by Lynn Mann
Then do not flounder. You have surrendered to melodrama as a result of your fear that you must again question your current understandings and perceptions. Centre yourself. Much understanding can be gained as a result of this new question.
I calmed myself and began to sort things through in my mind. I was used to either direct communication from Infinity and the other bonded horses, or to just knowing how they felt by being Aware of them. The chestnut mare, however, appeared to have communicated her hunger to me using a combination of the two; she hadn’t waited for me to notice her hunger in my Awareness, she had let me know of it, yet she hadn’t communicated directly with me. Oneness. That was what it all came back to. Understanding flooded through me. The horses know of their oneness and therefore anything felt by one of them is felt by all of them, something of which I was now a part. Anything they want to highlight – as the chestnut mare had done when she needed her hunger to be addressed – is focused upon more strongly. All will know of it but only those who need to will recognise it as something to which they need to respond.
Bonded horses had all found a way to concentrate their thoughts in the way of humans, so as to reach the individuals to whom they would bond. It could take a long time, both for the horses to learn how to refine their thoughts enough from their natural state of oneness to those that their chosen human could recognise, and for the humans concerned to register that another mind touched theirs.
My musings led me onto the Kindred, as I realised that Fitt, though like the horses was Aware and knew that I was too, communicated directly with me, very easily. But hold on, the Kindred did more than that, didn’t they? They also broadcast information about themselves to humans in their vicinity, whether they were Aware or not... The Kindred were different. They were animal enough to know of their oneness with all of life, with all of reality, but human enough that they formed focused thoughts as easily as we did. The combination of the two meant that the Kindred could reach us easily and not just those of us whom the horses had managed to reach – they could reach all of us. As I made sense of everything I had felt from the Kindred in my Awareness, understanding began to form in my mind. The Kindred could help humanity to know of their oneness. To be Aware. And once that happened, there could never be a return to the ways of The Old.
My ponderings drew the attention of the Kindred Elder. I felt her gentle browsing of my thoughts and realisations. I felt the small bud of hope that she had carried within her since she had become Aware of me, burst open and begin to blossom. Then a flash of fear shot through her, followed by disbelief at her stupidity at allowing her hope to grow when her kind had hoped fruitlessly for so long. I almost reached out to her. Infinity was with me instantly, enfolding me in her warm, loving energy, distracting me momentarily, long enough to realise that my instinct to reassure the Elder was unwise. The Elder’s attention was with me for a few moments longer and then was gone.
JUSTIN!!!!! I crashed into his mind, excitedly.
Flaming lanterns, Am, I may as well just have come with you for all the time I’m getting to concentrate on teaching at the moment, I’ve only just got over everything that happened with the Kindred and the chestnut mare – how is she, by the way? Is that what you’re excited about?
See for yourself!!
Justin’s question drew my experience into his Awareness and he witnessed it all for himself. Well that’s just flaming well awesome, he told me. I’m so glad we put ourselves through finding perfect balance in order to know of our oneness and be Aware, when we could have just asked a Kindred to sort it for us!
I grinned. I don’t think it’s going to be that simple though. The fact that we both became Aware as a result of finding perfect balance meant that it was easy for us to accept that the truth of reality isn’t what we thought it was – we became one with our horses and so it wasn’t a shock to then feel at one with everything else. For people becoming Aware as a result of help from the Kindred, it will be a huge shock to suddenly feel their oneness with everything and have their idea of reality turned upside down. They’ll probably block themselves from knowing what it is they can feel and that’s all assuming they will accept assistance from the Kindred to do it in the first place, which in turn is assuming we can even persuade the Kindred to provide that assistance. Our horses helped us to be in a position to accept the truth and the Kindred can help the rest of humanity, but it will take time. Our job for now is to create a situation where it’s all possible – you and Quinta by teaching more of the Bonded until they achieve perfect balance and become Aware, and me by reaching out to the Kindred. The more of the Horse-Bonded who are Aware and can back up whatever assistance the Kindred can give, if I can ever persuade them to give it, the better.
