When I tried to look at my left arm, my head began to pound. The only thing I could do was lay it back on the pillow and close my eyes. Willing the pain to go away, I tried to breathe evenly. It wasn’t my first rodeo with hospitals and broken bones. Between getting bucked off horses as a kid and my shit-ass combat tours, I’d been fucked up pretty good.
Except this time, I suddenly realized I had something really big to lose.
I had a son.
Though I thought of my son, storm cloud eyes swam in my head.
“Hey, Mr. Archer. Good to see you awake. I’ve got some pain meds for you. Now that you’re awake, the doctor will order a PCA for you.” The nurse spoke in a soft, soothing tone that I appreciated. The cool rush into my vein was followed by a slight burn before another cool rush hit me.
Opening my eyes once the pain diminished to a dull throb, I looked at my brother and whispered, “I’m done. I’m coming home.” Then the pain meds fully kicked in, and I slept like the dead.
“Without You” —Breaking Benjamin
It was early morning when Lock knocked on the door. I was surprised to see him. He’d stopped by the night before because Gunny had told him I was worried. So him showing up again so soon was weird.
“Avery, I’m sorry if I woke you.” He paused and covered his mouth with both hands. “Gunny was in an accident.”
“Oh my God.” I covered my mouth. Suddenly dizzy, I thought I was going to pass out. I had to grab the doorframe.
“Come on, let’s get you sitting down before you fall over,” he said.
Once we were on the couch, I fought the tremors that wanted to take over my entire body. I wasn’t sure if I was in shock or what my problem was. I’d been watching updates on the hurricane sweeping into the Gulf for days upon days. Fear like none I’d ever experienced had settled in my bones. It never left me. I’d wake up in a cold sweat, yet it didn’t compare to the sickness churning in my guts at what Lock had said.
“Smoke and I are headed down in about forty-five minutes. Mom and Dad are already on the way. I don’t have much to tell you other than there was an accident on the platform and he’s in surgery right now.” He ran a tattooed hand through his sandy-colored hair, and it struck me how much the two brothers looked alike. They even had many of the same mannerisms.
It was on the tip of my tongue to demand to go with them. Instead, I fought useless tears.
“I appreciate you coming by to tell me. I would’ve been worried sick if I didn’t hear from him tonight.” Dragging a ragged breath in, I exhaled shakily. It was no secret that Lock wasn’t my biggest fan. I could think of plenty of reasons for it, but I didn’t know exactly what his rationale was. The night before, he’d been short with me and hadn’t stayed more than five minutes.
His eyes narrowed as he studied me, then he cocked his head. “How often does he contact you?”
Blinking in confusion, I furrowed my brow. “Every night so he can see Tristan. Why?”
Surprise registered on his face before he wiped the emotion away. “Why didn’t he leave you his truck to drive instead of your car? I thought he said he was worried about you driving it.”
Huffing a frustrated breath, I rolled my eyes. “Oh, trust me, he tried. But I already feel bad enough about cramping his style by living here. He won’t let me pay for anything. Do you think you could convince him to let me?”
He snorted out a laugh as he gave me a “yeah, right” look. “Unlikely. You obviously don’t know him well if you could ask me that.”
Though he was obviously joking, it rubbed salt in the wound that I lived with every day. The one that screamed I really didn’t know my baby’s father. The one that screeched that one day he would meet someone who stole his heart and want her to move in. That thought put my heart through the wringer, and I hated that I’d allowed that to happen.
Afraid I’d start crying, I bit my lip as I gave a noncommittal shrug.
Silently watching me for a moment, he finally announced, “I’m going to have Raiven check on you and Tristan while I’m gone.”
“That’s not necessary,” I argued. “We’re doing fine, and I’m sure she has her hands full with work and y’all’s baby. Besides, Lisa stops by almost every day, and your parents have been by a couple of times a week. I’ll be okay. Except, umm… well, could you let me know when you hear more about how he’s doing?”
I really didn’t want to ask anyone from his club for information. Truthfully, I’d been avoiding them, because it didn’t feel right being around them without Gunny. Not that they weren’t kind enough to me at the two Sunday gatherings I’d gone to, but it was Gunny’s family, and he and I weren’t a thing.
