Don't Give A Dwarf (Dwarf Bounty Hunter Book 2)

by Martha Carr

  “Look, Super Trooper.” He swung his crossbow toward the tentacles as Rex and Luther uttered low growls. “Y’all’ve been out here for at least fifteen minutes and that monster is still wigglin’ around like it’s here to stay.”

  “Sir, I have to ask you to—”

  “I have a license.” He brushed past the man again and moved toward the line of vehicles.

  Rex flattened his ears against his head and barked at the trooper. “You don’t know what you’re gettin’ into, two-legs.”

  “Yeah.” Luther growled again. “What he said.”

  The dwarf whistled shrilly and the hounds left the confused man to rejoin their master.

  The officer grunted, took a step after them, and broke into a jog. “That’s all well and good, but a hunting license doesn’t give you open season on State Trooper business.”

  Johnny reached the line of cars and headed toward the end to skirt it but another man stepped in his way. This one had a long dark mustache and a perpetual scowl. “Sir. You can’t go in there.”

  “Watch me.” His dogs snarled at the man, who jumped away and forced himself to aim his weapon at the tentacles again. The bounty hunter rounded the line of vehicles and moved toward the road between Dan’s Market and the monster still mostly hiding in the swamp.

  When the other troopers turned to stop Lisa from following him past their line, she took her badge from her back pocket and flashed it. “This is FBI jurisdiction, gentlemen. And he’s with me.”

  “Goddammit.” The leader rolled his eyes. “What the hell are the feds doing on this call?”

  “What we do when there’s a call about an Oriceran monster no one’s identified yet. I assume dealing with that wasn’t part of your training.”

  The man with the mustache snorted and scrutinized her with narrowed eyes, taking in the Daisy Dukes, mid-ankle boots, and camo tank top. “And it was part of yours?”

  She glanced warningly at him. “Want another look at my badge?”

  He shook his head and stepped back to recenter his firearm over the top of the open vehicle door behind him.

  A thick, purple-tinted mist rose around the two tentacles, spilled through the reeds, and crept onto the side of the road.

  “If you and Rambo over there can handle it, be our guest,” he said. “But watch out for the…uh, purple slime.”

  “Yeah, we’re aware of that. Thank you.” Lisa turned and nodded for Amanda to hurry. The girl jogged toward her and together, they slipped through the line of vehicles.

  “Is the girl with the FBI too?” one of the troopers called, half-joking.

  “I’m with the bounty hunter.” She pointed at Johnny and grinned at the officers over her shoulder.

  The dwarf had stopped in the middle of the road to unzip the top of the bolt case. He drew out the red tracker bolt first, then slung the case over his shoulder and loaded the projectile into the barrel. “All right, Nessie. Let’s see what you’re made of.”

  “Nessie?” Luther stared at the tentacles and the purple mist, his tail pointing straight out behind him. “Who’s Nessie?”

  “The Abominable Swamp Monster, bro,” Rex added and copied his brother’s ready posture. “Easy.”

  Lisa and Amanda reached Johnny and stopped. The girl gazed at the tentacles and took a deep breath. “You’re not gonna shoot it, are you?”

  He lowered the crossbow and looked at her. “Did you have somethin’ else in mind?”

  “Yeah, I don’t know. Like maybe try…talking to it first?”

  “This creature been blowing up gas stations and vacation resorts, kid. There ain’t no talkin’ to a monster like that, no matter how magical it is.”

  “You don’t even know what it is. How do you know it can’t talk?”

  “Pup has a point, Johnny,” Rex said.

  “Yeah. Hell, you didn’t know we could talk until you proved it.”

  Amanda pointed at the hounds and shrugged.

  “Dammit. Fine.” Johnny strode forward across the road, his gaze fixed on the tentacles. “I’ll try talkin’ to the damn thing and if it don’t talk back, we’re all in.”

  “I’m right behind you.” The girl jogged after him and he spun to face her.

  “Uh-uh.” He pointed at her. “Y’all stay here. If I need backup, you’ll know.”

  “Oh, cool. You mean like you have a signal?” She raised her eyebrows and nodded. “Sweet. What’s the signal?”

