Butterfly Kisses

by Robin Falcon

  I was eyeing him silently.

  “What?” He asked, packing up a few more things to leave.

  “You wanted to block out all your memories of me?” I’d done the same thing, so I'm not sure why his confession hurt me so much.

  He shrugged. “Ry, you left. Remembering you was like a reminder of everything I lost.”

  I stood up, readying myself to leave, and made my way towards his desk. “I'm sorry, Ty. I just had to grow up, and figure things out, without you.”

  He rounded his own desk, sitting down on the edge of it. “Why did you have to figure it out without me?”

  I twisted the heel of my sneaker into the floor beneath me. “You were so protective. You made it hard to experience things.”

  “I didn’t want you to experience how shitty the world could be, you're better than that. You deserved only the best parts.”

  I rolled my eyes; I’ve always hated how he placed me on a pedestal. I wasn’t perfect and the fact he treated me like I was fragile, always drove me insane. It was to hard to live up to. “Stop protecting me. I’m grown, Ty.”

  “I can’t change the way I see you.”

  I glared, accepting the challenge. “Well, you should. I’m no longer that innocent tomboy.”

  He grinned as he eyed my sneakers, skinny jeans, and lastly an old t-shirt I’d probably found at a thrift store. “Right.”

  “I'm serious. I’ll have you know, lots of guys were after me in college.”

  His expression changed, he looked uneasy and angry. "Spare me the details.” He gritted out.

  “Why? Does it tarnish the image you built of me?” I didn’t want him to think of me as some little tomboy anymore, or some fragile innocent girl.

  “Stop, Ry.” He warned.

  “No, I’m just like everyone else. Believe it, or not, men like touching me. They even like fucking me too, Ty!” I spat out in anger.

  He pushed himself off his desk and closed the space between us, instantly grabbing my arm in a gentle but firm grasp.

  “I said, stop!!” He yelled, and the familiar tension was back.

  We stood facing each other in silence, and I felt like that same girl I was five years ago again.

  The girl who was pining after her best friend and letting herself read to much into his actions, as if they meant something.

  They didn’t though.

  I didn’t want to be that girl anymore. I was stronger than that now. “What, Ty? Does it bother you to know I’m not some fragile girl anymore? Well tough! I grew up.”

  He glared at me. “You don’t get it do you?”

  “Don’t get what? That you hate being reminded that I’m a girl, and not just one of the guys. That you hate sharing your best friend? I get it, Ty. I always have.”

  He stared at me. “It's not like that!” He took a deep breath and exhaled. “It's just the very thought of you being with someone, it kills me.”

  “Why?” I pressed him, in irritation.

  “What do you want me to say, Ry? That I’m jealous? That every damn minute I’m with you, I want you? Fine, I admit. I want you now, and I wanted you then. So badly, that I can’t breathe sometimes unless I get to touch you.”

  My heart raced. “Ty…”

  He interrupted me, “that doesn't change the fact that our friendship means more to me then that. Relationships are temporary. I wanted you in my life forever, Ry.”

  It was the first time he’d every admitted to feeling anything for me, and I didn’t want to let myself believe it. It scared me to much.

  “That night, when I saw you with Crystal, I was devastated.” I admitted, for the first time out loud. “I left because I needed space, so I could get over you. I couldn’t let you hurt me anymore.”

  There, the truth was out.

  He looked up, and I couldn’t help but to let my eyes drop to the ground.

  “Get over me?” He questioned.

  “Don’t act like you didn’t know, everyone knew. Plus, you were always so quick to remind me we were only friends, every damn chance you got.” I went to pull away, but he held me there, pushing my chin up to force my gaze to find his.

  “Ry, look at me.”

  I gave in, casting my eyes up to his.

