by Baron Sord
“Just like Photoshop!” Kristy giggled. “I can see both!”
“Both what?” Shawna asked.
“Here’s your diapers,” Troy said, holding an unopened pack out for Kristy.
“Set them down,” she said. “I have a feeling this might get messy.”
“Wait a second!” Shawna blurted. “What are you going to do to my baby?!”
Kristy smirked, “Help Cody poop the magnets out.”
“That’s what we’ve been doing!” Shawna argued. “The doctors gave Cody laxatives! We’ve been giving him laxatives since yesterday! He has bad diarrhea but the magnets never came out!”
“I’ll get them out,” Kristy said gently. “Don’t worry, Shawna. I’ve got this.”
“YOU’RE A FAITH HEALER!” Shawna cried out. “NOTHING BUT A LYING FAITH HEALER! GET OUT OF MY HOUSE OR I’LL CALL THE COPS!”
“GAAAAAAAAAH!” Cody wailed.
Troy stood there, afraid to say anything.
Kristy looked Shawna in the eyes and said softly, “I promise I’m not. I can do this. If you’ll just let me.”
Shawna was crying quietly.
“Kaaaaaaaaah!”
“Okay! Okay!” Shawna sobbed. “Do it already!”
Kristy held her hands over Cody and closed her eyes.
Then she went to work.
Starting with the first magnet ball, she used one hand to attract the main mass, then used one finger on her other hand from a different direction to try and magnet the ball away from the mass. It didn’t work! Why not? She was doing the orderly thing, but the lone ball she was pointing at wasn’t going anywhere. Actually, no, it was burrowing deeper into the main mass!
It was moving, but the wrong way.
That’s when Kristy realized she had to switch the polarity coming from her finger. She could feel it, and sort of see it, pushing and pulsing out. That was different from the orderly thing. She needed to do the orderly thing in reverse. Pull it in somehow.
She concentrated…
…saw and felt the field lines from her finger reverse direction!
They were going into her finger instead of out!
The lone ball started pulling away from the main mass…
A little more force and…!
Pip!
The magnet popped free from the others.
“Yes!” Kristy giggled. “I got it!”
“Got what?” Shawna grimaced. I swear to God, if this is faith healing bullshit, I will claw this woman’s eyes out before the cops ever get here!
“Gah! Gah! Gaaaaaaaah!” Cody broke into fresh wails.
“What are you doing to him?!” Shawna whimpered. “You better not be hurting him!”
“It’s okay!” Kristy pleaded, eyes still closed, hands and fingers waving over Cody. “I’ve got this.”
Shawna groused to Troy, “She’s got this.”
“Don’t look at me,” he chuckled.
You’re worthless, Shawna thought. Why did I ever marry you?! Because you got me pregnant?! Fuff. I am such an idiot!
Kristy ignored them and focused on the magnets. As she gained experience, she went from plucking one ball from the mass and moving it down his bowels to the bottom, to plucking two or three or four, whatever she could get. Obviously, Cody cried the entire time.
“Kah! Kah! Kaaaaaaah!”
“I know, baby,” Kristy soothed. “I’m being gentle, I promise.”
You better be, Shawna thought angrily.
“Kaaaah! Kaah. Kah. K.”
Amazingly, Kristy’s voice seemed to be calming baby Cody more than Shawna’s had, like the sound of Kristy’s voice had a magical effect. Whatever worked.
Shawna thought, If something happens to Cody, I’m getting Troy’s gun and shooting you in the head, you stupid supermodel bitch.
Too bad it wasn’t calming Shawna any.
Kristy ignored Shawna’s fretful thoughts and continued.
While Kristy worked, Troy paced the living room while frequently stealing glances at Kristy and thinking how fucking sexy she was and how he wished he’d married her instead of Shawna.
Kristy ignored it. No different than another night at Flashbacks. Nearly every married man thought the same thing, and Kristy didn’t even need to read minds to know that. They told her. It was… kind of sad, actually.
“Wait…!” Kristy gasped suddenly. “I think I—”
“Ppppppt!” Cody farted wetly.
