by Lynn Mann
It’s okay Flame, it’s only me, I thought to her, aware that she wouldn’t send thoughts in return, but knowing that she would understand the meaning of mine to her.
You state the obvious. Bonded horses become accustomed to the human need to do this. She will find it strange, Infinity informed me.
Hmmm, I see what you mean. I need to check her wounds though Fin, do I ask her if she’s okay for me to approach her, or do I just do it?
She would find your question distracting and unnecessary. Infinity returned her attention to her grazing.
Flame was also grazing now, although she was still on high alert. I radiated light once again but this time, I allowed it to settle over the whole herd, of which Flame was now a part. I felt her register that I saw her in this way and I felt her relax a little.
I began to walk towards Flame, still radiating light, with the intention only of checking her wounds. She raised her head to watch my approach and her eyes flicked to the other horses and then back to me. I approached her from the side, my body angled away from her, and then held my hand out for her to sniff. She raised her head and snorted, and then slowly lowered her nose to sniff my hand. I loved her and she knew it. I stroked the side of her nose and then her cheek, with the back of my hand. I moved closer and rubbed her neck and then worked my way along her body to her rump, where I stood up on tiptoes to see her wounds. Flame flinched violently and side-stepped away from me. I loved her and love was all. I moved closer and stood on tiptoes again. She flinched but remained where she was. I felt her trembling under my fingers as I checked that the wounds were dry and healing and I felt her stare as my fingers moved down her right hind to check the wounds there. She lifted her leg as if to kick – but I trusted her. I trusted her completely and I loved her. I had nothing to fear from her and she had nothing to fear from me. I knew it and so, then, did she. She lowered her leg again.
‘How is she?’ Marvel’s voice called softly through the dawn.
Flame jumped violently, all four of her feet leaving the ground. Her front legs gave way as she came back down and she went down on her knees. I strengthened my flow of light towards her as she regained her feet and I rubbed her neck, gently.
‘Her wounds are healing well, thanks,’ I replied, ‘and she’s going to be just fine.’
Nine
Friends
Over breakfast, my friends and I discussed how we should proceed now that Flame was up and moving about. I told of my knowledge that she wanted to remain as part of our herd and we all agreed to stay put for a while longer to give her more time to recover from her healing. I voiced my hope that she would be interested in working with me on the ground in the same way that Infinity had when she was recovering from her injuries the previous year.
‘Do you think you can heal her more before we move on?’ Aleks asked me.
‘I don’t know. For now, I just want to help her to get used to how her body can move in its present condition and try to highlight to her where there is wrongness, so that maybe she’ll concentrate her efforts on trying to move those areas differently. If she does that, then in time, maybe the memories and fear held in those areas will be stimulated and ready for release, and then we can help her to heal further.’
‘But we won’t be able to travel with a lame horse tagging along,’ said Aleks. ‘We’ve only encountered a single Kindred so far, but we’re following your sense of the Kindred Elder, so there’s a good chance that at some point, we’re going to be bumping into a whole load more of them. What if our light isn’t enough to keep them at bay? What if they hunt our horses and we have to make a run for it? Flame will slow us down, she could get us all killed!’
I was Aware of Nexus attempting to reach Aleks to counsel him but his rising panic was all of which his mind could be aware and he was blocking his horse out. Immediately, I radiated light in his direction. Rowena, who had opened her mouth to retort, closed it and her light joined mine, as did Sonja’s, Holly’s and then – once he’d finished wrestling with his irritation – Marvel’s.
Nexus waited patiently as our light battered at Aleks’s barrier of fear. He looked around at each of us in turn, open-mouthed. ‘Aren’t any of you going to answer me?’ His voice was edged with hysteria. ‘We’re putting ourselves in danger every single day just by being out here on our own with a semi-tame Kindred on the loose, and now we’re going to willingly endanger ourselves and OUR HORSES further by having a lame horse, who’s already shown she can’t escape a Kindred attack, slow us down? We’ve helped her as much as we can, now we need to leave her and give ourselves and our horses the best chance of surviving this ordeal.’
I felt my friends’ light flows wane as they fought to overcome their anger at Aleks and I increased my own flow to full strength to compensate. I knew what it was like to be so frightened that I blocked out my horse and I knew how hard Aleks battled every single day he was with us, to cope with what he considered to be the danger and hardships of our mission. I also knew that he would need to be pushed a lot further before he would be in a position to really address the issue that was blocking him from achieving perfect balance – his need for the comfort of feeling fully in control of his physical circumstances – and in the meantime, he needed us.
‘None of us is perfect,’ I said quietly. ‘That’s why we need friends to step in and help.’
Almost immediately, my friends’ light flows strengthened again and combined with my own. Aleks’s fear barrier shattered around him and as our light infused him and he felt the depth of our love, tears filled his eyes. Nexus was in his mind instantly, reassuring him and helping him to understand.
I grinned at Rowena, Holly, Sonja and then Marvel – who winked at me – as we released our light.
‘I’m s-s-sorry,’ said Aleks. ‘I don’t know what came over me. Of course Flame needs to stay with us, she needs us. I’ll... I’ll try to do better.’