  “I know I didn’t always acknowledge the things that happened between us. It wasn’t because I didn’t think about them, it was just because I didn’t want to hurt you. What if things ended badly? I'm not a good boyfriend, Ry. As much as I enjoyed everything we did together, it will never be enough to chance losing you again. The one time I gave into it, I lost you for five years afterwards.”

  I just stared at him. “Gave into what?”

  “Ry,” he whispered my name. “You're beautiful, smart, you make me laugh, and I...,” he paused. “I care about you more than anyone else in the world. Of course, I wanted you, but I only ended up hurting you.” He swallowed. “I swear to you, nothing happened that night with Crystal. She wanted things to happen but I was to fucked up, over you, to even acknowledge her existence.”

  I felt my eyes welling up. I glanced around the room, away from him, to get my bearings again.

  “Say something.” He prodded.

  I looked up at him, the tension lingering between us again as we stared at each other. I was so tired of being that girl, the one who didn’t speak up for what she really wanted.

  “Kiss me.” I whispered into the silence.

  I felt him still. “Ry, I...”

  “I’m not asking, Ty. Kiss me.”

  Maybe this is all we’ve really needed. I was leaving in a few days and this was an opportunity to finally stop dwelling on the ‘what ifs' of Tyler Watson.

  To finally get him out of my system.

  “Are you sure?” He asked, but his hands were already on my waist, pulling my hips against his, waiting for me to give him even the faintest green light.

  “It’s been five years. I’ve tried to stay angry at you, tried to forget you, and even tried to avoid you. Yet, none of it worked.”

  “I need to know you’re sure, Ry.” He repeated. “I don’t want to lose you again.”

  He wanted me to promise him that one kiss wouldn’t cost us everything, something I couldn’t do.

  “I leave tomorrow night. So, I can’t promise what one kiss will cost us. I just know if there is a chance, that drowning myself in you will free me of all this torment, then I’m willing to risk it.”

  Chapter 14

  Tyler

  I was supposed to tell her it was a bad idea, and that if we went down this rabbit hole all we would do is end up where we started.

  Conflicted, hurt, and apart.

  Yet, she was leaving tomorrow, and I’d be without her again. That was a fact.

  Ryder was going to leave again.

  The reminder hit me dead in the chest and I immediately yanked her towards me.

  “Let’s drown, together.”

  I pressed my mouth against hers in one quick instant and the second I felt the softness of her lips along mine, I groaned. I parted my mouth against hers and swept my tongue out to find her.

  I felt her moan vibrate against our lips and I couldn’t contain a growl that left my chest.

  Fuck, I’d forgotten how good she tasted.

  Suddenly, I felt like I’d been on auto pilot for the last five years of my life and now I was alive again. The need to have her was so intense that I’d forgotten anything else existed outside the two of us.

  I circled my arm around her waist and backed her up into the chalkboard. I’d never craved another person so immensely in my entire life.

  I broke our kiss, panting for air. “How far are you willing to drown yourself in this, Ry?” I asked against her lips, shifting my hips against hers, making her well aware of just how far I was willing to go.

  “I’m all yours, until tomorrow.” She offered, shifting her own hips back against me.

  I groaned. “Fuck, you better be.” I breathed, before I grabbed her waist
and lifted her off the ground.

  Her legs wrapped around me immediately, and I pressed her back into the chalkboard behind us. I felt her fingers tangle themselves in my hair, just like they did when we were teenagers. Fuck.

  “I always loved when you’d do that.” I admitted in a deep rasp.

  I was so consumed by how much I wanted her that I wasn't even considering that the classroom door was still open. Now, noises from outside the classroom were growing louder.

  I dropped her feet back on to the ground, grunting in frustration at the interruption. A few teachers finally walked past, but they didn’t even offer a glance into the classroom.

  “Who’s that?” She asked, as she touched her reddened lips.

  “Other staff. Lots of people come in to work over the weekend.”

  She licked her lips, and I couldn’t help but fixate my attention on her mouth. Fuck, the things I wanted to do to that mouth.

