by Baron Sord
“Here goes nothing,” she muttered to herself.
Grabbed the metal wire.
Nothing.
Why wasn’t it working?
“You didn’t complete the circuit,” her dad said in her head. “No different than a bird on a wire.”
That was why birds never got shocked sitting on power lines. They didn’t complete the circuit to ground. Electricity was always hungry for the ground, if it could get there. Otherwise, lazy electricity always took the easiest route and skipped past bird claws, which had too much resistance compared to the wire, and continued down the line.
In the dim orange glow of the nighttime neighborhood, Kristy searched for the grounding cable. If she touched that and the power line, the current would flow through her. She took off her other glove. With no place to hold them, she bit down on both. Slapped her hand around several times on the far side of the pole, feeling for the grounding cable.
“Where’s the stupid grounding wire?” she hissed.
Zap!
There it was.
Kristy instantly felt the buzzsaw of AC power rushing from her hand on the power line, down her arm, across her chest, around her other arm to her hand on the grounding line, and down that. The cyan vortex in her chest started to swirl, speeding up way faster than sleeping with two 20amp extension cords. Waaaaaay faster.
Around her, streetlights suddenly dimmed, flickered, and audibly buzzed.
Lights in the windows of the surrounding houses and apartment buildings also dimmed.
Oops.
Was Kristy doing that?
Causing a brownout?
Of course she was.
She let go of the power line, stopping the voltage drop.
The dim lights brightened back to normal.
Was there a better way to do this?
Every power pole had three power lines, plus a few extra for different things.
“Each of the three main lines carries power,” her dad’d said. “That’s how you get three-phase AC power. One phase runs on each line, each phase is offset by 120 degrees.”
“Wait, what?” she’d laughed.
“I’ll show you,” he’d grinned. Then he’d drawn a rolling wave on a piece of paper.
“What’s that?” she’d asked.
“The waveform of a single phase of AC power.” He’d drawn a straight line horizontally across the middle of the wave. “See how it dips below the line and rises above it?”
“Yeah?”
“Every time it crosses the line, the power output is zero.”
“Oh.”
He’d drawn two more waves. “Those are the other two phases. See how now, there’s never any point when there’s zero power?”
“I guess so,” Kristy’d said. It’d taken her a few days to finally get it, but she eventually did.
God, how she missed her dad.
If he could only see her now!
What a laugh he’d have!
He’d also taught her that each of the three power lines in front of her now carried one of those three phases. Most houses only got one phase of power, which was more than enough, but business usually got all three, especially if they ran big electric motors that needed constant current, or big computers, or whatever.
Kristy needed constant current.
Or at least more than one phase of power.
Hand no longer on the grounding cable, she reached up with one bare hand and grabbed a power line.
Again, nothing.
Why wasn’t it working?
Because she was a bird on a wooden power pole.
Like bird claws, her hand had too much resistance compared to the metal grounding cable, so her hand didn’t get shocked, and the current didn’t flow through her body because the wooden pole also had too much resistance. So did the air around her. Lazy electricity didn’t wanna try that hard to ground. It continued on its merry way along the wire.
What if Kristy lowered her resistance?
Could she do that?
Why not?
She closed her eyes and concentrated.
Saw a blue line of current rushing through the inside of her closed hand along the cyan wire in her mind.
How did you resist less?
By thinking about it, obviously.
Kristy imagined the power flowing from the line into her hand. Felt it melting. Dribbling down her arm.
That was when the buzzing started in her body. Much gentler than when she’d been grabbing the grounding cable, but faster than sleeping with extension cords.
And it wasn’t causing a brownout.
Bonus!
She continued drinking the juice on a slow feed.
What if she used both hands?
She grabbed a second power line.
Did the slow dribbling drink.
It was working!
Double bonus!
It didn’t take long for the strength of her inside vortex to surpass what she’d got from sleeping with the extension cords the whole night.
Why not use all three lines?