Holly and Sonja shuffled closer to Aleks and each put an arm around his shoulders. Marvel stood up and walked around the campfire, slapping Aleks’s shoulder companionably with a huge hand as he passed him. ‘That’s all you can do, mate,’ he said and bent to pick up Broad’s grooming brushes. ‘It’s all any of us can do.’
Aleks left with Nexus for Jonustown after breakfast, to get more supplies and to let Vickery know that we’d be staying put for another week or so. Marvel, Sonja and their horses went to fetch more firewood and Rowena and Holly agreed to come and watch me try to work with Flame; Holly was an experienced Healer and Rowena’s observations and suggestions had been invaluable when I was trying to work out how to help Infinity to achieve greater balance, so I wanted their eyes watching how Flame moved. I hoped that between us, we could decide on how I should work with her from the ground in order to be of the most help to her. They would also be my backup in case I became too absorbed in my Awareness of Flame to fully appreciate what was going on with her physically.
Preparing for failure merely attracts failure, Infinity told me and I sighed, knowing that she was right, but wanting the support from my friends anyway.
I squeezed through the bushes to where the remaining four horses of our herd grazed, to find Infinity watching for my arrival. Flame, on high alert as ever, was standing next to her, head and tail held high, ears pricked and nostrils flaring. She spun around and trotted off, her tail held high.
‘Wow! If she wasn’t lame, she’d be spectacular,’ said Rowena. ‘Those long legs of hers just eat up the ground.’
‘Wait until you see her in canter, she could challenge Gas in terms of speed,’ I said as I walked over to where Infinity waited for me. Dew dripped from her white whiskers as she chewed a mouthful of spring grass and I noted that she’d put on a little weight in the last couple of days. Good, there was clearly more nutritional value in the grass now, which would help Flame.
I gave Infinity’s withers a good scratch, something she always loved, and then concentrated on grooming her thoroughly, whilst sorting through e
verything of which I was Aware. I knew that Oak had rested well during the night and wanted Rowena to ride him shortly. I also knew that Serene had overstretched herself yesterday when Holly rode her; they had achieved a higher level of balance than ever before and in their excitement, had carried on past the point where their bodies were tired and they should have stopped. Serene was happy, but she would need a rest from being ridden today. I sensed Broad and Bright grazing some distance away while Marvel and Sonja collected firewood. They were revelling in having found a herb that they hadn’t eaten for some time. I was Aware that Aleks still felt badly about his earlier behaviour, but that he was finding his way through it with Nexus’s help. I could feel the joy of the swallows swooping over our heads as they arrived at their mating territory after an arduous migration from the south. I sensed a deer making a hasty retreat from our location, having caught our scent. And I knew that Fitt wasn’t far away.
I carried on grooming Infinity as I absorbed the information, and then focused on finding a solution to the situation rather than on allowing any emotion to attach to it, which would alert Flame. At the moment, Fitt was just another essence in All That Is, as far as Flame was concerned; she was too far away to have scented our horses, so she wouldn’t be trying to overcome her instinct to hunt, something of which Flame would have been instantly Aware. Infinity, Oak and Serene recognised Fitt’s essence and grazed on without concern. I needed to find a way to prevent Fitt coming any closer for now, I realised, keeping my thoughts calm and unhurried. Food must be sent, but I couldn’t ride Infinity because if she and I both left, Flame would likely follow. I couldn’t ask Rowena or Holly to take the food, as their minds would reveal Fitt’s identity to Flame, something of which I was successfully avoiding thinking about. I felt a glimmer of approval from Infinity.
I reached out to Oak briefly and then said to Rowena, ‘Ro, Oak’s happy to help me with something I need to do, so is it okay with you if I take him for a ride? Infinity needs to stay here with Flame.’
Rowena paused from grooming Oak. ‘Er, sure. Everything okay?’
‘Yep, I’ll fill you in later, we won’t be long,’ I said, reaching for Oak’s saddle and bridle from the log on which they rested and handing the bridle to Rowena.
‘Thanks,’ I said as Rowena legged me up onto Oak’s saddle a few minutes later. I reached down and squeezed her arm, and made sure she looked up into my eyes with her own dark ones before I said, ‘you’re the only one I could have asked this of, apart from Justin. Thank you.’
Rowena nodded thoughtfully. ‘Oak wants to go with you and presumably I’ll find out what this is all about at some point, but for now, take care of each other, and try not to slide around in my saddle too much okay? It’s way too big for you.’
I laughed. ‘I’ll try. We won’t be long.’
As Oak trotted towards the camp, I glanced over my shoulder to see Flame staring after us, her eyes bulging in their sockets as she assessed the new development. Then she glanced at Infinity grazing peacefully alongside Serene, and dropped her nose back down to snatch at the grass.