  I stared down at her, still pinned against my chest and the chalkboard. She remained silent, waiting on my next move. I realized then, I had little intention to release her.

  “Stay with me tonight.” I demanded, breaking the silence.

  “I can’t.”

  “What if I stay at my parents place?” I urged her, resting my lips near her neck. “They headed to the coast this morning; the house is empty. You can sneak over after dark, like old times, except this time,” I paused, as my fingers swept up under her shirt, tracing circles on her bare stomach. “This time, I won’t deny myself the temptation of having you to myself.”

  I felt her intake a sharp breath, each time I traced a new circle over her skin. She didn’t speak. “We can even watch a movie, and I’ll get you home before morning.” I smiled.

  I’d forgotten how much it turned me on to feel her body react to me, and I wondered if she’d ever noticed that she had the same power over mine.

  “Okay, as long as I’m home before morning.” She scrapped her teeth over her bottom lip. “I don’t want anyone to know.”

  “Deal.”

  Chapter 15

  Ryder

  We ended up leaving the high school and grabbing lunch at the diner around the street. It was a place we visited often as teens.

  We ordered our usual meals and talked about all the things we’d missed out on in each other lives.

  I told him about my life in the city, with Kirk and Sadie. Then, he filled me in on life in our hometown, and what he’d been up to since I left.

  Apparently, Tyson married one of his ex-girlfriends and moved to Chicago shortly after high school. While Joey, unsurprisingly, went to his college of choice, and moved to New York.

  Tyler said none of them really talked much anymore.

  He told me about the house down on river creek road. He said it was still there, and he passed by it every day on his way to work.

  I remember we used to always talk about buying it when we grew up, it was such a distant dream now.

  It was this beautiful home on the outskirts of town. It had a small southern style vibe to it. He knew I always loved the wrap around porch, and the porch swing.

  Many nights in the treehouse I told him I could picture mornings there with my kids and my husband. Just drinking coffee and watching the neighborhood together.

  I smiled at the fact that he still remembered it.

  After lunch, we hung out most of the day. We drove around town and laughed at old times, as if, time hadn’t passed at all. It was so easy to talk to him, and I’d even forgotten just how happy it made me to be around him.

  He finally dropped me off at my parents place, around four o’clock. They’d been texting me all day, asking where I was, and I felt bad that Tyler had been taking up most of my time.

  It was so easy slipping back into what was, once, my normal life with Tyler. Lunch, small talk, laughs, and then when he dropped me off, he didn’t even kiss me. It was like high school all over again.

  Maybe we didn’t know how to be anything more than friends, friends who just had these unexplainable moments together.

  I pushed the nagging questions to the back of my head as I spent the next few hours with my parents. We’d all had dinner an hour ago, and now we were sitting in the living room discussing plans for their trip up to see me, next fall.

  However, I was only partly listening.

  Incoming Message from Ty

  6:04 pm

  What movie should we watch?

  Outgoing Message Sent – 6:07 pm

  I don’t care. You pick.

  Incoming Message from Ty

  6:11 pm

  Fine. Die Hard. That’s what guys are

  supposed to say right?

  Outgoing Message Sent – 6:14 pm

  Sure. If they’re forty. ??

  Incoming Message from Ty

  06:15 pm

  Touché'.

  Incoming Message from Ty

  6:25 pm

  I’ve settled on Scream. A classic.

  I laughed, and my parents both shot me a glance, mid conversation.

  “I’m going to head to bed. All that driving yesterday wore me out.”

  It was a half truth.

  “Okay, Hun. We’ll see you in the morning.” My mom smiled at me, making me feel less guilty about bailing out early.

  I hurried upstairs to my old bedroom and closed the door behind me.

  Incoming Message from Ty

  06:35 pm

  Is that too lame?

  Incoming Message from Ty

  06:36 pm

  It’s just we always used to love making

  fun of old scary movies. Thought it

  might be fun.

