Forbidden Lord

by Victoria Pinder

  His shoulders tensed and he sat straighter as he asked, “What are you saying?”

  Truth. It needed to pour out better than wine. She patted his knee as she said, “That I was already in love with you. I didn’t realize it till after you told me you weren’t open to the idea of a deeper relationship.”

  He took her hand from his knee and held it. “I’m sorry.”

  Her body trembled. Drat. She had a horrible tell. She swallowed and said, “Don’t be. You have your reasons. But no guy ever made me so sad and needy in my life.”

  He didn’t pull away, but his cheeks almost had a blush to them when he said, “I don’t know what to say.”

  This wasn’t what she’d expected. She laughed and briefly glanced at the vaulted ceiling of the library as she said, “I’m not looking for you to say you love me too. That’s impossible, I know. But I’d like to believe there is a chance for one day.”

  His lips pursed. “I don’t know …”

  And he’d never offered that. She got it. She stared at him again and hoped she wouldn’t set him off when she said, “Linsey can’t come back to you from death.”

  He flinched. This wasn’t good. She half froze and waited for his words. And he finally said, “I know that.”

  Okay, it was time to think of herself like a clothing line she’d worked hard to sell years ago. She had value and so did overpriced clothes.

  “And people fall in love again all the time,” she said. “I hope and pray that one day my mom finally finds another man.”

  He tilted his head and he seemed to calm down while he asked, “You do?”

  She squeezed his palm and hoped he would laugh as she said, “She’s pretty awesome—though she loves the holidays a little too much.”

  And she won when he let out a chuckle and said, “I can see that, but Christine says she’s having a wonderful time with her.”

  Good. They both needed this moment. She let out a breath she hadn’t known she was holding in and said, “My mom is, too.” Then her go-after-what-she-wants attitude hit her and she let him go and pushed her hair behind her ear as she said, “That’s one of the reasons I decided to be brave. I’m not asking you to love me. I’m only asking for a chance that one day you might.”

  He covered his mouth and just stared at her. She didn’t move out of fear of what he would say. Finally he dropped his hand and said, “I don’t want to lie to you.”

  A half smile grew on her face. She refused to back down, even if she set fire to her dreams again, as she said, “We’ve been over that, and I’m sorry I said I wasn’t affected. I was trying to protect myself. I didn’t want to risk throwing myself in the line of fire and losing everything. But if I don’t ask and don’t tell, then I don’t … live, or deserve love.”

  He reached out and placed his hands on her thighs, and held her as he leaned closer and said, “You do.”

  Her heart hammered. If only this was real. She asked, “So can you love me?”

  He held her close, but said, “I …”

  No more words. She hadn’t meant to hurt him. She was warm and protected in his arms as she said quietly, “Just … one day.”

  “Maybe,” he said, and the crack in his voice made her pause. He continued, “You are the happiest woman I’ve ever met, and that happiness is infectious. I’ve never been truly happy, though I was never sad, either, for most of my life. I had everything in the world at my fingertips, until Linsey died.”

  His words didn’t make sense to her. Maybe it was the cave that was threatening to collapse in her chest. But she asked, “What are you saying?”

  He let her go and the distance between them felt cold and miserable as he said, “Linsey made me realize that not everyone had my blessings. But you make me realize that I’ve never truly lived, either.”

  “Maybe I don’t understand, because I wasn’t born into wealth where I could get anything at the snap of my fingers,” she said quickly. But then she tilted her head and asked, “How does this answer my question?”

  He let out a sigh and shook his head. “I don’t know. I’m lost.”

  Lost wasn’t a no. She’d take this as hope. For now. She pressed her hand to his heart and wished she could just transfer her love for him, like in a sci-fi movie, as she said, “Well, if you are open, please let me know. I still hold out hope that we could, y’know… be happy and in love together.”

  She stood, as she wasn’t sure what else to say, and she felt that soon she’d break into tears. She wasn’t a warrior. But she stopped when he said, “You’ll be the first and only person I tell.”

  “Well, that’s something,” she said, and tried to grin. Hopefully she had been successful, and she bounced out of the room. He thought she was happy, so it was best to let that play out. Anything would be better than letting him see her tears. At least she had done one thing. She’d told the truth. She loved him. Hopefully, that made a difference.

  Chapter 18

  Rico tried to read a science fiction novel that would amaze and entertain him and pull him right out of his head.

  But the book held no interest.

  Neither had the random video game he’d tried. He was quite sure some twelve-year-old boy had whipped his behind in that virtual battle, not that he was seriously focused on the game.

  So he dropped his tablet beside him on the bed, stood and stretched.

  His elbow must have pressed something on the screen as he stood up, as a video suddenly started playing.

  He reached out to pick up his tablet but then stopped. Linsey’s face and his from almost ten years ago appeared.

  He’d forgotten he’d recorded his initial marriage proposal, the first one she’d said no to.

  Linsey’s blue eyes were so clear and so young when she rolled them at the young him and said, “Frederico, how do you not see that you need a square root of 12 to figure this out.”

