The drinks arrived along with baskets of fresh-from-the-oven rolls. Jewel and Tanner both opted for the traditional Christmas special of roasted turkey with all the fixings.
Every once in a while, Tanner would reach beneath the table for Jewel’s hand. She was sure the others noticed. Her mom, certainly, who sat on his other side. Jewel was also sure no one was surprised, their approving smiles giving them away. The idea pleased her. Was it possible? Could things be going to work out for her and Tanner at last?
At the end of their main course, their waiter came by and asked who wanted dessert. All the complaints about eating too much and being full were forgotten as orders were placed for pumpkin pie and coffee.
“While we’re waiting,” Daniel said, an enormous smile splitting his face, “I have an announcement.”
Rosalyn stared at him curiously. “An announcement?”
“Tell us,” Shirley said.
Jewel’s glance traveled to Tanner’s dad, who wore a pleased expression. Whatever Daniel was about to say, Huck already knew.
All at once, her hopes soared. Could Daniel be about to reveal he’d been the one who attempted to cheat? Beaming, she turned toward Tanner. He shrugged, indicating he was out of the loop.
“I was contacted by the Southern Arizona Professional Rodeo Association,” Daniel said, still smiling. “They’re going to honor me during a special presentation at the Double Eights Rodeo in January.”
“Honor you?” Shirley straightened in surprise and possibly mild alarm.
She wasn’t the only one. Jewel’s smile dimmed, and she felt herself grow cold. Her parents became unusually quiet.
“I’m to receive their Cowboy of the Year award.” Daniel reached over and ruffled his son’s hair. “Hear that, partner? Your old man’s going to get an award for being a good cowboy.”
“Oh, Daniel.” Rosalyn glowed, impulsively kissing him. “That’s wonderful.”
“Can we come?” his daughter asked.
“You betcha.” Daniel gestured broadly. “Everyone’s invited.”
“I’m proud of you, son,” Tanner’s dad said. “We both are.” He looked at Tanner’s mom, almost daring her to disagree. “Right?”
“Um...” She laughed awkwardly. “Yes. Very proud.”
“He doesn’t deserve an award,” Jewel heard her dad whisper to her mom, and her insides constricted. She couldn’t agree more.
Beside her, Tanner had gone rigid. She placed her hand on his arm in an attempt to comfort him.
He ignored her. He ignored everyone at the table. She tried to imagine what he was thinking but couldn’t. His expression revealed little.
How could his parents just sit there and do nothing? Well, not her. She opened her mouth to protest. Tanner stopped her with a low, “No.”
Who, she wondered, was he talking to? Her or Daniel?
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
THE CONVERSATION SURROUNDING Tanner buzzed in his ear like a swarm of locusts. Try as he might, he couldn’t make sense of the words above the deafening din.
Daniel was receiving an award from the Southern Arizona Professional Rodeo Association for—what had he told his son?—being a good cowboy. The thought burned a giant hole in Tanner’s gut. Or was it his heart?
Without making the conscious decision, he pushed back from the table and rose, his knees barely able to support his weight. “Excuse me,” he murmured and stumbled away, bumping into a neighboring chair.
Above the buzzing in his ears, he heard Jewel ask someone, probably her mother, to watch Ava. He sensed her following him, although he didn’t stop. He wasn’t in the mood for another lecture.
Reaching the lobby, he stormed past the host podium and pushed through the main doors. Frigid air hit him in the face, stunning him. He ground to a halt and glanced around, getting his bearings. Straight ahead in the parking lot sat Jewel’s truck. Tanner went to the right, his boot heels hitting the concrete like sledgehammers.
At the corner of the building, he paused again. To the north stretched the golf course’s meticulously tended greens and water features. He halfway considered breaking course rules and forging ahead, the heck with appropriate footwear. Then, he heard Jewel’s voice.
“Tanner. Wait! Please.”
