Man in White

by Johnny Cash

  Saul smiled. The Lord provides a way, he thought. He looked down at the candle, which was burning out.

  “You can gain access to the room of the scrolls tonight,” said Rebeccah. “You will need two or three men to come with a basket and a rope at least seventy cubits long.”

  Ananias thought a moment, then said, “The window is so small. How will we get a basket and Saul through it?”

  “You will need the long basket,” she said,“the kind used for carrying long stalks.” She looked at Saul and smiled, thinking how small he would be wrapped up tightly in the long basket. “Just be sure, Ananias, that you have some steady hands ready to let him down the wall.”

  Ananias turned to Saul.“Meanwhile, you must get some sleep.”

  “I shall try,” he said.

  A frown crossed Rebeccah’s brow. “Getting you out of Damascus should be fairly easy, Brother Saul,” she said, “but I worry what happens then. If you go toward Jerusalem, you could be seen and arrested. If you go into Arabia and find a caravan route, you could be fallen upon by robbers.”

  Saul smiled. “I carry nothing to tempt robbers.” He looked down at the candle as it sputtered out and then at the faces of Ananias and Rebeccah. “The love of God that is manifested in you is like that candle that burned gloriously for its entire life. The fire of his love in you burns brighter because you share it with me, and for this purpose have I been called, that I go and take his light of love and light his flame in other lives.”He paused, then said, “Yes, I must go tonight! Unless the seed be scattered, there is no increase.”

  “At least I can prepare you a food pouch and a skin of water to take with you,” said Rebeccah.

  Two pairs of hands pushed Saul through the hole in the upper eastern wall. He had helped Ananias and the two elders twist his shoulders through. Now his safety was temporarily in their hands. The upper half of his body was hanging head down, wrapped in the straw basket to the neck.

  The rope was the problem. It was tied at his waist, and they were having trouble getting the basket and the rope all through the hole. Suddenly he was through and falling. In the darkness he couldn’t see the ground below, but he knew it was a long way. Abruptly the rope took up the slack with a hard jerk; the loop at his waist slipped down to his hips, hanging him upside down. Slowly the men let him down, and spinning in circles, suspended from the hips, he strained to see the ground.

  Down, steadily down he went, first with his arms hanging straight to cushion his contact with the ground. But when he made first contact, it wasn’t with the ground but with a hedge-thorn bush. He wanted to shout out for his friends to stop but thought better of it. The eastern gate wasn’t far away, and he mustn’t be discovered.

  He closed his eyes and steeled himself for what he knew was coming. When his hands felt the thorns, he tried to protect his head, but it was next to impossible. The men inside the window felt the tension relax, and realizing Saul was down, they let the rope fall on out the window.

  “He’s down,” whispered Ananias. He and the other men hurried down the stairs and stepped out the door and into the street.

  Saul was indeed down—headfirst into a thornbush and tied up in a thin basket. Every moment was agony as he reached through the wiry thorn vines to untie the rope around his hips. As he twisted side to side to do so, the thorns scratched and stuck him in the hands, arms, face, even on top of his head.

  Even with the rope untied he still felt imprisoned. He closed his eyes and lay still for a moment. The afterimage of the Man in White appeared on the backs of his eyelids, and he remembered the dream. The crown of thorns. The nails in the hands and feet.

  With fearless determination, he started to stand up, but the strong vines and sharp thorns he had fallen through prevented it. His fingers felt the soft ground, and he started to pull himself out from underneath the thorns. He felt them cut and rip him all over, but he didn’t stop. He kicked at the dirt, turning over on his back and twisting out from under the clawing vines.

  His head, shoulders, and arms covered with bloody scratches, he sat against the wall looking out into the darkness. A dark red half-moon was rising, and the hills beyond began to take shape. Saul moved into the bushes and headed eastward. Up the tributaries of the River Abana lay the city of Haran. Perhaps he would go there. It lay directly under the rising moon, which, rising higher, did not lose its deep red color.

