Jack and Jill

by Louisa May Alcott

  Chapter IX. The Debating Club

  "Look here, old man, we ought to have a meeting. Holidays are over, andwe must brace up and attend to business," said Frank to Gus, as theystrolled out of the schoolyard one afternoon in January, apparentlyabsorbed in conversation, but in reality waiting for a blue cloud and ascarlet feather to appear on the steps.

  "All right. When, where, and what?" asked Gus, who was a man of fewwords.

  "To-night, our house, subject, 'Shall girls go to college with us?'Mother said we had better be making up our minds, because every one istalking about it, and we shall have to be on one side or the other,so we may as well settle it now," answered Frank, for there was animpression among the members that all vexed questions would be muchhelped by the united eloquence and wisdom of the club.

  "Very good; I'll pass the word and be there. Hullo, Neddy! The D.C.meets to-night, at Minot's, seven sharp. Co-ed, &c.," added Gus, losingno time, as a third boy came briskly round the corner, with a little bagin his hand.

  "I'll come. Got home an hour earlier to-night, and thought I'd lookyou up as I went by," responded Ed Devlin, as he took possession of thethird post, with a glance toward the schoolhouse to see if a seal-skincap, with a long, yellow braid depending therefrom, was anywhere insight.

  "Very good of you, I'm sure," said Gus, ironically, not a bit deceivedby this polite attention.

  "The longest way round is sometimes the shortest way home, hey, Ed?" andFrank gave him a playful poke that nearly sent him off his perch.

  Then they all laughed at some joke of their own, and Gus added, "Nogirls coming to hear us to-night. Don't think it, my son.

  "More's the pity," and Ed shook his head regretfully over the downfallof his hopes.

  "Can't help it; the other fellows say they spoil the fun, so we haveto give in, sometimes, for the sake of peace and quietness. Don'tmind having them a bit myself," said Frank, in such a tone of cheerfulresignation that they laughed again, for the "Triangle," as the threechums were called, always made merry music.

  "We must have a game party next week. The girls like that, and so doI," candidly observed Gus, whose pleasant parlors were the scene of manysuch frolics.

  "And so do your sisters and your cousins and your aunts," hummed Ed,for Gus was often called Admiral because he really did possess threesisters, two cousins, and four aunts, besides mother and grandmother,all living in the big house together.

  The boys promptly joined in the popular chorus, and other voices allabout the yard took it up, for the "Pinafore" epidemic raged fearfullyin Harmony Village that winter.

  "How's business?" asked Gus, when the song ended, for Ed had notreturned to school in the autumn, but had gone into a store in the city.

  "Dull; things will look up toward spring, they say. I get on wellenough, but I miss you fellows dreadfully;" and Ed put a hand on thebroad shoulder of each friend, as if he longed to be a school-boy again.

  "Better give it up and go to college with me next year," said Frank, whowas preparing for Boston University, while Gus fitted for Harvard.

  "No; I've chosen business, and I mean to stick to it, so don't youunsettle my mind. Have you practised that March?" asked Ed, turning to agayer subject, for he had his little troubles, but always looked on thebright side of things.

  "Skating is so good, I don't get much time. Come early, and we'll have aturn at it."

  "I will. Must run home now."

  "Pretty cold loafing here."

  "Mail is in by this time."

  And with these artless excuses the three boys leaped off the posts, asif one spring moved them, as a group of girls came chattering down thepath. The blue cloud floated away beside Frank, the scarlet feathermarched off with the Admiral, while the fur cap nodded to the gray hatas two happy faces smiled at each other.

  The same thing often happened, for twice a-day the streets were fullof young couples walking to and from school together, smiled at by theelders, and laughed at by the less susceptible boys and girls, who wentalone or trooped along in noisy groups. The prudent mothers had tried tostop this guileless custom, but found it very difficult, as the fathersusually sympathized with their sons, and dismissed the matter with thecomfortable phrase, "Never mind; boys will be boys." "Not forever,"returned the anxious mammas, seeing the tall lads daily grow more manly,and the pretty daughters fast learning to look demure when certain nameswere mentioned.

