by Lynn Mann
I appreciated the opportunity to be able to closely monitor how Flame and Fitt were doing. Flame was finding Fitt’s company very difficult. She could cope with being near her if Fitt were occupied with something, her attention taken elsewhere, but if Fitt glanced in Flame’s direction or moved, Flame would flinch and jump away. Fitt knew that Flame thought of her as her Bond-Partner and that she was comfortable with Fitt’s touch on her mind, but she also knew the distress that her physical appearance caused her horse. She learnt to stay a minimum distance from Flame, moving slowly and ensuring that she was always turned slightly away from her, so as to be as physically unthreatening as she could be. She sent a constant, gentle wave of love to Flame, reassuring her and providing a constant reminder that she was indeed the soul whom Flame could sense and recognise with her Awareness, even as her physical senses tried to persuade her that one with Fitt’s appearance was a danger.
During the second day of rain, we all grew restless. Those of us who were Aware could sense the next wild horse herd drawing closer and we let them know of our intention to help them, just as we had helped the last herd. We itched to go to meet them. And we all needed a break from Aleks.
When I awoke on the morning of the third day of rain and it was still teeming down, I knew we couldn’t shelter any longer. Aleks was already up and had gone to check Nexus yet again, which meant that, yet again, he would return soaking wet and Sonja and Rowena would berate him for what must have been the hundredth time for trailing mud and water into our shelter.
The wild horses were close now; only a short ride away, I judged, and they were waiting for us, eager for our help whilst wary of the unknown.
Our horses were also restless. The warm rain didn’t bother them at all and as they sensed the anticipation of the wild horses, they were keen to play their part. I had an idea.
‘Wakey wakey everyone, rise and shine and prepare for a soaking!’ I said.
Marvel pulled his blanket over his head and Vickery buried her face in the cloak that she was using as a pillow. Holly opened her eyes, yawned and sat up. She looked out at the rain. ‘Go out in this? Have you gone mad?’ she asked.
‘Yes definitely, and no I don’t think so,’ I replied. ‘The wild horses are waiting for us and we’re all going stir crazy, so I think we should just go out, get wet and get on with it.’
‘But we won’t be able to dry our clothes, we’ll have piles of sopping wet gear in here with us,’ said Holly, rubbing her eyes. ‘It’s bad enough having Aleks’s cloak strung up and dripping every time he comes back, but if all of our stuff gets wet too, it’ll be unbearable.’
‘You all should have thought of that before you summoned up a monsoon,’ said Aleks, appearing out of the grey gloom.
‘ALEKS!!’ Rowena, Holly and Sonja all shouted in unison as Aleks took off his cloak and shook it at the edge of the shelter, spraying them all with water.
‘We can just take our clothes off and leave them here,’ I said.
‘What? Ride naked?’ Marvel sat up very suddenly and squinted at me, his hazel eyes incredulous.
‘I suppose you could ride naked if you want to, I was thinking more of just wearing small clothes. It’s warm, we don’t need to wear much anyway and the less we wear, the less wet gear we’ll have,’ I replied. ‘Unless, of course, you’re shy?’
‘Good plan, I’m in,’ said Rowena.
‘Me too,’ said Vickery. ‘If you need me?’
‘We do, thanks,’ I said without hesitation.
The others all looked at one another.
‘Looks like it’s just going to be the three of us, then, that’s a whoooooole lot of horses for me and Am to ride, if this herd’s anywhere near the size of the last one,’ said Rowena. ‘Who’s going to gather the last few scraps of food we have and make us a hearty breakfast before we go?’
‘But you’ll be riding bareback,’ protested Marvel, ‘and those horses will be wet, you’ll have wet horse hair, well... everywhere!’
‘Who are you, my mother?’ Rowena said. ‘It’s not as if we don’t have enough water for a wash down afterwards, is it?’
That’s settled then, Ro and Am will take on the wild horse herd by themselves with Vic providing massage and support, and Marvel’s a chicken. Rowena and I grinned as Justin’s thoughts rang out to all who were Aware of him and I quickly related what he’d said to Vickery, who laughed.
‘He’s not a chicken, he’s, well he’s just decent,’ said Aleks.