“Of course. And trust me, Raiven has been wanting to meet you. She was really disappointed when you weren’t at the Sunday family day after Gunny left—or any since.” Nova and Mattie had brought me food from each Sunday get-together, but I didn’t figure Lock’s wife would’ve given me a second thought. We’d never met, and I was only her brother-in-law’s baby mama. Nova was different, because she’d taken me under her wing before she even knew Gunny was the father of my baby.
Then again, Tristan was her nephew, so I supposed it made some sense.
“Well, okay.” I didn’t know what else to say. Worry for Gunny was swirling through my head until I wanted to cry. Or puke.
“I better get going.” He stood, then paused. “Um, how’s Tristan?”
“He’s napping, but I can go get him if you want to see him.”
“No, don’t wake him up.” He’d no sooner said the words than the little guy in question started to fuss from the bedroom.
“You were saying?” I asked wryly. “Give me a minute.”
Hurrying to the room, I picked up my chunky monkey and kissed his beautiful cheek. Because I knew Lock needed to get on the road, I quickly changed his diaper and brought him out to the living room. “Say hello to Uncle Lock,” I said to Tristan.
“May I?” He held out his hands. It shocked me a little, because in all the times he’d stopped by to check on me, he’d never held Tristan. He barely acknowledged him.
“Sure,” I whispered. Settling him into Lock’s arms, I had a moment of fear that his dad might never hold him again. After the childhood I’d had, my faith was precarious at best. Yet I found myself sending up a prayer to whatever higher power might be listening.
Lock pulled out his phone and took a selfie with his nephew. It was so sweet, I nearly whimpered an “awww.”
“Your dad is gonna want to see how big you are when he wakes up,” he said softly to my son. Then he looked at me, and I realized how much his eye color was like his brother’s. Except he had a small brownish spot in one. It was the most intriguing thing I’d ever seen. He cleared his throat. “Jaxon was right. He does look like he did, except for the hair. I’ve seen enough pictures to know. Mom has a million of us.”
“She showed me.” My lips curved as I thought of the photo albums she’d brought the first time she stopped by. It had been initially daunting, but I quickly lost myself in image after image of a little tow-headed Jaxon Maverick Archer. He’d been a heartbreaker his entire life.
Lock grinned, and it transformed his entire being from gruff and growly to fairly hot. Though I might be considered partial, because while he was good-looking, he wasn’t nearly as handsome as his brother.
Reluctance bled off him as he looked at Tristan. “I better go check on your dad, okay, big guy?” Tristan stared at him as he shoved his fingers in his mouth. Color me surprised when he kissed my son on the head, whispered something in his ear, then handed him back to me.
“I’ll keep you updated,” he promised. He looked like he wanted to say something else, but he kept silent. With a nod, he left. The sound of his bike starting up and leaving could be heard with the door closed.
When Tristan started fussing, I realized I’d been daydreaming. As I fed him, I continuously wondered what was going on and how badly Gunny had been hurt. The thought of him not
making it made my chest ache terribly. Tears blurred my vision, and I sniffled.
It was hours later when I got a call from Smoke. They’d arrived safely down in Corpus. Gunny was out of surgery but was still pretty sedated.
“The doc told his parents that he was going to be fine but would need physical therapy to deal with the nerve damage. He had a bit of a knock to the head that they’re watching too. There are a few staples to the back of his head, but I guess his hard head came in handy, because they said there didn’t appear to be any fractures.”
I knew he was trying to keep things light, but I couldn’t laugh. In all honesty, I was barely holding it together. “So he’s going to be okay?” I rasped.
“Yeah, babe. He’s going to be okay,” he reassured me.
“Thank God,” I breathed in emotional relief. A tear slipped down my cheek, and I rubbed it away with the back of my hand.
“As soon as I hear more, I’ll let you know.”
“Okay. Thanks.”
“No problem. If you need anything, you call Nova. She’ll rally the troops. You hear me?” I gave a half-hearted tip of my lips at his instructions.