  The kadim, the hot east wind from the great desert, is coming, thought Saul. From time to time it would come—no one knew when. The kadim blew furiously for three days and nights, bringing with it the dust of the desert that penetrated everything. Livestock and wild animals often died from choking on the flying dust. It came inside houses, under doorways; it got into the bread, the milk, and the clothes of everyone, rich or poor. Various superstitions abounded concerning the kadim. Children born during its passing would be criminal or demented. A woman’s monthly cycle would be either delayed or prolonged. More people would be murdered or maimed during the kadim than at any other time.

  People kept their faces covered when the terrible wind blew. There were tales of people losing their senses. Everyone dreaded the screaming, stinging wind that brought the maddening sand.

  With the redness darkening as the moon rose, Saul was sure that it wouldn’t be many hours before the kadim struck from the very direction he was headed.

  With the wind rising, he stumbled among the bushes and rocks of the dry riverbed. He had lost count of the hours and had come upon no caravan routes. He only saw the moon occasionally now, and the sky breaking into dawn was dull and overcast.

  Saul, weary and sore from the ordeal of his escape and stumbling all night against a constantly rising wind, stopped and sat upon a great tree trunk that had fallen into the riverbed. The day should have been breaking brighter by now, but the wind was bringing the dust. He surveyed his predicament.

  He removed his cloak and tied the two arms of it to two limbs of the log. Then he took two sticks and, driving them into the sand on the downwind side, made himself a shelter. He lay down under the cloak against the log and covered his mouth and nostrils with his prayer shawl. From the small pouch Rebeccah had given him that hung from his belt, he removed some figs and cheese. After saying his prayers, he ate his meager breakfast and finished it with water from a small wineskin tied to his sash.

  The wind and dust were increasing and the sky was darkening eerily as the exhausted Saul slept soundly, his prayer shawl covering his face. The wind whistled and howled, and the red dust became thicker, but Saul slept on, well protected by the log and his cloak. The dust whirled in ringlets about his head, and small piles of dust and sand encircled him, giving him even more protection from the raging kadim.

  In the earsplitting shrill of the wind around midday, Saul started at the sound of a voice calling his name. “Saul,” the Voice said softly. He opened his eyes, then closed them, and there again was the negative image of the Man in White. “Saul,” the Voice said again.

  “Yes,Master. Here I am,” Saul whispered back in a dreamy half sleep. He was feeling a strange sensation, as if he were leaving his own body.

  Suddenly he was above the storm, whirling into space, around and around like the little whirling streams of sand where he had lain.

  “Look down, Saul,” said the Voice.

  “Yes, Master.”

  He saw the coastal city of Joppa and the blue Mediterranean tapping its shores.

  “Observe,” said the Voice, “the instruction of your fellow servant Simon whose name is Peter, the one I called Cephas.”

  “I see him, Master,” whispered Saul, “on the rooftop.”

  The kadim had vanished, and the noonday sun shone down bright and clear upon Simon Peter in the vision that Saul beheld. He was in Simon Peter’s presence, yet he was not. He was above him, yet he was beside him. He was out of the body, yet the auburn hair and beard and the broad shoulders of the fisherman seemed very tangible. Saul waited and observed, glorying in being
allowed to witness Peter’s experience.

  “I am not worthy, Lord,” Saul whispered.

  “Be still and observe,” said the Voice, “and know that the Holy One makes straight the way and certain the purpose for calling his saints to service.”

  Simon Peter’s eyes were turned toward heaven as he received the vision. A great white sheet tied at the four corners, descending like a great vessel, approached the rooftop. Peter, and Saul, saw that tied in the sheet were all manner of four-footed beasts of the earth, domestic and wild, swimming and crawling things, and many different kinds of fowls.

  Saul heard a voice directed to Peter say, “Arise, Peter, kill and eat.”

  Peter gasped in astonishment at seeing the great menagerie.“Oh no, Lord,” he said. “I have never eaten anything that is common or unclean.”

  The Voice spoke to him a second time. “What God has cleansed, that you do not call common.”

