Quo Vadis: A Narrative of the Time of Nero

by Henryk Sienkiewicz

  Chapter LXXII

  VINICIUS to PETRONIUS:

  "We know, carissime, most of what is happening in Rome, and what we donot know is told us in thy letters. When one casts a stone in the water,the wave goes farther and farther in a circle; so the wave of madnessand malice has come from the Palatine to us. On the road to Greece,Carinas was sent hither by Caesar, who plundered cities and temples tofill the empty treasury. At the price of the sweat and tears of people,he is building the 'golden house' in Rome. It is possible that the worldhas not seen such a house, but it has not seen such injustice. Thouknowest Carinas. Chilo was like him till he redeemed his life withdeath. But to the towns lying nearer us his men have not come yet,perhaps because there are no temples or treasures in them. Thou askestif we are out of danger. I answer that we are out of mind, and let thatsuffice for an answer. At this moment, from the portico under which Iwrite, I see our calm bay, and on it Ursus in a boat, letting down anet in the clear water. My wife is spinning red wool near me, and in thegardens, under the shade of almond-trees, our slaves are singing.Oh, what calm carissime, and what a forgetfulness of former fear andsuffering! But it is not the Parcae as thou writest, who spin out ourlives so agreeably; it is Christ who is blessing us, our beloved God andSaviour. We know tears and sorrow, for our religion teaches us to weepover the misfortunes of others; but in these tears is a consolationunknown to thee; for whenever the time of our life is ended, we shallfind all those dear ones who perished and who are perishing yet forGod's truth. For us Peter and Paul are not dead; they are merely borninto glory. Our souls see them, and when our eyes weep our heartsare glad with their joy. Oh, yes, my dear friend, we are happy with ahappiness which nothing can destroy, since death, which for thee is theend of everything, is for us only a passage into superior rest.

  "And so days and months pass here in calmness of heart. Our servants andslaves believe, as we do, in Christ, and that He enjoins love; hence welove one another. Frequently, when the sun has gone down, or when themoon is shining in the water, Lygia and I talk of past times, which seema dream to us; but when I think how that dear head was near torture anddeath, I magnify my Lord with my whole soul, for out of those hands Healone could wrest her, save her from the arena, and return her to meforever. O Petronius, thou hast seen what endurance and comfort thatreligion gives in misfortune, how much patience and courage beforedeath; so come and see how much happiness it gives in ordinary, commondays of life. People thus far did not know a God whom man couldlove, hence they did not love one another; and from that came theirmisfortune, for as light comes from the sun, so does happiness come fromlove. Neither lawgivers nor philosophers taught this truth, and it didnot exist in Greece or Rome; and when I say, not in Rome, that means thewhole world. The dry and cold teaching of the Stoics, to which virtuouspeople rally, tempers the heart as a sword is tempered, but it makes itindifferent rather than better. Though why do I write this to thee, whohast learned more, and hast more understanding than I have? Thou wertacquainted with Paul of Tarsus, and more than once didst converse longwith him; hence thou knowest better if in comparison with the truthwhich he taught all the teachings of philosophers and rhetors are nota vain and empty jingle of words without meaning. Thou rememberest thequestion which he put thee: 'But if Caesar were a Christian, would yenot all feel safer, surer of possessing that which ye possess, free ofalarm, and sure of to-morrow?' Thou didst say to me that our teachingwas an enemy of life; and I answer thee now, that, if from the beginningof this letter I had been repeating only the three words, 'I am happy!'I could not have expressed my happiness to thee. To this thou wiltanswer, that my happiness is Lygia. True, my friend. Because I love herimmortal soul, and because we both love each other in Christ; for suchlove there is no separation, no deceit, no change, no old age, no death.For, when youth and beauty pass, when our bodies wither and death comes,love will remain, for the spirit remains. Before my eyes were open tothe light I was ready to burn my own house even, for Lygia's sake; butnow I tell thee that I did not love her, for it was Christ who firsttaught me to love. In Him is the source of peace and happiness. Itis not I who say this, but reality itself. Compare thy own luxury,my friend, lined with alarm, thy delights, not sure of a morrow, thyorgies, with the lives of Christians, and thou wilt find a ready answer.But, to compare better, come to our mountains with the odor of thyme, toour shady olive groves on our shores lined with ivy. A peace is waitingfor thee, such as thou hast not known for a long time, and hearts thatlove thee sincerely. Thou, having a noble soul and a good one, shouldstbe happy. Thy quick mind can recognize the truth, and knowing it thouwilt love it. To be its enemy, like Caesar and Tigellinus, is possible,but indifferent to it no one can be. O my Petronius, Lygia and I arecomforting ourselves with the hope of seeing thee soon. Be well, behappy, and come to us."

