The Adventures of Catvinkle

by Elliot Perlman

  ‘I don’t want to talk to you,’ said Grayston.

  ‘It’s too late, we’re already talking.’

  ‘Are we negotiating?’ asked Grayston.

  ‘Yes, yes, as a matter of fact we are, and you’re doing a fabulous job,’ said Lobbus. ‘I can see you do this a lot.’

  All this time Ula was around the side of the house, having squeezed through a gap in the fence, trying to see inside the secret hidden garden in the hope of finding the ball. She was terrified that she would make a sound that would attract the attention of Grayston, who would come and bark at her and maybe do something even worse.

  She couldn’t see the ball at all and was feeling scared. She wished she could be of more help to Lobbus, who was bravely talking to Grayston through the front fence all by himself. ‘One leaf at a time, one leaf at a time,’ she said to herself to keep the panic away while she looked for the ball. It seemed to be working. What good advice! What a great cousin!

  Suddenly, Ula felt a tiny breath of warm wind on her ear. She didn’t know what it was, but before she could look up or get too scared she heard a whisper.

  ‘Ulee, it’s me!’

  It was Catvinkle, hovering in the air with the big red bow on her tail spinning incredibly fast like the propeller on a helicopter.

  ‘Catvinkle, what are you doing here?’ Ula asked, in a very quiet voice so that Grayston wouldn’t hear.

  ‘I was at home in front of the fire practising my baby-shoe dancing for the competition tomorrow, but I found that I couldn’t concentrate because I felt bad inside. At first I thought it was the salmon I ate yesterday but then I remembered that you ate it too and that you weren’t feeling bad inside.’

  ‘Yes, I was.’

  ‘Do you think it was the salmon?’

  ‘No.’

  ‘No, neither do I,’ said Catvinkle. ‘What could possibly be bad about salmon – other than that it’s not herring? I realised that I felt bad inside for a number of reasons, none of which have salmon in them.’

  ‘What are they?’ asked Ula.

  ‘First, I missed you. I think you’ve become my best friend. I never expected a dog to be my friend at all, let alone my best friend, but here you are. Second, I was ashamed that I wasn’t doing more to help you get the ball back for the children. Something your cousin, Lobbus the brave dog Lobbus, said really stuck in my head.’

  ‘What was it?’ Ula enquired.

  ‘Lobbus said that I wasn’t up to helping more because I am a cat. But I didn’t feel right about that. Just because someone says they don’t think you can do something doesn’t mean you have to agree with them, right? We don’t have to be what someone else says we are. I wanted to prove Lobbus wrong. When you left I wondered if a cat really could do more to help. I realised that the only way to know for sure was to try to test myself, even if I have to cope somehow with the salty water,’ said Catvinkle.

  ‘What salty water?’

  ‘The salty water in my eyes,’ replied Catvinkle. ‘It just kept coming and coming like never before. I wanted to be with you either at home or trying to win back the children’s ball. I thought that if Grayston did anything wrong to you I would never, ever forgive myself – and I normally forgive myself several times a day.’

  Catvinkle’s tail stopped spinning and she flopped down on Ula’s back and started breathing in the scent of her fur.

  ‘You don’t mind, do you? Mmmm, that musk is so good!’ said Catvinkle. ‘I realised while you were gone that I was desperate for some of my best friend’s high quality musk. So with all of this in mind, I decided to try to fly further than I’ve ever flown before to find you. Now my tail is tired from keeping my big red bow spinning like a helicopter propeller. So tired! I’m so tired that I forgot the other thing I really wanted to tell you. Now what was it?’

  ‘Gee, I’m not sure, Catvinkle. I find it hard enough to remember things I’ve forgotten. I’ll never remember something you’ve forgotten.’

  ‘Let’s see,’ said Catvinkle, trying to remember. ‘I was flying … my tail was getting tired and sore … I saw you from way up in the air, started to lower myself down and … Oh yeah! I saw the ball. It’s in the house with Grayston’s puppies. Who knew that a dog as scary as Grayston would have puppies?’

  ‘You found the ball?!’ cried Ula. Unfortunately, in her excitement, she forgot to speak quietly, and Grayston heard her loud bark.