  Peter covered his face for a moment, then looked up. The sheet was again descending from heaven. Again the Voice said, “Arise, Peter, kill and eat.” And again Peter repeated his objection.

  After the third time, the vision was gone. Peter fell prostrate on the roof and prayed, “O Lord, reveal the meaning of this thing to me.”

  Immediately Saul was again taken up and away from Joppa as the Voice said to him, “See how the Father cares for you, Saul. Your fellow workers are likewise prepared as you are with the knowledge that the Gentiles may receive the salvation of God through Jesus Christ. To them shall be given the gifts of the Holy Spirit also.

  “This is the meaning of the living things which Simon Peter called ‘common.’ He henceforth knows that God is no respecter of persons and esteems no man over another; therefore, every nation that fears him and does his work of righteousness is accepted by him. Now the Word of God as given to the children of Israel is to be preached to all the world.”

  Saul suddenly opened his eyes. At first he was uncertain of where he was in the howling wind and sand, then he remembered and realized he had slept for a long time. But the dreamlike trip to Joppa was real, and he knew it. He had been blessed with another vision himself, observing Simon Peter’s vision and hearing the meaning of it.

  The sand was whirling in little eddies around Saul’s body, and occasionally he had to take the prayer shawl off his nose and mouth and shake out the sand. He thought the sun must be high, though. Looking out under the edge of his cloak, he saw the sky was dark with the blowing sand.

  All day and into the night, then into the next morning, the wind raged and the sand piled up around him. From time to time he would kick the tops of the piles down to allow the dust-filled air to circulate. He would hit the cloak above his head as it became weighted down with the sand. He was very thirsty.

  Toward dawn he ate his second handful of fruit and cheese and drank his last bit of water from the skin. He knew he would have to suffer through the dust storm. He would quickly lose his sense of direction if he tried to move. He continued praying, “O Lord, when the coming storms of life rage about me, teach me to be still and wait upon you.”He never thought to pray for personal deliverance from his plight. It never occurred to him that he was in any danger. It was just a matter of waiting until the scorching, blistering wind died, then he would be on his way.

  “To where?” he asked prayerfully. The wind did not answer him.

  After eating he again became sleepy. The constant sound of the wind had a lulling effect, and he closed his eyes.

  Which direction will I go? he wondered. He was eager to be up and about the business for which he was called, but for some reason God had deemed that he wait here in this riverbed. He knew that the wonderful vision of Simon Peter’s which he had shared was one reason for the delay in his journey. Still, hour upon hour the wind whistled and screamed, blistering everything it touched with the sand and dust it carried. The dust was like a great cloud, moving at a gale force, bringing not rain but dirt from foreign soil. When will it end? he wondered dreamily.

  He remembered a scene from his youth. Jemimah was sitting beside him against a palm tree. The cares of the world and the business of the Temple were far from his mind. They had walked to the banks of the Jordan from the shop where her father sold cooked food. They were both very young, and they had laughed that morning. He threw stones into the blue-green water of the Jordan, skipping them across to the far bank.

  “You did it, Saul!” she shouted. “It skipped three times.”

  What a pleasant person she is, thought Saul, admiring her snow-white teeth when she smiled. Her green eyes sparkled in the afternoon sun. He admired everything about her. Her long hair was braided into two long plaits that hung down each side of her face and whipped around her head when it turned. Her face was very animated.

  “What are you looking at?” she asked.

  He started to answer, “You,” but quickly turned his face away from her and picked up another stone to throw at the water. “Nothing,” he said, skipping the flat rock to the far side of the Jordan.

  She continued looking at him. “You’re a strange one, Saul.”

  He flushed. “What do you mean by that?” he mumbled.

  “Nothing,” she said, leaning back against the trunk of the palm tree. She picked up a fallen palm frond and swished it back and forth in the air. “It’s just that you’re so serious all the time. You need to laugh more. Just when I think you’re going to enjoy yourself, your mind goes off into some other world.”