  It could not be stopped without great parental sternness and the dangerof deceit, for co-education will go on outside of school if not inside,and the safest way is to let sentiment and study go hand in hand, withteachers and parents to direct and explain the great lesson all arethe better for learning soon or late. So the elders had to give in,acknowledging that this sudden readiness to go to school was a comfort,that the new sort of gentle emulation worked wonders in lazy girls andboys, and that watching these "primrose friendships" bud, blossom,and die painless deaths, gave a little touch of romance to their ownwork-a-day lives.

  "On the whole I'd rather have my sons walking, playing, and studyingwith bright, well-mannered girls, than always knocking about with roughboys," said Mrs. Minot at one of the Mothers' Meetings, where the goodladies met to talk over their children, and help one another to do theirduty by them.

  "I find that Gus is more gentle with his sisters since Juliet took himin hand, for he wants to stand well with her, and they report him if hetroubles them. I really see no harm in the little friendship, though Inever had any such when I was a girl," said Mrs. Burton, who adored herone boy and was his confidante.

  "My Merry seems to be contented with her brothers so far, but Ishouldn't wonder if I had my hands full by and by," added Mrs. Grant,who already foresaw that her sweet little daughter would be sought afteras soon as she should lengthen her skirts and turn up her bonny brownhair.

  Molly Loo had no mother to say a word for her, but she settled mattersfor herself by holding fast to Merry, and declaring that she would haveno escort but faithful Boo.

  It is necessary to dwell a moment upon this new amusement, because itwas not peculiar to Harmony Village, but appears everywhere as naturallyas the game parties and croquet which have taken the place of thehusking frolics and apple-bees of olden times, and it is impossible tododge the subject if one attempts to write of boys and girls as theyreally are nowadays.

  "Here, my hero, see how you like this. If it suits, you will be ready tomarch as soon as the doctor gives the word," said Ralph, coming into theBird Room that evening with a neat little crutch under his arm.

  "Ha, ha, that looks fine! I'd like to try it right off, but I won't tillI get leave. Did you make it yourself, Ral?" asked Jack, handling itwith delight, as he sat bolt upright, with his leg on a rest, for he wasgetting on capitally now.

  "Mostly. Rather a neat job, I flatter myself."

  "I should say so. What a clever fellow you are! Any new inventionslately?" asked Frank, coming up to examine and admire.

  "Only an anti-snoring machine and an elbow-pad," answered Ralph, with atwinkle in his eye, as if reminded of something funny.

  "Go on, and tell about them. I never heard of an anti-snorer. Jackbetter have one," said Frank, interested at once.

  "Well, a rich old lady kept her family awake with that lively music, soshe sent to Shirtman and Codleff for something to stop it. They thoughtit was a good joke, and told me to see what I could do. I thought itover, and got up the nicest little affair you ever saw. It went over themouth, and had a tube to fit the ear, so when the lady snored she wokeherself up and stopped it. It suited exactly. I think of taking out apatent," concluded Ralph, joining in the boys' laugh at the droll idea.

  "What was the pad?" asked Frank, returning to the small model of anengine he was making.

  "Oh, that was a mere trifle for a man who had a tender elbow-joint andwanted something to protect it. I made a little pad to fit on, and hiscrazy-bone was safe."

  "I planned to have you make me a new leg if this one was spoilt," saidJack, sure tha
t his friend could invent anything under the sun.

  "I'd do my best for you. I made a hand for a fellow once, and thatgot me my place, you know," answered Ralph, who thought little of suchmechanical trifles, and longed to be painting portraits or modellingbusts, being an artist as well as an inventor.

  Here Gus, Ed, and several other boys came in, and the conversationbecame general. Grif, Chick, and Brickbat were three young gentlemenwhose own respectable names were usually ignored, and they cheerfullyanswered to these nicknames.

  As the clock struck seven, Frank, who ruled the club with a rod of ironwhen Chairman, took his place behind the study table. Seats stood aboutit, and a large, shabby book lay before Gus, who was Secretary, and keptthe records with a lavish expenditure of ink, to judge by the blots. Themembers took their seats, and nearly all tilted back their chairs andput their hands in their pockets, to keep them out of mischief; for, asevery one knows, it is impossible for two lads to be near each otherand refrain from tickling or pinching. Frank gave three raps with an oldcroquet-mallet set on a short handle, and with much dignity opened themeeting.