  Grayston came bounding at them from around the corner. His huge grey paws were going very fast along the muddy ground and froth was coming out of his mouth as though there was a cappuccino machine in his stomach that had exploded.

  ‘Woof! Woof!’ Grayston shouted. ‘Woof, and I mean that in a terribly angry and unfriendly manner.’

  Ula could hear Lobbus calling from around the corner. ‘Wait, Mr Grayston, we haven’t finished our negotiations. You could play on and win a car!’

  ‘Quick,’ Catvinkle whispered to Ula. ‘Go inside the house through that doggie door and get the ball. I’ll distract Grayston!’

  ‘No, it’s too dangerous for you to stay here, Catvinkle. You’re a little cat!’ cried Ula.

  ‘No, you go, Ulee. I can handle Grayston.’

  Big scary Grayston was getting closer and closer. Ula ran into the house through the doggy door. Inside, she found three adorable puppies playing with the children’s rubber ball.

  ‘Hello, puppies. My name is Ula. Are you Grayston’s puppies?’

  ‘Yes,’ said one. ‘I’m Graham, this is my brother, Gram, and my sister, Grace.’

  ‘Well, you all look like wonderful puppies. You’re a credit to your father,’ Ula said, then added under her breath, ‘May his scariness find a new target in another life.’

  ‘Thank you, Ms Ula,’ said Gram.

  ‘What brings you to our home?’ asked Grace.

  ‘Well, I have some friends – human children, small persons – who lost their favourite toy. It’s a clear rubber ball that lights up when it bounces. It was given to them by their parents, and now that their parents are away for their work the children love the ball even more. It helps them to feel close to their parents. But yesterday they lost it in someone’s garden and now they are very sad. They lost it around here and so I’m looking for it.’

  The three puppies looked at each other. All at once, at exactly the same time, three little tails stopped wagging.

  ‘Excuse me, Ms Ula, do you mind if we have a quick family meeting?’ said Graham.

  Before Ula even had a chance to answer, the three young puppies had formed a triangle with their three heads. In the middle of the triangle of heads was the rubber ball. All Ula could see was three little tails sticking up and wagging very quickly in the air around the ball as they whispered to each other.

  Finally the three puppies turned back around to face Ula.

  ‘Ms Ula,’ said Gram, ‘we think this ball might be the children’s ball.’ He pushed the ball towards Ula with his snout.

  ‘And,’ said Grace, ‘we would like the children to have it back if it means so much to them.’

  ‘That’s so kind of you, puppies. What good dogs you are!’

  ‘There’s just one thing we would ask in return, Ms Ula,’ said young Graham. ‘Please could you tell us the secret?’

  ‘The secret! How did you know about the secret?’ said Ula. ‘I don’t think I can tell you, even though you’re such lovely puppies.’

  ‘Please tell us the secret of how you get human children to play with you and be your friends,’ said Grace.

  ‘Oh!’ said Ula. ‘That’s no secret at all. You just have to be nice and friendly to them. You mustn’t be scary. Not like, well, some dogs, who can be a bit scary … even to dogs. But the ones with human friends, well, you’ll find that they’re not scary at all. They’re nice and friendly.’

  At that very moment, outside in the garden, Grayston was barking wildly at Catvinkle.

  Catvinkle had flown up in the air and landed on a branch of a nearby tree
. Grayston was jumping up and down on his two back paws trying to reach her, but she was too high.

  Lobbus had rushed around from the front to the side fence to help. Using his tail, he beckoned Ula to bring the ball and escape while Grayston was barking fiercely at Catvinkle.

  ‘Thank you for returning the ball, puppies,’ Ula said. ‘But now I have to run!’

  She picked up the ball in her mouth and leapt back through the doggy door.

  Grayston spotted Lobbus and Ula trying to run away and he chased after them. He was getting closer and closer to them when he felt a nip on his nose.

  ‘Owww!!! What was that?’ shouted the panting, frothing at the mouth Grayston.

  It was Catvinkle. She had swooped down from the branch and given Grayston the most unexpected nip on his snout he had ever got in years of fights with many big and scary dogs.

  ‘How dare you! You’re a rotten little cat!’ Grayston shouted as Lobbus and Ula, now out of the garden, ran away along the street in the direction of Anja’s and Ferdi’s house.