She let go of the lines long enough to climb up to sitting on the wooden crossarm. Pulled a boot off, which she sat on, so it didn’t fall off the tall pole, and sat on her gloves too, so she didn’t have to keep biting them. Straddling the center line and the ceramic center insulator, she grabbed a line on each side, then stuck a leg out and rested the bottom of her bare foot on the wire.
Started drinking juice.
Foot juice! Foot juice! Kick off the Sunday shoes!
Giggling, Kristy nodded her head to the Kenny Loggins beat.
Made sure not to cause any noticeable brown outs.
This’d cut way down on her electric bill!
Assuming she didn’t get caught.
Sitting up here in the dark stealing free power was kind of obvious, but kind of awesome.
She could do it all night.
That was when Disaster Vision hit.
Kristy hastily pulled her boot and gloves on, then jumped off the power pole to the ground 20 feet below, and ran to her Audi.
—: o o o :—
“Gaaaaaaaaah!”
Somewhere on the outskirts of dusty Temecula, Shawna Combs woke to the sounds of her baby wailing.
Shawna jumped out of bed and rushed over to Cody’s crib in the dark and cramped master bedroom of their cozy suburban home.
Her husband Troy sat up in bed and said sleepily, “What is it?”
“It’s those magnets!” Shawna hissed, picking up little Cody and cradling him. “It’s okay, baby! Mommy’s got you. Shh-shh-shh-shhhh.” She gently bounced him and kissed him and hugged him to her breast.
Troy smeared his hands over his eyes and said, “The doctor said he’ll shit them out tomorrow or the next day.”
“Language, Troy!” Shawna insisted.
“He’s a year old,” Troy groaned. “What does he know?”
“He hears, Troy! He hears!”
Troy rolled his eyes.
Shawna glared at him, “If you hadn’t left your magnets lying around where Cody could eat them…”
“I didn’t leave them lying around!” Troy scowled. “The dog pulled them off my workbench and they went rolling all over the garage. I thought I picked them all up.”
“Well you didn’t!” Shawna hissed. “Cody ate them because you weren’t watching him!”
“I was watching him! He was right there on the floor!”
“Of the garage!” she sneered.
“So?” he challenged. “Kid’s gotta learn tools someday.”
Shawna glared at him. “We’re not going over this again.”
“Fine. Don’t,” Troy scowled.
Shawna shook her head in anger, “You’re lucky Pugsley didn’t eat them too.”
Troy wasn’t entirely sure Pugsley hadn’t, but so far, the dog didn’t seem like he was having any problems. Right now, he was sleeping on his bed in the corner like always. He better not have. If he needed surgery, T
roy couldn’t afford it. Pugsley would have to shit them out on his own.
Knock! Knock! Knock!
Pugsley lifted his head up curiously. He was a tired old Rottweiler, but he still had a few good years left in him.
Shawna and Troy exchanged a surprised look.
Knock! Knock! Knock!
“Someone’s at the door!” Shawna hissed.
“I heard,” Troy smirked.
“Well go answer!”
Troy slid out of bed in his boxers. Pulled a T-shirt on. Thumped through the house to the front door. Checked the peephole. Laughed. Saw the hottest woman he’d ever seen wearing some kind of costume standing on his front porch. He opened the door. “Who’re you supposed to be?”
“Lady Liberty. Your son swallowed magnets, right?”
Troy frowned, “How’d you know that?”
“I just know,” she said. “I think they’re perforating his bowel. I need to get them out.”
“What’re you talking about?” Troy laughed. He was having trouble concentrating on anything other than this babe’s boobs.
“Troy! Listen to me! Your son Cody is in trouble!”
“How do you know my name?” Troy wondered. He also wondered if he could get the bitch’s digits before she left.
“Ruff,” Pugsley barked once half-heartedly as he trotted up behind Troy and sat down, eyes on Lady Liberty.
She knelt down on the porch.
Pugsley went right up to her.
She said, “Awww, you too, Pugsley?”