He swallowed a sharp retort. She wasn’t the cause of his anger and shouldn’t have to endure the brunt of it.
“Are you okay?” she asked, breathless from her exertion.
He noticed she’d forgotten her coat. She’d be cold once her heart rate returned to normal.
“I’m fine.” Who was he kidding? He was far from fine.
“Seriously?” She reached for him.
He retreated a step. “I just need a few minutes.” By himself. To punch a wall. Kick a post. Yell. “I’ll catch up with you later.”
She remained put. “What are you going to do about Daniel and the award?”
“I don’t know yet.”
“Tanner, you have to confront him.”
If he clenched his teeth any harder, he’d break a molar. “I’m not making a scene. Not today, and not in there.”
“Okay. But soon.” She shivered and wiped at her nose. The cold was starting to get to her. “The Double Eights Rodeo is in two weeks.”
“I’m well aware of that.”
“This can’t drag on.”
“You’ve made your point, Jewel. Repeatedly.”
Disbelief at his biting tone registered on her face. “I’m on your side, Tanner.”
He almost said she hadn’t been on his side a year ago. Instead, he held his tongue, though not without tremendous effort. “I appreciate that. But what I really need right now is to be left alone for a while.”
She ignored his remark. “Let’s go back inside.”
“I’m going home.”
“Without talking to Daniel? You might as well clap him on the back and congratulate him.”
“I told you, I’m not making a scene.”
“If the nominating committee discovered he was the one who tried to bribe that judge, they’d rescind the award.”
“Don’t you dare tell them, Jewel. It’s not your place.”
“I won’t. I promise. But, Tanner, you’re every bit as deserving as Daniel. More so.”
“I didn’t win a world championship.”
“And Daniel wouldn’t have, either, if not for you. He’d have been disqualified.”
Tanner lashed out, unable to stop himself. “I’m sick and tired of constantly rehashing this. Can we give it a rest for one day?”
“You’re procrastinating. Again. Why don’t you just admit it? You have no intention of confronting your brother. Now or ever.”
Tanner whirled on her. “For the first time in a long time, Rosalyn is happy. Did you see her face at the table? My whole family is happy. I won’t, I can’t, deprive them of that.”
“Even if that happiness is based on a sham? Even when the cost is your happiness, your rodeo career and our future together?”
By now, she was hugging her middle, and her teeth chattered. If Tanner had brought his jacket with him, he’d have offered it to her.
“You’re cold. You should go inside.”
“Not until we’ve finished talking.”
He put an arm around her shoulder and drew her to him. “Let Daniel and Rosalyn have this moment. Please. They’ve endured a difficult year. And, really, when you think about it, what difference does it make?”
“It makes a huge difference to me.”
“You’re overreacting.”
She pulled away from him. “Daniel is a liar. And now he’s defrauding the rodeo association. If your family attends the ceremony and cheers him on, they’ll be hypocrites. And if you allow it, you’ll be an enabler.”
Tanner shoved his fingers through his hair,
trying to maintain the tenuous hold he had on his temper. “You’ve made punishing Daniel your personal crusade.”
She glared at him, her tone challenging. “My personal crusade is seeing you get what you deserve and that you’re treated fairly by your family. That doesn’t make me a bad person. If anything, it makes me a loving and supportive life partner.”
“A supportive life partner doesn’t force the other person to choose between them and their family.”
Her eyes widened and then narrowed. “Ava’s your daughter, and I’m supposed to be the woman you want to be with. Aren’t we your family?”
“Yes. Of course.”
“Then we should be your priority. Always.”
“Daniel receiving some award isn’t hurting Ava or you. I might agree if you were returning to barrel racing. But you aren’t.”
“It’s hurting you, and I refuse to stand idly by while that happens.”
“It’s what I want, Jewel.”
“Daniel has stolen everything important from you.”