  ‘How dare I?’ asked Catvinkle. ‘You really want to know? I dare like … this!’

  She flew down again right into the face of the angry Grayston and gave him another nip. These tiny nips were not sharp enough to hurt his snout – but his pride as a big scary dog was in tatters all around him.

  ‘And I’m not a rotten little cat,’ called Catvinkle. ‘I’m an excellent little cat!’

  With that, she flew over Grayston’s fence and caught up to Lobbus and Ula, who had just arrived at the home of Anja and Ferdi. The three of them were out of breath but extremely happy at their big day’s work.

  The children were very happy to see them – and that was even before they had realised that their ball was being returned.

  ‘Thank you so very much for getting us our ball back,’ said Anja, delighted to see it again.

  ‘You are all so brave,’ said Ferdi as the three animals took their share of pats, cuddles and kisses.

  Ula introduced her cousin, Lobbus the brave dog Lobbus, to the children. He turned to offer them his tail to sniff, forgetting for a moment that humans don’t do that. Then he asked the children a question.

  ‘Can I ask you, Anja and Ferdi, what makes you say this rubber ball is magic? What power does it have?’

  ‘Well,’ said Ferdi, ‘right from the time our parents gave it to us we would play with it all over the house, in the hallway, in the garden and even on the street sometimes. At the end of every day we always thought we’d lost it. We just couldn’t find it and had to stop looking because it was time for bed.’

  ‘Yes,’ continued Anja, ‘but then every morning when we woke up, the ball was there back in our room on the bookshelf between our beds. It was magic! The ball got itself back to where it wanted to be, which was just where we wanted it to be. Magic!’

  The three animals looked at each other and smiled, but the children didn’t understand why.

  ‘Why are you smiling?’ asked Anja. ‘It’s true!’

  ‘We believe you,’ said Catvinkle. ‘It was your parents every day putting back the ball they knew you liked to play with so much.’

  ‘So it’s not magic?’ asked Ferdi.

  ‘Well, it is a kind of magic,’ said Ula. ‘It’s a special kind of magic that parents have saved up for their children.’

  ‘Yes,’ said Catvinkle. ‘It’s called “love”.’

  ‘And guess what!’ said Ferdi. ‘We got a letter from our parents and they said they’re coming home next week.’

  The children were very excited. ‘When they come home they’re going to take us to the zoo, where there’s going to be a new koala visiting!’ Anja added.

  ‘I think I know the family of this koala,’ said Lobbus. ‘I once shared a horse and cart ride with his uncle all the way to Smolensk. A charming koala, he taught me a lot about gum leaves and –’

  Catvinkle and Ula were trying not to laugh.

  ‘What is it?’ asked Lobbus. ‘Why do you laugh? You shouldn’t laugh at a koala who’s not here to defend himself. It’s not good manners.’

  Ula whispered to Catvinkle that Catvinkle should be at home practising her baby-shoe dancing for the competition the very next day. The three of them said they looked forward to seeing the children again soon, and then they started on their way back home.

  When they reached Lobbus’s house, he said that he thought he owed Catvinkle an apology.

  ‘You are a credit to all cats, Catvinkle. I misjudged you and for this I am sorry. You are brave and not entirely lazy. I am proud to call you my friend.’

  ‘Thank you, Lobbus, and I am proud to call you my friend’s cousin.’

  At this they sniffed each other’s tails and then Catvinkle turned to Ula and said, ‘Let’s go home, Ulee.’

  ‘Okay, Catvinkle, let’s go home,’ said Ula.

  When Ula woke up the next morning, Catvinkle was seemingly asleep, except for one thing: her tail was moving from side to side like windscreen wipers on a car on a rainy day. Curling, uncurling, side to side. Curling, uncurling, side to side. It was fascinating to watch.

  ‘Are you awake?’ whispered Ula.

  ‘Only a bit,’ said Catvinkle with her eyes closed.

  ‘How can you be a bit awake?’ asked Ula.

  ‘Well, it takes years of practice, Ulee,’ Catvinkle said. ‘First, if you wake up and think that you’re too sleepy and warm and snuggy to get up out of your basket, you’re probably still asleep. My paws are all heavy at such a time. My nose just wants to nuzzle deeper and deeper into my basket. The trick is to try to stop thinking. Who can think while they’re asleep? Not this kitten.’