‘Marvel’s a chicken and Aleks is a prude. Anyone want to add anything?’ Rowena said. ‘No? Good, because there are some things that you all clearly need reminding of. Our horses have given up their natural way of life to be with us, to teach us and they’ve helped us to be more than we ever knew was possible. Flame is, at this moment, coming to terms with having a predator as her Bond-Partner in order to ensure that everything the horses have done doesn’t go to waste, and you lot are whining about riding bareback in your smalls, when there is a whole herd of horses waiting out there for our help? You should be ashamed of yourselves. Look, this is how easy it is to put your instincts to one side for the sake of something bigger than you.’ She stripped until she stood only in her small clothes.
Sonja nodded. ‘Good speech Ro, sorry you had to make it. I’m in.’
Holly said, ‘me too. Consider me suitably ashamed.’
‘I’m coming, but my stuff’s already wet so I may as well just keep it on,’ said Aleks and Rowena rolled her eyes.
‘I was always coming, I was just waiting for Ro to get angry enough to have one of her rants, it’s been a while,’ said Marvel.
Nice attempt at recovery mate, Justin’s thought carried his amusement.
‘Attempt is right,’ said Rowena. ‘Let it be noted that Marvel was the last to agree to come.’
‘Noted,’ I said with a grin.
‘Noted for what purpose?’ Marvel asked.
‘Until Rowena decides to use it against you. Even I can see that,’ said Aleks, without humour.
As the others rose and began shaking out and rolling up bedding, still teasing Marvel, I went to Aleks’s side and said, quietly, ‘there are foals in the wild herd. If you watch them working with their mothers as you did before, you’ll be at your best and then you might feel able to ride Nexus. Good luck, Aleks.’
His eyes brightened in his gaunt face and for a fraction of a second, I saw the person he had the potential to be looking out at me... and then he was gone again. But he was in there, I reminded myself.
I had often felt that my youth and inexperience in comparison with the rest of the Horse-Bonded were very obvious. On the morning that my friends and I rode out bareback in the rain in our undergarments, however, I realised that they were far less so. I looked about me with amusement and bewilderment as my friends shrieked and giggled at themselves and each other. I smiled to myself as I realised that I was beginning to take a lot of the same views as Infinity – in a lot of ways, humans were slightly ridiculous.
‘I don’t know why you can’t just sing the rain away, seeing as it was you who sang it into existence in the first place,’ moaned Aleks to no one in particular as he trudged along by Nexus’s side.
‘We merely encouraged a weather pattern that was already there, Aleks, as we’ve explained to you on countless occasions,’ said Sonja. ‘Now we leave nature to itself. Look on the bright side, the rain will keep the wild cats under shelter, so you can relax on that count.’
‘And then when the rain stops, they’ll be twice as hungry. Marvellous,’ Aleks retorted.
‘Look,’ said Holly, ‘there they are!’
There was a stand of trees in the distance, below which the wild horses must have been sheltering. Now, they were visible as they hurtled towards us through the rain, splashing through the standing water and flinging wet mud in their wake. A dapple-grey mare led the way with another grey mare just behind her. Their family followed, a similar mixture of mares, foals and youngsters as the group
we had met before, and this time a huge blue roan stallion brought up the rear. Our horses whinnied to them as they circled us at a distance, gradually drawing closer and finally coming to a sliding, splashing halt nearby.
The lead mare and stallion eyed us curiously as Rowena, Sonja, Marvel and Vickery moved their horses away, so that the mares of our group stood between them and the wild stallion, making it as easy as possible for him to accept their presence near his own mares. We were all scrutinized and then accepted as readily as we had been by the previous stallion.
‘I think we should stick to the same plan as last time, with a mare showing them the way,’ Holly said, blinking furiously to keep the rain out of her eyes. ‘Am, do you and Infinity want to do the honours again, or shall Serene and I do it this time?’
‘You and Serene go ahead,’ I said.
Holly said, ‘okay, join in whenever you like.’