  “Not another world,” Saul stammered. “This world. Jemimah! The reign of Israel! The steeling and tempering of my soul to be a true vessel of the Most High. There is nothing to laugh about! Roman standards are in the streets of Jerusalem. Many men are torn away from the worship of the true God—the one God! I know of nothing better to live for than to serve him through the study and practice of his Law! When the Romans are cast into the sea and a Jewish king sits again on the throne of Israel, then will I laugh.”

  “You’re shouting at me, Saul,” she said evenly.

  He stood and looked at her, perplexed.

  She arose to her feet and said resignedly, “We had better go. Take me back to Jericho.”

  “No, wait,” he said, quick to apologize. “I’m sorry I shouted at you.”He sat down on the grass and asked her to sit beside him, which she did reluctantly.

  “The Romans!” she said finally. “And Israel!”

  “I said I’m sorry,” he said, putting his hand on her shoulder. Her eyes were captivating, and she returned his stare.

  “I would like to look deep inside your soul, Saul, into the secret you, to see what you’re really like.”

  He moved his face within inches of hers and said, “Look, then.”

  Before either of them realized it, their lips met and his arms were around her. At first she didn’t resist, but as he held her tighter, kissed her more deeply, she felt herself being carried down. Suddenly she broke free and stood away from him. In embarrassment, she turned her back to him and said, “You shouldn’t kiss me that way. We are not yet betrothed.”

  He was instantly on his feet. “Betrothed? We shall never be betrothed!” he shouted.

  She turned and faced him. At first her eyes showed disappointment, but then her expression quickly changed to one of anger.

  “Take me back to Jericho,” she said, “to my father.” And she struck out ahead of him.

  Saul startled at what he thought was a great noise. He listened. But it was the sound of silence that had awakened him. The wind had stopped, and everything was amazingly quiet and still.

  Immensely troubled by the memory of that day with Jemimah, he lay still, looking at the patch of clear blue sky that showed under the edge of his cloak. No, he was not just troubled but very, very lonely. Now he was sure to dream of Jemimah again. He tried to erase the image of Jemimah from his mind, but in the naked light of day, with the sun streaming in upon him, his loneliness was as real as his thirst, which was severe. I must, he thought,
forget Jemimah. As I once believed that there was no room in my life for a wife and family, so it is even more so now. My home will be in the homes of the followers of Jesus. My family will be any congregation that worships the Lord. Whosoever does the will of the Father shall be my kinsmen. O Lord, deliver me from desires of the flesh and all such temptations; refine me for a surety of my purpose.

  He looked at his hands and arms covered with dried blood from the cuts and scratches of the hedge thorns. If he could have seen his own face, he would have been alarmed at the tortured, weary countenance. He felt his stomach and thought surely if he pressed hard enough he could feel his backbone.

  He bent his legs to test their flexibility. I must find water, he thought, rising to his feet. He stood high upon the log and looked to the west. Far in the distance, shining like a jewel in the clearing sky, was the city of Damascus. He had come a long way. The city sat on a higher elevation, on the foothills rising toward the mountains of Lebanon. The long, high city wall looked like a golden band around the city.

  To the south lay the endless stretches of arid desert land—the direction he would be traveling in. It was a wilderness where only the crafty survived. Unless traveling under the protection of a caravan, a man lived only by common sense and respect for the desert.

  Saul surveyed the farther reaches of his vision. There lies my mission, he thought. Then he looked to the east, and down the riverbed just a few steps away was cool running water. “Praised be the Most High,” Saul said aloud as he stepped down off the log and walked to the edge of the pool.

  Before he drank and washed, he fell to his knees and gave thanks. Even in his severe thirst, in pouring his heart out for the seemingly miraculous discovery of water, he forgot himself and his needs and gave thanks for his blessings.

  He raised his head and looked at the pool before him. The water came out of the ground, circled slowly in pools and eddies, ran a short way farther, and disappeared back into the ground. In prayerful meditation, he watched the ripples whirling, carrying off the dust from the stone, bringing more clear, pure water into the pool.