I could almost hear Justin’s sigh as he replied, I almost thought I had a case for joining you then, almost, I was so close...
You’d never catch us up.
Honestly? You really believe that, knowing what Gas is like when he has an idea in his head? And unlike you guys, we wouldn’t be diverting via Rockwood. In terms of the speed and determination Gas can muster, you’re really not that far in front of us, Am.
You’ve given this some thought, I observed.
Yes, oddly, since I don’t get much time for my own thoughts these days with all your adventures invading my mind, he retorted.
Sorry Jus, I know how hard it is for you, being stuck there.
You’ll get to make it up to me some day, now leave me be, I’m getting odd looks from my students again.
I grinned as I transferred more hay from the large store pile to the area by the chestnut mare’s legs, pleased to see that, slowly but surely, she was eating her way through a respectable amount. I couldn’t keep thinking of her as the chestnut mare, I decided, but I didn’t know how to choose a name for her, or whether she would even want one. She wouldn’t communicate with me in the way that Infinity did but I supposed I could choose a name for her that matched what I felt from her. What should I call her? She had a massive inner strength and she was resolute about fulfilling her goal, but the overriding feeling I got from her was that of warmth; she was a mare with a huge heart. A word came into my mind and as I focused on it, I felt the mare’s warmth more strongly. Flame. That was what I would call her, for her warmth and her colouring. She may have no need for a name for herself, but I knew it was the right word for me to use for her. She pricked her ears and turned her dull eyes towards me and I thought I saw a flicker of something there.
Flame ate and drank more and more over the following days, with the result that my friends and I were needed to support her periodically as she heaved herself painfully, heart-wrenchingly, to her feet in order to urinate and clear her bowels. We leaned into her, three on each side, as soon as she was up and once she had relieved herself, we walked next to her, still leaning into her, until she found a clean patch in which to lie back down.
Hard as it was to see her struggle so much, we all noticed the increase in her strength as the days passed and finally, ten days after we had performed the initial healing, we felt that she had the reserves to cope with having her tissues healed.
I was Aware of her keenness for us to perform the healing as soon as possible, but I also felt her concern that she may never return to the fit, strong, sound horse she had been; her injuries had worn away her confidence in her body. She had five strong Healers who would be joining their strength and their intention for her body’s tissues to return to full health, and she had built up strength in her body to fuel the healing, but I, of all people, knew that healing wasn’t just a physical process. We would do everything we could for Flame, but some of her healing, very possibly a large part, would be down to her.
‘It’s good to see that she’s free from infection now,’ Sonja said, crouching down by Flame’s rump, having just cleaned the last of the poultice away. ‘She’s ready for your healing unguent now, Amarilla, and then these wounds will heal over in no time. Thanks,’ she added as I handed
her the pot. The green paste was smeared into all of Flame’s wounds as she lay, dully, waiting for us to begin healing her internal tissues.
‘You lead the healing again Am,’ said Holly. ‘And Aleks, she isn’t in as much danger as last time, but it would still be a help if you could watch her closely and let us know if you see anything that worries you at any time.’
‘It’d be even more help if he’d knuckle down and let someone help him to multiskill so he could give us his strength,’ muttered Rowena and then glared at Marvel for nudging her to be quiet.
Our horses stood side by side along the length of Flame’s back, lending their subtle assurance and strength to us all.
‘Everyone ready?’ I asked and at my friends’ nods, said, ‘okay then, we’ll start at the muscles in her neck and work towards her tail.’
After a few hours, we had healed all of the damaged tissues as far as Flame’s pelvis. I was Aware that Flame had fear attached to the injuries in her rear end, due to them being the direct and immediate results of her attack and it was very possible that they wouldn’t be easy to heal. We were tired and I thought that food and rest were needed before we attempted to heal the tissues that held the pelvis in place and then encourage them to tension correctly, so as to pull the pelvis into its proper alignment.
‘Shall we stop for lunch?’ I suggested.