  "Gentlemen, the business of the club will be attended to, and thenwe will discuss the question, 'Shall girls go to our colleges?' TheSecretary will now read the report of the last meeting."

  Clearing his throat, Gus read the following brief and elegant report:--

  "Club met, December 18th, at the house of G. Burton, Esq. Subject: 'Issummer or winter best fun?' A lively pow-wow. About evenly divided.J. Flint fined five cents for disrespect to the Chair. A collection offorty cents taken up to pay for breaking a pane of glass during a freefight of the members on the door-step. E. Devlin was chosen Secretaryfor the coming year, and a new book contributed by the Chairman."

  "That's all."

  "Is there any other business before the meeting?" asked Frank, as thereader closed the old book with a slam and shoved the new one across thetable.

  Ed rose, and glancing about him with an appealing look, said, as if surehis proposition would not be well received, "I wish to propose the nameof a new member. Bob Walker wants to join, and I think we ought to lethim. He is trying to behave well, and I am sure we could help him. Can'twe?"

  All the boys looked sober, and Joe, otherwise Brickbat, said, bluntly,"I won't. He's a bad lot, and we don't want any such here. Let him gowith chaps of his own sort."

  "That is just what I want to keep him from! He's a good-hearted boyenough, only no one looks after him; so he gets into scrapes, as weshould, if we were in his place, I dare say. He wants to come here, andwould be so proud if he was let in, I know he'd behave. Come now, let'sgive him a chance," and Ed looked at Gus and Frank, sure that if theystood by him he should carry his point.

  But Gus shook his head, as if doubtful of the wisdom of the plan, andFrank said gravely: "You know we made the rule that the number shouldnever be over eight, and we cannot break it."

  "You needn't. I can't be here half the time, so I will resign and letBob have my place," began Ed, but he was silenced by shouts of "No, no,you shan't!" "We won't let you off!" "Club would go to smash, if youback out!"

  "Let him have my place; I'm the youngest, and you won't miss me," criedJack, bound to stand by Ed at all costs.

  "We might do that," said Frank, who did object to small boys, thoughwilling to admit this particular one.

  "Better make a new rule to have ten members, and admit both Bob and TomGrant," said Ralph, whereat Grif grinned and Joe scowled, for one ladliked Merry's big brother and the other did not.

  "That's a good idea! Put it to vote," said Gus, too kind-hearted to shutthe door on any one.

  "First I want to ask if all you fellows are ready to stand by Bob, outof the club as well as in, for it won't do much good to be kind to himhere and cut him at school and in the street," said Ed, heartily inearnest about the matter.

  "I will!" cried Jack, ready to follow where his beloved friend led, andthe others nodded, unwilling to be outdone by the youngest member.

  "Good! With all of us to lend a hand, we can do a great deal; and I tellyou, boys, it is time, if we want to keep poor Bob straight. We all turnour backs on him, so he loafs round the tavern, and goes with fellowswe don't care to know. But he isn't bad yet, and we can keep him up, I'msure, if we just try. I hope to get him into the Lodge, and that will behalf the battle, won't it, Frank?" added Ed, sure that this suggestionwould have weight with the honorable Chairman.

  "Bring him along; I'm with you!" answered Frank, making up his mind atonce, for he had joined the Temperance Lodge four years ago, and alreadysix boys had followed his example.

  "He is learning to smoke, but we'll make him drop it before it leadsto worse. You can help him there, Admiral, if you only will," added Ed,giving a grateful look at one friend, and turning to the other.

  "I'm your man;" and Gus looked as if he knew what he promised, for hehad given up smoking to oblige his father, and kept his word like ahero.

  "You other fellows can do a good deal by just being kind and nottwitting him with old scrapes, and I'll do anything I can for you allto pay for this;" and Ed sat down with a beaming smile, feeling that hiscause was won.

  The vote was taken, and all hands went up, for even surly Joe gave in;so Bob and Tom were duly elected, and proved their gratitude for thehonor done them by becoming worthy members of the club. It was onlyboys' play now, but the kind heart and pure instincts of one lad showedthe others how to lend a helping hand to a comrade in danger, and winhim away from temptation to the safer pastimes of their more guardedlives.

  Well pleased with themselves--for every genuine act or word, no matterhow trifling it seems, leaves a sweet and strengthening influencebehind--the members settled down to the debate, which was never verylong, and often only an excuse for fun of all sorts.