  Outgoing Message Sent – 6:37 pm

  No, it sounds perfect.

  Outgoing Message Sent – 6:40 pm

  I’ll be over soon. Just have to climb

  down that damn tree.

  I tossed on some sweats, and a zip up hoodie over my tank top. Honestly, my usual attire for any movie night with Tyler. Then I headed towards my bedroom window and peered down at the tree I’d climbed so many times before, sneaking in and out of my bedroom, after hanging out with Tyler.

  When I stepped out on to the first branch, I laughed. Here I was, twenty-three years old, sneaking out of my old bedroom window to see my best friend.

  The irony wasn’t lost on me.

  “What’s so funny?” Tyler asked from the ground, startlingly me on my decent, and causing me to miss the last two steps.

  I came falling down in a yelp, as he caught me in his arms.

  He grinned.

  I smiled, smacking his chest with my hand. “Why do you always do that?!” I scolded him, becoming very aware I was still in his arms.

  “It’s my incurable hero complex. I always have to save you, apparently.” He laughed.

  I shot him a playful glare. “Put me down you, ogre!” I laughed, as he dropped me to my feet. “Why didn’t you wait for me inside?”

  He shrugged. “I thought we could sit in the treehouse first, for old times sake.”

  I eyed him curiously. “Sure, but it’s cold. You want to grab a jacket?”

  He was wearing similar gray sweatpants to mine, and a white t-shirt. I’d grabbed sweats from my old dresser, and there was a good chance they were actually his. Sometimes, if I stayed at his house, he would grab me some of his clothes to wear. I always managed to keep most of them, and it always drove him nuts.

  “If I get cold, I’ll just double up on sweats and make you give me those back. You little clothes thief.” He grinned, and I wrinkled my nose at him.

  “You have taken plenty of things from me.” I teased.

  He only eyed me in silence. Then, ushered me towards the treehouse.

  I climbed up first, only to find a blanket laid out for us to sit on. Another small detail that he’d always done for us. Had it meant anything special all those years ago?

  He had climbed up after, and I shifted over to make a spot for him.


  “Seems so weird.” I said, finally ending the silence.

  “What does?” He asked, as he sat down next to me.

  “I’ve only been back here one day, and it’s like I never left.”

  He grinned. “The fact we’re both crashing at our parent's places, sure does make it feel that way for me too.” He laughed.

  “I don’t want to go back, Ty.” I admitted, looking down at my hands, fidgeting with my fingers.

  “What do you mean, like to the city?” He asked, looking almost hopeful.

  “No, I mean back to who I was. I can't be that girl anymore.”

  Chapter 16

  Tyler

  “I’m not sure I understand.” I stated in confusion, feeling hurt.

  That same girl she spoke about with resentment and distaste, is the same girl I’d thought about everyday of my life.

  I’d spent the last two and a half hours, just waiting for when we could hang out again.

  “I can't be two different people for you anymore. I can't be your best friend one minute, and then the girl you’re kissing the next.”

  “Ry, you’ve never been two different people to me. My best friend was always the one I wanted to be kissing.”

  I watched her tucked her bottom lip between her teeth, nervously. “Then why is it, one minute you act as if you can’t keep your hands off me, and then the next we seem to fall back into this friend zone.”

  “Ry, you seem to think that both feelings can't exist at the same time. That I can’t look at you and see my best friend, and still have the urge to kiss or touch you.”

  “Well, the past has proven that to be the case.” I argued.

  “That’s fair. I know I didn’t make it easy on you.” I conceded. “Honestly, back then I didn’t really know what I was feeling. I just knew you were my best friend, who happened to be beautiful, and that I happened to care more for than anyone else in the world.” I shrugged. “I was just a kid though, Ry.” I locked my eyes on her, hoping she’d look up at me and understand the importance of my words. “I was scared to risk our friendship over something, that back then, I only knew to be a temporary feeling.”