“Really? I’m not sure about that. I have you. I have Ava. I have a decent job with a brand-new promotion I need only accept. A position with Bridwell and Associates in another year. I’m not seeing where he’s taken everything.”
“Your reputation is damaged, and you lost any chance of becoming a bull riding champion. Who knows where your career might have gone if not for Daniel.”
“That doesn’t matter to me.”
“I find that hard to believe. I saw your face this morning when you looked at the photo album I made you. You miss bull riding.”
“I do. You’re not wrong. But I’m more than willing to give it up for a future with you and Ava.”
“You shouldn’t have to.”
“Are you ashamed of me?” He’d asked her that question once before and had accepted her denial. Maybe he shouldn’t have. What other reason could there be for her insistence? “Be honest for once. Is that the real reason you’re pushing me to confront Daniel?”
“Absolutely not!”
“Then why can’t you let this go?”
“I hate that Daniel acts like he’s done nothing wrong. It sticks in my craw. Instead of being remorseful or guilty, he’s bragging to his son about being a good cowboy.” She emphasized the last part. “How can it not stick in your craw, too?”
“It does. The difference is I refuse to draw a line in the sand, not when it’ll result in dividing my family.”
“You were okay with confronting him the other day. What changed?”
“Seeing Rosalyn’s face when Daniel announced he was receiving the award,” he said. “It may save their marriage.”
“You care more about him than us. You always have.”
“Now wait a minute.” Tanner’s hackles rose all over again. “All I’m asking for, all I’ve ever asked for, is time. You’ve been back in my life three weeks. I’ve already made a lot of changes, and I’ll continue to. But tearing my family apart isn’t one of them. Not after everything they’ve been through. There has to be another way.”
“We’re all living under a dark cloud, Tanner, one that won’t just go away. It’ll keep following us and negatively impacting us if we don’t do something.”
“Only if we let it.”
Tears sprang to her eyes. “I love you. I want to be together. Free from this god-awful mess.”
“Jewel, honey, I want that, too.” He moved toward her.
She stopped him with a raised hand. “I can’t keep coming in second with you. I refuse.”
Her remark hit him wrong. Tanner had spent the last twelve months putting everyone else’s welfare before his own, including Jewel’s. Daniel wasn’t the only reason he’d hidden out at Powell Ranch. He’d also wanted to protect Jewel by giving people less fuel for the fire. Yet, she refused see that.
“Well, you’ve made it pretty clear I come in second with you.”
“What!” Her head snapped up, and her eyes flashed. “That’s untrue.”
“You didn’t tell my parents you were pregnant when you had the chance. You went through the motions of trying to find me but, by your own admission, gave up after—”
“I had some serious pregnancy issues.”
“What about later when you were further along? You never resumed the search, and you easily could have.”
The miserable look on her face spoke volumes.
“And then last year you sent me packing without giving me a chance or trusting me to make things right,” he continued. “Have you any idea how much that hurt?”
He knew in that instant he’d never truly gotten over her abruptly breaking off their engagement.
Her cheeks went bright red with indignation. “Ava. That’s who we should both put first.”
It was as if she hadn’t heard a thing he said. “Yeah? That’s funny coming from someone willing to let her grow up without a father.”
Their stares met and clashed. No one looked away for several moments. Tanner was vaguely aware he might have gone too far. He didn’t back down, however.
She squared her shoulders before saying, “I think, under the circumstances, it’s a good thing your attorney sent over a preliminary custody agreement. It appears we’re going to need one.”
A bitter laugh erupted from his throat. He hadn’t been willing to draw a line in the sand with his family. She, apparently, had no trouble doing the same with him.
“Isn’t that just like you,” he said. “Whenever I don’t give you what you want, your solution is to get rid of me.”
“I’m not getting rid of you. You’re walking away from me and Ava. By choice.” Tears reappeared in her eyes. “I’m suddenly realizing you’re not the man I thought you were.”
“I guess that goes both ways,” he answered coldly. “I’m realizing you aren’t the woman I thought you were, either.”