  He let out a small laugh. She’d used math in every argument of theirs since the day they’d met. But he’d forgotten that slight curve of her lips that once stopped him cold. Or how he placed his hands in his pockets when she did that. And he watched himself sit beside her and say, “Because I didn’t know math solved my pool drainage issue.”

  Her eyes were so bright as she said with such confidence, “Everything is math.”

  Wow. How had he forgotten? He sat back on the bed as the young him playfully elbowed her and asked, “Including us?”

  She turned toward his young self and said, “For now.”

  His mind went blank. Linsey had questioned him, even then. How strange to see it all again, as his younger self narrowed his gaze during his proposal and instead asked, “For now?”

  Her smile faltered as she said, “Our paths won’t always be on track, and you’ll love another more in sync with you.”

  He let the tablet fall back on the mattress and stood. And he pressed his hand on his chest as he felt his heart thump. As a boy he’d been so sure he’d marry Linsey that he’d never listened to what she said.

  She’d told him during his first proposal he’d love someone else.

  The video continued as the young him asked, “Why do you think that?”

  Linsey fluttered her gaze away from him and shook her head. “Because you’re a lord and I’m going to get my PhD.”

  The young version of himself clutched her hand and said, “You can do that … and marry me.”

  She patted his hand and then said, “No. I can’t do that.”

  He turned off the moment he’d clearly forgotten. Linsey had turned down his almost yearly proposals to her. Now he understood. She’d been telling him for years and years that he’d love Miya one day. She’d told him at other moments how the two of them didn’t add up, but she loved him anyhow.

  He had never really understood her conclusions. He stared at the young blonde woman on his screen and shook his head, “Yet you never finished that thesis, did you?”

  He turned it off and grabbed his black pants and a
white button-down that hung in the closet. His heart hammered now with a truth he needed to share.

  But he’d promised Miya he’d not bother her at night. And he wasn’t sure how she’d take it.

  Adrenaline coursed through him so he sat down and picked up his tablet again.

  This time he opened his email and wrote out a message, sweating over every word he typed.

  Miya,

  I am emailing you at night to not disturb you. But I wanted to talk to you. If you’re up till midnight, please join me on the veranda.

  Rico

  P.S. If you’re sleeping, I hope it was peaceful, and I’ll meet you for breakfast so I can tell you then.

  Done. He grabbed his loafers and his phone, out of habit sliding it into his back pocket as he headed downstairs.

  He’d wait for her tonight. Or he’d see her tomorrow. Either way he couldn’t sleep anymore.

  He needed her, forever. He hoped he hadn’t ruined everything.

  As he made it to the veranda, he found the old sound system. Perfect. He hooked up his phone to the speaker and ensured the lights were on so the veranda beamed with light on this dark night.

  Next, he set the table with wine, glasses and snacks in case she joined him. She’d liked the strawberries and blueberries they’d had back in his room.

  He went through his music and found some of his old dance collection that he’d used for practice with his instructors.

  And he let his feet go, like he’d done countless nights in this same place as a boy when he danced.

  Before he’d met Linsey, when music was in his soul enough to ensure his feet swayed.

  He had no sense of how long he’d been dancing, as countless old favorites played and he let his body move.

  Until the music lowered.

  He stopped dancing abruptly as Miya clapped. She wore lounge pants and a blue cotton long-sleeved shirt with a snowman embroidered on it. She said, “Rico? You’re amazing, seriously. I thought men who danced liked that were only in the movies. Is that why you wanted me come down?”

  Her smile was just as intoxicating as she was. He walked over and caught his breath, and then said, “I remember how we danced, and I hoped you’d come.”

  She giggled, glanced up and down his body and asked, “So you’ve been dancing by yourself?”

  He held out his hand and said, “Dancing in the hope you’d come and join me.”

  She bounced on her feet and nodded as she dropped her flip flops on the ground and went barefoot. “I do like this song.”

  And he tightened his frame and guided her into a waltz as he said, “Then allow me.”

  With one twirl, she let out a loud laugh, but flowed right back into his arms. She glanced up at him and asked, “So you just wanted to dance in the middle of the night?”

  And then he held her firmly, but met her brown eyes that unhinged him and said, “I wanted to tell you that you’re the first adult woman I’ve ever really been in love with.”

  The words flew out of his mouth as an absolute truth he’d needed to admit.

  And his shoulders for once were light.

  Her gaze narrowed and she asked, with her lips pursed, “What about Linsey and your vow?”

  Hopefully she’d let him kiss her again soon, but he let her swing around the floor once and then said, “That was a vow of a man clinging to his youth, but it wasn’t the same man who was already falling in love with you, before you asked.”

  Her palms tightened around him as her eyes widened. “Wait! You were falling in love with me?”

  “Yes,” he said, and once again spun her around.

  As she returned to his arms like they’d practiced all their lives together, she shook her head. “But then I pushed too hard and pushed you away?”

  He winked. Miya knew what she wanted and went after it. Most people had no clue about their goals or their dreams, including him. He’d been blessed to have Miya walk into his life, and from now on, he’d dance every day again. And he didn’t care what anyone thought. He continued to guide Miya around the makeshift dance floor and said, “No. Not at all. You shocked me. I was still in denial because I had made promises to myself that I shouldn’t have. I hope I didn’t hurt you.”