“Yeah, I hear you.” Though I knew I wouldn’t. I hated relying on people. It grated on me that Gunny still refused to let me pay him any rent.
“Give Tristan love from his uncle Smoke.” His smile carried over the line.
“I will,” I assured him.
After we ended the call, I did some homework, then started a load of laundry. It amazed me how much stuff a baby dirtied in a day. Tristan was lying in his playpen watching the motorcycle mobile as it circled above him, so I straightened things in the house that didn’t really need it. It was my day off, and I should be relaxing, but I needed to stay busy.
The knock on the door startled me. Then I remembered what Lock had said about Raiven possibly stopping by. After checking on Tristan really quick, I went to the door.
When I opened it, I was surprised to see a tall, bearded man who looked vaguely familiar. I didn’t remember him from either of the family days, so I didn’t think he was from the club. “Can I help you?”
“Gunny here?” he asked with a voice that sounded like sandpaper. There was a scar that cut through one of his brows, and his nose looked like it had been broken. His beard was full and untamed. Not that I could put my finger on it, but something about him made me nervous.
“Not right now. He’ll be back later. Can I help you with something?” When his lip curled at my reply, my discomfort escalated. Nervousness had me preparing to slam the door.
“No, I’ll give him a call.” His statement made me wonder why, if he had Gunny’s number, did he not know that he worked off-shore and wasn’t home. Unless he was an old friend from out of town or something. Suddenly, it dawned on me that he’d eaten at the diner a few times. He wasn’t always in my section, but I’d seated him.
Which meant he was from around here and if he and Gunny were friends, he should know Gunny wasn’t home. Warning bells started to go off in my head.
“Okay, well, have a nice night,” he said with a weird smile. More than happy to end the visit, I went to shut the door, but his hand shot out, stopping it from closing. Fear crawled up my throat, and I held the knob firmly. There was no way I could keep him from forcing his way in if he wanted to, but I’d fight with everything I had if he tried to get to my son. “On second thought, can I wait for him?”
“I don’t think that would be appropriate.” I gave him a smile that I knew didn’t reach my eyes and tried to keep my voice from cracking. He had me on high alert, and my pulse was racing.
“Yeah, maybe you’re right. You tell him Leon stopped by in case I don’t get in touch with him.” It was voiced as more of a demand than a request, but I nodded. He grinned, and I noticed some of his teeth were broken.
“Sure,” I breathlessly replied.
With a final leer that made my skin crawl, he walked backwards a few steps, then turned and went down the stairs. He walked off into the dwindling daylight. It was then that I realized there was no vehicle in sight. Maybe he was one of the neighbors?
Shaking myself out of my fearful frozen state, I quickly shut the door and locked the deadbolt. The thought that I should call someone flitted through my head. Gunny had told me to call Smoke if I got nervous, but Smoke was with him. So I didn’t know who I’d call. Nor did I know what I’d say. Though the man made me nervous as fuck, it may be nothing.
When another knock sounded, I jumped and slapped a hand to my chest. Terrified that he’d returned, I refused to open the door.
“Who is it?” I called.
“It’s Raiven,” was the answer.
Relief washed over me in a massive wave. With shaking fingers, I unlocked the knob and deadbolt. Except when I opened that door, my heart bottomed out.
“Holy shit,” she said, eyes wide with shock. But if she was shocked, I was blown away. No wonder Lock had always looked at me strangely. I could’ve passed for his wife’s sister. The creepy dude who had stopped by earlier became a mere blip on my radar as my mind was overcome with the incredible sight before me.
“Can I come in?” She was blinking rapidly, as if she was trying to get her vision to clear.
“Um, yeah, sure. Sorry.” I stepped back as she walked in. In my shock at her appearance, I’d missed the dark-haired little boy she was holding. He couldn’t have been more than a year old, if that. He was cute as hell.
“Hi, Avwee!” Presley popped around from behind Raiven’s legs with her blonde curls bouncing.
“Hey, Presley. I’m so glad you’re feeling better.” The little girl was so sweet, but I had a feeling she was a handful. I wondered if she actually remembered my name or if her mother had told her where they were going.