  "Ralph, Gus, and Ed are for, and Brickbat, Grif, and Chick against, Isuppose?" said Frank, surveying his company like a general preparing forbattle.

  "No, sir! I believe in co-everything!" cried Chick, a mild youth, wholoyally escorted a chosen damsel home from school every day.

  A laugh greeted this bold declaration, and Chick sat down, red but firm.

  "I'll speak for two since the Chairman can't, and Jack won't go againstthose who pet him most to death," said Joe, who, not being a favoritewith the girls, considered them a nuisance and lost no opportunity oftelling them so.

  "Fire away, then, since you are up;" commanded Frank.

  "Well," began Joe, feeling too late how much he had undertaken, "I don'tknow a great deal about it, and I don't care, but I do _not_ believe inhaving girls at college. They don't belong there, nobody wants 'em, andthey'd better be at home darning their stockings."

  "Yours, too," put in Ralph, who had heard that argument so often he wastired of it.

  "Of course; that's what girls are for. I don't mind 'em at school,but I'd just as soon they had a room to themselves. We should get onbetter."

  "_You_ would if Mabel wasn't in your class and always ahead of you,"observed Ed, whose friend was a fine scholar, and he very proud of thefact.

  "Look here, if you fellows keep interrupting, I won't sit down for halfan hour," said Joe, well knowing that eloquence was not his gift, butbound to have his say out.

  Deep silence reigned, for that threat quelled the most impatient member,and Joe prosed on, using all the arguments he had ever heard, andpaying off several old scores by sly hits of a personal nature, as olderorators often do.

  "It is clear to my mind that boys would get on better without anygirls fooling round. As for their being as smart as we are, it is allnonsense, for some of 'em cry over their lessons every day, or go homewith headaches, or get mad and scold all recess, because something'isn't fair.' No, sir; girls ain't meant to know much, and they can't.Wise folks say so and I believe 'em. Haven't got any sisters myself, andI don't want any, for they don't seem to amount to much, according tothose who do have 'em."

  Groans from Gus and Ed greeted the closing remarks of the ungallant J
oe,who sat down, feeling that he had made somebody squirm. Up jumped Grif,the delight of whose life was practical jokes, which amiable weaknessmade him the terror of the girls, though they had no other fault to findwith the merry lad.

  "Mr. Chairman, the ground I take is this: girls have not the strength togo to college with us. They couldn't row a race, go on a lark, or takecare of themselves, as we do. They are all well enough at home, and Ilike them at parties, but for real fun and go I wouldn't give a cent forthem," began Grif, whose views of a collegiate life were confined to theenjoyments rather than the studies of that festive period. "I have triedthem, and they can't stand anything. They scream if you tell them thereis a mouse in the room, and run if they see a big dog. I just put acockroach in Molly's desk one day, and when she opened it she jumped asif she was shot."

  So did the gentlemen of the club, for at that moment half-a-dozenfire-crackers exploded under the chair Grif had left, and flew wildlyabout the room. Order was with difficulty restored, the mischievousparty summarily chastised and commanded to hold his tongue, underpenalty of ejectment from the room if he spoke again. Firmly graspingthat red and unruly member, Grif composed himself to listen, with hisnose in the air and his eyes shining like black beads.

  Ed was always the peace-maker, and now, when he rose with his engagingsmile, his voice fell like oil upon the troubled waters, and his brightface was full of the becoming bashfulness which afflicts youths ofseventeen when touching upon such subjects of newly acquired interest asgirls and their pleasant but perplexing ways.

  "It seems to me we have hardly considered the matter enough to be ableto say much. But I think that school would be awfully dry and dismalwithout--ahem!--any young ladies to make it nice. I wouldn't give a pinto go if there was only a crowd of fellows, though I like a good gameas well as any man. I pity any boy who has no sisters," continued Ed,warming up as he thought of his own, who loved him dearly, as well theymight, for a better brother never lived. "Home wouldn't be worth havingwithout them to look after a fellow, to keep him out of scrapes, helphim with his lessons, and make things jolly for his friends. I tell youwe can't do without girls, and I'm not ashamed to say that I think themore we see of them, and try to be like them in many ways, the bettermen we shall be by and by."