“That’s just his diarrhea,” Shawna said. “He’s been doing that since the doctor’s.”
“No,” Kristy smiled big. “Check his diaper. Two magnets just came out!”
“Are you sure?”
“Totally,” Kristy grinned.
Shawna undid the disposable diaper. In the tan wet mess, two silver magnets glistened.
Troy curled his nose up at the smell.
Shawna didn’t notice. “Oh my God!” she gasped. “You got them out!”
“There’s more,” Kristy said. “You might wanna change his diaper first.”
Shawna did, and Kristy went back to work.
An hour later, all the magnets were out.
“That’s it,” Kristy said, sitting back on the carpet.
“Oh my God,” Shawna cried while changing Cody’s diaper yet again. She’d gone through almost a dozen so far. “Are you sure?”
Kristy nodded, “Totally. I don’t see any left.”
“Nice work,” Troy said from the couch, where he’d been sitting and watching, sipping a Budweiser, and staring at Kristy the entire time. I could watch her work all damn night. This chick has the body of a stripper, I’ll tell you what! Like that babe I see at Flashbacks every now and then. The hot one. Wish I lived closer. I’d be there every damn night!
Kristy grimaced.
Had Troy seen her dancing?
She hoped not!
She put it out of her mind.
Shawna said, “He’s not crying anymore!”
Sure enough, the freshly-diapered Cody was laying on his changing blanket and sleeping peacefully.
“Oh my God! You did it!” Shawna reached out and squeezed Kristy’s wrist.
Zap!
“Ouch!” Shawna ripped her hand away.
“Sorry,” Kristy said. “I’m still hot.”
I’ll say, Troy thought with a chuckle.
Kristy tried not to scowl at him while saying, “I mean, juiced up.”
I’d like to fill you with my juice, he thought with a smirk. Sipped his Bud.
Kristy broke eye contact and turned to Shawna. “Sorry about shocking you.”
Shawna waved a hand, “It’s okay. I don’t know how to thank you.”
I do, Troy thought. You can thank me by—
Kristy whipped her head around and glared at him.
Troy looked away like he wanted to whistle guiltily. Drew a long pull from his Budweiser instead.
Shawna said, “I better put Cody in his crib. He’s got a lotta sleeping to do, I imagine.”
“After what he’s been through?” Kristy said compassionately. “He’ll sleep peacefully through the night for sure.”
“I hope so.” Shawna picked Cody up without waking him and whispered, “I guess… I guess you’re done now? I’d ask you to stay for… I don’t know… a bite to eat or a snack. But Cody really needs to sleep. And it’s late. You understand…”
“Totally,” Kristy nodded. “But I can’t go until I take care of Pugsley.”
“Oh shit, that’s right!” Troy said.
“Language!” Shawna whisper-hissed.
Troy ignored her and said to Kristy, “Pugsley doesn’t have magnets too, does he?”
“I’ll check,” Kristy said.
It turned out Pugsley did.
With the help of Troy, Kristy repeated the process of plucking magnet balls apart inside Pugsley. They did it in the living room while Shawna and Cody slept in the master bedroom. Kristy laid out a towel for Pugsley to lie on. The process was easier with Pug
sley because Kristy wasn’t as worried about being quite so careful as with Cody, Pugsley had bigger intestines so it was easier to move the magnets, and because now Kristy had experience.
Pugsley handled it like a champ, laying calmly on the towel while Kristy guided the magnets out.
When the first one reached the poop shoot, Kristy made Troy pry the magnet out of Pugsley’s ass with his fingers. Troy asked if he could use gloves. Kristy insisted he needed to feel the magnets, otherwise he might push them back in. Kristy didn’t know if that was true, but Troy did as ordered. Complained a lot, but did it.
An hour later, Pugsley was magnet-free.
Troy sniffed his hands and grimaced, “My fingers smell worse than dog shit. I can’t even describe it. Dog shit ass, or some shit like that. I hope it washes off. It’s like it soaked in.” He’d already wiped his hands clean on the towel, but the smell was still incredibly… fragrant.
Kristy smirked, “Let that be a lesson to you to not leave your magnets lying around. Actually, just get rid of them. For Cody and Pugsley’s sake.”