Everyone nodded, wearily and all of the horses but Oak and Infinity drifted off to graze nearby. Flame closed her eyes and went to sleep. I could feel her drifting off into an easier sleep than of late and I was glad that we had managed to lessen her pain so much already.
Will the other horses come back to give you and Oak a break, Fin? I asked her.
They will or they will not.
I put a pile of hay next to Infinity, Oak and Flame and placed the water bucket within easy reach of all of them. Then I went to join the others for lunch around the campfire.
None of us who had taken part in the healing spoke much. We just wanted to eat, rest our minds and recharge. Aleks, on the other hand, couldn’t seem to stop talking. He wondered out loud how Vickery was getting on, asking if we thought he should go to check on her and pick up more supplies at the same time, and making a case for him and Nexus being able to stay there for a night or two this time. He went on and on until Rowena threw one of Oak’s brushes at him. He glared at her and then, blessedly, was quiet.
When Flame woke and heaved herself up to rest on her elbows, and the grazing horses took up their places around her once more, we knew that it was time to resume healing. Aleks took up his place at Flame’s head and the rest of us sat in a semi-circle around her long, white-socked legs.
‘Has anyone had experience of trying to heal wounds that hold emotion within them?’ I asked.
Everyone shook their heads.
‘Me neither, but as some of you know, I carried one such wound around for quite a while,’ I said.
‘You did?’ said Sonja.
‘Yes. The details don’t really need going into but from personal experience, I can tell you that in these cases, the wound, whatever it is and however it was caused, won’t heal until the emotion associated with it has been cleared. The only one who can do that is the one who owns it – Flame in this instance. No amount of strength or purity of intention on our part will make something heal that isn’t ready to, so if we feel resistance to our healing, we’ll need to respect that what is resisting us isn’t ours to heal and move on. Okay?’
Sonja looked at Rowena, who was nodding knowingly, and then back to me, her green eyes flashing. I was Aware of Sonja’s jealousy flaring as it tended to whenever she felt that someone was closer to me than she. Everyone else looked thoughtful as they nodded their agreement.
‘Sonja, are you okay?’ I said.
Sonja flushed and I felt her get a hold of herself. She breathed in and out deeply and then nodded. I felt Flame prepare herself and when she was ready, I tuned into the first damaged muscle.
We healed the tissues in the pelvic area with no problems at all and I felt wisps of fear being released as we did so. I began to hope that my concerns had been ill-founded and that Flame was determined enough to get better that she was allowing the fear associated with her injured tissues to dissipate as we healed them. Then, when all of the tissues were healthy once more, we tried to adjust their alignment and tensioning so that the pelvis would be pulled back into position – but none of them would budge. We felt our way around all of the muscles, blood vessels and connective tissue in the pelvic area in case we had missed something, but all of them were now completely healthy. There was no reason for the tissues not to adjust according to the intention we were sending them down the pathway created by the smooth, joyful tones we sang that resonated perfectly with the healthy tissues - at least, no physical reason. I looked up to see disappointment on my friend’s faces.
‘There are some injuries that aren’t ours to heal,’ I reminded them. ‘Let’s move on.’
We moved our attention to the tissues of the right hip, all the way down to the right foot. All of them followed our intention to heal and realign completely, except for those which should stabilise the stifle joint. As with the tissues surrounding the pelvis, they healed to our satisfaction, but then they wouldn’t follow our intention to align and tension in a way that would ensure the efficient and healthy functioning of the joint. We moved on to the strained tissues of the left leg, which were swiftly dealt with, and then we all stood up.
‘She’s still going to be lame,’ said Marvel. ‘Her pelvis is twisted and her right stifle won’t allow her to extend her right hind properly.’
‘Well, at least she’s not in pain anymore,’ said Vickery.
I nodded. ‘We’ve done all we can physically for her, so we just need to leave her to her own devices for a bit while we figure out where to go from here.’