I nodded and all of us except Holly and Serene moved further away from the wild herd. When Serene obliged Holly by walking a circle, there was splashing and snorting with the odd squeal as the wild horses shifted their positions whilst keeping an eye on their lead mare in case she deemed it necessary for them all to leave. She and the wild stallion merely stood watching, however, and gradually, the other herd members followed their example.
Serene walked, trotted and cantered, responding instantly to signals Holly gave her to help her keep her balance in the extremely difficult conditions; there was standing water of varying depths and where the ground was visible, it was saturated and slippery. However, Serene and Holly blurred together as one powerful, graceful, beautiful entity that seemed almost to glide over the treacherous terrain rather than to negotiate it.
Once I felt the wild horses beginning to absorb the information that they needed from Serene and Holly, Infinity and I joined them to give the pattern strength. I revelled in the feeling of oneness with my horse and in the rapt attention I could feel from the wild horses. They were with Infinity and Serene at every step, feeling how their bodies were aligned so that such power could be generated by their hindquarters and transferred all the way up to the tips of their ears, feeling the lightness about them that was far more than just physical, feeling the way their bodies moved in effortless harmony with ours. As they began to understand what they would need to accept in order to have our help and what changes they would need to make, I felt them put what they were learning into a context that already existed for them – the template for perfect balance that had already begun to establish within the horses’ collective consciousness. As Bright, Broad and Oak and their riders joined us and all five horses moved as one, the template was clarified and magnified for the wild horses. I knew, with absolute certainty, that today’s work would be easy.
I lost count of how many horses I rode that day, but with each one, it was the same. I was accepted as a welcome inevitability, listened and responded to without question until no more help was required, and then left standing in the rain, watching as my latest mount revelled in the feeling of a newly empowered body whilst clearing the negative memories and emotions – the weight – of the past.
At one point, as Vickery massaged my back muscles, ensuring that I stayed soft and supple for my next mount, I thought I could make out a blob in the distance that might have been Aleks riding Nexus. My Awareness told me that my water-filled vision saw true. Having seen foal after foal work alongside their mothers, Aleks had become clear and calm enough to know what he needed to do. He was struggling, I could feel it, but as a strawberry roan mare came to stand by my side, I knew I couldn’t help him. Not now. I reminded myself that everything happens as it should and accepted a leg up from Vickery onto the mare, whose eagerness to follow the path that she had felt others of her herd travelling was all-consuming. Aleks slipped from my mind.
By the time we had ridden all of the horses mature enough to carry a rider, we were hot, wet and tired, but very, very happy. This herd was comprised of many more horses than the previous one, yet they had needed far less help from us and we had worked our way through them in half the time. When the herd finally galloped off, carrying their joy and lightness with them, we knew that we had made another big stride towards repaying all that the horses had done for us.
We stood in the rain for a while, allowing it to wash the horse hair from us as it continued to lash down, and then we wandered tiredly over to the shallow mound where our horses had managed to find grass that was available as more than just tips poking above water level. It was then that we realised that Nexus and Aleks were missing. I remembered having seen them working together and when I felt for him, I knew where he was.
‘He’s having a hard time, I’ll go to him,’ I said.
The others all assessed the situation and nodded, apart from Vickery, who said, ‘when isn’t he? And now you’ve got to go and find him when you should be getting back to camp and getting some warm clothes on those tired muscles of yours? I’ll go and get him, Am, if you point me in the right direction.’
I shook my head. ‘Thanks, but I’ve got this. He’s not far away, we’ll be back to camp by the time you’ve brewed tea.’
Infinity and I found Nexus browsing the lower leaves of a huge tree, as she sheltered beneath it. Aleks leaned against the tree trunk, his head tilted upwards and his eyes closed. He radiated despair and his sadness was allowing his fear to steadily rise again. I jumped from Infinity’s back and went to him.
‘Aleks?’ I said.
‘Just leave me alone, Amarilla,’ he replied.
‘No way. Come on, come back to camp with me.’
‘No. It’s all hopeless.’
‘So, you didn’t quite get there. Big deal. You’re so close, we’ve all told you that a thousand times and now that you’re trying again, you’ll be there in no time.’