“Yeah,” Troy nodded. “I’ll do that.”
The house was now quiet.
Shawna and Cody were sleeping in the back bedroom.
Troy whispered, “Hey, I’ve seen you at Flashbacks, haven’t I?”
“What’s a Flashback?” Kristy lied instantly.
“Flashbacks. That strip joint down by SeaWorld.”
“You must be mistaking me for someone else,” Kristy scowled.
“You might be right,” Troy grinned. “None of those chicks look half as good as you.”
Kristy glared at him, “Your wife and baby boy are sleeping in the other room, Troy.”
“So?” he chuckled bashfully. “As long as we don’t wake them.”
“Oh, God, Troy!” she muttered with intense irritation. “Really, Troy? Really?”
Troy shrugged. “Why not?”
Kristy knew exactly what “why not” he meant without even reading his mind. She stood up and scowled, “Go wash the shit off your fingers, Troy. I’m leaving.”
—: o o o :—
“Effing men!” Kristy hissed to herself outside. “Don’t they ever stop?”
She shook her head in annoyance as she walked back to her Audi on the dark neighborhood street. Sleepy houses surrounded her.
When she got to her car, she opened the door with her rubber-gloved hand and sat down on the rubber mat she’d custom-fit to her car seat and strapped in place with electrical tape. There was also a rubber mat on the floorboard. A few days ago, she’d bought everything so when she juiced up, she wouldn’t accidentally fry another phone or her car’s electrical system. So far, it’d worked.
Obviously, she couldn’t work her phone with rubber gloves on. No conduction. So she’d made a special trip out to Fry’s Electronics in Serra Mesa the other day to buy a capacitive stylus. It worked great with her rubber gloves.
Now she needed to find her way home, and for that, she needed her phone. She’d raced here so quickly, she’d totally forgotten where she was. Somewhere in Temecula. That explained why she didn’t see Troy often enough at Flashbacks to remember him. It was an hour drive from here without traffic. Longer with.
With her gloved hand, she opened the center console and reached for her phone where she’d left it on top of the junk.
“Where’d I put the stylus?”
Kristy leaned over to look in the center console. Too dark to see anything. She felt around for it, clawing through the junk. Didn’t find the stylus.
“Where’d it go? Is it on the bottom?”
She flipped on the overhead dome light and looked.
“Mr. Styluuuuus!” she singsonged. “Come out, come out, wherever you are!”
Her hair kept shading the interior of the console. Too many shadows.
This would be so much easier to do by feel.
She was about to pull her gloves off when she remembered she was still charged up. She didn’t have to worry about frying the stylus, but she’d fry her phone if she touched it.
She heaved an annoyed sigh.
Paused to check her internal charge with Vortex Vision. The cyan vortex was still going pretty good. More than enough to fry her phone with a bare hand.
Annoyed, she put the phone in the console and got out of her car. Looked up and down the street.
She’d learned that standing around in her Lady Liberty costume attracted attention. Good thing it was so late and totally dark out, and no one was around.
Time for Kristy to dump her power because she was done for the night. Baby Cody wasn’t her first Disaster Vision since this evening. He was like the tenth or twentieth. She’d totally lost count. Worse, Kristy’d skipped Flashbacks again. So many big tips missed!
Time to throw it in and get some rest.
First, she needed a good place to de-juice.
There.
A power pole sticking up from the dirt down the street.
She tossed her gloves into her Audi, then walked past dark houses.
Jumped up to the jutting metal pole steps and climbed up to the top. Found the neutral grounding wire running just under the bucket-shaped transformer. Grabbed the ground wire and started feeding power into it. Not too fast. She didn’t wanna overdo it and blow the substation on the back end of the line.
Humming ironically, she did her best to do Live Wire by Mötley Crüe. Turned out that was too fast… for love, ha ha ha. No, too fast for Kristy to do it justice. So she switched to humming Lightning Strikes by Ozzy. That worked. She blamed Dad for her love of metal. He was a die-hard metalhead.
m/
While humming, Kristy watched the street to see if anyone was watching her.