  Petronius received this letter in Cumae, whither he had gone with otherAugustians who were following Caesar. His struggle of long years withTigellinus was nearing its end. Petronius knew already that he must fallin that struggle, and he understood why. As Caesar fell lower daily tothe role of a comedian, a buffoon, and a charioteer; as he sank deeperin a sickly, foul, and coarse dissipation,--the exquisite arbiter becamea mere burden to him. Even when Petronius was silent, Nero saw blame inhis silence; when the arbiter praised, he saw ridicule. The brilliantpatrician annoyed his self-love and roused his envy. His wealth andsplendid works of art had become an object of desire both to the rulerand the all-powerful minister. Petronius was spared so far in view ofthe journey to Achaea, in which his taste, his knowledge of everythingGreek, might be useful. But gradually Tigellinus explained to Caesar thatCarinas surpassed him in taste and knowledge, and would be better ableto arrange in Achaea games, receptions, and triumphs. From that momentPetronius was lost. There was not courage to send him his sentence inRome. Caesar and Tigellinus remembered that that apparently effeminateand aesthetic person, who made "day out of night," and was occupied onlyin luxury, art, and feasts, had shown amazing industry and energy,when proconsul in Bithynia and later when consul in the capital. Theyconsidered him capable of anything, and it was known that in Rome hepossessed not only the love of the people, but even of the pretorians.None of Caesar's confidants could foresee how Petronius might act in agiven case; it seemed wiser, therefore, to entice him out of the city,and reach him in a province.

  With this object he received an invitation to go to Cumae with otherAugustians. He went, though suspecting the ambush, perhaps so as notto appear in open opposition, perhaps to show once more a joyful facedevoid of every care to Caesar and the Augustians, and to gain a lastvictory before death over Tigellinus.

  Meanwhile the latter accused him of friendship with the SenatorScevinus, who was the soul of Piso's conspiracy. The people ofPetronius, left in Rome, were imprisoned; his house was surrounded bypretorian guards. When he learned this, he showed neither alarm norconcern, and with a smile said to Augustians whom he received in his ownsplendid villa in Cumae,--

  "Ahenobarbus does not like direct questions; hence ye will see hisconfusion when I ask him if it was he who gave command to imprison my'familia' in the capital."

  Then he invited them to a feast "before the longer journey," and he hadjust made preparations for it when the letter from Vinicius came.

  When he received this letter, Petronius grew somewhat thoughtful,but after a time his face regained its usual composure, and that sameevening he answered as follows:--

  "I rejoice at your happiness and admire your hearts, for I had notthought that two lovers could remember a third person who was far away.Ye have not only not forgotten me, but ye wish to persuade me to go toSicily, so that ye may share with me your bread and your Christ, who, asthou writest, has given you happiness so bountifully.

  "If that be true, honor Him. To my thinking, however, Ursus hadsomething to do with saving Lygia, and the Roman people also had alittle to do with it. But since thy belief is that Christ did thework, I will not contradict. Spare no offerings to Him. Prometheus alsosac
rificed himself for man; but, alas! Prometheus is an invention of thepoets apparently, while people worthy of credit have told me that theysaw Christ with their own eyes. I agree with thee that He is the mostworthy of the gods.