  He merely stared at her for a moment before he looked at Lisa. “You got my back?”

  “From right here in the road.” She nodded and drew her service weapon.

  With a grunt, he turned toward the reeds half-obscured by purple mist and marched into the swamp. Rex and Luther bounded after him.

  “The signal is when you see him getting his ass kicked, pup!”

  “Maybe a scream.”

  Johnny growled and fixed his dogs with a disgruntled glare they couldn’t see behind his dark sunglasses, even if they’d bothered to look at him. “That’s if, not when. Big if too.”

  “Yeah, of course, Johnny.”

  “We know that.”

  “Just sayin’.”

  The bounty hunter and his hounds disappeared through the reeds and waves of mist swirled quickly behind them.

  Amanda folded her arms. “Do you think he’ll be okay in there on his own?”

  Lisa shrugged. “I think he thinks he’ll be okay in there on his own.”

  “Should we go in, then?”

  “Not until we get the signal.” They both snorted, and the agent shook her head. “Seriously, though. We said we’d wait. Whatever he has up his sleeve, we should let him try to handle it first before we step in.”

  In silence, the young shifter looked from the woman to the huge, waving appendages rising from the swamp maybe fifty feet beyond the road. “But you think we’ll end up stepping in.”

  The agent smirked. “This conversation stays between us.”

  “Of course.”

  “Yeah. It’s Johnny Walker. We need to be ready for anything.”

  Johnny slogged through the swamp and his boots squelched in the mud and water that reached to the middle of his calves. I should’ve brought waders. Stupid.

  The two hounds splashed along beside him, their heads and tails lifted high. “Damn. That’s a smell for you,” Luther commented.

  “Like fish guts.”

  “Fish guts and lighter fluid.”

  Rex snorted and shook his head. “I don’t think I wanna eat this one, Johnny.”

  “That’s fine.” He waved a hand in front of his face in an attempt to clear the purple mist. “We’re goin’ in for a chat, boys. Not a snack.”

  “You’re truly gonna try talkin’ to it, Johnny?”

  “I said I would. The kid had a point.” The mist thickened around them and they slowed.

  Luther sneezed. “I can’t see shit, Johnny.”

  “Yeah, where’d you go? Luther?”

  “I’m next to Johnny.”

  A large ripple in the water lapped against the legs of Johnny’s black jeans and he snapped his fingers. “Quiet.”

  “Yep. Shutting up.”

  “Luther, shut up.”

  Johnny rolled his eyes and whipped his sunglasses off to slip them into the front pocket of his button-up shirt. He took one more slow step through the water and scanned the shadows flickering across the thick mist. “We’re close.”

  A burst of hot, noxious air blasted them and cleared the purple mist away. It curled lazily into the air around them. On the surface of the water five yards ahead, more black-purple tentacles writhed on top of one another like a nest of massive snakes flowing seamlessly in and out of the water.

  “Holy octopus,” Luther muttered. “That’s a big one.”

  “Don’t insult it, bro.”

  The dwarf cleared his throat. “Hey.”

  Another gust of hot air blasted from the center of the rising tentacles, where a dome of glistening fles
h in the same black-purple color rose a foot above the surface. One giant lid in the dome flickered open and closed.

  But no eyes. They’re either underwater starin’ at me or this creature is blind.

  “So… if you can hear me, folks are gettin’ real concerned about all the damage you’ve done to properties over the last couple weeks.” He held the crossbow in both hands, although he didn’t aim it at the monster yet. “I thought I’d try the…less likely way first and ask you in person what’s up.”

  I sound like a fuckin’ moron.

  The writhing mass of appendages didn’t respond to his offer for a little chat. The two twenty-foot tentacles that undulated above from the back of the creature’s main body didn’t stop what they were doing either.

  Johnny grunted. “Otherwise, I’m gonna have to do this the old-fashioned way. Weapons and hounds, right? And if you can hear me, it might be in both our best interests for you to say somethin’. ʼCause the old-fashioned way’s damn effective.”

  A smaller tentacle rose from the water by two feet and stretched slowly toward the bounty hunter and his hounds.