They weren’t.
Once she’d dumped her juice, she jumped down to the ground and went to her Audi. Sat down and pulled out her phone.
Tapped the button.
It didn’t turn on.
“I just charged it!” she grumbled to herself. Gasped, “I hope I didn’t fry another phone! Crap! I was using the stupid stylus! I thought I’d solved this problem with the gloves! Obviously not,” she grumbled. “What happened?”
Hmm.
It had been hours and hours since she’d charged the phone’s battery. And it was a super cheap Android knockoff. Maybe the battery was crap?
Hastily, she reached into the center console and pulled out the charger. Plugged it into the cigarette lighter and turned on the car. Waited while the phone charged for a few minutes.
Tried turning the phone on.
The screen lit up.
“Thank goodness,” Kristy sighed with relief.
Tapped on the map app to figure out the way home.
Tap! Tap! Tap!
Something suddenly tapped the glass of her driver window.
Kristy cringed in surprise.
CRACK!
She accidentally crushed her phone in her bare hand!
Ruined it, folding it in effing half! Cracked the crap out of the screen!
Crap!
Her second phone ruined!
Stupid super-powers!
Ugh!
A flashlight shined through her window.
Tap! Tap! Tap!
Kristy groaned and rolled her eyes.
It was the police.
She rolled her power window down.
“Yeeees?” she said with sarcastic charm.
“Sorry to bother you, miss. I got a report of someone climbing telephone poles around here? You know anything about that?”
“Not at all,” Kristy smiled and shook her head. “What’s a telephone pole?”
He thought, Fun fact: the hottest ones are always the dumbest.
Kristy couldn’t see his face because of the flashlight.
He said, “Miss, can I see your ID?”
“You don’t need to see my ID,” Kristy smiled flirtatiously, waving her folded Android knockoff in the air.
“Yes I do,” he smirked. �
��Please show me your ID.”
“This isn’t the Android you’re looking for?” Kristy said it like a little girl asking an innocent question, not with the calm, cool authority of Obi-Wan.
“I’m sorry, what?”
“Move along?” Kristy cringed with even less authority than before.
The officer smirked, “Miss, are you high?”
“No,” Kristy pouted, disappointed her Jedi mind trick didn’t work. Guess her super-powers weren’t that super. Her first thought was to bolt, but her old Audi wasn’t her dad’s Ninja H2R. She’d never get away. What she needed was a good excuse. “Sorry. I’m really tired. Long night.”
“What’s with the costume?”
“I do kid’s Halloween parties.”
“It’s August.”
“Is it?” Kristy grinned and batted her eyelashes.
“Last time I checked,” he chuckled behind the glare of his flashlight. Thought, She might be dumber than I thought. Or she’s lying. But she’s easily the hottest babe I’ve ever stopped. Screw the 10-70 about the prowler. I wanna screw this babe.
Were Kristy not a full-time dancer, she would’ve been annoyed by his thoughts. But years of experience as a dancer told her this was a golden opportunity to get out of a ticket or whatever this was. An arrest for prowling? Was that what this effing was? Either way, not gonna happen!
He said, “If it’s not Halloween, what’s the costume for?”
“A birthday party,” Kristy grinned.
“At 3:00am?”
“For adults.”
“I thought you said you did kid’s parties.”
“During the day,” Kristy added like it was obvious. Dancing had taught Kristy how to be quick with the lies.
“What kind of parties you do at night?” He thought, She better say a private party for me. The back of her car looks like it has plenty of room.
Kristy said, “Can you not point your flashlight in my face? I can’t see.”
“Sorry,” he said and lowered the flashlight, pointing it on the ground. More than enough light bounced back to illuminate his face. He was average looking.
Kristy flirted, “What’s your name, cutie?”
He grinned, “Officer Ron Vaughn.”
“Hey there, Ron Vaughn,” Kristy said breathily.
“What’s your name?” God damn, she’s fucking hot.
“Misty Dixxx,” Kristy said, drawing out the S’s at the ends of the X’s. Finished, she bit her plump lower lip, and lowered her lashes, batting them at Ron and turning on the sex appeal.