Raiven took a blanket and laid it out on the floor, then set her son on it. She pulled some toys out of the bag she slid off of her shoulder. Presley immediately sat by her brother and started to play with him. It was obvious she was enjoying her position as big sister.
The entire time Raiven situated her son, her gaze kept flickering to me. There was no mistaking we were both stunned. Why hadn’t anyone said anything? Maybe the similarities weren’t as noticeable to others. But as soon as I thought it, I knew that couldn’t be the case.
Then it hit me like a brick. What if she was the reason he’d slept with me that night? Was he secretly lusting after his brother’s wife?
It was then that I remembered him whispering into my hair that night. He’d called me “blackbird.” Raiven. Blackbird. Fuck.
Her hair was darker than mine, and her skin was a beautiful creamy color that perfectly set off her many tattoos. Red lips parted that weren’t as full as mine, and eyes that were more blue than the grayish-blue of my own were wide, but it was still uncanny. And it sent irrational anxiety snaking through me.
“Sorry, this is Bryson, and you know Presley,” she said in a flustered tone as she sat on the opposite end of the couch. “I’m not sure where my head is.”
I was pretty sure it was chilling somewhere in the vicinity of mine. It took a lot to choke out, “He’s adorable. I missed him the times I went to the clubhouse because he was home both times.”
“Thank you. Yeah, I’m sorry I missed you at the family days you attended. Our house got hit by whatever that awful virus was that went around and we were out for the count.” She smiled, but it was blatantly nervous.
“It’s okay. I understand.” Awkward didn’t even begin to describe the atmosphere in the room. “Um, do you want something to drink? I’m afraid I only have water, juice, or milk.” My nose wrinkled apologetically.
Presley perked up. “Juice?”
“Is it okay?” I asked Raiven, and she nodded and dug out a cup with a lid. “Did you want something too?”
“I’m good, thank you.” After I filled Presley’s cup, I returned to my seat on the couch. We sat there staring at each other.
“So, wow. Um, it’s almost like look
ing in a mirror,” she finally said as she slapped her hands on her knees and addressed the elephant in the room.
“Yeah, except you’re a lot prettier.” I gave a shaky laugh. Suddenly self-conscious of my cutoffs and wrinkled tank top, I tugged it straighter. Compared to her pin-up dress and heels, I seemed incredibly frumpy. There was even a spit-up stain on the chest of my shirt.
I couldn’t begin to compare to her.
“Ha!” she snorted. “Have you looked in the mirror lately? Girl, I’d kill for those plush-as-fuck lips.” Her grin was friendly, and I began to relax, although there was still an uneasy spot in my guts over what this all meant.
“Um, thanks? You’re the one rocking the pin-up girl look, though.” At my compliment, she gave me a huge smile that lit up her face. She flicked her gleaming black hair over her shoulder and leaned forward.
“Honey, this is just clothes and makeup. I could make you look like this, and trust me, you’d probably put me to shame.” My face flamed at her blatant compliment. Getting as big as a house while I was pregnant had really killed my ego, so her praise warmed me, but also made me a little self-conscious.
“Miss Avwee! Can I watch TB?” Presley looked up at me, and I again deferred to her mom, who nodded. Once I had her happily set up with what I found was her favorite show, I nervously rubbed my palms on my shorts.
“Damn, I still can’t believe no one said anything about you to me.” She stared at me in wonder. “Crazy.” As if to clear the cobwebs, she gave her head a little shake. Then she breathed deeply before continuing.
“So Gunny went and got himself banged up, huh?” Sympathy furrowed her brow as she glanced at her son banging his plastic keys on a few blocks. He abandoned the keys to crawl over to her and pull himself up on her knees.
“Mama!” he exclaimed as he raised his arms for her to pick him up. She scooped him up, tickling his neck with her nose. His giggles filled the air, and I couldn’t help but smile.
“Where’s your little guy? I’m dying to see him. I’ve seen pics of him, but it’s not the same.” Bryson clapped his hands, then chewed on one of the plastic keys with his molars.
Jax and Jokers: A Demented Sons MC Texas Novel Page 13