She gasped and then her features hardened. For a brief second, Tanner wished he could retract what he’d said. His pride wouldn’t let him.
“I’ll find my own ride home,” he told her. “Merry Christmas, Jewel.”
He strode off across the parking lot, already reaching for his phone. Unlocking the screen, he opened the app for the on-demand ride service he’d used before. With luck, their drivers worked on holidays.
* * *
TANNER DROVE THE tractor around the arena in ever widening circles, grading the soft dirt and erasing thousands of horse and human prints. They’d had a big day at Powell Ranch. Twice a year the ranch hosted a stud auction the second Saturday after the New Year. In addition to the many fine quarter horse and thoroughbred stallions, whose “services” were sold to the highest bidders, there was also the occasional Arabian, jack donkey and mustang—the latter from the nearby mustang sanctuary.
The auction had started promptly at seven this morning and ended when the last stallion was led through the arena at ten past three. All usual activities—including lessons, horse rentals, trail and pleasure riding—had been canceled for the day, allowing the ranch to dedicate all available resources and personnel to the auction.
Tanner, in his new official position as head barn manager, had been insanely busy from the moment he’d risen this morning. That was okay with him—less opportunity to dwell on Jewel and his many regrets.
But now the mundane job of grading the arena allowed his mind to wander. As if guided by GPS, it went straight to Jewel.
His glance cut to the horse barn. She wasn’t there, not that he’d expected to see her. Even if she wasn’t working a Saturday wedding, she’d have received the notice about the stud auction.
Their respective schedules were pretty much all she and Tanner had discussed since their big blowup on Christmas Day. With the assistance of their attorneys, they’d mutually agreed on a visitation schedule. Tanner had Ava two evenings during the week,
one weekend day and one full weekend each month from Friday when he got off work to Sunday evening.
Jewel’s lack of resistance had been unexpected. He supposed he should be glad. Instead, he questioned the about-face. Had her attorney advised her not to fight him and work at getting along? Was she attempting to make amends for pressuring him about Daniel? Resigned to accepting what she couldn’t change? Simply in need of a babysitter? He didn’t know, and, given that their personal exchanges were limited, he’d likely remain guessing.
With the grading complete, he drove the tractor to the south side, climbed down and opened the gate. Before driving through, he evaluated the results of his handiwork. Nice even rows, level ground. The arena was in perfect shape for Monday when morning barrel racing practice resumed.
He’d stopped looking for Jewel a week ago. With her accepting the permanent job at Sweetheart and choosing photography as a career over barrel racing, her lessons with Ronnie had come to an end.
She still rode Teddy Bear most weekdays, though not at any set time. Usually, she took him for a jaunt on one of the many trails in the nearby foothills or to the equestrian park at the center of town. Her diligently avoiding Tanner caused him to think about her that much more. Her and Ava.
His little daughter was amazing, growing and changing every day. She’d recently learned to roll over on her own, requiring a more attentive eye. Twice, she’d propped herself up with her hands to a near sitting position. Her personality was emerging, too. She laughed when amused, pouted when unhappy and cried when ignored. Though not yet talking, she’d begun babbling. Tanner’s mom swore Ava had said, “Hi,” twice.
Tanner’s parents had come over on New Year’s Eve. They’d celebrated quietly in his bunkhouse—Jewel had been photographing a New Year’s Eve wedding. Tanner had offered to watch Ava overnight, but Jewel had declined and fetched the sleeping baby shortly after midnight. There’d been no New Year’s Eve kiss, not even a hug.
He’d have his first full weekend alone with Ava a week from today when Jewel attended a rodeo in Tucson. She was planning to drive down Saturday morning and return the next day. He knew she was nervous about leaving Ava with him, even though she’d said nothing. He’d casually on purpose mentioned that his mother would be dropping by to help. That had appeared to eliminate some of her anxiety.
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