  Catvinkle opened one eye. ‘Oh no, I’m thinking again. I hope I don’t start counting how many days there are until it’s my birthday. That would really wake me up. See, Ulee, that’s all there is to it. Here I am, warm and snuggy and thinking. I must be asleep, but a bit awake. I could be fully awake by lunchtime if I really put my mind to it.’

  She opened her other eye. ‘You should try it sometime, Ulee. You too can be a bit awake if you work at it. Although, you know, if I keep doing all this thinking, my brain is going to wake up and want breakfast.’ Catvinkle yawned. ‘Hmm … Breakfast! Now I’m awake. Did you say something about my birthday, Ulee? Or was that me?’

  Ula tilted her head to the side. ‘Catvinkle, don’t you think you should be up and practising your baby-shoe dancing? After all, the National Kitten Baby-Shoe Dancing Competition is today.’

  ‘Don’t worry, my dear Ulee, I’ve already started.’

  ‘What have you started?’ asked Ula.

  ‘Baby-shoe dancing.’

  ‘But you’re still lying in your basket all warm and snuggy,’ said the puzzled Ula.

  ‘Yes, but in my basket, underneath my tummy, my paws are going crazy.’

  ‘Really?’

  ‘Oh yes, they’re limbering up, moving from side to side. I’m really pleased with all the work they’re doing.’

  ‘When will you do the actual dancing? I mean, the part where you’re standing up?’ asked Ula.

  ‘Soon,’ said Catvinkle, stifling another yawn.

  ‘But the National Kitten Baby-Shoe Dancing Competition is later today. There’s no time to lose.’

  ‘Oh, Ulee,’ said Catvinkle, standing up and stretching first her front paws and then her back paws. ‘Time goes on and on and on. So, actually, there is time to lose. No one can capture it so it’s not really worth talking about. But if you are looking for something to talk about, did you know that my birthday is coming up soon, probably sooner than you realise?’

  ‘I think I need a lick or two of water,’ said Ula after that explanation. ‘My head hurts a bit from thinking about what you were saying.’

  ‘You must be awake,’ said Catvinkle. ‘Be careful, Ulee. Thinking’s not for everyone. Help yourself to some water. I would like you to think of my water bowl as your water bowl, and don’t worry if you can never forget that it was my w
ater bowl first. It is only natural for a lovely and considerate musky dog such as yourself to remember that.’

  As she lapped water from the bowl, Ula watched in amazement as Catvinkle stood on her hind legs with her tail in the air, her front paws raised and bent at the elbow. She put one bottom paw in the right baby shoe and one bottom paw in the left.

  With her eyes closed, Catvinkle counted softly to herself, ‘One, two, three,’ and began to dance. She swung her rump to the left and then to the right and back again with her tail going in the opposite direction.

  Then in a strange voice she called out what sounded to Ula like very funny words.

  Then she got so excited, so caught up in the fun of her baby-shoe dancing, that she jumped up in the air and, because the big red bow on her tail started to spin like the propeller on a helicopter, she hovered in the air and fluttered her thick white whiskers.

  ‘Wow, you’re flying again!’ cried Ula with amazement.

  ‘Did you like my song? I made it up myself,’ Catvinkle asked, getting more and more out of breath. ‘Uh-oh, I think I’m going to fall.’

  ‘Would it be okay if you didn’t fall on me?’ Ula asked quickly.

  Catvinkle tried to float to the left, away from Ula. By doing so, she hit the ground hard when she fell. Thump!

  ‘Oh, the floor is very hard. It was a big mistake not to fall onto your back,’ said Catvinkle.

  ‘I’m very sorry for my part in it,’ said Ula.

  ‘Never mind, Ulee. Try to forgive yourself even though yours was probably the largest part in the whole incident, up there with gravity. I really need some musky goodness now. Would you mind if I climbed atop your back for a sniff or two?’

  Catvinkle hopped up onto Ula’s back and buried her face into her friend’s fur before Ula even had a chance to reply.

  ‘Oh, that musk! It never fails me! Thanks, Ulee.’

  That same morning, in the big old ghost house way down the end of Herring Street, Grayston, a big grey dog said by many to be quite scary, was talking to his three puppy children, Graham, Gram and Grace.