The dog tried to lick her face like he knew her.
That was weird.
Pugsley never liked strangers.
But how could any dude not love this babe?
Pugsley included.
He still had balls and was always sniffing around Shawna’s crotch.
He knew where to find pussy.
You had to fucking love Pugsley.
Horniest damn dog you ever did see, Troy thought with a grin.
—: o o o :—
Kristy rolled her eyes at the thoughts running through Troy’s head while Pugsley tried to kiss her.
“Okay, okay,” she laughed. “I need to help Cody first.”
She pulled her face away from the dog’s tongue so it didn’t make contact with her skin. She didn’t want him getting shocked. The heavy-duty blue rubber gloves she wore over her hands were obviously insulating the dog from her hands where she was petting him around the neck and holding him away.
Kristy stood up and smiled at Troy, “I’m gonna take the magnets out of Cody.”
“You’re what?” Troy chuckled.
Shawna leaned her head out from the hallway, still holding baby Cody and bouncing him while he wailed.
“Gaaaaaaah!”
Shawna took one look at Kristy and thought, If this is Troy’s secret girlfriend, I am going to fucking kill him!
Kristy said, “Cody swallowed magnets. I’m here to help.”
“You what?” Shawna laughed.
“Magnets.” Kristy stepped past Troy and Pugsley, who got up and followed Kristy, wagging his tail and watching her. Kristy rubbed Pugsley’s ears while saying, “The magnets. I’m here to take them out.”
Shawna shook her head in disbelief, “What are you talking about? Who are you? How do you know all this stuff?”
“I’m Lady Liberty. I know things. Listen, if you take Cody into the emergency room right now, they’re going to nick an artery during the operation. The doctors won’t figure it out until too late. Cody will die.” If it hadn’t been for Kristy’s High-Def Disaster Vision, she never would’ve been able to look over the future shoulders of Cody’s doctors to see his name and address, and his parents. Kristy said, “Or, if you want, I can take the magnets out myself.”
Shawna laughed, “Are you crazy?”
Kristy shook her head, “No.” She looked around the house. Saw a doorway to a kitchen. Kristy strode toward it, breezing past Shawna and baby Cody.
Shawna demanded, “Where are you going?! Get out of our house!”
Troy followed Kristy while thinking, This babe is welcome any time she wants.
In the kitchen, Kristy saw dishes in the sink. She walked up to them. Pulled off one blue rubber glove and held her hand over the dishes. Turned on the juice. It took a moment, and she had to hold her hand no more than a foot away from the spoons and forks sitting on top of a stack of dirty plates, but several pieces of silverware eventually jumped up, magneting to her palm with a fleshy whap!
“How’d you do that?” Troy chuckled.
“Never mind.” Kristy turned to Shawna. “I can help or not. It’s up to you.”
“Kaaaaaaah!” Cody broke out in fresh wails.
Shawna’s distress tightened her voice to a thin reedy squeak as she tried to comfort her infant son, “It’s okay, baby! Everything’s okay!” Her absolute doubt was unmistakable.
“Do that again,” Troy said to Kristy.
She gave him a look that said, “Not now.”
Troy shrugged and thought, What is with everyone tonight?
Like Kristy had done with her own silverware back at her apartment, she turned off the orderly thing and set the silverware in the sink. She said, “Shawna, what do you want me to do? I can magnet the magnets out of Cody without cutting him open. The doctors can’t.”
“Why not?” Troy asked.
Kristy said, “Because I can see what I’m doing every step of the way. They have to stop and take X-rays.”
“Really?”
“Really,” Kristy smirked.
“Baaaaaaah!” Cody continued wailing.
Shawna didn’t know what to do and looked ready to come unglued. “Okay! Try! Just…! Just don’t hurt my baby!”
“Okay,” Kristy said, striding out of the kitchen into the connected living room. It was lightly and cheaply furnished. “Troy, get everything metal out of here, just in case. Put it in the other room.”