  He raised the crossbow and leveled it at the appendage. “That ain’t talkin’.”

  “Maybe that little snake-thing has a mouth,” Luther suggested.

  “Maybe it’s the goo-shooter. Careful, Johnny.”

  “Yeah…” He sniffed. “I’m gonna ask you to get that thing outta my face. And I only ask once.”

  The small tentacle opened at the tip like the end of an elephant’s trunk and the hole widened as it extended closer to him. More purple mist rose around the creature that remained mostly submerged. Without warning, the small hand-like appendage at the end of it whipped against the barrel of Johnny’s crossbow, and the creature snatched the crossbow out of his hands and flung it aside. The weapon sailed six feet away and into a web of small, intertwining tree branches.

  “Dammit.” Johnny hissed and stared at his crossbow. At least it ain’t in the water. “That’s not the way a friendly conversation works.”

  The water squelched and receded from him and the hounds as the creature lifted itself from the swamp with a guttural groan. Thicker tentacles slapped at the surface to spray water, mud, and reeds in every direction. The purple mist thickened again, and he caught a glimpse of at least six golden eyes that opened as water cascaded over the enormous, bulbous body. Three much thicker tentacles oozed with the purple goo, and he grimaced.

  “Okay. Good talk. Now, it’s over.” He waded as quickly as he could toward the tangle of tree limbs and his crossbow.

  The creature groaned again and moved faster than its size implied it could.

  “Johnny, watch out!” Luther shouted and barked at the dripping tentacle that swung toward his master.

  The creature slapped the bounty hunter aside with a wet squelch as it rose higher, shrouded by the mist. He slipped in the mud and splashed into the water. “Keep it back, boys!”

  The hounds bayed and lurched through the swamp to snarl and snap at what seemed like a hundred tentacles moving all at once.

  Johnny scrambled to his feet and pushed toward the trees. With a quick twist and jerk, he freed the crossbow and swung it at the height where he thought the massive body should be. “Fuck this mist.”

  The weapon fired with a thud and twang and the creature roared but didn’t stop.

  Another tentacle swiped toward him and he ducked. The movement swirled the purple fog away, and he caught a glimpse of Rex swinging with the tentacle, his jaws clamped around black-purple flesh as his back legs scrambled for purchase.

  The monster flung the hound aside. “Johnnyyyyy!” he wailed before he landed with a splash and a startled yelp.

  “I got it, Johnny!” Luther shouted and whipped his head from side to side with a mouthful of one of the tiny, thin tentacles. “I’ll get it for you—shit!”

  A tentacle rose beneath the hound and launched him out of the water.

  The dwarf snatched another bolt from the case over his shoulder, glanced at the regular black tip he hadn’t exchanged with any enhanced magi-tech, and shrugged before he loaded it. Two more tentacles swung toward him, these dripping with the thick, almost luminescent purple ooze.

  With a scowl of frustration, he raised the crossbow and fired. The bolt seared through one of the purple-dripping tentacles, and his quarry uttered another furious roar. A long, drawn-out hiss followed, and even with a bolt embedded in it, the oozing tentacle raised with the other to join the two still waving above the swamp.

  “Stop it from spraying!” Johnny shouted.

  His hounds bayed and splashed after wayward tentacles.

  The bounty hunter felt for another bolt, withdrew it, and glanced at the glowing yellow-filled tip. “Okay. We’ll try Boom Three.”

  He loaded the bolt and aimed at the thick wall of purple mist that clouded his vision again.

  “Johnny, it’s too slippery!”

  “How the hell does it move so fast?”

  “Shit. I think something bit my leg!”

  He peered into the mist and tried to locate the beast’s main dome or whatever shape its body was. Intent on his search, he didn’t see a tentacle sneak up behind him until seconds before it wound around his torso and squeezed.

  Chapter Eight

  Lisa and Amanda grimaced as the hounds bayed and snarled while the purple monster hissed and bellowed in the swamps.

  “Is that the signal?” the girl asked.

  “Nope. Stand by, kid.” The agent raised her firearm in both hands and squinted. “I can’t see a thing through that crap.”