  "Hear! hear!" cried Frank, in his deepest tone, for he heartily agreedto that, having talked the matter over with his mother, and receivedmuch light upon things which should always be set right in young headsand hearts. And who can do this so wisely and well as mothers, if theyonly will?

  Feeling that his sentiments had been approved, and he need not beashamed of the honest color in his cheeks, Ed sat down amid the applauseof his side, especially of Jack, who pounded so vigorously with hiscrutch that Mrs. Pecq popped in her head to see if anything was wanted.

  "No, thank you, ma'am, we were only cheering Ed," said Gus, now uponhis legs, and rather at a loss what to say till Mrs. Pecq's appearancesuggested an idea, and he seized upon it.

  "My honored friend has spoken so well that I have little to add. I agreewith him, and if you want an example of what girls _can_ do, why, lookat Jill. She's young, I know, but a first-rate scholar for her age. Asfor pluck, she is as brave as a boy, and almost as smart at running,rowing, and so on. Of course, she can't play ball--no girl can; theirarms are not made right to throw--but she can catch remarkably well.I'll say that for her. Now, if she and Mabel--and--and--some others Icould name, are so clever and strong at the beginning, I don't see whythey shouldn't keep up and go along with us all through. I'm willing,and will do what I can to help other fellows' sisters as I'd like tohave them help mine. And I'll punch their heads if they don't;" and Gussubsided, assured, by a burst of applause, that his manly way of statingthe case met with general approval.

  "We shall be happy to hear from our senior member if he will honor uswith a few remarks," said Frank, with a bow to Ralph.

  No one ever knew whom he would choose to personate, for he never spokein his own character. Now he rose slowly, put one hand in his bosom, andfixing his eye sternly on Grif, who was doing something suspicious witha pin, gave them a touch of Sergeant Buzfuz, from the Pickwick trial,thinking that the debate was not likely to throw much light on thesubject under discussion. In the midst of this appeal to "Me lud andgentlemen of the jury," he suddenly paused, smoothed his hair down uponhis forehead, rolled up his eyes, and folding his hands, droned out Mr.Chadband's sermon on Peace, delivered over poor Jo, and ending with thefamous lines:--

  "Oh, running stream of sparkling joy, To be a glorious human boy!"

  Then, setting his hair erect with one comprehensive sweep, he caught uphis coat-skirts over his arm, and, assuming a parliamentary attitude,burst into a comical medley, composed of extracts from Jefferson Brick'sand Lafayette Kettle's speeches, and Elijah Pogram's Defiance, from"Martin Chuzzlewit." Gazing at Gus, who was convulsed with suppressedmerriment, he thundered forth:--

  "In the name of our common country, sir, in the name of that righteouscause in which we are jined, and in the name of the star-spangledbanner, I thank you for your eloquent and categorical remarks. You, sir,are a model of a man fresh from Natur's mould. A true-born child ofthis free hemisphere; verdant as the mountains of our land; bright andflowin' as our mineral Licks; unspiled by fashion as air our boundlessperearers. Rough you may be; so air our Barrs. Wild you may be; so airour Buffalers. But, sir, you air a Child of Freedom, and your proudanswer to the Tyrant is, that your bright home is in the Settin' Sun.And, sir, if any man denies this fact, though it be the British Lionhimself, I defy him. Let me have him here!"--smiting the table, andcausing the inkstand to skip--"here, upon this sacred altar! Here, uponthe ancestral ashes cemented with the glorious blood poured out likewater on the plains of Chickabiddy Lick. Alone I dare that Lion, andtell him that Freedom's hand once twisted in his mane, he rolls a corsebefore me, and the Eagles of the Great Republic scream, Ha, ha!"

  By this time the boys were rolling about in fits of laughter; even soberFrank was red and breathless, and Jack lay back, feebly squealing, as hecould laugh no more. In a moment Ralph was as meek as a Quaker, andsat looking about him with a mildly astonished air, as if inquiring thecause of such unseemly mirth. A knock at the door produced a lull, andin came a maid with apples.

  "Time's up; fall to and make yourselves comfortable," was the summaryway in which the club was released from its sterner duties and permittedto unbend its mighty mind for a social half-hour, chiefly devoted towhist, with an Indian war-dance as a closing ceremony.