  She snorted and shook her head like she didn’t believe him. Then she said, “I … I tend to push and ask for things too quickly. Patience was never my best feature.”

  No one inspired him like she did. No one could. He said, “You don’t see yourself, then.”

  She tilted her head and asked, “What do you mean?”

  The song changed and so did the pace of their dance, but she moved right along with him as he listed a few of her better qualities. “You’re optimistic, smart, and you shine your happiness as a beacon of light for the world to see.”

  Her face blushed and she glanced at their feet as she said, “I thought I was hardworking and focused.”

  He nodded and said, “You’re that, too.”

  She ran her fingers over his neck and the back of his head as she asked, “What happened that changed your mind?”

  Her touch was a lightning rod of power that electrified his senses, though he kept it together when he said, “I found my video of the first proposal I’d made to Linsey.”

  She stopped dancing and asked, “You what?”

  He squared his shoulders and hoped she would understand. “It was on my tablet. I’d brought her to the villa to propose, but I’d forgotten so much about that day.”

  She crossed her arms as she examined him, and asked, “How did that make you realize you loved me?”

  Fair. That wasn’t exactly the best way to admit he was in love with her, but he stood with his arms at his side and said, “With Linsey … she’ll always be my first love. But we’re both adults and I love you.”

  She pressed her hand to her heart and said with a sob, “I’m in shock.”

  He held out his hands to dance again and said, “Yet you didn’t step on my toes.” She sniffed, and he slowed their pace to hug her as he said, “Don’t cry.”

  “I never cry,” she said, and let her head drop on his shoulder.

  His shirt felt otherwise. He said, “Your eyes are wet.”

  She faced him again and shrugged, “Okay, you caught me. I love you too, and it’s not about your house, your generosity, or your daughter—who is pretty darn cute.”

  He changed their steps as he said, “Or the email?”

  She stiffened slightly but she shook her head. “No. I mean, it brought me hope, but it was meeting you and spending time with you that had me falling head over heels in love.”

  He kissed her cheek and wished he’d gone for the lips, but he pulled back and said, “Then I’m happy.”

  She slowed and the dance ended with the song, but she still held his hand. “Can I ask one question?”

  They walked toward the table that held the bottle of wine and he asked, “What’s that?”

  He poured the wine as she asked, “Can I still help you convince the village with an ad blitz?”

  Only Miya knew how to make a night like this even more memorable. He handed her a glass and clinked his to it as he said, “Yes. And I hope we don’t have to email each other anymore about contacts. I’d rather just see your want list in person.”

  She sipped her wine and then set her glass down on the table and said, “Tomorrow. Tonight, I just want to dance with you.”

  “Later,” he said, and claimed her lips in a kiss.

  Somehow, he had this amazing woman for the rest of his life, and her lips seared into his soul. He was in love. And this time, forever.

  Chapter 19

  Miya walked beside Rico as his staff held umbrellas over their heads to protect them from the snow.

  They’d rolled out the red carpet for them to step on, and the walk from his limo to their home was so easy not one snowflake brushed against either of them.

  As the staff opened the door for them, Christine broke away from Dieu’s grip
and rushed toward them.

  Rico stopped and lifted his daughter into a hug the moment she reached him and they held each other tightly.

  Miya met her mother’s gaze as she came closer, too. Christine squealed and said, “Papa. Miya, you’re home.”

  “Christine, we missed you,” she said and reached over and squeezed her leg.

  Rico let her down and Christine took their hands as they walked inside, swinging between the two of them. Coral came into the grand room they entered, and Christine asked, “Miya, will you pick out your stocking for the Befana now?”

  Rico nodded toward the huge fireplace and said, “On the Epiphany the Befana fills children’s stockings with either candy and gifts if they’re good, or coal if they’re not.”

  She knelt down and hugged Christine, grateful she’d accepted her and her mother so easily, as she said, “But I’m an adult.”

  Rico knelt down beside them both and said, “We can leave her bottle of wine in yours.”

  Her gaze narrowed. She wasn’t even sure what this tradition Christine and Rico seemed to enjoy so much was all about. Rico must have seen her confusion because he added, “Ah yes, well, the Befana gets thirsty. When she’s not leaving presents, she’s cleaning, and she needs the wine like a good Italian witch would.”

  Seriously? Her eyes widened and so did her smile when she said, “That’s hysterical.”

  He stood and held his hand for her to take as he said, “Come. Your mother is waiting to hug you.”

  Good. She took his hand not because she needed help, but because she loved that he offered. Then she turned and hugged her mother as she said, “Mom.”

  Dieu gazed at both of them as they walked over to the fireplace and Rico handed Christine a stocking to give to Miya. She took it as her mother said, “You both look happy, which is all I ever wanted for you, Miya. So I’m glad you had time alone. Now let me hug my new son-in-law.”

  Miya hung her stocking next to Christine’s and Rico’s as Rico said, “Glad you’re here, Dieu.”