, stranger,” she said as she hugged him.

  “It’s been a while, huh?”

  “Can you believe it’s been a whole year?”

  He shook his head. They always kept in contact, but they hadn’t seen each other in person since last year at this time.

  Angela reached into her back pocket and pulled out a room key. “Here’s your key. Room 335. Why don’t you go upstairs and drop your luggage off, and then meet me back down here?” She looked over her shoulder and pointed to a room. “I’ll be right over there. That’s where the meet-and-greet is.”

  “I’ll be right back,” he told Angela and headed for the elevators.

  He was torn between taking his time and rushing back down. He hadn’t wanted to come to the event this weekend, but he’d missed Angela, and he’d promised her.

  Also, deep down, whether he wanted to admit it or not, he wanted to see Sydney. He hadn’t seen her for over a month, and try as he might, he missed her. This weekend was the perfect excuse to see her again.

  He’d tried to catch glimpses of her online, but she hadn’t posted much on social media. His sister was in her fan group and told him that Sydney was working on something and hadn’t been on there much either. He hoped she was okay. He still cared about her and worried about her.

  Truthfully, he still loved her, and the more time that passed, the less upset he was with her. And that scared him because he’d taken Christy’s apologies over and over again, and nothing had changed. He couldn’t do that again.

  He had no idea how this weekend was going to go. He wasn’t going to avoid her table, but he could only imagine how stiff the conversations were going to be.

  Travis put away his things and went back down to the room off the lobby. He introduced himself at the door, got his name tag, and walked in. He saw Angela again but continued to look around.

  “Hey, who are you looking for?” Angela asked when she walked up to him.

  “Sydney,” he admitted.

  Angela sympathetically
looked at him. “Honey, Sydney’s not coming.”

  His head swung back to his friend. “What?”

  “Yeah, she contacted me sometime ago and told me she wasn’t attending. I figured you knew.”

  He shook his head. “No.” His jaw clenched. She wasn’t there and hadn’t told him she wasn’t coming. He knew he probably didn’t have a right to be upset, but he was. At least from a business perspective. “So, now, you have to pay for everything? I will help you out.”

  Angela shook her head. “Oh, no, Sydney’s still paying for half. She didn’t want to back out on our agreement. I thought it was very nice because I would have paid for you to be here.” She smiled. “I am going to tell her to keep her money, by the way. I wouldn’t feel right, taking it.”

  He smiled back.

  “Travis?”

  He turned around to see a guy standing behind him. “That’s me.”

  The guy looked relieved. “Oh, good. I was just going by your picture. I know you were here last year, but we didn’t talk.” He held out his hand. “I’m Derek. I’m in an author group with Sydney, and she asked me to give this to you.” He held out a book to Travis.

  Travis took it. “Thank you.”

  Derek nodded. “You’re welcome,” he said and walked away.

  The book was back side up, so Travis turned it around, and his breath caught.

  “Is that you and Sydney?” Angela asked, looking at the cover with awe.

  “Um … yeah.”

  “You two look beautiful together.”

  They really did. It hurt to look at the book because it reminded him of what he was missing. Their foreheads were touching, and her arms were around him. And the feelings they had for each other were painted all over their faces.

  “When was this taken?”

  “Robert Hahn took it when we were there.”

  “Well, that explains it. The One That Got Away: An Unconventional Love Story,” she read the title and nudged his arm. “Turn it over. What’s the book about?”

  Ordinary women like Jane Platt know they shouldn’t fall for beautiful men like Colin Butler, one of the hottest actors on television. But, sometimes, people can’t help themselves.