‘I am close. There were brief moments riding Nexus today when I knew that. But what stands between me being able to let go of myself enough to just be in the moment with Nexus, the way you all can with your horses, is too big for me to overcome. I thought that the frame of mind I found myself in from watching the foals would be enough for me to overcome it, but it wasn’t. And if that wasn’t enough, then nothing ever will be.’
The future that I’d glimpsed and forgotten the last time Aleks and I had spoken flashed through my mind once more and this time I didn’t try to hold on to it. I allowed it to settle within me until I knew it. I felt Infinity’s approval even as I reeled from knowing what Aleks would face. What we would all face. I tried in vain to think how to provide reassurance for Aleks whilst something that was just about as far from being reassuring as possible was at the forefront of my mind. He looked desperately into my eyes, which I felt widen as a flash of pure unadulterated terror shot through me. And it wasn’t mine.
‘Flame,’ I gasped.
Aleks stood up straight and took a hold on both of my arms as I stood, rooted to the spot in horror. ‘What’s happened? Is she alright? Thunder and lightning, it’s that Kindred isn’t it? I knew we shouldn’t trust her, I told you all. What’s she done to Flame?’ he demanded.
Your centre. Remember it and you will be there, Infinity reminded me, gently.
Instantly, I was. Thanks, Fin. I saw everything for what it was. I saw its perfection. I had an idea, of which Infinity instantly approved.
‘Amarilla?’ Aleks’s fear was rising further and soon he would block Nexus out again. I felt Infinity extend her energy to Nexus, just as she would if Nexus were ill or injured and needed support.
‘Aleks, check in with Nexus. With our horses linked as strongly as they are at the moment, there’s a direct link between your mind and mine because of our bonds with them. There. Can you feel me?’
Aleks’s face slowly relaxed as a look of wonderment stole over it. ‘Yes... I can!’
‘Good, because I’m going to watch what’s happening with Flame, and you’re coming with me. It will help you to witness this, but you can only witness, Aleks, okay? You
can’t get in the way. Aleks?’
He nodded, his mouth opening and closing with words that he couldn’t form.
I turned my attention back to Flame. As her terror washed over me once more, Aleks took a step back, horrified. I took his arm. ‘This is Flame’s fear, not yours. Do you understand? I’m not asking you to face your fears, Aleks, just to witness Flame facing hers. You can feel what I know. You are in no danger and neither is Flame, you can feel that’s true. ALEKS!’
Aleks jumped. ‘Yes, I... yes. I understand. Sorry.’
‘I’m going to scan Flame’s mind to pick up what’s been happening. Remember, Aleks, just witness.’
Flame had been Aware of everything the wild horses had accomplished and she had felt the template for perfect balance strengthening within the horses’ collective consciousness as a result of them all achieving it. As the pathway towards her objective became ever clearer to her, the draw to follow it had become stronger than her fear of what she must face... and she had invited Fitt to sit upon her back.
Fitt was sending Flame her love and reassurance as her horse sidled up to the outcropping of rock upon which she waited. Flame trembled throughout her body and sweat glistened on her coat. Her nostrils flared and her ears flicked back and forth. There was no mistaking the level of her discomfort but as her courage and determination combined with the draw of the collective, she stepped very definitely into place for her rider to mount. Fitt waited a little longer, giving Flame the opportunity to move away if her courage failed. It didn’t.
I was Aware of Fitt’s care as she gently stroked Flame’s neck with the back of her hand, ensuring that her talons were curled safely away. She stroked Flame’s back and then her sides, loving her all the while. Then she leant forward, over Flame’s back. Flame shuddered but stood her ground. Fitt swung her leg over Flame’s back and sat up. Flame’s front legs gave way in her terror and she went down on her knees. Fitt was almost thrown, but she never stopped sending all of her love to her horse as she used all of her balance and strength to stay on board. Flame struggled back to her feet and stood with her legs splayed, sweat dripping from her. Fitt stroked her neck again and I could feel her admiration for Flame, her pride in her horse’s courage. They stood so for what seemed like days, but was probably no more than an hour. I was glad that the rainstorm my friends had sung up hadn’t extended as far as where Flame and Fitt were, as Flame would surely have been chilled to the bone by the time she announced to Fitt that she would move.