  “Do you think Johnny can?”

  “Who knows?”

  “Stop it from spraying!” The dwarf’s shout rose from the swamp as two more massive, thicker tentacles snaked upward to join the first two.

  Amanda stared at them and nodded slowly. “There’s the purple goo.”

  “Yep.” The woman couldn’t decide what to focus on—the oozing tentacles or the thick cloud of purple mist where Johnny shouted and his hounds snarled and barked. “Those are probably—”

  “Look out!” The young shifter pushed her aside as another tentacle thrust from the reeds to blast purple mist onto the road.

  Before the appendage struck the place where they’d stood, it lashed like a whip and hurled Johnny Walker onto dry land and he rolled across the asphalt past his partner and ward. Rex and Luther splashed and slogged through the swamp with their tails between their legs and eyes wide. They scrambled up the slight incline to return to the road and raced toward their master.

  “Johnny!”

  “Hey, you good?”

  Soaking wet, the bounty hunter pushed off the ground and flicked water from his hands before he drew another bolt from the case on his back. “The bastard snuck up on me.”

  He leveled his crossbow at the giant, slick, black-purple creature that lurked above the swamp growth.

  The troopers shouted in surprise, and two of them fired a few rounds that did absolutely nothing.

  Johnny snorted and stalked across the road. “Idiots.”

  “Wait.” Amanda looked from him to Lisa. “Was that the sign?”

  “I don’t…think so.” The agent glanced at her useless firearm and holstered it. I guess I’ll go with Light-Elf firepower if I have to.

  “All right, asshole. Tossing me around like that is where I draw the line.”

  The scene erupted into utter chaos as a number of things happened at once. The two appendages dripping with purple ooze thrust forward from twenty feet above them, opened three sucker-like mouths on their undersides, and launched thick streams of the goo at Dan’s Market across the street. The entire building was covered in thick purple slime and the remainder dripped in a path across the road and led back to the monster.

  A third oozing tentacle struck through the reeds and targeted Johnny. He fired his Boom Three explosive bolt seconds before the spray of purple gunk smacked him squarely in the face and splattered d
own his chest and legs. The creature bellowed.

  “Aw, what the fuck.” He reloaded hastily with another Boom Three and fired.

  Two seconds later, the first bolt detonated. A massive explosion of fire and water rose like a mushroom cloud above the swamp and streaks of purple goo everywhere ignited like long dynamite fuses.

  The creature howled and splashed into the water in a puff of purple mist but not before it hurled a broken Boom Three bolt across the street. The glowing yellow tip winked in the light, and the projectile clattered into a puddle of purple goo against the market wall.

  “Shit.” The dwarf whistled shrilly and turned to shove Lisa and Amanda roughly forward toward the line of State Trooper vehicles. The dogs bayed wildly and raced after him. The ordnance detonated, and the entire building erupted in a thunderous explosion. Glass, metal, and brick sprayed in every direction like shrapnel. Some rained around the establishment and pieces of debris even reached as far as the troopers. The remainder splashed into the swamp.

  A fire alarm activated somewhere inside the burning building until another puddle of goo burst into flame and the force of ignition pushed the roof off the store. Then, everything was silent.

  From where they stood in front of the vehicle line, Lisa and Amanda stared at the burning building and the lines of fire that raced from the explosion, across the road, and into the swamp, some of which had also caught fire.

  Johnny took his wet sunglasses from his soaked shirt pocket, flipped them open, and slid them on over the purple goo that dripped down his face.

  The creature bellowed in rage or pain but the sound cut off as it submerged again with a massive splash. Trees groaned and swayed at the beast’s passing as it raced away from the land.

  Luther half-howled and half-barked at it and bounded across the asphalt. “Yeah, and don’t come back!”

  “We sure showed him, huh, Johnny?”

  The dwarf ignored his hounds and slung the crossbow over his shoulder before he turned toward Lisa and Amanda. “Well. There’s our recon.”

  The woman frowned at him. “And the burning building?”

  “Unavoidable.” He grunted and trudged past them, leaving thick puddles of watery purple goo in his wake.