  "I remember the question by Paul of Tarsus, and I think that ifAhenobarbus lived according to Christ's teaching I might have time tovisit you in Sicily. In that case we could converse, in the shade oftrees and near fountains, of all the gods and all the truths discussedby Greek philosophers at any time. To-day I must give thee a briefanswer.

  "I care for two philosophers only: Pyrrho and Anacreon. I am ready tosell the rest to thee cheaply, with all the Greek and Roman Stoics.Truth, Vinicius, dwells somewhere so high that the gods themselvescannot see it from the top of Olympus. To thee, carissime, thy Olympusseems higher still, and, standing there, thou callest to me, 'Come, thouwilt see such sights as thou hast not seen yet!' I might. But I answer,'I have not feet for the journey.' And if thou read this letter to theend, thou wilt acknowledge, I think, that I am right.

  "No, happy husband of the Aurora princess! thy religion is not for me.Am I to love the Bithynians who carry my litter, the Egyptians who heatmy bath? Am I to love Ahenobarbus and Tigellinus? I swear by the whiteknees of the Graces, that even if I wished to love them I could not.In Rome there are a hundred thousand persons at least who have eithercrooked shoulders, or big knees, or thin thighs, or staring eyes, orheads that are too large. Dost thou command me to love these too? Wheream I to find the love, since it is not in my heart? And if thy Goddesires me to love such persons, why in His all might did He not givethem the forms of Niobe's children, for example, which thou hast seen onthe Palatine? Whoso loves beauty is unable for that very reason to lovedeformity. One may not believe in our gods, but it is possible to lovethem, as Phidias, Praxiteles, Miron, Skopas, and Lysias loved.

  "Should I wish to go whither thou wouldst lead me, I could not. Butsince I do not wish, I am doubly unable. Thou believest, like Paul ofTarsus, that on the other side of the Styx thou wilt see thy Christ incertain Elysian fields. Let Him tell thee then Himself whether He wouldreceive me with my gems, my Myrrhene vase, my books published by Sozius,and my golden-haired Eunice. I laugh at this thought; for Paul ofTarsus told me that for Christ's sake one must give up wreaths of roses,feasts, and luxury. It is true that he promised me other happiness, butI answered that I was too old for new happiness, that my eyes would bedelighted always with roses, and that the odor of violets is dearer tome than stench from my foul neighbor of the Subura.

  "These are reasons why thy happiness is not for me. But there is onereason more, which I have reserved for the last: Thanatos summonsme. For thee the light of life is beginning; but my sun has set, andtwilight is embracing my head. In other words, I must die, carissime.

  "It is not worth while to talk long of this. It had to end thus. Thou,who knowest Ahenobarbus, wilt understand the position easily. Tigellinushas conquered, or rather my victories have touched their end. I havelived as I wished, and I will die as pleases me.

  "Do not take this to heart. No God has promised me immortality; henceno surprise meets me. At the same time thou art mistaken, Vinicius, inasserting that only thy God teaches man to die calmly. No. Our worldknew, before thou wert born, that when the last cup was drained, itwas time to go,--time to rest,--and it knows yet how to do that withcalmness. Plato declares that virtue is music, that the life of a sageis harmony. If that be true, I shall die as I have lived,--virtuously.

  "I should like to take farewell of thy godlike wife in the words withwhich on a time I greeted her in the house of Aulus, 'Very many personshave I seen, but thy equal I know not.'

  "If the soul is more than what Pyrrho thinks, mine will fly to theeand Lygia, on its way to the edge of the ocean, and will alight at yourhouse in the form of a butterfly or, as the Egyptians believe, in theform of a sparrowhawk. Otherwise I cannot come.

  "Meanwhile let Sicily replace for you the gardens of Hesperides; may thegoddesses of the fields, woods, and fountains scatter flowers on yourpath, and may white doves build their nests on every acanthus of thecolumns of your house."