‘Agreed. I’m starving,’ said Aleks. ‘Are we still on for my training session after dinner, Am? I’ve nearly got the timing right between asking for Nexus to step under more and catching her before she loses balance, but I still struggle at times without eyes on the ground.’
‘I think we all need a night off tonight, Aleks,’ said Sonja.
‘But I’m not tired, all I’ve been doing all day is sitting, watching Flame,’ said Aleks.
‘Great. There’s woodland a mile in that direction,’ Marvel pointed, ‘where you’ll find a whole load of firewood that needs gathering. We’re all going to rest by the campfire.’ His tone left no room for argument as he glared at Aleks and then stomped off.
Rowena looked at Marvel with as much surprise as I did – he was the most even-tempered of all of us and it was rare for him to speak to anyone without warmth and humour. Our failure to completely heal Flame bothered him, I realised, and without meaning to be, I was Aware of his fear that someday there would be something in Broad’s body that he wouldn’t be able to heal. He was terrified at the thought of life without his horse; he wanted to believe that his life would always be as good as it was now. I’d known for some time that it was his fear of change that prevented him from pushing himself and Broad to achieve perfect balance, and I pondered for the hundredth time on how strong an emotion was fear, that it could so easily stand in the way of knowledge and progress.
Yet without it there would be no knowledge of love, Infinity told me.
?????? But everything is love, I argued.
That is the truth of reality. But love cannot be acknowledged if there is nothing with which to compare it. Only once fear has been experienced can love be recognised.
So, fear is a good thing?
It is neither good nor bad. It has its role. We have visited this subject before.
Yes, I know, I just hadn’t considered fear from that viewpoint before.
Infinity wandered off to graze. I noticed that all of the other horses did too, except for Serene, who kept watch over a sleeping Flame – but that was all she did. She awarded Flame the security of being able
to sleep soundly, knowing that a member of the herd kept watch, but neither she, nor any of the other horses, any longer felt the need to support Flame with their energy. My heart lifted.
‘I’m glad she’s not in pain anymore,’ Holly said as she came to stand beside me. ‘At least we could do that much for her.’
‘It’s a start,’ I agreed. ‘Come on, let’s go and sort dinner and try to cheer Marvel up.’
‘I think Rowena’s one step ahead of us there,’ Holly said, nodding to where Rowena sat next to Marvel on the ground by the campfire, rubbing his back and almost touching her head to his as she spoke to him, quietly.
I grinned. ‘It looks as though Sonja’s taken pity on Aleks and gone with him to fetch firewood, so we’ll take our time fetching more water from the stream, then, shall we?’
When I woke the following morning, Flame was nowhere to be seen. My heart skipped a beat and then I came to, properly, and was Aware that she now grazed with the other horses. She was weak, stiff and moved awkwardly due to the unresolved issues in her hind end, but she was relieved to be pain free and she was grazing hungrily. Now that she was no longer experiencing the agony that had dulled her senses, however, she was on a constant high alert for danger, and I felt the fear that wouldn’t allow her to trust that she was safe, even though all of the other horses grazed peacefully around her.
All of my friends slept on, so I pulled on my boots as quietly as I could and tiptoed away through the mist that hugged the ground, towards my sense of Infinity and Flame. I radiated my light ahead of me, allowing it to settle around Flame before she saw me. Even so, as I squeezed through some bushes and appeared suddenly, she flinched violently, spun away from me and then sped off at a canter. I noted with satisfaction that she was fully engaging her hindquarters underneath her whilst moving at speed. That meant that the limited ability of her right hind leg to stretch forward was less of a problem. As her flare of panic began to subside and she dropped to a trot however, she engaged her hindquarters less and her lameness became more obvious. When she dropped to a walk and circled back to rejoin the rest of the horses – who had grazed on peacefully throughout – she moved very awkwardly indeed. Her right hip dropped lower than her left and the right hind leg stayed too far behind her before halting halfway through its forward stride and slapping down onto the ground. I could almost see her attacker wrenching her leg back and to the side with every stride that she took.