Oak waited patiently by the campfire as I filled my saddlebags with most of our remaining food, knowing that Aleks would soon be returning with more. I was Aware that Fitt was heading in our direction purposefully but unhurriedly; her attention was taken up mostly with a search for a herb with small purple flowers. Mennawort, I realised, used for its anti-inflammatory properties. She must have hurt herself somehow. I took my attention away from her so as not to alert Flame to her identity and I grabbed some mennawort roots from my store and shoved them into my pocket. I attached my saddlebags to Oak’s saddle and then climbed onto an enormous boulder so that I could remount easily; Oak was a long way up compared with Infinity.
I gathered up Oak’s reins and asked him to move forward with a squeeze of my legs against his sides. I experimented until I found a rein contact with which he was comfortable; a very light contact, just enough for him to feel the connection between my hands and his mouth. As soon as he was happy that I could support him with my rein contact if needed, he lifted at the withers, arched his neck and stepped under himself further without need of assistance from me. Rowena had been doing a good job of helping him to arrange himself so that he could carry his weight and hers more easily. There was so much more of which he was capable though. I could feel how easy it would be for him to make the final adjustments necessary to achieve perfect balance and I wondered if I should help him to do it. I knew what to do, but should it be me who helped him or should I leave Rowena to do it with him when she was able? I observed that my personality was running away with me and took a deep breath to centre myself. Awareness of Oak, his body, his soul. Awareness of what he needed. Awareness of what I could do. Nothing was right, nothing was wrong, it just was. I closed my thighs around Oak slightly and his ears flickered back towards me with interest.
I nudged him with my heels and tentatively, he stepped underneath himself further. I nudged again and was rewarded by him increasing his commitment and stepping underneath himself even further. The power generated from his hind legs was transmitted up and over his back, enabling him to lift his withers higher. I nudged him again and felt his slight uncertainty. I held complete confidence that he would be able to do what I was asking and I felt him trust me and power through with his hind legs. His withers lifted even higher and I felt his joy followed by another wave of uncertainty as his balance began to shift forward. Immediately I closed my thighs around him more and pulled back slightly whilst keeping the core of my body stable and strong. I knew absolutely and definitely that there was no way he would lose his balance – he was strong, he was capable and he had my support. I felt the moment that he knew it too. Keeping his front end lifted, he sat his weight and mine back over his hind legs and as they flexed beneath us, easily taking the load, everything slotted into place for him. He was a big, heavy horse and yet as he walked forward, he was as light as a feather.
As Oak moved up into a trot, I was Aware both of Rowena’s delight and her devastation at what Oak had achieved without her. She questioned her friendship with me and then questioned the lack of commitment she had shown to her horse that had resulted in him needing me to help him find the balance for which she should have had the nerve to push. I noticed her emotions but focused on staying present. I noted that Oak was unsure of his newfound balance now that he was in trot. He backed off a little, not committing enough with his hind legs, and lost some lift as a result. I nudged him with confident intent until his hind legs once more powered through beneath me and then I closed my thighs around him slightly, so that he knew they were ready to catch him, to pull him back over his hind legs if he found himself overbalancing forwards due to the extra power his hind legs were generating. He didn’t need me. His body remembered the arrangement it had achieved in walk and found it again without difficulty.
As Oak trotted slowly, powerfully, majestically amongst the trees, his body found itself no longer capable of hosting negative emotions and memories and those that had long been trapped within him began to stir. Oak released many of them effortlessly, his newfound lightness and happiness rendering him incapable of noticing them as they dissipated into the ether, despite the fact that they had been significant enough for his soul to have brought through past lives and into the present. Some memories, however, caused him to jolt in his pace as they came to the surface for release and I was there for him instantly, steadying and supporting his body with my own until the memory had passed and he was in charge of himself once more.
Oak side-stepped and bellowed as a memory surfaced of him being taken from a family who loved him dearly, and given to a life of starvation, pulling cannons through mud while the ground exploded all around him. He died in terror and agony, with the sounds of men and horses shrieking in his ears.
He bucked as he remembered being spurred into a pack of wolves so that his trusted rider could leap to the safety of an overhanging rock whilst he was torn
to pieces.
Then, he tossed his head violently and reared as a memory surfaced that held significance for him above all of the others. He was taken from his mother too soon. While he endured the misery of grieving for her, children threw stones at him, causing wounds which were left untreated. Men came and tied his legs together and then tied his head to his legs. They put a harness on him and tightened it, causing him to panic at the discomfort and lack of opportunity to escape. They only took it off once he stopped struggling. After weeks of this treatment, he realised that there was no point in struggling. The men harnessed him to a wagon, which terrified him. They whipped him until he lurched forward, pulling the wagon behind him and then they laughed as they hauled on the wire in his mouth until he stopped, frothing and bleeding. They whipped him again until he pulled the wagon forward, then they hauled on his torn mouth to steer him in circles, laughing all the while. Days turned into weeks, and weeks into months. He was always hungry, weak, sore and bleeding. And then one day, as he hauled the wagon down a track, someone stepped out in front of him. He was hauled to a stop and stood dully while a female voice argued angrily with his tormentors. He heard the chink of coins and then the next thing he knew, gentle hands were freeing him from the harness. A rope was tied around his neck whilst the bloody wire in his mouth was eased out and then the rope was tied loosely around his nose.