“Yeah, okay,” Troy went to work grabbing odds and ends from the coffee table and the TV stand. “Lamps too?”
“No, I need light,” Kristy said. The lamps were hopefully too heavy to be a problem. Mostly she just wanted Troy out of the way. He was at best an annoyance.
“Now what?” Shawna asked, hugging Cody to her chest.
“Let’s lay him down on a blanket or something.”
“His changing blanket!” Shawna said. “In his diaper bag!” Shawna pointed to the corner by beside the couch.
Kristy grabbed the bag and brought it over. Pushed the wooden coffee table out of the way and laid the blanket out on the carpet. “Now lay Cody down.”
Shawna did as ordered. “Now what?”
“Um… let me see if I can find the magnets.”
Shawna frowned, “Do you have any idea what you’re doing?”
“Yes,” Kristy lied. “I’ve done this a thousand times.”
“Done what a thousand times?” Shawna smirked.
“Um, scanned people. Now shhh. I need to focus.” She lowered her hands over Cody but didn’t touch him. One hand was gloved, the other wasn’t. Worried about shocking little Cody, she put the glove back on. Closed her eyes. Concentrated.
“Are you a faith healer?” Shawna blurted stridently. “Because if you are, you can leave right now! My grandmam went to a faith healer for cancer and she died!”
Kristy opened her eyes, “No, I’m not a faith healer. Trust me, Shawna. I’m gonna use magnets.”
“Gaaaaaah!”
“I don’t know…” Shawna whimpered warily. “This doesn’t make any sense!”
Kristy smiled, “Everything’s gonna be fine.”
Again she closed her eyes and concentrated. What she saw was her own swirling cyan vortex inside the limits of her body and nothing else. She took the gloves off. Tried again. Kept her hands a foot away from Cody, just to be safe. She sent a gentle flow of vortex down from her hands. Waited.
Started to worry this wouldn’t actually work.
&nbs
p; “Are you getting anything?” Shawna pressed.
“Shhh,” Kristy shushed.
Focused.
There.
A little flicker.
A spherical flicker.
Then another. And another.
They solidified into a tight bunch of cyan spheres.
Magnet balls.
Not much bigger than small ball bearings and all clumped together.
Kristy could even see the cyan field lines coming out of the magnets! Dense at the north and south poles, sparse on the sides. Incredible!
“I see them!” Kristy nearly squealed with glee.
“See what?”
“The magnets!” Kristy practically gasped. She couldn’t believe this was working.
“Okaaaay…” Shawna said skeptically. “…the doctors saw them too. In X-rays. So what?”
“So, I’m gonna get them out.”
“How?”
“I told you,” Kristy grinned. “With magnets!”
“What magnets?” Shawna said dubiously.
“Me magnets. Like I did with the spoon. I’m an electromagnet.”
Shawna shook her head, “I don’t see how you can… It just doesn’t make any…”
This whole time, Troy’d been rushing in and out of the living room moving out the metal things. Pugsley had followed back and forth at first, but gave up after two trips and dropped onto the floor near Kristy and Shawna to watch. He did not look happy. As for Troy, he had just walked out of the living room with another armload of stuff and gone into the bedroom.
Kristy called out, “Troy! Get more diapers!”
“I’m moving metal stuff!” he whined.
Shawna barked, “Diapers, Troy!”
“Okay, okay!” he whined.
Kristy turned back to the baby. Closed her eyes and took note of her vortex vision. Then focused on the clump of magnet spheres in Cody’s tummy. She needed to see his intestines, or she couldn’t move the magnets down the line.
Wait, could she turn down the transparency of Magnet Vision and turn up the transparency of Tummy Vision? Sort of like Photoshop layers? She concentrated on that. Somehow, red faded in around the magnet balls until they disappeared and she only saw red guts. What she needed was half and half. She concentrated again.
Amazingly, the red became translucent and the magnet balls glowed like cyan spheres.